After we had our turns washing on the two bathrooms in the pension house, Xiao and I smothered ourselves with insect repellant lotion and worn warm clothes before going out on the porch with drinks in hand, I have warm tea while he has coffee, and sat on the reclining chairs there.
Xiao: (while settling on his chair) This place is gobsmacked in the middle of nowhere but the things here are for shit. This chair is comfortable.
Me: Yeah. Joi was good at finding places like this. He is like Meng.
Xiao: (laughing) Meng can find a bog in the middle of a desert.
Me: (chuckling) Yes.
Xiao sighed. We turned our heads a little when we heard raucous laughters and shout inside the house. Qing and his friends are playing games again.
Xiao: Tell me, they are using drugs...right? Some of them are high. They couldn't be this energetic still.
Me: (sighing) Qing has friends who are doing things I don't like for my fiancé to get associated with.
Xiao: Fuck you and your elaborated sentences. Just tell me.
Me: (shrugging) Yeah. Sure. Some of them indulge once or twice. Qing knows how to smoke pot and snort cocaine but I told him I can tolerate the first but the second one...he better not let me see him high on that because I will truly leave him.
Xiao: (smiling) What does he said about that?
Me: The little shit asked me, what about meth?
Xiao laughed. I grumbled while drinking my tea.
Me: People think I am the cheeky piece of shit between us but Qing could be cheeky too. He thinks he is adorable but he changed his mind after I boxed his ears. I told him never to mess up with me when it comes to him using drugs. I will really kill him.
Xiao: And did it work?
Me: (nodding) I think so. Qing has never came home to me high on anything I won't approve of. We once had a fight when he came home smelling like a pot but since then, not really.
Xiao: (grinning proudly at me) You trained him well. Attaboy Dayu ah. (raising his cup to me)
Me: (letting my cup kiss his) Just learned how to handle Qing. No big deal.
We heard more laughters and even some cheering sounds inside the house. I don't know what game Qing and his friends are playing but I feel happy when hearing my fiancé's laughs. This roadtrip is finally serving its purpose. To lighten up and cheer Qing so he can forget his problems for awhile.
Xiao: You love him so much.
Me: What?
Xiao: You, love Qing ge, so much.
Me: What? Why? How...?
Xiao: (chuckling) You are smiling while listening to him laughing with his friends. You are happy he is happy.
I felt my face heating up. I am glad the porch has just enough lights for Xiao and I to see each other but not enough for him to determine that I am blushing.
Me: Yeah...Well...I am marrying him so I love him.
Xiao: Good to know.
We both sighed together. We took some silent moments of just listening to the sound of the night. The faint rustlings of leaves on trees surrounding the pension house, as well as the little animal noises we heard on our background.
Then I finally opened up the reason why I want to take Xiao to this roadtrip.
Me: Stop berating yourself for being selfish. You are doing what you think is you need to do. Stop feeling guilty.
Xiao: (snorting) I am doing what I want to do. Not sure about the need part.
Me: Want or need, who cares? Your heart is one that matters. And you are second guessing yourself. Fuck that, man. You know yourself. You know what you need. You do it. Just do it.
Xiao: I am doing it. I just...(sighing) Am I betraying my future because of my present selfishness?
Me: Fuck the future, man. Live for today. (patting his shoulder) You are right in the choice you made.
Xiao: I haven't truly made my decision yet...
Me: Bullshit. Look at me, you are talking to me. I learned how to read you before I even learn how to stand up by myself, Xiao. This is me you are talking to. Your Dayu. Our mothers placed us on the same crib one week after you were born. Come on...
Xiao: (chuckling) Right. That's right. If anyone knows me...it's you.
Me: Yeah. And I am proud of you. Always. So I know you made the right decision. Stop second guessing yourself. Stay in Heilongjiang, that's okay. Stay with Auntie, with DaLin, with Meng...with my parents. With MiMi. Stay with the people who loves you. Fuck that salary increase, man. I'm marrying someone with money...when it comes to money: you, Meng and I are set for life. Surely our godson will be a pilot and will earn millions someday. He'll won't let us starve. And if all fails, lets just plant sweet potato and eat that all day. I'm cool with that.
Xiao: (laughing) Damn it, that sweet potato! It was taro, Dayu!
Me: (laughing) We were seven, what do we know which is sweet potato and which is taro. We just dug some rootcrops and roasted it. I was so proud when I shouted to Mama that I roasted a sweet potato for her while almost burning her backyard garden.
Xiao: Damn. Just remembering how upset and worried our parents then. They made up us cough out who gave those matches to us.
Me: They don't know we were so resourceful at seven that we managed to reach for the matchsticks that my Mama put on the highest shelf of our cabinet.
