-Kaisa-
I stand atop of the wall, watching Levi from atop the wall as he hangs, overlooking the rest of the city. He climbs over completely and takes a seat, so I join him as he cleans off the dirt that's accumulated on his hands from the travel back. Hange and her squad are addressing the different injuries and gathering intel from the group on the other ledge, while I toss my blade in the air.
It's still covered in dried blood from the female titan battle two days ago, but to me, it doesn't really matter. I toss it into the air again, only to have Levi catch it for me.
"This is detestably unhygienic." Levi scoffs, trying to wipe down the blade.
"I didn't have time to clean it."
"What a shitty excuse to not clean your fucking weapons."
I snatch the blade back from his hands, closing it before putting it into my jacket pocket where it belongs.
"You're extra rude today." I retort.
"A lot has happened, what kind of reaction did you expect from me? Do you expect me to bullshit my emotions straight to your face now, too?" He challenges.
I'm taken aback by his wording. Of course I don't expect him to be fine, but, is this sadness and anger always flowing inside of him?
You can't expect the guy to be a saint. He's lost multiple squads, probably been through some horrible shit, and most likely has suffered through it all silently.
"Sorry." I apologize. He clicks his tongue and folds his cloth neatly before placing it in his jacket. He takes a seat on the ledge and I decide to follow him since my legs are killing me. We sit in silence looking across the horizon that's filled with full trees, and green hills that seem never-ending.
"Do you have something to tell me?" Levi prompts.
"What?" I look over to him.
"That crystal. Something happened there, didn't it?"
I stare back at him with a blank face.
"I don't know what you're wanting me to say...there isn't much." I attempt to end the conversation.
"If you're going to tell me what happened eventually, I'd rather hear it now. Something happened when you came back after talking with that family; your eyes..." He trails off, probably thinking of what to say next.
"Your eyes, they started glowing, and a gust of wind came from you when you berated the old man. That's never happened before."
"You're scaring me, Levi. What are you talking about?" I search his face for answers.
His silver orbs stare into my own with conviction, conveying sincerity with every word he speaks.
"And then, the same thing happened when we began our search for injured individuals. The moment I stopped you from heading towards that brat, another gust of wind passed by us, and for a split second your eyes brightened."
"You're telling me that all those gusts of wind...came from me?" I seriously inquire.
"Yes."
"You've fucking lost it, Levi." I start laughing. Without missing a beat, Levi quickly responds
"This isn't a laughing matter, Kaisa. Your perspective changed; you assumed the soldiers with the young group were dead instead of hoping they'd be alive."
"Assumed? No, I didn't assume, Levi, I knew they were dead." The moment the words come out of my mouth I cup a hand over my lips.
"You knew?"
"I just-"
"You just, what, huh? Is there something you're keeping from us?"
Levi looks over his shoulder to see if anyone is listening.
"Is there something you're keeping from me?" Levi's eyes burn into my own, and suddenly, I crack.
"No! I'm not, I just..." I sigh.
"That crystal. The one that Hange had, she asked me to touch it, and the moment I did, I think I saw memories. I don't know if they're my own, but they felt so real."
I tell Levi everything. I don't hide a single detail from him, all except for one minor part; my best assumption is that the teacup memory I experienced is one of his. I don't want him assuming I'm peering into his memory without his consent, but I'm also still learning how to wield this responsibility right now.
Regardless, Levi listens intently to what I'm saying without a single fibre of doubt in his body. He nods every now and then to display his understanding without disturbing the flow of my accounts.
"I see. What doesn't line up is the fact that you had parents growing up, correct?"
I nod. "Yes, but my parents were murdered when I was seven by my father's friend."
The tainted memory plagues my mind once again.
I never knew how things would work out.
All I had to do was hold onto mom's hand and she'd carry me through each night while dad bargained with the strange men outside our house each night. Sometimes, we'd get lucky and he'd do his bargaining elsewhere. But mom didn't think we were lucky when that happened.
Why?
Because mom always waited until it was wake-up time for dad to come home. There wasn't really a word for it. Mom told me that upstairs, they called it 'morning', and that you could tell it was the morning because the sun shines above all of the houses, plants, animals, and people.
The sun never shined here.
Dread filled anyone who lived down here. Yet, even so, mom always kept a smile on her face and comforted dad and I when we were upset. She said that even though we couldn't feel the sun, we could still be in the presence of bright souls who shone brighter than what was outside. Sometimes, mom and dad would have work friends over. We'd have them for dinner, and sometimes they'd play ball with me with something mom made me with leftover scraps of cloth.
