Qing: (utterly exasperated)There is no comparison, Ma.
Mama: Yes there is, Wang Qing. And if you and Dayu couldn't see it...then you are both fools.
Qing: (groaning in frustration) Well fine, sure...there could be comparisons...but I don't think Dayu and I should worry about it. And neither should you.
Mama: (eyes widening) Nothing to worry about? Can't you see what is happening? Already, everyone in your father's family are into how Zhu got a perfect match with Pau who is ahead of getting his MBA. Everyone is already waxing praises on your cousin being absolutely brilliant in marrying someone who will one day be an asset to our business. That Zhu made the right choice in picking his husband to be.
Qing: And so?
Mama: And so...your Uncle and Auntie are free to be proud about their son's engagement while your Baba and I had to keep yours in muted excitement because you two are just too stubborn to let it be celebrated in full scale!
Qing: Because that was our choice and you will respect it!
Baba and I winced together as mother and son continued to volley arguments after arguments against each other.
Like I said in my last entry...November is finally here. And also, Zhu Gege and Pau are now officially engaged. After his business trip with his cousin in GuangZhou, Qing told me that he managed to convince his cousin to stop being wishy washy and just lock Pau's ass down to stop the bleeding in their relationship.
Qing: (upon setting his luggage down and coming to hug me) I told him that their problem is security. Once they both have that, they'll be fine.
Me: (hugging my fiancé back) And did your mulish cousin listen to you?
Qing: I think so. We will know soon if he listened to me. For now, I am glad to be home and I truly miss you.
Me: (smiling) Did you?
Qing: (wriggling his eyebrows at me) I do. I miss you terribly much.
Me: (sighing dreamily) I miss you too. Are you too tired?
Qing: (frowning) No. Why?
Me: (taking his hand) Good. Lets leave your luggage here, I'll take care of that later. For now, take care of me.
I pulled him to our room so we can get naked and get to the fun part of his welcome home party. Sorry, you all didn't get invites for Qing's welcome home party...it was meant to be attended by only two people: him and me.
We got naked and got down to it. Believe me, it took us hours of kissing, just kissing, to be satisfied and say that we finally stopped missing each other too much. Not to mention a couple of rounds of cumming on top of those sheets.
Anyways...
Zhu Gege answered us with a resounding proposal to Pau that Pau said yes to and now they are also engaged. Which is supposed to be a happy time for this family except...Mama is not exactly happy about everything right now.
We were summoned to the mansion by Baba who told us that he needs help in calming Mama down. But we have been here for hours and so far, all we have accomplished was to get Mama riled up some more.
Qing: (to his father) Can't you do something about her?
Baba: If I can, will I call you both here?
Qing: (to his mother) What is going on, really? Have you been squabbling with Auntie again?
Mama: (eyes sharpening) (voice tight) She innocently told me how happy she is that Pau immediately said yes to Zhu's proposal.
Me: Oh boy...
Mama: (chuckling humorlessly) (finger snap) Just one go and they are engaged.
Qing: (sighing) And we are happy for them. Right? (looking around) We are happy for them?
Baba: Of course we are happy for them. (at Mama) Honey?
Mama: (still in a tight voice) I am happy for them. But I could be happier. Qing, I could be happier.
Qing: Well, you won't be. You could be if you will just accept the fact that Zhu Gege and Pau will be married before Dayu and I. You could start conditioning yourself to accept that fact and then you will be happy.
Mama: My son got engaged first and I should settle for you getting married AFTER your cousin?! Is that it?!
Qing: Mama, you don't need to scream it...
Mama: (utterly livid) I will scream if I have to! I am in my house so I will scream! And shout! Wang Qing!
Qing: Argh! What more do you want from me?! Really?! You know the score from the start. We got engage, you already have that. Just stop being selfish and just be happy for other people!
Mama: Why will I care for other people's happiness over my own son?! My son won't be second to anyone! Not even to his cousin!
Qing: Well, if you really care about my happiness...stop harping about Zhu Gege's engagement and upcoming wedding and just be happy that in five years, it'll be Dayu and I walking down that aisle.
Mama: Why can't you two get married now? Or next year?! Before your cousin.
Qing: Because I won't get married to make you happy. To save your face on our family. You just have to endure it. Everyone whispering behind your back that your son got engaged first but your nephew got married before your son. Oh...don't look now, something must be wrong with AYi's son that's why he got engaged first but Zhu is getting married first. I even heard Qing's fiancé rejected his first proposal and Qing had to propose again so the guy could finally say yes...maybe the ring was not big or expensive enough for the guy to accept it. Look at Zhu, giving his husband to be a nice big chunk of sparkling diamond ring. I'll bet their wedding will be the Wedding of the Decade in this family. Totally eclipsing Qing's wedding.
Mama and I gasped at what he said. Mama sobbed in despair before running away to the second floor of the mansion.
Baba: (sighing) Great job, Son. Great job. I think I made a mistake of calling you both here. What was I thinking, really?
Baba shook his head as he walked away to go to the garden. He looked simply tired of everything.
I glared at Qing. He grew defensive.
Qing: What?
Me: You insensitive asshole.
Qing: Oh, go ahead. Take her side. She is wrong.
Me: I know. I know she is wrong. But don't act like we did everything right as well. We are asking too much from them. We are asking them to be patient with us.
