Identity [Gerard Way] *Completed*

Chapter Thirty Eight

I'm standing here. It feels like years since I stood on this ground.

But it hasn't. It hasn't been a year, even. Well, maybe. Maybe it has. But, man, does it ever feel strange looking up at this house. The lonely white colour of the outside, the way the walls leak dismay and loneliness, the windows with blinds still drawn, completely hidden from the surrounding world.

The house is like an ugly, white blotch amongst a sea of prettier ones.

A month ago, I looked at this place and hated it. Hated it with every thought, every movement, every breath I took. Wanted to leave, to run, to never return. Yes. I remember. Feels as though it all occurred yesterday.

But now I've never felt so relieved looking at its miserable image. Odd, isn't it? Odd how things change so fast all the time. Sometimes it feels like all you do is blink, and suddenly your eyes have dulled or the person you thought you hated turns out to be the one you love.

And it's strange how a person becomes attached to a house. Because, like every other inanimate thing I've given a personality, it can't feel. A house can't share the emotions with you. Can't share the memories or remember the things you said, or the things you did. It only holds the memories inside. Holds them in place so they don't get away. That's all.

But a person, a person can do all those things a house can't, and more. In fact, a person can do what a house does, as well. A person can shelter you and protect you from bad things. They can make you feel warm. Feel safe. Feel like you belong.

Perhaps I'm rambling again. Seems I am. I'm sorry. I think it's this stupid house. It's making me all emotional and weird, taken me to the point where I say "and" way too often. I'll try not to zone out again. But, in the mean time, please try to stay with me.

I think we've been staring at Gerard's house for ten minutes. Not that I mind it. Because I don't. Though, it's eerie how we haven't said a word since getting out of our stolen car. Plus the layer of fog that's drifted into the city, covering just about everything that exists. And there's also the fact that his house is white, and it's the only white house on the entire block, which makes it blend in with the fog so freaking well. I actually keep losing track of it. Seriously. It's creeping me out. But, I guess I won't say anything, because it looks like Gerard is transfixed by the old white building in front of him.

Gerard's eyes hold a look of longing. Like this is actually all he's been thinking about. Like it's a reunion with an old friend. And that makes sense, because Gerard never really had friends before me, really, so it's like the house filled the void for a long while.

Maybe.

Gerard clears his throat, breaking the silence. "I think we should go inside now." He glances around, and I follow his gaze, staring up at the rumbling, grey sky above. Rain. This city and its rain. I nearly forgot about that.

Wow. How could I forget the rain? The rain used to be my life source when I was all alone.

I nod, slowly. Is he hesitant to go in? I... I think so. Maybe he's afraid of what's inside. Maybe he's afraid if he walks in, hundreds of police will charge after us and kill us. Well. I mean, I suppose that's kinda frightening, but it doesn't seem possible right now; the city is so quiet. I mean it. It's like everyone and everything has scurried away and is hiding.