SOTD: LOVE ME LIKE YOU DO BY ELLIE GOULDING (IN TOTALLY UNRELATED NEWS, I HAVE TO WATCH FIFTY SHADES OF GREY SIMPLY BECAUSE OF JAMIE DORNAN AND NOT BECAUSE I ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THE MOVIE)
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I watched, with tears in my own eyes, as Seth clenched his jaw and rapidly wiped his face.
"Harper, don't you see it? This is history repeating itself; I'm him. I'm a no good, useless, idiot who has nothing to contribute to this world. I destroyed the future of the first girl I ever loved"
This was too much, I couldn't stomach it anymore.
"Are you...are you hiccuping?" Seth whispered staring at me with wide, red eyes.
I shook my head quickly and tried to silence myself, "I...hiccup...I hiccup when I....when I, when I cry"
There were no words that I could use to describe the pain in my heart at the look on Seth's face.
"The only father I ever even really had, died the moment I started loving him like one" he looked at me and held out his hand. I gently took it and allowed him to pull me beside him. Resting my head on his shoulder, I said the words that had been floating through my mind the entire time.
"You aren't him"
I felt Seth freeze beside me, "You're not useless. You're not a liar. You're not him. Seth, you are one of the sweetest human beings I could've ever asked to be able to call a friend. You welcomed me into your home, without even knowing me and treated me like you had known me for years. You never even asked for anything in return"
"It was the right thing to do" He grunted as if this were common knowledge.
"Seth, you're every girls dream guy. You're caring, funny, smart...and you watch the Carrie Diaries~"
"That was once!" He hissed giving me a glare, "I watched it once"
I grinned at his reaction, "If by once you mean the entire first season"
His eyes widened and he gulped, "No one was supposed to know about that"
"Well, I do...and I love it. Seth, if you keep going through life thinking you're no better than your father; you're going to end up no better than him"
"Well, I am my father's son"
"Does that make me my mother's daughter?" I whispered.
He fell silent in that moment, unsure of how to respond. I honestly didn't know what I expected him to say, either.
"What do I do, Harper?" He murmured into my hair a second later, "I love Trish so much"
"I'll tell you what not to do; don't be your father. You have the conscious ability to never let that happen and to be the man he can never say he was"
He pulled back from me just then and I feared that I had said the wrong thing.
"Harper...you're right"
I was about to ask him what he meant, when the elevator doors bleeped open and he peered out. Realizing that we were on the first floor, he ran out and waved at me as if that put my mind at ease.
What the heck?
~
"Where the hell were you? I was so scared that that stupid 'Down the chute' thing had actually happened to you"
Of course, Andrew was the first person to yell at me for coming back perfectly fine.
Once Seth had run off like a mad man, I went back up to their apartment and hoped to talk to Trish to see where her mind was at.
"I'm fine" I grunted rolling my eyes at Andrew's glare. The rest of the gang was strewn all around the living room with similar looks of absolute boredom.
"Would it be wrong to order a pizza during this time...or is that insensitive?" Tyler murmured rubbing her belly.
Ethan snorted, "What's insensitive is them fighting when they know we're all hungry. I mean, come on! Fight after we've eaten"
"I can honestly say that that's the stupidest thing I have ever heard you say" Kyle grumbled earning herself a nudge from Ethan. She hit him back and they started doing one of those cute fake fight things that Andrew always made fun of,
"Someone's bound to get hurt and all that's good for is a domestic assault charge"
"Shut up Andrew" Ethan grunted tickling Kyle's stomach, "Nobody is going to get hurt. If anything OWWWW~"
I stifled a gasp as Kyle's knee connected with Ethan's nose and blood began gushing down his face.
"What did I say?" Andrew murmured with a bored look, "I'de say you deserve it but..."
"Screw you" Ethan spat jumping up from the couch and rushing to the bathroom. Kyle jogged after him with a look of absolute mortification while Chandler whooped with laughter.
