Chris POV
It was now family day, and I was sitting at a table in the courtyard. I was nervous. I haven't seen Shawnie in a little over two months, and it's been longer for my mom. I've been talking to them regularly, and keep them updated on my recovery. Holding phone conversations with them are hard, but I get through them. I'm kinda happy it's been this long that's haven't been about to see Shawnie because I probably would've wanted to leave with her. This has been kicking my ass.
Overall, it's going pretty well though. Especially now that the detox part is over. I never told them about that, I didn't want them to worry, but it was bad. Shawnie asked about it, but I told her it was all good. If she would've seen me, she would've died. Truth is, detoxing was so much worse this time around. Probably because I wasn't smoking weed to curb the cravings. I had severe nausea, and I was throwing up a lot, like a lot. I couldn't keep anything down, I felt like I wanted to die. I wasn't able to talk to anyone for almost three weeks because I was going through it so bad. I'm completely clean from everything right now, and I lowkey hate it. I'm going back to weed when I get out of here.
I know my mom and Shawnie are going to notice I lost some weight, but this process has shown me how strong I am. Yeah, I lost a little weight but I am gaining a lot from this. Therapy is helping. It's so crazy to me how I didn't want to do this, now I'm really liking it. I like being able to talk through things, and they let me know if I was right for feeling a certain way, or if I was wrong. I'm starting to see him unhealthy my thinking is. That's thanks to Dr. Foxx and Dr. Jordan. They've helped me through much. I feel like I'm thinking so much more clearer, and I can make rational decisions, which is what I have been wanting to do this whole time. I knew I was sick and I couldn't admit it. I'm happy Shawnie was there to help me understand that it was okay to get help. I've been through this before, but it's so much different this time around.
I was staring off, thinking about everything and my eyes begin to focus on something. I see Shawnie walking towards me, smiling, and glowing. She looks so good. My mom was with her. They both looked happy, and happy to see me. I feel myself beginning to her emotional. Damn this feeling everything. Not being able to numb my emotions is annoying as fuck.
I stand up and walk towards her. As soon as she reaches me, she latches on to me. I hugged her so tight and she did the same. We just stood these holding each other. It felt so good to be in her embrace again. I didn't want to let go of her. I've never been away from her this long, on purpose. It's been hell, to be honest.
I kiss her forehead, then her lips. She was smiling ear to ear, and was still holding on to me. It was really nice to see her this way. I don't think she's ever been this happy to see me, maybe when we first got together. I look over at my mom and she was smiling ear to ear as well. She also looked emotional. Like she was holding back tears. I wish they would stop, I'm fine.
"Hey ma!" I say pulling her into this family hug. She wraps her arms around Shawnie and I at the same time. We stay like that for a few seconds and we all let go. I instantly lock eyes with Shawnie, and grab her hand, smiling.
"Damn, I've missed you so much." I say, putting my hand on her stomach. "How's my boy?"
"Stop calling the baby a boy." My mom says.
"Right, we don't know and we won't know for a while." Shawnie says.
"Just putting it out in the universe. I want a son." I say
"I just want the baby to be healthy. I don't care what we have but what if it's a girl? I don't want you to be upset." She says putting her hands on mine.
"I'm going to be happy regardless. You're having my baby. This is what I've been wanting for a long time and it's finally happening. I'm truly happy. I just wish I wasn't here while you're pregnant." I say, "I want to experience this whole thing with you."
"Baby, you're doing what you have to do. This is important for you and your future."
"I know baby, I know. It's just hard." I say, "Did you bring my phone?"
"Yeah..." she starts digging in her purse, and pulls it out.
I turn it on, and it starts going crazy with notifications. I just stare at it for a minute. I had at least 700 text messages, over 1000 emails, and don't give me started on all the different notifications I had from different apps on my phone. I just shake my head. This is a lot. Honestly, I don't even care about what people are saying, or what these texts and emails are about.
I hand the phone back to Shawnie, "You know what babe, Just throw it away. Get me a new phone, with a new number."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah, I don't care about all that shit. I'm in recovery. All them people just want to know is where I've been, and what I'm doing, Because they haven't talked to me, and I don't care about all that. So just get me a new number. Fresh start."
