Chapter Twenty Nine.
We were at the arena now and he still hasn’t said a single word to me. When he got out of the shower I tried to apologize but got the cold shoulder as he got ready and locked the door again. I don’t understand why he’s making such a big deal out of it I mean come on, really? He’s overreacting.
It would be one thing if Ben and I had been in a relationship for like a year or something but we literally only kissed one flipping time. If I had known it would cause this much drama or this big of a fight I wouldn’t have done it. Well, if I had known I would be here with Justin again I certainly wouldn’t have done it.
I was standing against the wall as I watched Justin take pictures with his fans and would do anything to make the silence go away between us. He glanced at me ever so often when a picture was done and when he caught me looking he looked away again and towards another fan. Why the hell do we always have to be in these stupid fights? It never used to be like this.
“Chantel.” He smiled, pulling her in for a hug. “So glad you could make it.”
All feeling left my body when I saw her arms go around him and the anger immediately coursed through my veins, every ounce of fight I had left just completely going out the window. What the hell kind of idea was this? Did he honestly think having one of his side chicks come here and grope all over him would make me jealous?
I have to admit, I hated seeing anyone else’s hands on him but I was more upset with him than I was her. I was devastated and the trust issues I was starting to put back just went right up again and when he looked my way he probably expected me to go over there and fight for him but I was done. I’m not dealing with this shit anymore and I’m not dealing with the trust issues or the insecurities or the feeling of not being good enough. He’s a complete jackass and he doesn’t deserve my time in the least bit.
The security glanced curiously at me as I pushed them aside so I could leave and fortunately for me, Justin still had a couple minutes left of his meet and greet so I could get the time to leave. I wasn’t crying and I wasn’t in a panic attack. I just knew this would happen and he’d do something to screw it up again and now here I am, in the middle of London trying to find my way back to the hotel so I can just pack and leave.
It wasn’t until I was seated in the taxicab that I remembered I was pregnant.
Almost like a ton of bricks just fell completely onto my chest, I covered my hand over my mouth and that’s when the tears started to flow, coming onto my cheeks as I held back the sobs and waited to get to the hotel. Now that I’m pregnant it’s not that easy to leave. I can’t just give up when we have a child on the way but then again, it’d be unfair to the child to keep fighting like this and to keep having stress. Maybe being back in New York was what I needed for a couple of months to just be away from him so I could calm down and just think things out. I never thought about it rationally about getting back with Justin. I fell way too hard and way too quickly back in love with him and when he was at the airport and I was home alone I just wanted to be with him because I missed him. But that’s the thing with us.
We may miss each other and we may have the best sex ever but it’s like whenever we get back together we always fight non-stop. I don’t know how to stop it and if I could stop the cycle I would but as much as I’d be better off living without him I’d be crushed not being with him. We fight all the time, we scream each other’s heads off, but I love him. I don’t know how to explain that to anyone else even if I tried but I loved him. I just think the best thing to do is just for me to be in New York and for him to be here for the time being until we can figure whatever the hell is wrong with us out.
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My suitcases were packed by the time he came home. I was sitting in the living room of the suite with them at my feet and as soon as he saw them it looked like he’d just been ran over by a bus or a train or something because his eyes became wide with fear as he ran over and grabbed the suitcase when I tried to grab it first.
“No.” He whispered, the tears coming into his eyes. “Not again Sophia. Not again.”
“Justin what the hell were you thinking? Did you think Chantel would make me jealous? Is that what you wanted to happen?”
“I was trying to make a point.” He replied, sitting down next to me even when I didn’t want him to. “You don’t want me to be around Chantel because we’ve had a history yet you can go and see Ben all you want with no problem? You’re hypocritical Sophia and it drives me crazy because you’re all fucking packed to leave so quickly when you didn’t even let me explain myself. You weren’t even there for my show tonight and that hurt me a lot more than you know.”
“Then why the hell am I here?” I choked out. “Why the hell are we continuing something that is going to be destroyed in the end anyways? We don’t ever stop fighting and I’m sorry but bringing Chantel there to make a point didn’t make one at all. If anything it just showed how immature you are. You could have just simply brought up the point but instead you had to bring her there in person? Seriously? Do you not understand that we have a fucking child coming? Does that matter to you at all?”
