@inkkoya
Cool sun rays cast little light into the darkened the white room, barely illuminating a certain place at the table. A mug, a plate, a set of cutlery, all left untouched.
He didn't know what he was doing in this white room, the silence rang in the room repeatedly.
The sight of the white walls causes him pain. But he cannot bring himself to get outside unless he was sane again.
But why couldn't they believe him?
He just said that you were still alive. And that was true- he still could feel you voice calling him day and night. You fingertips under his chin and face, your body clinging on hislike a koala. You are still alive- with him.
His own tastes ever bland. Flavours gone along with you. The very burning core inside him that kept him going forward, his fire, cruelly torn out never to return.
What had he done to deserve this? no, what had you done to deserve such a cruel fate? it should've been him. Why was it never him?
Sometimes the memories of blood as red as roses flash unwanted through his mind, its sickening warmth seeping into his soul, staining his already damned soul forever more.
He failed. He was a failure. a mockery of a hero.
Still, he knew that you wouldn’t like to see him like this. So he made a real effort to put his life back together but he couldn't- not without you.
He heard a voice, a voice oh so soft it soothed his heart. There you were, crouched down in front of several glaze lilies, coming into bloom at the angelic tones. The moonlight shone an ethereal glow upon your face, as if made only for you. You looked up and into his eyes, and he swears he could see all the stars in the sky inside of yours. He was smitten.
he could feel the touch of your fingers under his chin.
"Jay open your eyes"
With eyes scrunch up, dark bags on full display, but no tears can fall. no tears are left to fall. Where had it all gone wrong?
happiness was finally within his grasp. Was he too damned to deserve it? after all his efforts, all his love, was it still not enough?
shoulders shaking and heaving, he buries his head in his arms, the dawn rays unable to reignite his fire. "Open your eyes Jay."
He heard the voice again.
He slowly opened his eyes and looked at you. You started crying louder seeing the tears in his eyes.
"Y-y/n. You are really here?" He asked you, his eyes roaming around you to check if you were real.
You cupped his cheeks with both of your hands and nodded your head. "Yes, see i'm real"
He raised his hand and slowly wiped away the tears. "Don't cry"
The corners of your lips tugged up into a small smile as I realized your Jay was still here. The one who doesn't like to see you cry.
"Then you don't too"
"You are real" Jay looked at you with happiness filling his eyes and soul.
"Yes I am," you said.
"But I saw you, lying on the road cover-"
"That was in the past. I'm fine now" you gently
kissed his cheek and leaned back on his chest.
"l'm-i'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything I did and said. I'm sorry" He closed his eyes and a drop of tear fell down to his cheeks. "I'm so sorry. It my fault-"
"Jay, don't say that. It was my fault too. I should have concentrated more on the road."
You said with a broken voice, struggling to control your own sorrow.
"Will you leave me again?"
"No I won't. I will stick to you like a chewing
gum"
Again Jay switched up, to his terrifying eyes.
"You are leaving me?" His face glazed in fear, his fingers tightening around your wrist.
"I promise I won't" you said again
"Please don't leave me." He begged and pressed closer to you.
"I know. I know you won't do it again. That's all that matters. Don't think about it again. Okay?"
He leaned back and nodded his head. "Okay
let's go to the bed now"you lifted him off the
ground and dragged him on to the bed.
He leaned on the pillow and buried his face in
the crook of your neck, tightening his hold around you. "I knew you were alive, I told the doctors but they never believed me y/n."
He said with sad and regretful expressions painting his face. "I know."
"I love you. I love you so much that I don't know how to explain it"
"I know Jay. And I love you too. Let's forget about what happened in the past. Please don't worry about it anymore. Sleep now" I kissed his head and caressed his hair while he slept in your arms like a baby.
That was his state everyday and everynight he spent in his rehab room. Crying sometimes and laughing with your hallucination.
Inside, his mind was telling him that he was a fool.
He was a fool. He knew it as soon as his heart skipped a beat at your smile, relishing the way the sun danced upon your pretty face. the face that kept growing older, laugh lines turning into deep wrinkles and cracks upon your skin.
No anchor to ground him to sanity.
Sometimes it would feel like he was spiraling down an endless black hole.
Inside- he still remembers the empty husk in the shape of the person he once loved, adored and treasured with every fibre of his cursed being.
his own anguish. anguish that he foolishly welcomed into his life, arms open wide for the privilege of wrapping themselves around you.
A hallucination of you and he was okay to hold into your fake form then live with a death one.
He was sane with you, that's what was important to him. Sometimes illusions are better than reality.
@inkkoya