Xiao: Getting the garden ladder inside your parents' kitchen was inspired.
Me: Baba was so angry. He doesn't mind our backyard being burned but the three of us were there. He was so scared for us.
Xiao: Uncle is a good man.
Me: (eyeing my friend) And he is proud of you. We are proud of you. Stop doubting yourself. Stop worrying about the future. We won't starve. I won't let you starve. I know you won't let me starve. Meng won't let us starve. Qing won't let the three of us starve. Okay?
Xiao nodded. We sat in companionable silence. Then Xiao spoke again.
Xiao: Thank you, Dayu ah. I feel a lot better now.
Me: (smiling) You shouldn't need me to feel better about the decisions you make for your life. But I am glad to be needed this way. And come to me always, if you feel doubtful. Meng and I...we will be here for you.
Xiao: That jerk threatened me that he will dump his kid on me if I stay in Heilongjiang during my work off. Shit...I was so scared.
Me: (laughing) This is why we cannot have kids yet. Meng's son is adorable and all. I will bleed for that boy. But damn it, babysitting for Meng is scary as fuck.
Xiao: Meng is the goat, man. He has always been the bravest between us.
Me: (raising my cup) To Meng. May he live for a long long time so he won't dump his son on us.
Xiao: Hear hear!
We toasted our friend and laughed together. After finishing our drinks, Xiao and I stood up to hug it out. I am proud of my friends. Meng and Xiao are two of the greatest men I know. They are not famous, they are not rich in gold...but their hearts are as pure as any diamond there is.
I am a better person because they are my friends.
Me: (while hugging Xiao) I love you, man. I love you.
Xiao: (sniffing) Me too. I love you too.
I am glad he is sounding more light hearted after our talk.
An hour later, we are all ready for bed. We have tons of touristy things to do tomorrow. We will have the whole day to play, eat, and play some more. The seven of us settled on our makeshift beds. I got under one cover with Qing. My fiancé hugged me and buried his nose against my shoulder. I caressed his back.
Me: (yawning) I told Xiao that he doesn't have to worry about us bestfriends starving in the future. I already secured us by saying yes to marrying someone with money. By marrying you, we will be set for life.
I heard groaning and spluttering from the others. Xiao, on my other side, laughed in amusement.
Qing: (sighing) Jeez you. Good job, Love.
Me: You won't let us starve, right?
Qing: (sleepy) Hell yes.
Me: Good. Lets put that on our prenup. You have to give me ten million each year that I am married to you. That's how A-list celebrities write their prenup, right?
Qing: I don't know. But ten million a year will be too steep of amount for me. I might not afford it. One million each year and you better fucking stay married to me for fifty years if you want to cash all those millions out.
Me: Okay, one million each year.
MD: (laughing) That's how you negotiate, Dayu ah? No wonder you are not a businessman. From ten million ask, you said yes to a million.
Me: I'm cheap.
Qing: (snorting) Yeah, I wish you are cheap. The new stove range you are asking is not cheap.
Me: I'll share the cost. And I am the one who paid for the new faucet in our sink.
Qing: The faucet cost is just two percent of the cost of the stove range you want.
Me: I don't care. I want that stove range. Be thankful I am not asking for a new oven too.
XB: (moaning) I'll give you all ten million each to just shut up and let me sleep. Stop with being domestic, really.
Me: (chuckling) XB is so lonely. Find someone for him to date, fuck you all. Be a real friend to him.
Qing: (snorting) If I find a girl I despise, I will push them on XB's way so he can ruin them. He is hopeless, Love. He is not made to commit.
XB: (sounding offended) Damn you, Qing. I can do relationship! I can.
Joi: Really? I have a cousin who is ready for marriage. She'll like you.
XB: No.
We laughed. Then we heard someone snoring. Xi is already asleep.
MD: Oh no he has started. Fuck this. Lets sleep.
Me: Goodnight everyone.
Qing just hummed against my neck and we all turned quiet. I closed my eyes and promptly went to sleep accompanied by Xi's snoring.
The next day goes as planned. We played on the lake. Got on high speed boats and do water skiing. We also tried fishing but most of us are impatient fucks so...that didn't go as planned. We bought fish to cook for dinner though when we explored the market some more. We ate and drunk the night away. Then sleep again.
We just got home from our little roadtrip. Xiao will stay with us until tomorrow afternoon when his flight back to Harbin is scheduled. He looked more relaxed and less problematic so I think we both did a great job at making things clearer for him.
Take a trip everyone. I know things are still scary and we are all anxious about this virus but take a little roadtrip. Just stay safe and go to places with less people. By now, cabin fever must be settling in on most of us. I know its tricky but going outside and breathing in some nature will help, really...it helps the mind and the heart.
Stay cool everyone.