Emery [bxb]

120

The blue alert team works for over thirty minutes to try and resuscitate the patient, nurses working the IV and respiratory therapists conducting CPR. When the doctor calls pause, a nurse checks pulse points. Defibrillator pads are applied by the on-duty Charge Nurse.

There's a shout of "clear!" followed by a jolt of electricity causing the patient to arc off the mattress. I'm becoming familiar with the routine. Study the heart rate monitor. Resume CPR. Pump more medication through the IV, calling it all out in detail so it can be recorded on the treatment record. The doctor calls pause. Blood pressure readings begin to blink, too low to be read by the machine's sensors.

He orders us to clear out and give the family space. Heart sinking, I watch the line on the monitor go flat. His heart has gone asystole. Doctor Stahort steps up and uses his stethoscope to listen for a heartbeat and breathing, reads the time of death, offers the family condolences when he hears nothing. Dictates notes onto the computer and into the patient's medical records. And that's it. It's on to the next patient.

"Sometimes it ends like that." Dr. Stahort pats me on the shoulder as he passes me.

When I get home, I call Em, needing to talk to someone about my first fatality and unable to think of anyone who could understand better.