Is there anything harder to endure than losing a loved one?
(Dayu ah...?! Who died...?)
Hey, don't panic. No one died. Well...people die all the time, especially now that there is a deadly pandemic gripping the world. My heart goes to every person and family who lost a loved one because of this virus. It is a cruel illness that gives its victims lonely deaths alone, mostly, in ICU's while their loved ones couldn't even visit them much less say goodbye.
It is heartbreaking. The stories we sometimes see on the internet. How families say goodbye to their loved ones who are suffering and dying from this virus through videochat or behind thick glass walls. Not being able to give them comforting touches and hugs.
My father held my grandfather's hand when GrandPa was dying. Baba told me that he was thankful for that moment when he was there to grip GrandPa's hand and tell his old man not to be scared of dying. Baba told GrandPa they will meet again and the love and respect they have for each other will be there regardless of what their relationship will be like in their next life together.
I find that sweet...and hopeful. I also wish to be by my parents' side if ever they get close to dying. Morbid thoughts, I know...but please bear with me. I want to hold my parents' hands as well and tell them to choose me again to be their son. That life with them, has been perfect for me.
But we are not talking about any person dying. To be fair, not all loved ones could be considered humans. Pets are loved ones as well and...
(Oh no...)
Yeah, I know. Pets dying is not really anything better than human loved ones dying. Pets are family as well and when a pet dies...when a pet dies...
ZhiMing: (looking devastated) A big part of my heart died with her.
Me: (hugging ZhiMing) I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for Miss Daisy...
(Oh no...not Miss Daisy...)
Yes, its Miss Daisy. ZhiMing's regal and royal like cat died at the start of this week. What a shitty way for the last quarter of the year to start.
Qing and I went to support ZhiMing. Jin and Yao are already there to stand beside their childhood friend as well. I went by ZhiMing's side as he waits for Miss Daisy's ashes to be handed to him. ZhiMing chose for Miss Daisy to be cremated. He stood stoically but there is a kind of unbelieving look on his eyes that gave me a clue that all of these doesn't seem real to ZhiMing yet.
While ZhiMing's childhood friends tried to make things lighter for him. In fairness to them, they tried. They really do. But they could still be insensitive...or maybe ZhiMing is truly smarting from the hurt of losing his beloved cat that was why he is overly sensitive.
Qing: She is at peace already. You told me a month ago that her condition was worsening and that she needed a larger dose of painkiller so she'll not live with the pain of her cancer.
Jin: And she was what? Seventeen years old already. She was almost blind and definitely deaf. And almost the only reason why she had gone as far as she can was because you cared for her so deeply and made sure she is comfortable.
Yao: True. ZhiMing ah...you loved her enough. Stop feeling down.
ZhiMing: (glaring vehemently at his childhood friends) I could still love her more! I have more love in my body and heart for her! I would have loved her more!
I hugged him tight this time as ZhiMing started crying. I glared at his friends as well. Annoyed at them even though one of these jerks is the love of my life.
Me: Goodness, how did the four of you survived adolescenthood?
Qing: (sighing) We always made sure that ZhiMing has no access to the knives.
Yao: (wincing) And that if he got something to throw at us, we dodged agilely.
Jin: Or run fast.
Qing: (shrugging) Either way, ZhiMing deserved better friends but he has us...so...
ZhiMing cried some more. He is really devastated. But who could blame him. Seventeen years is seventeen years. Miss Daisy was handed to ZhiMing when he was only ten and she, a three month old kitten. Since then, they were inseparable. And I mean that. Whenever ZhiMing will travel, he rarely traveled without Miss Daisy in tow, either on a designer kitty bag or a lavish kennel carrier.
Or a cat handler. That was a legit job apparently. A job that requires someone to handle and care for the cat of famous and rich people. I heard that the salary was fairly decent. I think I'm in the wrong business. Being a cat handler doesn't seem to be that bad.
