GrandBaba BanLu served roasted barley tea which is famous here in this part of the country. Barley is plentiful here. Roasted Barley tea is good for digestion and it has a nice taste and aroma. He also served almond biscuits and sesame sticky rice balls with the tea.
I love this combination of tea and snacks. GrandBaba BanLu knows that. Its quite clear that he readied everything when he got the call yesterday from my GrandMa that I will be visting and greeting him.
GBaba BanLu: (sitting in the middle of the long bamboo sofa) Well, what are you waiting for. Give me your greetings, Dayu ah.
I stood up and bent my waist to bow to him.
Me: Happy Holidays, GrandBaba. (straightening my body) I am happy to see you looking healthy and strong.
GBaba BanLu: (smiling and nodding) You too. I am happy to see you healthy. Sit down and have some tea.
I sat down on a solo chair and took an earthenware mug of tea. Like GrandBaba BanLu, everything in his home is simple but very efficient. It has the same old but sturdy charm in it, like my GrandBaba has in him.
GrandBaba is proud of his home that he bought from his own hard work when he got married and this is where he raised his two children with his now deceased wife. GrandBaba BanLu's children also live close by. He instilled on them that there is honor in hardwork and living a simple life in a peaceful town like ours is the stuff of heaven.
GrandBaba BanLu has no use for large cities like Beijing. He has disdain for frivilous lifestyle of the rich and famous. He thinks people working on showbusiness are not really working. He has no use for arts like paintings or music. He reads a lot of scripture and poetry books. For him, the only art worth mentioning are books. My singing and acting will be useless to him.
For GrandBaba BanLu, living in the city will mean you will get lost amidst the sparkling lights and looming skyscrapers. Any country person who moved to the city will have a destroyed life.
That is why GrandBaba BanLu never approved of my move to study in Beijing. He thinks I will have a decent life even if I stayed and live in our simple hometown.
GBaba BanLu: What does living in the grand large city ever given you? The living expenses on those cities are high. Here, you can plant what you need and harvest your food. In the city, all you can eat there are food filled with preservatives. Not natural food.
Me: Qing and I go to the wet market to buy real food and cook them.
GBaba BanLu: (disdainful grunting) Don't mention his name in my presence.
Me: Oh, come on, GrandBaba. I love him.
GBaba BanLu: Why? He is a man. What could you possibly like about being with another man?
Me: (sighing) I don't need to explain myself to you. Why I love him, I don't need to explain that. Just know that am happy with him. I am marrying him one day.
GBaba BanLu: (surprised) What? Marrying him? Marrying another man? You have totally gone insane.
Me: (smiling as I showed him my engagement ring) He gave me a ring. Its beautiful, right?
GBaba BanLu: (unimpressed) And probably expensive. He obviously use his money to entice you to stay sinning with him. He bought you using his evil fortune.
Me: You are making it sound like I sold myself. I didn't...
GBaba BanLu: No, but you let him seduced you using all his wily techniques.
Me: (sighing) I don't want to say this but you are forcing me so here we go...Qing's body was included on those wily techniques he uses to seduced me.
GBaba BanLu: (shaking his head in dismay) You fornicated with another man, you sinned.
Me: Do you think I am going to hell?
GBaba BanLu: I think you should rethink staying with this man.
Me: Okay. (pausing) (grinning) Done rethinking! I think I will stay with him.
GBaba BanLu: (chuckling despite himself) You cheeky boy.
Me: (gentle tone) He is a good man.
GBaba BanLu: Hmmm...
Me: (reaching for my tea to take a sip again) He loves me alot. He makes me happy.
GBaba BanLu: All an illusion. He couldn't possibly make you happy. He won't be able to give you a child. Will he be willing to get pregnant for you?
I almost spit the tea on my mouth at what he said. Then I laughed.
Me: If Qing gets pregnant with my baby, will you finally accept him?
GBaba BanLu: Why? Does my acceptance of him important to you? I have said over and over that I don't like this man for you, but you keep on being with him. So I thought my opinions doesn't matter to you. I pray for you soul everyday, Dayu ah.
Me: Can you also slip Qing's name on your daily prayers...?
GBaba BanLu: (irritated) Feng Jian Yu!
Me: (wincing) Ack! Your voice is so loud. (clapping) Wow! You are really that healthy, GrandBaba. Good for you.
GBaba BanLu: (sighing) Your grandfather must be rolling in his grave now. My poor friend.
Me: GrandPa, whereever he may be, heavens rest his soul, is happy for me. I am sure of that. Why? Because I am living well while chasing my dreams and I fell in love and happy with that person I fell in love with.
GBaba BanLu stared at me for a moment. He sighed in defeat.
GBaba BanLu: (nodding) You are right, your grandfather is happy for you. All he ever wanted was for every member of his family to be happy.
Me: So why can't you do the same? Why can't you be happy for me?
GBaba BanLu: Because I can't. Because I don't understand your choices. Because I don't approve of it. Because I won't accept it. Does that make me a bad person to you?
