The Winter Soldier (Female)

38.

Another nightmare is what wakes me. It's an endless cycle of pain.

This one was about me killing the child of someone who pissed off Hydra. She was so young, maybe 13. She begged for mercy. I slit her throat.

Her father and mother are dead. There's no one for me to make amends with. Not that it would do anything.

To take my mind off of it, I pour Alpine his food and make myself something to eat. The only thing I have in my fridge is milk, cereal it is.

I sit at the table and eat on autopilot, thinking about the rest of the day. Still haven't located any others on my amends list yet... I could go shopping.

A buzz shakes me out of my thoughts and I look behind me to see my phone on the stand. Sighing, I stand up and grab it. Another text from Bucky.

"Hey, Doll. I know you probably aren't reading this or you're ignoring it but I miss you. I'm sorry about what I said last time we called. I worry. Please just text me back"

Guiltily I rub my eyes. I'm being an immature bitch about this. I know I have to open up to him and trust him. But it's hard now that I'm not occupied. I don't know what I'm doing in life.

But I guess that's what I'll do today. I'll ride by Bucky's and see if he's home, talk to him at least. This whole being married thing goes both ways.

I get dressed for the day and grab the cat, setting him inside my leather jacket. Alpine likes motorcycle rides for some reason. He's a weird cat.

My motorcycle is one of the first things I bought after our last battle with Thanos. I may be poor but some charity from Tony gets me by.

The old man retired after the Avengers compound was finished.  Some of the others stay there, business is conducted. But Tony has finally taken his retirement to be with his daughter and wife. Good for him.

Alpine and I cruise through New York City streets, the wind blowing my hair back behind me. It's as good a day as any.

Bucky still lives where he and Steve had an apartment, where I tried to kill Nick Fury. It's an older-style apartment, I think it makes him feel like he's back in the '40s. In his element.

I park my motorcycle on the street and check in with Alpine, who stares up at me with his big blue eyes. He's fine.

Together, we walk into the apartment building. My sunglasses cover my eyes and my hood is up. Don't need to interact with people today.

The door stands tall in front me it. Intimidating. I stare at it for a long minute before forcing myself to knock. I close my eyes and secretly hope he isn't home, that Bucky is out grocery shopping or something.

To my dismay, the door opens. Bucky begins to say something but pauses when he realizes who's at his door. I smile at him. "Hey, Buck."

He stares at me for a long moment, looking me up and down before his eyes return to mine. "Y/N... come in, come in," Bucky offers, opening the door wider.

I walk inside tentatively, looking around the small apartment.

It has all of the basics, a kitchen, a small living area, a bedroom. His T.V. Is on and playing the news.