Anyhow, let me explain what happened. Miss Daisy had many health issues. She was seventeen years old in human years. In cat years, that's like...really old. The average lifespan of a cat, if they are extremely lucky, is fifteen years. Some cats can only last for ten years.
Miss Daisy reached the ripe age of seventeen years inside ZhiMing's love and care. It didn't hurt any parties the fact that ZhiMing has money to spend on his beloved cat.
But money can't buy immortality. At least not yet. And Miss Daisy's many health issues finally caught up with her. ZhiMing told us that when they visited their vet, the bad news was finally handed to him.
Vet: She is in constant pain now. Her cancer is spreading. Her medicine is making her lethargic. Her appetite is lessening and she is just...ZhiMing ah, I think its time.
The vet told ZhiMing its time to let Miss Daisy go.
ZhiMing: (controlling his emotions) He subtly told me that keeping her alive is almost akin to torturing her. She is tired and she needed rest. But I love her so much...I...
ZhiMing collapsed on my arms again. He was clearly distraught in that moment. His heart, broken from losing the one creature who has been his constant companion for almost two decades.
And when the doors opened to reveal Antoine carrying a little box, holding what I assumed will be Miss Daisy's ashes, ZhiMing hugged that box to his chest and cry anew. It was a heartbreaking scene. Antoine embraced ZhiMing and I will be the first one to say that I am not enamored of the guy but as I looked at this French guy holding ZhiMing consolably, I gave him some respect points.
We left the animal funeral home where Miss Daisy was cremated and went home to ZhiMing's place. ZhiMing immediately went up to his room to sit on the foot of his bed and cry again as he held the little box.
I sighed as I sat a foot away from him. I let him cry his grief.
ZhiMing: (tearful tone) What should I do now, Dayu? I really don't know what to do. These past few months, half of my time was dedicated on looking after her when her condition worsened. Now that she is gone, what should I do?
Me: I don't know.
ZhiMing: Why don't you know?
Me: Because I don't know. All I know is that there will be a big hollow hole in your life where Miss Daisy occupied before. You will now have plenty of time in your hand but without Miss Daisy by your side.
ZhiMing cried harder at what I said. The other guys came in when they heard ZhiMing's wail. Antoine glared at me.
Antoine: What happened? What did you say that made him like that?
ZhiMing has now fallen on the bed, all miserable tears and sobs as he continued to hold Miss Daisy's ashes in a box.
Me: The truth. That he now has more time in his hand without Miss Daisy by his side. What? Did I lie?
Antoine's glare at me grew darker as he went to console ZhiMing.
Qing: (wincing) You could have worded it kinder.
Me: That's the kindest thing we can do for him. Tell him the truth aside from letting him cry. If Miss Daisy was mine, I will be in a bigger mess than him.
Qing: (nodding to the others) True. If this is our pet, Dayu will be having a panic attack by now.
Me: But different people have different ways of mourning. Let him cry.
Jin: (sighing) Maybe next time, get a pet with a longer lifespan. Like, I don't know...turtle. They live to be more than a hundred years old.
Yao: (snorting) And so, you can die first than your pet? You will leave your pet alone, helpless and without an owner who love them? I say...be thankful to the love you receive from your pets and let them rest in peace. Some say once they reach the shangrila, they will pick the pet who will replace them in your life. Don't worry, ZhiMing...your next pet is on the way.
ZhiMing: (sniffing and suddenly sitting up) No! Never! I will never replace Miss Daisy. I will never have another pet! And Miss Daisy was not my pet. She was not a mere pet! She is a part of me! She was my life! (standing up) All of you, out! Out!
Qing: Hey! You called us to be here for you. Why are you now pushing us away?
ZhiMing: (eyes glaring at us) I don't need any of you. I realized I don't need any of you. Miss Daisy is all I want and need! Now out! OUT!
We left the room. Leaving ZhiMing with Antoine, the only one ZhiMing failed to push away.
Qing, Jin, Yao and I sighed together.