STALKER

Chapter 88 - 18th November 1942 Belgium

 I was deep in the woods, standing in the long grass.  Above me, the thick canopy let a few long beams of cool blue moonlight through and down to the forest floor. Unlike the last time, this jump I was solid, the ground firm beneath my feet.  It was bitterly cold and the breeze that shook the branches was icy.  This time I was very much real and I needed to keep it together and there was no room for failing.

Ahead of me, I could see the trees thin out and the clearing beyond. I could see a dark shape and headed in that direction. With every step I took my legs grew less sure and my heart pounded in my chest like I was seconds away from a cardiac arrest. My breath came in quick gasps and plumes of smoke as I stepped out from between the trees. The feeling of dread was so strong I wanted to turn around and run.  I'm a devout coward and this was not my sort of gig at all.

Edging forward beyond the tree line, I looked in the direction of the blackish shape sobbing in the center of the clearing. The moonlight shone on the blonde head. I saw the body shudder with each sob, it broke my heart to see John like this, but then I remembered what he had just done. How coldheartedly he had just killed Martin. I had to harden myself to that fact and what I had to do by the end of the night.

"John." I called out, still standing just inside the clearing so he could see me and not be alarmed. I definitely didn't want to get shot too, which was always a possibility.

"John. I've come to help." His head lifted slowly but he didn't look at me. I called out again and this time he turned and stared at me with unfocused eyes as if he wasn't sure what he was looking at. "John, it's me Timothy...remember me." I moved forward slowly, making sure I didn't startle him.

I could see he was crouched on a rock, his arms on his knees, the pistol dangling from his fingers. I kept my eyes away from the dark shape lying nearby. I would look at it when I had to. Granddad was my first priority. "John." I took a few more steps.

"I know what's happened.  I want to help. Can we talk mate?"   Talk jeez...I had no idea what to say to the poor bugger.  John finally focused on my face. It was clear he was totally grief stricken. I never wanted to see that expression on his face again. His eyes were glazed, empty. He was trying to recognise me, trying to think but nothing was making sense.  Which did make perfect sense because here was that weird guy again, the one who keeps popping out of nowhere.  I'm sure John was looking at me wondering if he'd finally lost his mind and was imagining things.

I pushed down the feelings that suddenly surged through me.  The emotions escaped the boxes in my head.  The loss, the soul-destroying regret, and the realisation that Jules was gone that kept repeating itself afresh to torture him....and me.   John's mind was full of memories of Jules, my mind was full of memories of Jules. I started to feel my knees weaken and my resolve waiver. Was any of this worth the effort....shit shit shit. If I shared his emotions for too much longer I would want to end it all myself. I had to control the wave of pain threatening to drown me.

I stopped and I looked away. I closed my eyes and pictured the flame, the scent of the candle...

"EIRENE bring me peace

Take my hand and lead me

Eirene bring me peace

Wipe my brow and free me

Eirene bring me peace

Cut the ties that bind me

Eirene bring me peace

Fight my battles for me."

I repeated the incantation several times. The evocation slowly, like layers of armour wrapped around me. The control I needed came forward and restored my true feelings, pushing John's into the background so they lost their grip on me and I could think clearly again.  I took a few deep breaths before I turned back to him and finally stood beside him.