Andrew shrugged at this and turned to me, "Could I talk to you?"
I didn't even have to ask him what he wanted to talk about as he lead me to Seth and Trish's guest room, and closed the door. The room was done up in whites and pinks, probably Trish's idea, with a queen bed in the centre, a white desk to the side, and a simple bureau in front of the bed. It was small and cozy, with candles on every available surface.
"She probably gets these things on sale, huh?" Andrew wondered holding the 'Butternut squash' candle that sat on the bureau and sniffing it, "It smells disgusting; why is that even a scent?"
My lips pursed as he took it upon himself to sniff each and every candle along the surface, "Andrew"
"No but really, Harper, some of these smell like vomit" He gasped, "In what world is 'Pine Peonies' okay?"
"Andrew" I said more forcefully.
He forgot his candle sniffing and nodded, "Sorry"
With a shrug, I sat on the bed, crossing my feet underneath me. I watched as he looked everywhere, but me, and it honestly felt like the time I was sixteen and my mom gave me the 'talk'. We both knew what was going to happen but that didn't take the air of awkward, away. Even before she delved into her 'birds and bees' nonsense, she had practically chewed through her thumb nail and I had begun sweating profusely.
There was something about sex, and it's consequences, that could always prove to be incredibly nerve wracking.
"So you're not pregnant" It sounded more like a question than a statement but I nodded nonetheless.
"No...at least I don't think so" I tried for a joke but I knew that it was too soon with the way his eyes widened, "I'm kidding"
Awkward laughter.
"So..." I mumbled hoping that he would actually say something of significance, "That's good, right?"
"Yeah! Yeah, no, it's good" he breathed, "I don't think we were ready for that; not at this stage of our relationship"
"What do you mean?"
He finally looked at me then, "What kind of question is that? Harper, we're not even old enough to drink legally! We've never even lived together or dealt with some of the harder things that constitute a relationship"
"Well, that's not what you were saying before" I grunted. I don't know why it made my heart drop, hearing him say this.
"That was different; it was in the moment. All I could think about was the fact that there was going to be a little person, I had a hand in making, running around...but then once I actually thought about it, it's freaking scary. That's another human life that's completely your responsibility; hell, I never even had a pet growing up cuz my mom didn't trust me to feed it"
In a way, this was something I had been waiting for him to say. It was almost as if I wanted him to show some kind of sign of uncertainty or fear because it let me know where he actually was, mentally, with our relationship.
"So, you wouldn't want a kid with me"
"I didn't mean it like that...Harper, you can't be mad at me for not wanting a kid you're not even having!" He slowly walked over to me and gently pressed a hand to my cheek, "Come on"
"So would you want a kid, one day?" why on earth was I asking an eighteen year old boy whose main form of entertainment was drawing fake teeth on models in magazines, this question? I'll tell you why, because it mattered. Andrew and I had always jokingly talked about our futures together but kids never seemed to even be apart of those conversations.
And I know that it was kind of odd for me to even think about kids at my age but it was something I felt was important to know about the person I 'loved'.
"Why are you asking me that?" He shrieked giving me an odd grin, "Quit it"
I shook my head, "Answer the question"
He seemed to ponder even thinking about the question and sighed, "Harper, what do you want me to say; that we'de be the perfect teen parents with the perfect life? Cuz we wouldn't!"
I flinched at his tone, "You want the white picket fence, you want to be the society mom with pearls; making your kids play shitty sports like lacrosse and tennis, and you'de make them eat 26 dollar chicken because it was free range"
"I'll have you know that free range chicken tastes marvelous! And what's wrong with lacrosse and tennis? They're amazing sports"
"They're for pansy's" He grunted, "Harper, don't you get it? I don't want that! I don't want a house in the Hampton's, with a tennis court in the backyard and servants"
"I want to eat pizza; I want to go to the movies; I want my kids to play actual sports like hockey or basketball! I want to go to parent teacher interviews because my kid did something hilariously stupid; I want to help my kid with their math homework...I don't want what you want"
As if I had been shocked, I stood up and moved away from him, "Then what do you want?"
