Here to Stay | (Elizabeth Olsen's Daughter)

Chapter 8

Word Count: 1199

Alexis's POV

"And he's Josh's friend, Mama," I confessed anxious about her reaction. What if she doesn't believe me? Or what if she decides that I have to go back? Or worse what if she doesn't even care?

Mom didn't answer at first as she watched me watch her. Then she wrapped her arms around me carefully and held me close. I felt her kiss my head and let out a shaky breath. "Was that in your history class?" She asked next with teary eyes and I nodded yes.

"Is that why you called me?" And again I nodded yes.

"Is this why you didn't want to go to school today?"

"No," I answered quickly, surprising even myself. She gave me an uneasy look before waiting for me to continue. "I-I wanted to prove that I am still strong but it didn't work..." I trailed off unsure of what to say.

"You're already so strong, you don't need to prove anything," Mom tried to reassure me but it still didn't feel that way for me. I'm gonna be twelve soon and I can barely make it through a day of school without my mom's help. At recess, I like to read old text messages or look at old photos or videos to help me feel less alone. I just sit by myself in the shade of the trees reminiscing on old memories.

"I can't be weak, he's there all the time," I tried to explain before swallowing a few stray tears.

"In your class?" She quickly asked with a voice laced full of concern.

"No, just at the school," I told her quietly while brushing some hair out of my face, "today was the first day he was in my class."

"I'm sorry," she answered, probably unsure of what to say. When things hurt or feel too much we are often left speechless. Today I was speechless, overwhelmed by hearing that name, my name but also not my name. It reminded me of the trigger words that Sebastian's character has in the new movie, like hearing that name just set me into a panic. Although I'm not supposed to tell anyone about that because Marvel secrecy is real and I don't want Mr. Kevin mad at me.

"I was okay, well I was a little shaky and anxious but I didn't mind because it seemed like he didn't notice," I explained slowly while keeping my hardened gaze on the wall. Mom hummed her reply as I tried to summon up the courage to tell her what happened next.

It was silent as I tried to focus and find my words. Why am I so afraid to say that name? It was mine, only mine but at the same time, it felt foreign and scary.

"Did something else happen, Lex?" Mom asked as she studied my face.

"He uh," I paused trying to force myself to just say that name. Why is it so hard to say? I've spent more years being Allie May than Alexis Olsen. It shouldn't be this hard. Why does it feel so hard?

"It's okay, you're okay, I'm right here, I've got you," mom said as she lifted me a little to sit sideways across her lap before pulling me into a tight hug. It was only then that I realized frustrated tears were flowing freely out of my eyes as I traced Josh's scar anxiously. She kissed my head whispering sweet nothings into my ear. I couldn't do anything but cry frustrated angry tears.

I'm gonna be twelve and I can't do anything by myself. I can't sleep at night. I can barely pay attention in class without getting distracted or overwhelmed which means I usually have to teach myself the lessons at night, making my homework much harder. Everyone else seems to be able to multitask as they pass notes and even send lengthy texts during class. I have to try too hard to focus and keep up with the teacher's pace. Lunch is just a completely different disaster, that I don't even want to get into.

And worst of all today, I couldn't even make it through class with Mr. Franklin without leaving abruptly and begging Ms. Devlyn to call my mom, like a baby. I know it's embarrassing and pathetic. I can't do the most basic thing without breaking down. Julia will probably have a lot to say about me when I get back. And I'll most likely cry it out in the bathroom during the passing period then get in trouble for being late.

"What something else happened, Lex?" Mom asked as she continued to hold me close.

"I-it's not a big deal," I breathed out, "he um, he called me," I paused trying to force myself to say it but the words were caught in my throat as memories flashed in my mind.

"He called you what?"

"An old name," I mumbled quietly.

"The one Josh called you?" She asked for clarification without saying it aloud. I nodded yes before trying to snuggle into her. Inhaling her comforting scent as new tears formed in my eyes out of frustration and sadness. I don't understand why that name hurts so much, it's been so long and it's not like I didn't grow up being called that.

Mom seemed to understand as she held me, not saying anything but just being there as she rubbed my back and stroked my hair every so often.

Lizzie's POV

I didn't know what to say, so I just let her cry it out. There are so many questions I wanted to ask but didn't know-how. I just wanted her to feel safe but now I know the place I've been sending her to these past four months hasn't been safe at all. I don't even know what this man did to her, but just simply calling her a different name set her off. I'm gonna need to ask her about that.

But at this moment, I can't help but worry about why she didn't tell me this earlier. Why does she continuously think she has something to prove? She's anything but weak, yet, her mind is still telling her that?

I held her close trying my best to comfort her while unsure of what to say. Minutes ticked by and soon it had been an hour, her breathing had slowed and evened out. I waited a little bit longer to make sure she was asleep before scooting down under the blankets. I didn't move her from my embrace, just enough to flip off the lights.

"I love you so much Alexis, and I'll do anything to keep you safe," I said softly before kissing her head instinctively, "my Alexis Chase, you're much stronger than you believe."

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Lizzie's *protective mom mode* activated! I'm excited! There's so much coming up, now that they're back in New York. As always let me know what you think!

I know a lot is going on in our world, regardless if you live in the USA or not. My messages are always open if you need them.

See you in the next one, friends!