He was silent after he heard me, the both of us not speaking a single word to each other. This was exactly how I knew it would play out and I just honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I didn’t have a plan to fix this.
“I think it’s best for me to just go back to New York.” I whispered, tearing my gaze from his. “The next flight’s at-“
“ENOUGH!”
His fist slammed into the wall, knocking over a lamp when he finally exploded. All I could do was stare at him in shock.
“YOU ARE SO FUCKING SELFISH. SO FUCKING SELFISH. WE’RE HAVING A BABY SOPHIA. YOU’RE HAVING MY KID TOO. I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS LEAVING SHIT. I’M DONE.”
“I’M SELFISH?!” I screamed, getting up so I could get into his face. “I’M SELFISH? WAS I THE ONE THAT FUCKING BROUGHT A WHORE TO THAT MEET AND GREET TONIGHT? WAS I THE ONE THAT LEFT ME IN THAT HOSPITAL? WAS I THE ONE THAT LEFT SO EASILY TO GO FUCK ANOTHER WHORE? WERE YOU THE ONE TO SIT THERE AND WEEP ALONE AT THE LOSS OF OUR DAUGHTER? WERE YOU THE ONE THAT WAS ABANDONED? GOD, I CAN’T STAND YOU!”
He was in shock and we were both sobbing like lunatics. I tried to gasp for air but I couldn’t breathe and all my body allowed me to do was sink to the floor and rock back and forth, my knees being hugged up to my chest so I could cry.
“I-I CAN’T DO THIS!” I sobbed. “I’M DONE JUSTIN. I’M DONE.”
“S-Sophia please.”
And then he sunk down next to me and held my hands in his.
“I know all we do is fight but Sophia I can’t live without you. We’re going through a rough patch baby but please don’t give up. I-I know what I said but I didn’t mean it.”
I couldn’t do anything but cry and why did I let him hold me? I don’t know. Why did I wipe my tears on his chest? I don’t know. This is how it always happens because the only person that can bring me away from the pain is him even when he’s the cause of it. That’s my dilemma.
“I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that and I shouldn’t have said what I did. There’s a baby to think about and I wasn’t thinking about it when I exploded a couple seconds ago. You can’t be stressed out and I know all I do is stress you out and I’m sorry Sophia. Beyond sorry.”
“Okay.” I whispered.
“I know you’re furious with me right now and I can’t say anything to lessen that but I do love you and you are the only girl I love. I shouldn’t have invited Chantel and I’m such an idiot for doing that. I’m so sorry Sophia.”
“Okay.” I repeated.
“You are so perfect and I should never treat you like that. You deserve so much better and every time I say that I’m going to treat you better I always mess up again so I don’t know why you’re still with me but I’m trying. It doesn’t seem like it but I want this more than-“
“Okay!”
I let out a laugh for whatever reason and then a sigh of disbelief when I rested my head onto his shoulder. He drives me insane and I felt insane as my eyes were stinging from the tears and my ears were ringing from the yelling and now the fight is over and now we’re just sitting here in silence as we reflected on what a stupid and irrelevant fight we just had that had almost ruined everything we’ve been working so hard for to get back.
“If you don’t want me to talk to Ben then I won’t Justin. You’re more important than him but it’s just hard for me because he seems like the only part of Carina left and I know that what I did was wrong but I was trying so hard to move on and I didn’t want to date someone random so I went for Ben. He seemed to be the closest thing to you and I wanted to hurt you for what you did and that’s horrible but it’s the truth.”
“Sophia look, I overreacted about you with Ben. He saved our lives a couple years ago and I’d be selfish for you to not at least have contact with him. I’m just scared I guess that you’ll fall for him and want to leave me because let’s face it Soph, he can give you a hell of a lot more than I can.”
“Justin that is not-“
“Yes it is. He’s not famous and he can take you out for ice cream without getting a camera shoved in your face. He can have you trust him one hundred percent because he didn’t fuck up repeatedly like such a fucking idiot. It’d be easy for you to leave me for him because he’s like mr. perfect and I’m just a loser that doesn’t deserve an ounce of your time. That’s why I invited Chantel because I was just trying to make you jealous because it’s reassurance to me that you don’t want to leave. It was wrong and I apologize but I love you more than anything and it’s hurtful knowing you don’t feel the same yet. I get that I caused those feelings myself due to what I did but that’s the problem I think and that’s why we keep fighting. I’m taking it too fast when you want to take it slow. I’ve just never been good at that and I’m sorry.”
