He tells me everything from the start. I feel each and every word of his in my stomach. Sheer heaviness rings the air here and there. It makes me feel a multitude of things all at once.
Suddenly, all the emotions are rising up inside me like a pillared fire.
I don't know if I should be happy or sad or laugh or cry or be scared.
At this point, I feel blank. I'm starting to wonder what I said to her at the club. All I can remember is that I told her that I hated her.
I told Miyeon that I hated her.
I can't even imagine if she said it back or not. What was I thinking? "Try to remember what you said to her." Wonwoo nudges my shoulder, emphasising on the word 'remember'. I can't tell him the truth.
"Does it matter?"
"As long as you didn't say or did anything mean to her, it doesn't."
That's what I'm afraid of hyung. I'm afraid I said more than just that to her. Something far more than mean. What I'm more afraid about is how you would react to it once she tells you. I'm scared more than ever that the only person I have by my side will leave me, just like everyone did.
Hyung, you never told me about any of these things. You always concealed it under your quell personality from everyone. Nobody heard you crying infront of her room at late nights; nobody espied the way you looked at her picture after she was gone; nobody noticed how each of your paintings were connected to her.
Nobody ever knew how you really felt about her.
But I know your feelings.
I know what you have for her.
I also know what I have for her and unquestionably that will never change. Mark my words Miyeon, I won't let you fade away from my life again.
Not this time, not ever again.
Miyeon's POV:
"What? You wanna go back to America?!" Jeonghan almost chokes on his hamburger, coughing while clutching his chest aggressively. Do I need to mention that the sight Jeonghan of choking on his meal is nothing but pure sarcasm?
"Yeah. I want a change of environment. Also I need to clean up my mind about last night's incident." I say while playing with my pancakes and the blueberries on top of it.
Everyone's expression is defeated.
"No no not happening miracle child. You just got here from what I'd like to call hellhole." He retorts, shaking his head and hands in disapproval. I suck in a lungful of air. I'm so tired of him ordering me around.
"I'm not asking for your permission. I'm letting you know."
"My my look at you not caring about my consent and telling me after deciding. When did you become so rebellious?"
"Ever since you perfected the art of controlling my life." I say nonchalantly. "Did you say that to me?! For real Miyeon? I'm controlling your life?" He scoffs. "I'm doing everything I can to keep you safe. How could you say that to me?"
"I appreciate your concern. But you've to understand that I'm out of danger. I lost all my powers. I lost everything dear to me." I mumble the last part, so that nobody can hear it. His eyes grow soft. "Nobody will hunt me again. You see I'm free, I'm safe. So, please let me go? And I'm sorry for saying that earlier."
He looks up at the ceiling, contemplating in silence. He stays like that for few a solid minutes. "Okay you can go." I smile instantly. "But not alone." And I'm back to frowning.
"I can't let you go alone. I've training and the kids have work. We can't take anymore day off. Dad is busy too..." He trails off. I don't like the look on his face at all. "Means you can't go. Sorry not sorry."
"Whyyy??? I'm not staying there permanently. It's just a small vacation. I'm old enough to travel by myself, I did it before." I say in a aloud bellow, dropping the fork on the table with a thud noise. "That was another case. Now you aren't allowed to go alone anywhere. Not even the convenience store." He's such a mom.
"What am I your prisoner?!" The other boys are gulping nervously, watching our intense argument over a simple permission. At this point of our dispute, I wouldn't be too surprised if Jeonghan throws his half eaten hamburger at my face to shut me up. "GUYS! AM I HIS PRISONER?" They shake their head side to side in sync, like a bunch of creeped out robots with human faces.
"I can come with her." Says the most unexpected person inside this room.
Jeon Wonwoo.
"Come to think of it, you can tag along with Wonwoo." Me and Wonwoo on a vacation outside the country? Us together? This whole week has to be a series of nightmare.
"You and Hoshi had some work there right?" Jeonghan directs his words to Wonwoo. "But Hoshi can't go because he has an urgent seminar to attend." Hoshi inclines. "It's important." Remarks he.
Why can't a girl have some time alone after her ex boyfriend from her previous life, who turns out be an asshole demonizes her in a night club and kicks her out of his life like a useless trash?
I'm starting to think if the seminar they're talking about is a lie that my brother probably forced out of Hoshi, in order to spy on me using Wonwoo.
"Okay its perfect then. Wonwoo is going with you." He should say Wonwoo is going as my personal bodyguard. "You are staying there for a week only, since he's staying for one week too. I'm booking a ticket right now. End of the conversation." And voila. Just like that, he booked the ticket to America at the speed of storm.
"You're lucky. The flight is tonight."
"Guess we're traveling by the same plane then."
This trip is suppose to be a healing for me, but now it seems like it's gonna the most awkward trip I've ever had. I can bet my cheesecakes and ice creams on that.
***
"Don't wander by yourself. Always stay close to Wonwoo. You might get lost in the crowd, so hold hands with him. Don't feel shy. Just in case. Don't skip your meals and don't forget your medications. And call me as soon as you reach there and twice a day. And and--" With every instruction, Jeonghan's grip on my shoulders grows tighter, concern blazing distinctly in his eyes.
"And don't get hurt or-or cause trouble to him or to anyone and--" He pants. Poor guy, he's even exhausted from speaking non stop.