Me: Does me being with Qing means you don't love me anymore?
GBaba BanLu: (shaking his head) I love you still. I will always adore you, Dayu ah.
Me: (sighing) I can hear a "but" there from a mile away.
GBaba BanLu: Because there is a but there. I love you but not this lifestyle you chose. Not this man you accepted in your arms.
Me: It is not a lifestyle. It is my life. It was not a choice, GrandBaba. I fell for him. My heart did.
GrandBaba BanLu stared at me with his wrinkled but still wise eyes. He is old. His age is showing. The hard life he had while starting to build his small fortune has caught up with him. His skin is dark, a little dry and wrinkled. His words could be cruel. But I know this old man's heart and its capability to love and adore members of his family.
Me: I read somewhere that if you will tell me that you love me but add a "but" in there like your love has condition...then that is not love.
GBaba BanLu: Whoever said that has limited imaginations in his head. I can love you but can disapprove of what you are doing as well.
Me: (shaking my head) No. I don't want that kind of love, GrandBaba. I want those who love me to accept the person most important to me. And that person is Qing.
Silence descended between us after what I said.
Me: (after that speaking silence between us) I guess you won't attend our wedding as well. It won't happen next year so...maybe if you want to rethink this...
GBaba BanLu: (shaking his head) No. There is nothing to rethink. I don't approve of him for you. That is my decision.
And he is not sorry for that decision. I can see in my GrandBaba's face that he has made up his mind. He won't accept Qing. Ever.
And that makes me sad. GrandBaba BanLu is one of the greatest men I know in my life. I know he is a good man. A good person. But his outlook in life is outdated and shallow. Narrow minded. He is bigoted. A homophobic. I guess, we all have one of those in our family.
GBaba BanLu: Lets not talk about that man again, Dayu ah. Never mention him to my presence. This might be breaking your heart. I might be disappointing you, I am sorry for that. But I won't change my mind.
Me: (nodding) Okay. I understand. Also please understand if Qing and I won't be able to visit you together.
GBaba BanLu: That's alright, he is not welcome here. I just need you to remember to visit your old GrandBaba from time to time. No worries, I will die soon enough and you two will have one less person to worry about.
Me: Don't say that. You are just trying to guilt trip me. That is wrong.
GBaba BanLu: True, that is wrong. I'm sorry. (smiling at me) I am glad to gaze at your face, Dayu ah. Know that, I will always be glad to see you. You are always welcome to my home.
Me: Thanks but I think I will visit less frequently because the owner of this house is a grumpy hateful wrinkly old man.
Instead of feeling insulted, GrandBaba laughed. We finished our tea talking about mundane matters and I never mentioned Qing again until the end of my visit.
That night, I laid on the bed in my old room hugging Qing.
Me: There is no winning over some people, right?
Qing: Yes. But thats alright, I don't need everyone to like me. Your grandbaba can keep on hating me, I don't care.
Me: (looking at his face) Your charm didn't work on him. Hallelujah, we can finally point at someone and say, that is a Qing hater. You have a hater in my family, my Sweat King.
Qing laughed. We hugged tightly.
Qing: I don't care about the haters as long as my lover is happy with me.
Me: Oh he is happy. He is very happy with you, Wang Qing. I know him so I am sure that he is happy with you.
Qing: Are you that sad that your GrandBaba BanLu doesn't like me?
Me: No. Like you said, you don't care if not everyone will like you. (snickering) Knowing you, you won't lose a wink of sleep because he doesn't like you. It won't bother you and thats also the reason why I couldn't fully get angry at GrandBaba. He will be insignificant in your mind so...that makes things a bit easier for me.
Qing: Plus, I don't have any ground to stand on this. You know that not everyone in my family likes you and you never complained about that so...why should I complain about it?
I sighed and pressed my cheek on his shoulder. Qing is right, there are also members of his family whose eyebrows always rose whenever they see us together. Like I said, not everyone in both our families are accepting of our relationship. The reasons why varies as well.
There really is no pleasing everybody. And I think humans as individual should stop striving to do that: please everyone. Its okay to have "haters", people who will glee to see you fail. Well, the best thing to deal with those kind of people is to show them that you are content with your life.
And ignore them totally...
Qing once told me that I should stop investing feelings and emotions for people who doesn't care to see me happy. That I should only care for people who cares for me as well. Maybe Qing is right, I am okay with him not caring for my GrandBaba BanLu as my grandbaba doesn't care for Qing. At the same time, Qing is not telling me to throw away GrandBaba BanLu because my family (Baba, Mama and GrandMa) probably told Qing how much GrandBaba cares for me.
And I think, this will be the last time I will write about the people around us who disapproves of our relationship. It is not a fun topic. But once in awhile, it is important for me to remind myself that there are people out there who expect Qing and I to fail in this relationship.
I hope they are not holding their breaths. Because they will end up breathless before Qing and I will give them the satisfaction of seeing us separated.
We are stubborn that way. And thats how we roll.