She smiles, "Okay. I'll do that as soon as possible, and you know what?"
"What?"
"I'm going to do the same." She says
"Fresh start. No old shit."
"Exactly." She puts it back in her purse and smiles. "I like this new Chris."
I reach for her, and pull her to me, then I kiss her forehead.
"You look so skinny, son." My mom says.
"I know ma. I was throwing up a lot the first couple of weeks, it was horrible. I didn't think I was going to get through it. I swear to god, I wanted to quit, I couldn't take it." I admit
"I'm happy you didn't." She says
"Nah, I thought about Shawnie and the baby, and how upset all of you would be with me if I didn't finish. I owe it to her and especially myself to get through this." I say
"That's so true." My mom says
"Has anything leaked yet?" I ask
"No, nothing about you being here, but they're saying I look pregnant. Saying I look fat, and that I'm hiding it. I don't know how much longer I can hide this, I'm showing now babe." Shawnie says
"Tell them." I say with a shrug.
"Seriously? Everything?"
"Yes." I say
"I don't know how that's going to help you. That's going to add stress on both of us." She says
"Just do it. I wish I could be there to protect you during this time, but I'll be out soon. We'll be together soon."
"I know babe, this is only temporary."
"You know when you post this it's going to be everywhere, and they're going to want to get an exclusive."
"I don't want to talk to anyone." She says and I know she doesn't. She hates the media.
"I know you don't, you never do. I'm okay with that. We can take care of that when I get out. I'll handle it."
"Okay." I finally let go of her hand, and we all sat down at the table.
"So how are you doing?" My mom asks, sitting across from us.
"I'm okay, now. It was bad the first couple of weeks. The withdrawals were horrible. I don't think I've ever felt that bad before."
"I'm happy you're better." She says
"So much better. I don't want to talk about myself though. What's going on with you? Everything going as planned?" I ask, trying to take the attention off of me.
"Yes baby, everything is good. Don't worry about me, I'm good."
"I'm going to give you guys some time alone." My mom says standing up. "It was so nice seeing you baby, keep up the good work. I'm proud of you." She hugs me and leaves.
I sit back down at the table, and smile at Shawnie.
"What?"
"I wanna fuck you." I confess
"Oh my god." She laughs, covering her face.
"I'm serious. I want to bend you over, wrap my hand in your hair, and pull you back by it. I just want to hear you scream my name, while you cumming all over my dick, or on my face. Oh my god. I'll do anything to eat some pussy right now." I say
"You will soon baby." Is all she says
"You know I love you right?"
"Yes, I know. I love you too."
"You know I'd give everything up for you, right?" I say
"I know you would, but I don't want you to, and I would never ask you to either." She says
"One thing I know is that you wouldn't ask me, and I love that about you. You've never depending on my for anything for as long as I've known you, even as much as I asked you to stop working, you never did."
"True." She says
"Baby, I've been thinking, after this, the tour, and after everything calms down, why don't we take a trip somewhere. I want to make this time that we've lost up to you."
"I'm down with that." She says
"But get this.... I want you to come back as Mrs. Brown." I say
"Oh..." she smiles, "Are you proposing to me?"
"Maybe, if you're still down when I get out, then yes."
"Are you sure?"
"Baby, you know I want to marry you." I say
"But we've never been in a position to actually make that happen."
"True, but maybe after all of the craziness from rehab, the album, and tour calms down, maybe we'll have a little time to gone and do that." I say with a smile. "I'm so serious about this, mama. We're starting a family, and I want to do this right."
"We'll see how everything goes babe."
"Go buy you a ring." I say
"Baby, I want you to buy me a ring. I don't want to pick my own out. It's a big deal for you to even want to get married. I want everything to be done the traditional way. You pick and buy the ring, the propose."
"Okay, I got you." I scoot closer to her, and I put my hand on her neck, squeezing it a little, "I can't wait to tear that ass up!"