"Hey look at me. What am I?" I hold him still as I let him catch his breath.
"Huh? You're my sister." With a frown, he says.
"Right. I'm your sister. Not your child. I'll be fine. It's just one week and I've company with me. I used to live there all by myself remember?" I give him an assuring pat on his left shoulder.
He holds me tightly, his warmth engulfing me like a cosy blanket in the freezing winter. "Just come back to me safe and sound." I nod against his chest.
"I will."
I'll come back this time.
The others see us off with a goodbye hug one by one. "Bye have fun! But not too much fun. Love you guys." They yell and wave their hands from at a distance.
"Thanks you too." Wonwoo and I say together. There's this manifest look in his eyes, which tells me that he's shy to say the authentic phrase Love you guys too in public.
Just like me.
Also that, he wants to tell me that he's excited about this trip with me, but he's shy about saying that out loud too. So I give him a small smile of affirmation, telling him without verbalizing that this vacation will be the best one he had so far.
Not for me, but for him atleast. I hope.
He smiles too. He signals me to hand over my suitcase to him. I don't want him to carry my language but I can't help it. It's too heavy for me to carry alone. So I let him carry the small one, while I carry the big chunky travel backpack.
I guess me and him...we do have things in common.
I'm still worried about the awkward part of this journey. Wonwoo and I have been good friends since the time of high school. I even called him my guardian angel that time. However, I've this feeling from him intermittently.
As if he wants to be more than just friends.
It could be my delusion. Or it could be that Wonwoo is too transparent and innocent.
I could be totally wrong about this whole thing, or it could be that he can't hide his feelings well.
What do you really feel about me Wonwoo?
***
I wake up on something soft, at the same time firm. The constant budging of the transport we're traveling by causes my eyes to flutter open. Feeling discombobulated, I glance around my surroundings hastily.
"Where am I?" I murmur. I sit up straight from my position. I'm inside a car with my -bodyguard appointed by my brother- and apparently, I just woke up from his lap.
The last thing I remember is getting off the plane after flying for approximately 11 hours. Us being inside this car means we're heading towards the hotel.
"You got up?" Wonwoo asks me while rubbing his eyes.
It turns out that both of us were sleeping. How very amazingly responsible.
"Mhmm. Care to tell why I was sleeping on your lap?" I arch an eyebrow, crossing my arms over my chest. He brings one of his hand to his neck. He slightly scratches it while he maintains a composed expression.
"You looked uncomfortable."
Was I? I don't think so.
"Oh thanks for making me comfortable." And for making things more awkward.
"No big deal." He shrugs.
"How long will it take to reach the hotel?" I ask.
"Not much. We're almost there I guess."
Jeonghan did book the flight ticket, but he didn't bother to book me a separate hotel for staying. He told that Hoshi's place was vacant so we shouldn't waste money and I should move in with Wonwoo.
I'm not exactly against the idea of me and him staying inside a hotel all by ourselves, in the same room. But I'm not sure if I like that either, omitting the fact that there was communication gap of 6 years between us.
He is a nice guy. In fact, a really really nice guy. I'm just thinking about it too much than I should. Something must be seriously wrong with me.
I'm keeping a cool image on the outside, but on the inside I'm freaking out. I don't even know why I'm freaking out. It's just a stupid vacation to clean up my head. I'm feeling nervous. His presence is making me nervous.
This is the first time a guy has made me nervous.
Not even Mingyu could do that.
When I think of Mingyu, all that comes to my mind is just sadness. That night was nothing but pure sadness.
He gave me a lot of things. I learnt alot from him and filled my other half. Love is just one of them. Rest of it is somehow heartache. His words from that night still lingers to my soul. I feel them in every part of me, every minute.
"Wonwoo?"
He turns to me. "Yes?"
"Did I ruin your lives?" I whisper.
He moves closer to me. "What makes you think that?" He asks in a gravelly voice, sending chills all over my body.
He is only inches away from me. I narrow my eyes at him, I don't meet his eyes fully because if I do, we might get caught up in a lumbersome moment. That's the last thing I need right now.
"Earlier that night Mi--" The car stops abruptly, causing me to stop as well.
"Oh we're here." He says, and moves away to open the door. I blow out from my mouth, realizing the whole time I was holding in my breath.
What's this feeling?
"Aren't you gonna come out?"
"Yes, coming."
The hotel looks nice on the outside. It is kind of aesthetic with a homely vibe on the inside. It looks familar, I think I've been here before. I don't force my memories to recall it since it's no use. I wouldn't be able to remember a single thing about that.
I had crashed on numerous hotels when I was being chased by the hunters. I rarely recollect any incidents from my previous life, except for a few remarkable ones. Time flows extra slow in the underworld, like water lilies leisurely floating down a rill. What's like a year in this world, feels like an eternity there.
We get our keys to the room from the reception. I walk behind him as he takes the lead. Our steps are measured and slow. The room is on the third floor, so we take the elevator. It's soundless the whole way.
The room opens with a click sound of the lock unlocking. My eyes immediately grow wide in panic.
"Why's there only one bed?"
***
I'm really busy nowadays so I usually type in a hurry. There may be some spelling mistakes but I hope you guys can forgive me for that. I'll try to update more frequently.
Thank you so much for the reads! Take care of yourselves guys. I love you all <3