THE OTHER SIDE OF YOU
[ Furashu ]
title ::
it gives off a mysterious vibe, which is great if you are aiming for that type of audience and that type of genre.
cover ::
it's hard to read the top and bottom font, i had to move closer to my screen so maybe make that a bit more clearer, while i think the main title should match the font of the username or the top and bottom text.
description ::
paragraph blocks would be great instead of one block of text, maybe add a line between the main text and the two questions at the end, i would also change the first line to 'Mara has been facing tragedies as far back as she can remember' or something along those lines as we want to feel like she's a real person, and not just a 2d character in a book.
prolouge / first chapter ::
i really enjoyed the first half of the story, especially the opening- it is relatable and something most of the population relates to, if not all of us.
but, my enjoyability went down from the "mara? you have to eat..." conversation, i don't feel like it's really realistic to force your kid into school the next day after a death.
it went down even further at the s*lf harm scene, it happens like a snap, and was pushed over like nothing- it seemed like it was also rushed, maybe take a few steps back.
writing style ::
i think that more time needs to be spent on each scene, it seems like you rush each moment by- even if it seems important
plot and setting ::
i couldn't really find a steady plot, it seems like it goes too fast with the scenes, but also there seems like there is too much scenes, if that makes sense
characters ::
they all seem 2d, like thoughts on a piece of paper instead of real people with flaws, quirks, personality, and all. sunflower is the closest i would think to a realistic person
miscellaneous ::
maybe add a warning at the start of each chapter where a s/h scene will appear
overall ::
if i were you, i would take more care and more time with each scene. take time to also plan out your characters.
the ending was also somewhat a let down, i feel like the story has much more potential if you take your time with it, i feel like it could go somewhere further with a bit more care.