CHAOS IN YOU || RYEJI

44.

Ryujin POV

Driving away from the Hwangs home felt like embracing the reality of her life again. The further she drove, the more she welcomed her reality.

The Hwangs lived in the nice part of town. The one where parents happily raised their children, where kids could play outside without their parents worrying, where everything looked nicer.

Ryujin had always wished she lived there.

The closer she got home, the more she noticed how many buildings looked abandoned, even if they weren't. How the houses didn't look as big or nice. The only people on the street being drunk or the local drug dealers knowing those who had nothing good to live for needed their drugs even on Christmas day.

Ryujin parked her car by her building, taking a moment to sit there and breathe before she went home.

Looking at the camera Yeji had given her, the girl smiled to herself. At least there were still good things in life.

The girl grabbed the camera and made her way to her apartment. Running into an acquaintance that lived near her.

"Hey, Shin. How is Christmas treating you?"

Ryujin smiled, for once Christmas had been good. "I think I was a good girl this year." she joked, causing her neighbor to laugh. "Have a good one."

"You know I always do."

He doesn't. That man will be wasted and passed out by the time the clock signals 3 in the afternoon. He always spent Christmas alone and drowning his sorrows after his wife left him and took the kids.

Ryujin opened the door to her home, the smell of cigarettes instantly hitting her senses and telling her that her father was home.

Had she known, maybe she wouldn't have come home today.

It was too late now. He had already noticed her presence so Ryujin embraced her fate. Closing the door behind her and walking inside.

"Where were you?"

"Out with friends." Ryujin answered, hoping for once her father was sober enough to be understanding.

He wasn't.

Hope does nothing but generate more disappointment.

Ryujin laid in bed, her cheek bruised and stinging still but at least it hadn't been worse than that this time.

She should consider herself lucky.

Merry Christmas, Ryujin.

The camera was still with her, the girl holding on to it as if it would disappear if she let go. Smiling to herself despite the pain coming from where her father had hit her.

____

Truth be told, Ryujin was not the brave or cool person most thought of her as.

She's just weak.

Ryujin remembers her life from before. Vaguely but she tries her best to hold on to the few memories of a life that is no longer hers.

A happy family. A happy Ryujin.

Long were the days when that was her reality.

Everything fell apart when Ryujin was only six.

That's when she lost her mother and unbeknownst to Ryujin, her father as well.

Ryujin tried her best to save him. Doing the unthinkable for the man who gave up on life. On her. On himself. But by doing so she's only prolonging their pain.

Both suffering in different ways.

But what's the alternative? Now it's too late.

They're both too far gone.

If she were to stop now their end would be permanent.

_____

Hyunjin.

God, she hated him at first.

Him and his stupid life.

Ryujin knew all too well who he was.

The kid whose father went to pick him up when they were little. Whose mother did so occasionally when they were a bit older. The boy who had a younger sister.

He seemed to have it all and she was jealous.

Ryujin was always jealous of kids like him.

Nobody ever waited for her after school. Nobody ever picked her up. Nobody would go to her games and cheer for her whenever she played a sport.

But for some reason, Hyunjin admired her.

And stupidly, he wanted to be like her.

Did he know how sad she was? How bad her life had been?

Ryujin tried to save him. She did.

Despite all the ways he annoyed her.

But the kid was persistent and then it was too late for him.

So Ryujin formed a friendship. Tried her hardest to protect him. And eventually, she warmed up to the boy.

She hadn't expected them to still be best friends now.

Well, she also hadn't expected to still be alive so that was an important factor to take into account.

____

Home.

Ryujin wonders what defines a home.

Is it the place where someone spends the night?

Is it their legal residence?

Because that apartment has never truly felt like home.

Even her hometown doesn't feel like home.

She knows every corner of it. Has memories in most places. Could name at least half the town without an issue. She's lived there her entire life.

But it doesn't feel like home.

It hasn't since her mother left them.

Truth was, she had been dreaming since a young age of moving far away and never returning.

Ryujin could laugh at that thought.

She once tried to get away from there. She even got far but the outcome of her actions sent shivers down her spine and got her rushing back immediately. A teachable lesson, she called it.