She laughs, "I'm sure you can't. I can't wait either. I've been horny as hell, this pregnancy is getting to me."
"Come to my room." I say
"Babe, you can't do that."
"I know but I am Chris brown. I have a few extra perks. Some of the staff hooks me up with certain things."
"Oh..." she says and I take her hand and I stand up. I walk over to one of the staff members, Jose. He was standing by the door to the facility.
"What's up man?" He says as we walk up to him.
"This is my girl, Shawnie—."
"Yeah, I know who she is." He extends his hand and she shakes it.
"I wanna show her my room, if you know what I'm saying." I smile and he laughs.
"Yeah, I can only guarantee like 30/45 minutes, though."
"That's cool. Thanks." He lets us go inside and we walk to my room.
Once we get there, I close the door and lock it. I don't have that long, so I need to make the most of this.
She looks around. "Nice, you have your own room. I see you've been drawing.."
"Yeah..." I take her purse off her shoulder and sit it in the chair. "New Chanel bag?"
"No, I just don't wear it that much. Aub—I just don't wear it."
I sit say anything, I just guide her over to my bed, sit her down and I kneel down in front of her, sliding her dress up at the same time.
"Damn..." she says, pushing me back.
"What?"
"Baby, calm down." She motions for me to get up and sit next to her. I sit down and she stands up.
"Oh you wanna be on top? That's even better...." I say joking but serious, then my eyes fall on her stomach. I could see her little bump poking out. My baby is in there.
I calm myself down and I just hold her stomach for a few seconds. She wraps her arms around me as I lay my head on her stomach.
"You okay?" She asks
"I'm fine. I just can't wait to meet my baby." I respond.
"I know me too." She says
"I'm two months into this, I can see the end of this coming faster than I thought. I know I'm going to finish this." I say, smiling.
This really feels good. I'm clear headed and can make rational decisions. I honestly haven't felt this good in a while. The last time I felt like this was when we started talking.
"Of course you are, baby." She says with a smile.
"When I get out of here, things are going to be so different. I'm going to be more present, I'm going to put you and your needs before mine, especially since you're pregnant. We're going to start this tour and—."
"Wait." She says
"What?"
"You still want me to go on tour with you?" She asks
"Yeah... why not?"
"I don't know about going on tour with you while I'm pregnant. That sounds so uncomfortable."
"Baby, you have to go with me, you promised me you would." I say
"Didn't we have that conversation before we found out I was pregnant?"
"Yeah, but I assumed you would still come."
"I have to think about that."
"I need you to be there with me. Every day, in every city, watching me perform every night." I say, "Please, you know I need you to keep me in line." I smile.
"I mean, I know you do, but—."
"Baby..."
"Okay, fine. I'll be there. If I have this baby on your tour bus, I'm going to beat you ass." She says and we both laugh.
"It's only a 38-city tour, and it's two months. You can go on tour with me, and still be home to deliver the baby on time, with a couple of months to spare." I try to persuade her.
"Okay, Chris...."
"So um.....have you talked to Drake?" I ask. I don't want I know the answer to this, but I need to know what's going on outside of here, and I'd he's stressing her out, I swear I'm going to kill him.
"Yeah."
"What happened?" I ask nervously.
"He recorded a song called, "Lie To Me" shortly after he left Chicago, and sent it to me." She rolls her eyes. "I didn't talk to him about it. I just let it go because you know if I would've said something, he would've just acted stupid."
"Have you seen him?" I ask
"Well a couple of days after you left. He came by the suite to tell me he was leaving. We talked for a minute, but that was it."
"He didn't get out of pocket did he?" I ask
"Absolutely not. Surprisingly." She says
"Right." I laugh a little, "So I don't have anything to worry about?"
"Baby, no. I told you, I'm yours. I get you were just trying to test me. I promise I passed." She smiles.
"Thank god. I thought about that night and day, wondering if you were messing around with him while I was in here. I'm happy you didn't take the bait."
"You said all of that other stuff doesn't matter, and it doesn't now. We need to start thinking differently, and I'm only concerned about us." She says, then sits down next to me.