My voice sounded so small, even to my own ears and I watched as Andrew sighed, "That's the thing. What I want now might change in the future just like what you want might change...But"
His soft hand found mine and he pulled me close, "I do know what won't change; the way I feel about you"
"Even though I like pearls?" I whispered.
"Especially because you like pearls" he laid a gentle kiss on my lips and I rose to my tippy toes, to match him.
In the back of my mind, I couldn't stop thinking about what he had just said. Andrew seemed to have conflicting emotions wherein he was so sure he loved me but was also so sure that we were completely different people. This scared me despite the way I was acting with him but I didn't want to make it as big of a deal as it really was because I knew that the last thing he needed was more on his plate.
Call me a people pleaser, if you will.
"Are you okay?" I was about to answer his question with a joke when I heard the front door slam shut. Without a moments hesitation, I was pulling away from Andrew and heading for the door, "Come on!"
With confusion etching his features, he followed me out to the living room where Seth now stood looking wild.
"Dude" Ethan murmured staring at Seth, who had a sheen of sweat on his forehead, "You went to the gym?"
"Where is she?" Seth completely ignored him and turned to me, "You made sure she didn't leave, right?"
"Uhm...I didn't exactly get around to that part" Without even waiting to hear my reasoning, Seth began walking down the hallway and pushed the bedroom door open.
As if it were a group consensus, the rest of us slowly followed him, making sure to not get too close. Even Ethan seemed to be doing much better, although the waddled up tissue stuck to his face said otherwise.
"I thought you left" I heard Trish's quiet voice and shared a sad look with Soph. Why did I feel like crying?
"I did" Seth whispered, slowly entering the room, "and it was one of the stupidest things I could have ever done in my entire life...I was scared"
"Don't you think I am too?!" She snapped, with a sniff, "Don't you think I'm freaking out? I'm basically growing a human being inside of my body!"
"That's not a very appealing description of the process" Chandler whispered. Having not heard this, Seth spoke,
"I know you are and I was selfish because I was only thinking about myself and all the possible ways I was ruining your life~"
"Your dad" It astounded me at how easily she had guessed this and Seth stilled, looking to the ground, "How many times do I have to tell you that you aren't him?"
"Apparently a lot" he noted sounding odd, "But I don't want you to have to tell me anymore...I don't want to always be afraid of following his footsteps; I'm sick of pushing you away and hurting you because I'm scared"
"Baby" Trish stood from her position and enveloped Seth in a hug. I immediately realized just how much Trish actually loved Seth; in a flash, she had forgotten her own feelings and was consoling him.
"I'm so sorry for what I said out there" Seth pleaded holding onto Trish for dear life, "I can't believe I did that to you"
Trish pulled away from him and held his face in her hands, "I should've expected something of that magnitude. We're so young and I know that it's a scary thing to have to deal with at this point in our lives~"
"I don't care about any of the details" Seth whispered, "I loved you the moment I met you down in Maine, I loved you when you hated me, I loved you when you crashed my bike, I even loved you when I knew I wasn't worthy of a feeling like that"
"Are you crying?" Chandler whispered giving me a look. I flipped him the bird and turned back to Seth and Trish.
"I loved you then, I love you now, and I'm going to keep on loving you because...because you're the single best thing to have ever happened to me, Trish. And because of that, so will this baby"
You know how I said I was Raven before because I seemed to just know everything that was going to happen before it happened?
Well that was total bullshit because I could have never anticipated what Seth was going to do as he pulled away from Trish.
My jaw dropped as I turned to the group and every ones face was a similar mask of shock,
"He's not"
"He wouldn't"
"He can't"
"He is"
"Trishelle Bleu Mcguiness, will you marry me?"
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