Because of dad's profession, mom and I needed to lay low in case something bad happened, at least, that's what mom said. She would tap anywhere on my body three times to comfort me by telling me 'I love you' with each tap. Sometimes it'd be on my shoulder, on my head, or even on my hand when she held it. Soon enough, it became our little secret message that we shared at the dinner table, before bed, and even in public when we wanted to be sneaky.
Dad didn't have many close friends, but he had one. They always went on their business trips together and they were always laughing at each others jokes (at least, that's what mom called them). One time, a bunch of dad's friends gave me a present. They said that mom and dad told them I behaved so well, so that meant I deserved a little gift. I remember the man wearing the hat smiling at me when he gave me the little plush animal, patting my head as I beamed up at the adults without a care in the world.
Mom was right; the presence of bright souls definitely shined brighter than the sun ever could. We were safe because dad would protect us, and I was safe because mom held my hand throughout it all.
One day, dad had an altercation outside our little door with someone who I couldn't recognize from where we sat. My mom kept telling me to stay inside the one room we all shared, but something didn't feel right. When she left, I peeked out around the corner to see a brick crushed into my dad's face. He couldn't respond as he collapsed to the floor, knocked out.
My mom screamed at the man, pleading with him to stop, but instead of giving us such a grace, he hunched himself over dad. Over and over, he ground the brick into my dad's skull.
The man, victorious, sits up, satisfaction written across his face. His blonde hair was stained red from my fathers' blood. It was only then that I realised the man who had just killed my father, was the same man who had dinner with us only the week before; it was the same man who brought me a stuffed bunny; the same man whom dad worked with.
"You bastard! You're so selfish, Kenny! We loved you!" Mom cried as she rushed over to me, holding my small frame in defense.
"All of you are so naïve, but for the untimely death of the both of you, I'll send your daughter up to the surface as an apology." The man grins.
"Fuck you. Someone will come soon, I know it!"
"Oh Sara, you never learn, do you. It didn't have to end in such a way, but I guess a bullet will do."
Mom's head exploded right above me.
I felt mom's blood run down my face.
I felt mom's body fall limp.
But worst of all,
I felt mom's hand drop mine.
Something brushes against my shoulder and I jump in response, moving back until the ground beneath my hand disappears. My body tumbles over the ledge, and I feel how liberating the air is as I fall away from the top of the wall. I close my eyes, smiling softly in anticipation for the ground to come sooner, but it never does. Instead, arms catch me, and we end up resting amongst a plethora of trees. Once I feel the ground, I shove the man away from me again and have an arm out in defense.
My entire body is shaking. I stare at the man in front of me like a monster. But, slowly, the image of the man fades. This man...his hair isn't blonde; it's black; he isn't wearing a hat, he's wearing the symbol of freedom; he isn't smiling, he's concerned.
"Kaisa..." He whispers.
My arm falters, and eventually drops next to me.
Strong arms engulf me completely, pulling me into a warm embrace. My body doesn't stop shaking, but finally lets down its guard as I lay limp within the new soothing atmosphere.
"It's going to be okay, Kaisa. You're going to be okay." The voice comforts.
"You don't need to hold it in anymore."
The familiar words ground me back into my surroundings. Even though I can't control my breathing completely, I rest into his embrace. I don't cry, but my body is overwhelmed with such fear that I can barely move. I can't articulate what I want to say; I can't express how I feel; I can't express my fear...at least, not physically. My heart aches, my sorrows are unmatched as I replay the deaths of my parents, over, and over again.
"Levi."
In desperation, I reach up to pull one arm away from his tight hold on my fearful body. He lets me do so, and my hand reaches his.
"Do you know?" My voice shakes as he stares back at me quietly.
"Do you know what it's like watching your family die?"
I intertwine my fingers with his.
A feeling of peace overwhelms me the moment I do so.
However, at the same time, Levi's body stiffens.
A familiar feeling returns. This time, I can feel the transfer of energy before it happens, and I know exactly what I'm doing. This tension, this unsettling aura from him, and his now irregular heartbeat tells me he understands.
The same way I've seen his teacup shatter at his feet, is the same way he's experiencing my parents and their unfortunate defeat.
----
hi hey hello!
time flew fast than i thought it would, and my schedule is so hectic rn
i'll make an a/n for the next chapter and keep it up for a while until i get back, so please do keep a lookout for that :)
much love and take care,
~cendiain