STALKER

Chapter 44 - 6th July

Luckily the drive home didn't take long. It was hard keeping my eyes open and you could say I poured myself out of the uber and zig-zagged my way to the front door. Tired, and distracted as I wrestled my keys out of my pocket, I almost missed the fact I was about to walk into someone sitting on my verandah steps. I jumped back surprised and let out a rather high-pitched squeal.  The person was a patchwork of shadows but the curly-headed silhouette was unmistakable.

"Hi." Weirdo's deep voice came from the shadows.

I cleared my throat less hoe more bro.  "Hi."  

"What are you doing here?" I said in an octave lower.

"I wanted to say Hi. Hi!" He said.

"Hi!" I said again. This was the level of conversation my brain function could manage at the time.  The only other thought in my head was...

"Do you  feel like a kebab?" I realised I craved another kebab more than life itself.  I'd name my firstborn Jar Jar Binks if it got me a kebab with the lot.

"Is the Pope, Argentinian?"

"Is he?" I said. Where's Alexa when you need her.

"Buy me a kebab with extra garlic sauce...and I'm yours." Weirdo stood up and headed for the gate with me in tow like a drunken Sancho Panza.

"...not after extra garlic sauce you're not." I shuddered.

....

I wasn't where I should have been...again. I should  have been in bed asleep and not sitting on a milk crate with half a dozen other guys scoffing down hamburgers and kebabs as if it was our last meal. The late-night food stand sat between the car wash and the exit of my local gas station. It was a glorious beacon to anyone on their way home from the pub or club who needed a feed. Kebabs like pizza can be eaten any time of the day, but always taste best after drinking. My kebab with double chill sauce made up for my frozen arse. I was on my second can of coke and had lost all feeling in my mouth...OMG, it was so good. 

Weirdo was sitting next to me and I could smell his extra garlic sauce. I pity any poor bastard who has to be within a couple of meters of him tomorrow when he starts to sweat it out. We were huddled under one of those outdoor heaters, that was doing bugger all as far as I was concerned. I was freezing my arse off. I was dressed for the club not arctic weather, the only consolation was the excellent kebab.

"There was something else I wanted to say...apart from Hi." Weirdo sounded a little tentative, unusual for him. I was hoping he wasn't going to bring up the kiss the last time we saw each other.

"I have to be somewhere tomorrow and I was wondering if you'd like to come along." Cryptic much.  He kept taking small bites of his kebab but I could see he was waiting for an answer.  This sheepish Weirdo was more frustrating than normal.

"I need more information. Where do you need to be and why?  AND why do you want me to go along?"  I was sounding more like him than me. "Answers to all of the above would be good. After all, I still haven't worked out if you're a serial killer yet, or just odd. In my head you're still Weirdo."

"Weirdo...what?"   He looked totally confused, which was fair enough I don't know why I still called him that. Most of the time I don't remember his real name. He took a breath and went on. "I've been thinking about it all week and tomorrow might be a good time to do it. I want you to meet someone. They are like you and..."

I interrupted. "Charming."

"No, annoying." He parried. I gave him a look. "It's my grandmother. She and mum live in a big house that's always needing something repaired. I'm going over tomorrow to replace some roof tiles. I was wondering if you want to come along."

The invitation wasn't at all what I expected.  "Not really my skill set but I'll hold the ladder." I was getting really cold by this stage and I dragged him up so we could walk back to my place.  I was desperate for a cigarette.  That was the natural order of things, drink, eat and smoke.  I lit up and Weirdo grimaced.

"No...NO!   It's more about meeting my grandmother, she's like you, as in, she has certain abilities that make her special...like you." Weirdo nervously watched my face for a reaction. He didn't know that absolutely nothing surprised me anymore. Puff Puff Puff.  Grimace Grimace Grimace.

"Oh! She can sense spirits like you?" That was interesting, it must run in their family.

"She more like you. Nana Ovia can see them, talk to them....among other things." The last bit he said almost to himself. "I thought she might be helpful with your grandfather, or anything else..." And he trailed off again. There was more to what he was saying but I didn't have the energy to ask. But I was interested and said yes.  If she was the real deal his Grandmother would have years of experience.  Weirdo looked a bit surprised that I agreed so quickly.  I knew nothing about people like me, as he said,  it would be good to talk freely with someone who understood.  I just hoped he wasn't having me on.  I literally will kill him if he's scamming me.

"I just have to warn you, they are both pretty strange. Just say no to anything they suggest and you'll be fine."   Alarm bells were ringing.   "They are odd, the house is odd.  If friends pop in while we're there, they will be odd.  I can not stress enough how ODD my family is."   

Hmm.. the more he talked the more I started to regret agreeing to go along with him. "You're making them sound soooooo appealing.  I get the message.  You've made me imagine a combination of the Addams Family and the Trumps. I get it, they're.....odd." 

"I'll pick you up at 10."   Before I could rethink my decision Weirdo said goodnight, planted a kiss on my cheek and said.   "God I wish you'd give up smoking."  and walked off.

What is this kissing goodbye business? I wiped my cheek clean and made a point of lighting another cigarette.