"What's wrong babe?"
She breaks down, crying. "I just miss you so much."
As soon as I see the tears in her eyes, I grab her and hug her right.
"I'm by myself in this, I'm by myself all the time, and I'm just really stressed out. I try my hardest not to stress but it's killing me. I know how selfish I sound right now, but it's how I feel."
"It's okay you feel this way. I should be there with you. This was bad timing, and I shouldn't have checked myself in during this time. You need me right now." I wipe her tears away.
"I need you and I'm struggling, but I also need you to stay here. I don't mean to bring this to you, but I have to be honest with you babe." She says
"I promise when I get out it's going to be just me and you. I'll push the tour back to later if you want me to."I say pulling her into another tight hug.
I feel so bad. I know I'm doing the right thing by being here, but I forgot to take into consideration how she would feel with me being gone for 3 months, while she's going through this pregnancy. This ain't right.
"I'll leave with you right now if you want me to."
"Like I said, I need you to stay here. I'll make it through these last 6 weeks." She says and I just hold her. I'm upset. How am I supposed to make it if she's struggling without me.
We were interrupted by someone knocking on the door. I get up and open it. It was the staff member telling me to wrap it up, and to get back outside with everyone else.
After a couple of minutes, we wrap up our conversation, fix her face, and we go back outside. I'm not mad that we didn't get to have sex or anything, I think I wanna wait until I'm out of here. I think it's best that way. I don't want anything to distract me when I have less than a month left in here.
******************
After a couple of hours with my mom and Shawnie, it was time for them to leave. I was sad, but I knew I still had a lot of work to do as far as rehab went.
"Today was a lot of fun. I loved spending time with you today." I say
"I did too baby. It was so nice seeing you, I needed this." She says
"I needed this too. Seeing you just gave me peace of mind. I'm half way through."
"I can't wait until you're out of here."
I kiss her forehead, "Me either baby."
I walk over, hug and kiss my mom and walk them to the door.
Shawnie's POV
I hugged Chris one more time, then we headed out of the building. As we were walking to our car, I opened the door for Ms. Joyce to get in and I heard my name being called. As she got in, I turned around and was met with a nice looking man.
"Ms. Roberts?" He jogs over to me.
"Yes?"
"My name is Dr. Michael B. Jordan, I'm one of Chris' therapists." He extends his hand to me and I shake it.
"Hello!" I smile and take my hand back "This is his mom..."
"Yes, I know, Ms. Joyce. It's nice to meet you." He says then shakes her hand. "Sorry to run up on you like this, but I wanted to run something by you, if you don't mind."
"Okay....what's up?" I say
"He's under Dr. Foxx' care, but I've been working with him one on one for the past week."
"How is he doing with that? I know he isn't too keen on therapy." I say
"He's actually been doing pretty well. Since I've taken over, he seems to be more open." He says and I'm shocked. Wow!
"Really? That's good! I'm so happy he's doing this willingly, and isn't giving you guys a hard time." I laugh a little. "You have no idea about some of the things he's said about therapy."
"I could tell he wasn't too fond of it, but I broke him down a little." He smiles
"But I was wondering, would you like to sit in and participate in the next session?"
"Of course, I would love to. You know he came to one of my sessions as well." I say
"Good, so this isn't anything new."
"No not at all." We both laugh.
"And I think he'll be so happy to have a little more time with you. He really misses you." He says with another smile.
"He'd love that, we both would. I was crying earlier." I laugh a little. "I think we have a bit of separation anxiety." I laugh, nervously again. I don't know why I feel nervous.
"Maybe a little." He says "I see a bit of codependency as well, but we can get into that later."
"Believe me, we've heard it from my therapist too."
He laughs, "So will it be too much for you to stay a little longer today?"
"No. Not at all."
"Wonderful! Come with me." He says
"Mom, just have the driver take you back to the hotel and come back later."
"Okay." She says. I hug her and close the door. Dr. Michael and I go back into the building.
What y'all think about this chapter???
FYI, The chapter with some of your questions will be next chapter.