February 23, 2015
C A L U M
Aspen wraps her arms around me, nothing heard but our weeping. I cry into her hair, one hand groping the back of her neck, my other one rubbing her back.
Taking a deep and jittery breath, I try to compose myself. After my breathing has become somewhat steady, I wipe my tears and reach down to brush away Aspen's. Even though she's crying, shes still so beautiful. I just want to take away all of her pain.
"I'm so so so sorry. And I'm not going to tell you to stop crying. Because you need to cry. And I'll be right here all night." I say, resting my hand on her hip. I love how she's not bony and skinny. Its such a turn on.
I shouldn't be thinking these things right now. This is what she does to me.
"Why are you crying, Cal?" As she sniffles, I go to sit on my bed. Aspen sits by me and puts her head on my shoulder.
"I just... I can feel your brokenness. And I knew Grandma Lil too. Its sad that she's gone." I rest my chin on her head, and I close my eyes as I feel her eyelashes flutter on the skin of my neck.
"It hasn't even been an hour since I've known... And I - I miss her so much."
And again, she starts sobbing, and I don't do anything to stop her. Softly stroking her hair, as she mourns over her grandmother.
"Do you, Do you want anything? Something to eat? I feel like... I feel like I need to do something for you." I struggle to form words as she moans and whimpers like a beaten puppy.
"I couldn't eat even if I was hungry. Can I just lie down for a bit?" She says.
"Of course. Yeah. D-D you want me to leave?" I start to stand up but she quickly grabs my wrist and looks up at me with those sad green eyes of her.
"No. Please stay. I need you."
Nodding, I kick off my shoes, as does Aspen, and I lay down. I'm probably all dirty and grungey from the set tonight, but luckily we don't move around a lot on the small stage we're set up with, so I'm not too sweaty.
"Calum... I feel like now that's she's gone, I have no one who cares enough to keep me from doing something stupid again. Grandma would always call me and tell me she loves me, and that really reassured me. I'm so scared. I don't want to be here without her around."
"Aspen, I'll be that person for you. I care. If your lame boyfriend or girl friends or your family won't tell you they love you, I will. You're not alone, Aspen. You have so many people here who cherish you. Including me, chummy." I say, while staring at the ceiling. My heart beats so fast, I feel like it will burst out my chest. Saying this means so much to me, but it probably means nothing to her.
"But, I want my grandma."
She nuzzles into my side, her hand resting on my stomach. I slide my arm under her head, so now it serves as a pillow for her, and we can cuddle closer.
Its slowly killing me being this close to her, and having uncontrollable feelings for her, but not being able to show those feelings. I would kill to take Raff's place, just so I could kissbher right now. I'd kiss away as much of her worries as I could and carress away at least some of the sadness.
--
Hours, literally hours, of Aspen crying pass before she just falls asleep in my arms. It started out as sobbing, which made me get a little teary eyed again, and then it slowly just turned to hiccups before she conked out. Each breath she takes is long and heavy, and I know that she need this sleep.
Carefully, I remove my arm from under her head, and set a pillow in the place my arm was. Aspen stirs only a little bit, turning over and curling up into a little ball. Its cute, and I just want to dive back into bed to be a big spoon for the first time, but that would be wrong. She has a boyfriend, and we're just friends. Friends don't cuddle... But, I guess this is an exception since she needs to know that someone loves her at a time like this. Cuddling can wait though, since the dirtiness from the club are still lingering on my body.
Being as quiet as I can, I grab a change of sleeping clothes and hop into a hot shower. The warm streams hitting my back feel soothing and good on my still recovering band playing muscles, but I can't take a long ass shower like I want to when my mourning best friend is in the next room needing comfort. Within two minutes, I'm clean and out of the shower, and pulling on the boxers and sweatpants that I pulled from my dresser.
Once I step out into the hallway that's cold compared to the steamy shower, I'm called for by Ashton from the living room.
"Yeah?" I answer back quietly, stepping into the room where Ashton sits by himself, watching adult swim, the lights from the television reflecting off of him in the dark room.
"Is Aspen okay? It was upsetting to see her so... torn up."
"No, she's not okay. Her grandma died today and they were really close." I sigh, folding my arms over my damp, bare chest, the towel I used to dry myself still in my arms
"She came here? Why didn't she go to Raff's? Or Darcey's? Or her family's?" Ashton questions.
"I dunno. But she really needs someone right now, and I guess I'm glad that person is me. I just... Understand Aspen in a different way than most, you know?" I shrug. Ashton nods, looking thoughtful.
"You love Aspen, don't you..."
"I've never admitted it before. To anyone, not even myself. But... Tonight when she was crying, I-I felt what she was feeling. I really think I might love her, Ashton. But she loves some dick that won't even comfort her when a family member dies."
"If you want that girl, and most of us in this apartment know you do, you can't just give up. Fight for her, Calum." Ashton says wisely.
"Thanks, Ash. I needed that."
When I get into my room again, I go straight to my desk and silently pull out a notebook. Inspiration sparks and my hand is flying, writing the lyrics for possible new songs.
[AN]
wow this chapter is a filler yet it holds important stuff wow
