Prologue

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PROLOGUE

   My heart's aching for life and death. It's beating faster and faster as I let myself fall, drowning in tears. Nothing can save me from the torture that consumes me. Nothing at all.

   I said, 'Let me live'. Yet my message wasn't clear enough.

   Now I stand here alone, with the rain coating me wet. I can hear the sound of thunder, I witness lighting, but nothing will move me. I want to die and let this drive me to the point of no return. It's a simple wish I want. I close my eyes. The darkness comes to engulf my mind with the moon shining above me.

   "Alyssa!"

   I don't turn around to the call of my name. I completely ignore the familiar voice that once brought my senses back. The voice has no effect on my heart or mind. I take a step forward. The ground beneath me vanishes into thin air. I fall. My fall is endless as I open eyes to acknowledge what I've done. What have I done? Someone! Help me! My cries are silent.

   I didn't want to do this. I promise I didn't. What happened to me? I repeat the same question over and over again.

   My thoughts yell at me all at once as I wonder what made me jump off the bridge. What made me end up in the ER between life and death? What drove me to the insanity to commit suicide? I was never this weak, this broken. How could my life turn upside down when I had control? I had strength. This doesn't make sense, but it happened to me.

   Every year, hundreds of thousands experience what I did. They felt alone, weak, disgusted with themselves. Ashamed, they felt ashamed. This is what I feel now.

   I leave my eyes open as I hear nothing, feel nothing. I only see a radiant-light that blinds me. I can see him, the outline of his human form, before I hit the bottom. Someone familiar. I know who was my downfall, who led me to this helpless person I never was meant to be. Just one word. One word I can never forget.

   Julian.

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