Does October seems to be moving fast but still not fast enough for you? Well, if you feel like that, rest assured you are not alone. I feel like that as well.
Qing and I discussed Theo and my first question was...
Me: Why is his name Theo?
Qing: I think that's his Catholic name. His family is Catholic.
Me: Ah. Next question, who does he hates more? You or ZhiMing?
Qing: I think ZhiMing. Back in highschool, ZhiMing learned that Theo has a crush on me and...
Me: Woah! Back up...back up. Who has a crush on you in highschool?
Qing: Theo.
Me: Huh? That explains a lot.
Qing: It does? How?
Me: More of that later. Tell me about ZhiMing and why Theo doesn't like him.
Qing: Well, ZhiMing is smart. A bit of snob. You know that...
Me: (nodding) I do. I so do. I still love him though.
Qing: Yeah, that is weird. You used to not like him.
Me: That's because I have the green glasses of jealousy on and I don't know him that well yet. Anyhow...
Qing: (grinning) You got jealous.
Me: (clapping my hands) Stay focus! Highschool story. Give it to me.
I mean, I know most of Qing's life in college and who his friends are. But his life before I met him is still kind of a mystery to me. I know some details of it through Wang Zhu and JiJi's stories. Also Mama's. But they all agreed that Qing was a little secretive back in highschool and he usually kept with his friends: Jin, ZhiMing and Yao.
Qing: ZhiMing was popular in highschool. He is the most popular among us. Jin, a close second. ZhiMing and Jin are both good looking, rich and smart. I'm known to school because of my height and proper demeanor. Yao is part of the school's student body. We lived a quite normal highschool but that just meant no one has bullied us so highschool was not a nightmare for us. Theo has a different story.
Me: How?
Qing: Well, he is also smart and rich but...his looks...
Me: Ugh! Highschool. The time of your life when everything is about being good looking and cool. I hate that part of highschool.
Qing: That is highschool. We were all superficial. Selfish. Self absorbed. We were teenagers. What do you expect?
Me: You are right. And so?
Qing: ZhiMing and Theo competed in some school quiz bees and contests. Some ZhiMing will win. Some he will lose. But one thing ZhiMing doesn't like is someone stepping on his territory. When he learned that Theo has a crush on me...
Me: (anticipating) What did he do about it?
Qing: ZhiMing made it clear that no one owns his friends but him. That I will never take interest in someone like Theo. One because I was not even sure that I am gay. Two because Theo is not up to our level of being good looking.
Me: Oh my god...
Qing nodded.
Me: What did you do about it?
Qing: (shrugging) I just let ZhiMing do his thing. I mean, I don't like Theo back in highschool. Not his looks or his characters. So I just let ZhiMing do the talking for me because I agree on what he was saying. I will never be with someone like Theo.
Me: You are bad people.
Qing stared at me.
Me: (sighing) Fine, you were teenagers. Vain and cruel.
Qing: (sighing as well) What the heck, you are right. We were bad. But we all moved on from that. I'm not so sure about Theo though...
Me: You think...he still likes you.
Qing: No. I think he doesn't like me and he is letting that feeling block his heart from taking someone else inside it. He is still looking for a way to settle the score that we all left behind in highschool that he is missing what's in front of him.
Me: Yohan?
Qing: (nodding) Or maybe someone else. I think Yohan genuinely cares for Theo but Theo is not giving himself a chance to feel that genuine caring in his heart.
Me: Why do you think that?
Qing: I don't know. Maybe like ZhiMing, or any of us who grew up with money, we once thought that no one will genuinely care for us because they will only care about our money and status.
Me: I care about your money and status.
Qing: (smiling) I know. Thanks for caring about those things about me. But I do know that's not all you care about.
Me: (nodding) Yes, I also care about your dick.
Qing: (grinning) You said that like you are waiting for me to be insulted. Dayu ah, I will always want you to care for my dick.
We laughed together. We ended up kissing and cuddling in our bed. I stared into Qing's face as I touched his eyebrow with a tip of my finger.
Me: When Mrs.Ching approached Mama to make a match between you and Theo, what was your reaction?
Qing: I found it ridiculous. I told Mama I don't like Theo and that I was thinking of pursuing you.
Me: So it is not because he is ugly. Right?
Qing: I stopped looking at people's ugliness based on their physical form during our second year in college. When I turned twenty, I told myself to stop being immature and grow up. There is beauty on everyone. I decided to stop caring how one person look as long as they are not doing anything to harm others.
Me: You think that is the right approach?