Qing: She is minding her pride again. She is upset on behalf of us. Its ridiculous. She thinks everyone is looking down on her son again and she is not having any of it on behalf of me. I don't care what other people says about me.
Me: Yeah...? Well, breaking news, your mother cares. And what about people says about me? You don't care about that too?
Qing: (eyes turning sharp) They should shut up about you. They don't know you.
Me: (snorting) Well, don't be upset on behalf of me. You might end up like your mother.
I sneered at him before moving to follow Mama on the second floor of the mansion. I found her sniffing and crumpling tissue on the master's bedroom. Mama wiped her tears when she saw me entered their room.
Mama: (while sitting at the foot of the bed) Your fiancé is a jerk, Dayu ah.
Me: (smiling) You should file a formal complaint to his mother. But a little word of caution, his mother doesn't take it too kindly when someone is criticizing her son. She turned into a tigress once you do it.
Mama sniffed loudly but let out a little amused chuckle as well. I sat next to her.
Me: I'm sorry, Mama. Our engagement is not perfect. Our wedding has to wait. We are simply not ready for it yet. I'm sorry.
Mama: No. Don't apologize. I know the fault lies with me. I just...
Me: You don't want others saying unpleasant stuffs about us. Speculating that something must be wrong with our relationship.
I took Mama's hand in mine. I smiled at her.
Me: You don't have to worry about us. Or be upset that the things we will hear will upset us. Qing mostly doesn't care about other people's opinion. Even if they share his blood. As for me, I am fine. I'll be fine. Qing and I will be fine.
Mama: (sniffing) They are already comparing you to Pau. I sometimes really hate how close the Wangs are. They have a large extensive family and they could be critical. They are already comparing you to Zhu's fiancé and I don't want to revisit the ugly argument I had with your Auntie. Its not Pau's fault if he is an orphan and that he grew up in an orphanage. Pau is a wonderful young man. Zhu better be good to him. I both love Zhu and Pau. I just...its clear that you and Qing are better than them.
I inwardly winced. Qing's mother is perfect in every way, except for this tiny thing. Her belief that her children are better than anyone else's children. And by her children, that include me and JiJi's husband.
Gege, JiJi's husband, fit the bill of this Wang family. Gege came from a wealthy business oriented family like the Wangs. Everyone in the family was so proud that JiJi married well.
Meanwhile, Qing is marrying me. A performance art major graduate who is a singer and an actor combined who also has limited idea about how the business world works. Pau on the other hand, is getting his masteral degree in business.
Truly, in my opinion, there shouldn't be a comparison at all. Come on! Pau is a brilliant genius guy who is getting his MBA. Even if I go back to college and start studying business right now, which I won't do even if you pay me, I won't catch up to him. Maybe in the next lifetime, I'll be as smart as him.
But for now...I just want to give it to Zhu Gege and Pau. This is their moment and their engagement should be celebrated properly within this family.
I told Mama that.
Me: Lets just give this to them. And to Uncle and Auntie. They have waited for a long time for Zhu Gege to find someone patient enough to marry him.
Mama: I am happy for them. I just can't seem to help it. Be upset that some people will compare you and Qing to Zhu and Pau and will find you two lacking.
Yes. That's the crux of the matter. Mama cannot help being upset when she thinks someone is looking down on us or dismissing us as the weaker couple.
Its all messed up. Believe me.
I managed to calm Mama down. I ordered tea and coffee from the kitchen staff and we gathered in the living room again with Qing and Baba. Baba gave me a grateful look when he saw that Mama has relatively calmed down.
Baba: (to Mama) Be a lot tougher. Really Honey, our son is not perfect. My family knows how cold and broody Qing is. Our son acts all reserved in family gatherings too. They already complain about him. You have toughen up and just accept those criticism on Qing.
Mama: I am trying.
Baba: (holding Mama's hand) I know you do. I know, Honey. And don't worry, I will talk to my family. I will tell them to stop comparing Qing to Zhu or to any of his other cousins. Its about time this family stopped trying to see who produced the perfect Wang among us.
Mama: Yes, they should stop because I already produced the perfect Wangs for your family. JiJi and Qing are it in this family.
Qing groaned softly. I patted his thigh to keep him quiet. He will not waste all my efforts on making his mother stop crying.
I think comparing things is ingrained in us. Its human nature. For us to look for the better one between two things to determine what will be good for us.
But I think our comparing habit should stop when it comes to comparing two people. Life is not a contest. It is not a race. You shouldn't compare your life tragedies and achievements with other people's tragedies and achievements. That's just a recipe for heartbreak. Someone will always, always be better at you in other areas of life. That's always the case because no one is perfect.
And besides, I finally made Mama see the brighter side of this situation.
Me: (while we were still in their bedroom) They will get married first. That means, we can plan my wedding to Qing we so it will be bigger, more glittery and better than theirs. What about that?
Mama: (dawning realization) (gripping my arm) Oh Dayu ah, you are right! We will have a better wedding for you and Qing after Zhu and Pau has theirs! (excited again)
Me: Yes! Why settle for the Wedding of the Decade when we can pull off the Wedding of the Century? We can do that.
Mama: (patting my cheek fondly) This is why you are better than anyone else. You get me. Oh I love you so much, Dayu ah.
Mama hugged me. I think I did a great job.
Now, I just have to keep this a secret from Qing. That I promised his mother that she could put together a big wedding for us. A Wedding of the Century type.
Jesus.