STALKER

Chapter 8 - 19th May, 2022 - part 2 after the jump

I added a couple more paragraphs to this chapter and made some small alterations to earlier chapters for a better flow.  The timeline is looking more like a game of ping pong.

19th May - part 2

OMG...fuck, I blurted out as I jumped back into my room. The table was close by and I staggered to balance myself. The rush of adrenaline was intense, I wanted to roar, beat my chest like a caveman....it felt great.  It came with a tidal wave of emotions. Physically, my legs were like jelly and I clung to the table and I felt a pain ticking away in my chest. Somewhere deep, I felt a twinge of something, not pain exactly more like a terrible, terrible heaviness. Emotionally, I couldn't define clearly what I felt, except that I realized I was a bigger perv than I thought.  I'm going to have to add voyeur to my list of vices. Most of the emotions I'd felt back in the jump were ones you'd expect, mostly fear, impatience, and excitement. But the way the men embraced and I can only describe it as desperate and it had me totally intrigued me. This wasn't a quick shag in the dark, it was dangerous in so many ways. The risks they took to meet were huge, life-threatening ones.

I came back to reality slowly and as my vision cleared I spotted the only thing that could make me move from where I was.    As weak as I was, I dragged myself across the room, with all the grace of a flaying zombie to reach it. Flopping on the bed I grabbed my cigarettes and lit up. Puff Puff Puff...ahhhhh!!! I lay back on the bed, let my body shake, and recover slowly until my muscles relaxed and I melted into the mattress. That's when the euphoria hit. I sucked the life out of the cigarette in a few long delicious drags and was tempted to light another but I was just too tired to bother.

The image of the two men kept popping back into my head. How much in love or in lust for someone do you have to have to do that?  I watched the smoke spiral above my face, I relived the last moments I saw Jules and John.   I really wanted to know more, see more...OMG I want to perv on my Grandfather making out....a new low for me.  

I've already read one of his journals and found out his secret but I want to know everything, all the gory, intimate details.   I looked around the room and John hadn't made an appearance. I thought he'd be here churning and sending swirls of angry smoke in my direction, furious that I was dissecting his life for my amusement. Pfft...he should have followed the old rule..."never put secrets down on paper."    I closed my eyes and at some point drifted into a deep sleep, but my thoughts still lingered on Jules and John.

(dreaming) There's only darkness and the voice in my head...

I hate this place. I hate meeting here. It makes everything cheap and seedy. I'll be leaving in a couple of weeks. We both know that. This is madness.

I'm wondering in the darkness, my voice is getting louder...

This isn't me. Damn it, he's late. Is he even coming? Maybe he's even less sure about this than I am. I'm going to leave in a minute, just more minute, and then that's it.

Sounds in the darkness...

Steps...is that him? I feel sick to the stomach waiting for him like some lovesick pup. During the day I have to ignore him and it's getting harder. 

 I see the torch, thank God he's come. "Jules, I'm here." The torch runs along the floor to find me in the darkness. Then his face comes out of the light and in an instant, his arms are around me. It still surprises me. The feel of another man's body pressed against mine. The relief. The bliss, when he kisses me hard on the mouth, no gentleness, we haven't got time for that. He murmurs my name in that lovely accented voice.  "Johan all day I thought of this." Jules pulls me closer.

Then darkness closes in again and everything fades away, the feel of his arms and lips...it all fades.

I awoke abruptly, my eyes snapping open. Blurry eyed I lay on my back staring at the ceiling. For a full minute, I tried to remember where I was. My heart was thumping and to my surprise, I had a throbbing erection. I let out a long trembling breath to calm myself and I turned my head to check the clock.

Have you ever had the experience where you look at something when you're half asleep and it just doesn't quite register....that's what happened to me.  As I looked into the swirling smoky form of Grandfather it took me a while to realize he was leaning over me, his translucent fingers swirling smoke around my hand, as it lay on my chest. Then the penny dropped.

Suddenly, I realized the bastard was using me as I slept, to relive the moment. I flew off the bed frantically rubbing off imagined ghostly bits of my grandfather. It was like walking into a spider's web and the sticky threads won't let go. When the feeling of revulsion finally subsided I was left feeling pissed off. Even if I was sticking my nose in his business, he had no right to get inside my head. Damn it... then I stopped in my tracks when I felt the memory of the kiss; the body pressing into mine giving me a hard-on a horse would be proud of, they were my memories.

Grandfather had done it to me again and this time on purpose. He'd somehow shifted his memory over to me. This time it wasn't his feelings of longing and sadness I'd acquired as my own, it was love and a large dose of lust. Fuck it...I had a hard-on for a guy.  I wanted to vomit.

I couldn't get out of the house faster. 

As I stood at the front door ready to slam it shut behind me, I looked down the hallway. At other end was the dark form of my grandfather, the picture of frustration and anger, looking back at me. His smoky innards were churning like a volcanic eruption; plumes of smoke billowed from his shifting form. He through his head back, his arms out and let out a silent roar that made the air between us turn icy. I thought for a moment he was going to come charging at me but he remained in the door way. I think he was regretting searching for me, chasing my voice back to this house, only to find himself tormented by old memories and having his life laid bare and dissected by me. He's not the only one who's angry. Tonight he had stolen a taste of his past life and relived the one thing that he never resolved. He'd also imprinted all his regret sadness and  pain in me. I could feel them heavy on my chest, as real as if they were my own emotions. I was perfectly happy snooping around his life but I never wanted to be part of it.

I can understand he might think he's being tortured but he created this hell himself. I feel sorry for him...sort of. However, it's not going to stop me from taking this as far as I can. As I said before I am a nosy bastard and this is fun, the ultimate role play game....addictive.  Am I being cruel, probably,  but I don't really care. When this stops being fun then I'll stop digging around in his life. He's dead and I'm alive. Suck it up John.

Once I closed the front door and I was in the car heading home I started to work out a way to send him back. I didn't trust him anymore. It had never occurred to me that Grandfather could so easily enter my head the way he did. The trip back home was a blur. I must have been on autopilot. I let myself in as quietly as possible so not to wake mum up.  I couldn't stand another interrogation after everything that's happened.  I flopped into bed, bone tired. I slept with the light on that night...I haven't done that since I was six. I prayed I wouldn't dream again.