It's Not A Game Of Chance When It Comes To Love

Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve…

I could barely comprehend what was happening as our lips moved in sync, the passion and heat flowing between us with an unbelievable intensity. We were impossibly close as I felt myself being backed against the wall.

Our eyes blazed with such adoration for each other I could barely breath. I had waited so long for this moment to happen again and had pretty much convinced myself that it wouldn’t. Despite knowing this was wrong under all circumstances, that didn’t give me any incentive to stop whatsoever. I was enjoying this far too much.

Just as it got to the point where I couldn’t breath, Jord froze, releasing my lips from his. He backed away slowly and looked at me, a mixture of lust and pain in his eyes as the realisation of what we’d just done began to sink in.

“That should not have happened.” He stated, still retreating from me.

“I know.” I agreed. As much as it hurt to admit that, I knew it was the truth. What we had just done was illegal. It was something atrocious when in the face of the law and despite my undeniable feelings for him, that wasn’t enough to make up for the risks.

“Jess…” He began, unsure of what he could say in such a situation.

I shook my head. “I’ll go home. Matt dropped off my car keys earlier.” I told him calmly, trying not to show how shaken up I was on the inside.

“I’m sorry Jess.” Jord apologised, his eyes piercing into mine with the same intensity they had before, only this time they were conveying sadness and pain rather than passion. He didn’t approach me though or make any attempt at contact between the two of us.

“Me too.” Was my last sentence, before I scampered from the room, trying to hold in my feelings of confusion, anger and misery until I was at least in the refuge of my car.

Just like last time this had happened, I had no clue as how I was supposed to react. I wanted to grin my head off, just remembering what it had felt like; having his lips moulded with mine so perfectly; feeling the heat crackle in the air, generated by just the meeting of our gazes; the tingles that engulfed my body as Jord’s hands caressed the most basic parts of my body; my senses focused solely on Jord as he made my body burn with desire.

Then, the reality of the situation came crashing down around me, bringing waves of despair with it. It was wrong. This wasn’t a normal relationship, nor would it ever be. In fact, it wouldn’t be a relationship at all. We couldn’t afford to endanger anymore than we already had. By involving the police with the Zack issue, I’d risked Jord’s career and I wasn’t willing to put that in jeopardy again - not because I was selfish enough to pursue my infatuation with him. It wouldn’t be fair.

I started up my car engine, determined to just get home and go to sleep. To find myself immersed in a perfect dreamland where I didn’t have to contend with these impossible problems. Where I could pretend that there was no such thing as an illegal relationship. Where me and Jord could be with each other freely: without being eternally judged by family, friends and the outside world. Reality was such a hardship that was beginning to tear me apart. I couldn’t handle all these obstacles, secrets and traumatizing events - despite how much pleasure some of them brought me.