It's Not A Game Of Chance When It Comes To Love

Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen…

My attitude towards school had just gone down drastically, I realised as I started my car. It was pouring down with rain and the weather was certainly reflective of my mood. I was down. I had no idea what I should do, who I should talk to or how things were going to turn out. I was in a rather complicated conundrum.

I dreaded arriving at the school gates and putting on a positive appearance for Grace, who would no doubt notice something was wrong otherwise. I couldn’t bare to tell her about Jord and I, that was most definitely a no go zone. About my father though, that was something I could share with her. The only problem was that I didn’t want to.

I didn’t want to hear her sympathising with me, telling me how unlucky I was and trying to give me advice on what I should do. There was no advice she could give me that was worth hearing. I knew what my two options were. Either I let him into my life, or I didn’t.

It might not be quite as simple as that, seeing as though Arthur apparently had something over my mother that he was blackmailing her with, but hopefully that would be the decision it would come down to and right now, seeing him wasn’t looking like the most appealing choice.

I pulled up in the school car park next to the bench that Grace normally occupied, forcing a smile out when she grinned at me. “Where were you yesterday?” She inquired.

“Ill.” I explained, vaguely. I didn’t enjoy lying, despite how casually I did it nowadays and so I still tried to make it as minimal as possible when I committed the deed.

“Well, I’m glad you’re better.” She said honestly.

That made me almost release some sarcastic comment about how I was just peachy, but I managed to hold it in. I didn’t need to take out my rubbishy mood on Grace, it was hardly fair. I simply forced the slight smile I was currently wearing to stay there and suggested we got to class.

By the time it got to third period, the lesson before maths, I was positively terrified. Butterflies had abducted my tummy and I felt the urge to throw up. I may have lied to Grace about being sick yesterday, but it wouldn’t be lying by saying I was going to vomit any moment.

Instead of emptying my breakfast onto the floor, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes momentarily. I had to deal with this, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to avoid Jord forever. I should just get it over and done with.

Despite knowing that was the rational option, it didn’t make me any less nervous. The last time I had been put in this situation, we’d spoken, by default, before hand; I’d written him a note telling him I was sorry and that I shouldn’t have done it and then Jord had sent me a text, telling me not to blame myself. Only this time, I was heading in there blind.

I could already imagine the piercing glare, filled with anger, that he would be giving me. It had all been my fault - like normal. If I hadn’t been so bothered about this thing with my parents, then he wouldn’t have needed to let me stay. If I hadn’t been so open with my god damn feelings, we wouldn’t have kissed. Having said that, he did admit to them first. I shook that from my mind though, now was not the time to be condoning my actions.