When we were young | Chris Evans

Chapter 23

The stage. The microphone. The blinding spotlight. The silent whispers of the crowd. My safe space.

After what felt like the longest couple of weeks I was finally back. The speakeasy had been doing pretty well for itself, and Jess and I couldn't be any prouder.

It was a usual Friday night. Stood on the stage, my champagne coloured dress shimmering in the light. The first few notes of my first song of the night leaving my lips effortlessly. Absolutely nothing beats the first gasp from the crowd and the adrenaline coursing through your veins. I missed this. Up here I wasn't 'Chris mystery girl' or 'Sebastian's best friend', I was my own person, doing my own thing, not having a worry in the world. For the loudest place I could be, it's the quietest my mind ever is.

As the first set came to a close, I stepped off stage momentarily to fix myself a drink for my parched throat. Harsh whispers and flashes were directed toward me. Choosing to ignore it I made my way to the bar. Soon after I was behind it, a woman who was roughly my age strode over to me. "Your that girl that Chris Evans kissed right?" she bluntly asked.

"Erm" I stuttered in a desperate attempt to give myself to answer the question.

"You look different in person" she replied, I furrowed my brows not fully sure on how to interpret that statement. She must of picked up on it as she was quick to add on, "I mean like your good at singing and your probably like a nice person, your just not the person I would picture with him, you know?" The extra emphasis on 'him' led me into a self-deprecating train of thought. Unable to reply to her, the woman strode back to a group of giggling girls, leaving me completely and utterly speechless. The one place I thought I was safe. What would happen if more news about me and Chris was released, and the place me and Jess worked so hard to build up into a successful business was completely knocked down and battered, just because my name is linked to Chris Evans. Not only did people think that I wasn't pretty enough for him, but what if they came after my friends, attacking them. This dangerous hole that I had fallen into in only a matter of seconds, left me gasping at my throat for air. This space of comfort and happiness began to feel tight and suffocating. I desperately began making my way through the crowded downstairs. The blurs of people flashing past me.

Finally the cool, crisp New York air hit me. Providing me with an instant relief. I was able to catch my breath and I could feel my heartbeat slow down to a regular speed. However the feeling of guilt and disgust still remained, making me want to claw my way out of my skin. I began trying to focus on the sounds and smells of New York rather than listening to what my brain was screaming at me.

~ TW/ mentions of alcohol abuse!

A few days had passed since my panic attack, and I still wasn't feeling any better about the situation. I was unable to get myself out of bed. The overwhelming feeling of heaviness kept me glued to my mattress. After making it almost a whole day without getting out of bed, I was forced to get out to go to the toilet. That one episode of Euphoria that me and Jess watched when we binged the whole series scared me of not going to the toilet for an extended period of time.

Walking past my kitchen island, my phone was almost buzzing off the counter. Not bothering to look at the screen I continued straight pass and to the bathroom.

Once I was back safe in my bed, I heard the front door unlock then open. "Hello?" a voice called out, which I soon identified as Jess.

"Here" I muttered. That woman must have the ears of a bat as she soon appeared in my room.

"Hi" she smiled sympathetically, "I brought alcohol and chocolate ice cream. I didn't know which one you would need more"

I smiled back at her, whispering a 'thank you' before she disappeared back downstairs to grab spoons and glasses.

"I cannot believe that asshole did that" she grumbled angrily whilst opening the bottle of tequila.

"It's fine, she was just asking a question, it's my fault I've overthought it" I replied.

"She? I thought we were talking about Chris?" Jess looked at me, confusion quickly followed by realisation set on her face.

"Chris? Why would we be talking about Chris?". Something was wrong.

"Oh sweetie" she exhaled, sliding her phone out the back pocket of her jeans she unlocked it and handed it to me. My heart sank as I looked down at her phone.

BREAKING NEWS: Chris Evans playing the field?

Bachelor has been spotted with multiple different girls over the past month. Boston with rumoured girlfriend Olivia Rose, who he was spotted kissing. Los Angeles with ex Minka Kelly, who was pictured kissing him on the cheek. And LA again with Lily James, were they looked very cosy in a restaurant.

Tears began spewing out of my eyes, clouding my vision. I scrolled down on the article just to see the pictures. If it was even possible, the fact that there was photographic proof shattered my heart just a little more. Grabbing the recently opened bottle, I took a long swig before walking downstairs and picking my phone off the counter. Taking another long swing I looked at the screen full of missed calls and texts from Chris, Jess, Seb, my dad, even Lisa, Carly and Shanna. It only took a couple of seconds before my phone started buzzing again. Chris name flashed on the screen. Taking a deep breath and another sip of tequila I answered. The line was silent for a couple of seconds.

"Liv?" Chris whispered, his voice hoarse.

"Your playing the field? Cheeky boy! Don't you have a girlfriend" I sarcastically remarked, I was unable to tell if I was more angry than sad or vice versa.

"Liv..." he exhaled, "You have to believe me. I did not cheat on you! I don't know how they twisted it to look like that. I'm so sorry. Please!" he pleaded. A pang of guilt hit my chest, he sounded so broken.

"They wouldn't of twisted it if there wasn't something to twist in the first place" I stated, the façade which I put on before quickly broke away and I began to let out a sob. "Chris, your supposed to love me, you promised that you had changed and that you wouldn't treat me like before but this is beginning to feel like some fucked up deja vu"

"Olivia. I love you. I love you so fucking much, please believe that I didn't do this to you" he continued to plead. At this point Jess had arrived in the kitchen. She took the phone out my hand as I sobbed continuously. I could hear her shouting down the phone. Chris shouts back, "Put me on the phone to Olivia!". Reluctantly Jess handed the phone back to me, I placed it to my ear and just listened.

"Please believe me, I didn't do it. I would never cheat on you ever. I was just out with Lily as she is a close friend of a friend, and I bumped into Minka."

"Okay" I whispered "I believe you" knowing full well I wasn't ready to forgive him.