Qing: I don't know. That is my principle. I'm not gonna tell anyone to follow my beliefs. Mama was the one who rejected Theo based on his looks and his weaknesses. Mama knows that Theo won't survive a relationship with me. We will both drive each other crazy. And not the good kind.
Me: (smiling) Does that mean I drive you crazy, but in the good kind?
Qing: (kissing the tip of my nose) You sure do. Always good.
Me: (sighing) I am sad for them.
Qing: For Yohan and Theo?
I nodded.
Qing: (scoffing) Don't be. If they are miserable in their relationship, its their decision to stay miserable. There is always a reason why a person does what they are doing. For whatever reason, Theo and Yohan are staying together. That's on them.
Me: Its just...they said they are thinking of getting married. Like us. Shucks. What if they make a mistake by getting married?
Qing: That's on them. Why are you worrying about that?
Me: I don't know. I just...find it sad.
Qing: Stop wasting emotions on people who don't matter to us. They are grown ups. They put themselves in that situation. They made their beds so they should lay in it. If they choose to bleed on that bed, that's their choice.
Me: You cannot talk to Theo...
Qing: (reeling) What?
Me: I mean...you are highschool classmates...
Qing: Yes. But I don't care about him or his choices in life. I'm not interested in his life and so should you.
Me: Oh alright. Don't be mad.
Qing: (staring at me) Don't pity them. Don't invest interest on their happiness. Stop focusing on other people and focus on us.
Me: I know. I know. I get it.
Qing: Do you? You once disliked ZhiMing and now you are practically bestfriends. If you befriended Theo as well, I won't know what to think anymore, Dayu ah. I don't know...
Me: We won't be friends.
Qing: (frowning) (disbelief on his eyes) How sure are you of that?
Me: Quite sure. Do you know why I tolerated ZhiMing before we became close friends? Because I saw how he cares about you. ZhiMing loves you Qing. And I like people who loves, respect and treat my man right.
Qing: (smiling) You call me your man.
Me: Darn right, you are my man! Mine!
I planted a hard kiss on Qing's mouth. He hugged me tighter as he kissed me back.
Qing: (after the short but intense kiss) I love you.
Me: I love you too. And I think Theo still felt insulted about what happened when you sort of rejected his crush on you.
Qing: Why do you say that?
Me: He insulted you in front of me. He thinks you are too much to handle. He has a point but he has no rights to make it. I'm the only one who has a right to complain about you being too difficult to handle. I'm the one handling you so...I have that right.
I didn't tell Qing that I subtly rubbed on Theo's face that unlike him, Qing pursued me. That Qing put efforts to court and get me. Something Theo will never experience because he will not feel the love Qing is capable of giving because it is all mine. Qing's love is mine.
(Yes, yes, Baba's love is your. But also subtly? Are you sure you were subtle?)
Oh alright. So I was a smug jerk when I mentioned the time Qing courted me to Theo. He deserves it for insulting my man. The man I alone know how to handle.
Qing: He would never know the way to handle me. No one does. Not even my parents. Only you has that secret on how to handle me.
Me: (tapping a fingertip on Qing's nose) And you better believe no one will handle you better than me. Don't even think about straying from me Qing, or you will miss all this loving...
Qing: I wouldn't be stupid enough to try.
Qing leaned close to kiss me tenderly. I wrapped my arms around his body to pull him closer. Soon, we were busy taking each others clothes off to get naked and make love. In the middle of the freaking afternoon. I know. Our horniness respects no time.
Anyways, are you all disappointed to know that Yohan is not the villain in this story? Or maybe he is not the good guy as well. I mean, Qing has a point...along the way, Yohan and Theo must've learned that something is not right in their relationship. I don't know if they are tackling it to solve those issues, I sure hope they do...but if they are ignoring it and staying together for a whole other reason instead of being fully in love with each other...well, that is their choice.
Qing is right. They made their beds, they better lay on it.
As for me...I am staying in love with my fiancé. Staying happy with Qing. To be honest, I don't know another way to live but that. Happy with Qing. I don't see any alternative aside from that.
Or even if I see it, I am practically sure I don't want that choice. Door number two could stay close forever.
But if you are all worrying that I am depending my happiness on Qing...don't be. You only need to worry about that if you see Qing not caring about my happiness. But he does. He truly does so there is nothing to worry about.
Aside from men's restrooms, of course. Gosh, its giving me trauma. I might stop using them if this trend continues. Please, anyone who can hear or read this, stop accosting me on public men's rooms. Don't proposition me there, don't complain about my fiancé to me there. For fuck's sake...let me do my business in peace.
Inhale...hold it...exhale.
I'm great now. So...October eh, are you all excited for Halloween?
Oh let me know on the next entry. I have to go and do something. See you all next time.