“Listen to me.” I soothed, straddling his legs on floor so I could look him directly in the eyes. “Just because you messed up and just because I want to take things slow doesn’t mean I don’t love you any less. You are the only person I think about. You’re the only man I want kissing me and you’re the only man I want touching me because you are the one I’m in love with. You tend to forget at times that you took my virginity so Justin I will always have a connection with you that I will never be able to escape from. But what you also need to understand is that I don’t want to escape from it. As much as we fight and as much as this is going to take some time to figure out I am so in love with you, okay? I am sooo in love with you. Nobody else but you.”
And then I pressed my lips gently to his; pulling away slightly so I could see his eyes closed and his forehead come against my shoulder so he could kiss it. A sigh of relief came out and his hands came around my back so he could hold me.
“I love you Justin.” I repeated. “I love you.”
“Keep saying it.” He laughed.
“I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I-“
“Now show it.”
Then his hands tugged on the zipper of my dress and he picked me up from the ground as it fell onto the floor, his lips starting to leave marks all over my chest. I expected him to carry me to the bed but he didn’t. Instead he went into the bathroom with me and set me down, his hands removing my clothing in such a slow motion I couldn’t breathe.
“You know what the only good thing is about us fighting?”
And now we were both completely naked, his hands guiding me underneath the water to wait for me to respond. We haven’t showered together in I don’t know how long and as I opened my eyes to stare at him he brought his lips close to my ear.
“The make up sex is so good.”
He kissed my jawline and then moved his kisses down to my breasts, and then he trailed them down my stomach as he sunk to his knees and glanced up at me to see my reaction. I was completely unable to speak because I literally loved when he went down on me but I moved away from him because I wanted to please him. I haven’t gotten to do that yet.
“Stand up.” I said.
“Baby no…” He groaned. “I want to taste you.”
“Not as much as I want to taste you.”
I moved away again and he reluctantly stood up, me literally shoving him against the wall so I could finally please him. He hasn’t let me since we’ve been back together and It’s honestly been killing me. Whenever he gets horny it makes me so turned on I can’t even describe.
“I don’t deserve this.” He groaned as I began leaving kisses down his chest.
“Sh… baby yes you do.”
And then I placed gentle kisses along his happy trail and finally grasped him in my hands, looking up at him like he did to me and was blown away from the expression on his face. He was staring at me with such an intense look in his eye it was like all of the breath had just been taken out of my lungs. He wanted this so badly and I wanted to give it to him so I finally put him in my mouth after what seemed like a year and began my work on him. The work that only he had trained me in.
Usually he’d talk to me or something but he wasn’t even speaking. His mouth was dropped open as he held the hair away from my face and just let out a moan. The water was slamming against his body and he looked like some sort of Greek god from his abs being so evident and his body just freaking glowing. I wanted every ounce of him.
“I’m sorry for fighting with you baby.” I teased, tracing my fingertip around the top. “You know how sorry I am, right?”
“Y-Yes.” He stuttered. “I’m sorry too Soph. Really sorry.”
His hands guided me back onto him so I would do exactly what he wanted and he moved me faster, his hips thrusting into me so I could get every single ounce of his length.
“You haven’t sucked me off in so long.” He groaned as I tried to keep up with him. “God, you do it so good.”
“Better than Chantel?”
“Never got head from her but let’s not talk about this Soph. Keep going.”
“What do you mean? She never gave it to you?”
“I didn’t get head from any girl. I didn’t let them touch me. Only you baby.”
“Only me.” I repeated. “Really?”
“Nobody else feels the way you do and the moment a girl tried to go down on me it didn’t feel right. This feels right because it’s you so please do not stop. I’m so close, c’mon.”
He was so frustrated so I stuck all of him in my mouth, giving him the best head I could possibly give. I cannot believe I was the only one to give him head since we’ve been together and that shouldn’t be special to me but it is. It so is and when he released into me, his moans coming out relentlessly as he clutched onto my head, I just knew I was the only girl he loved.
“Jesus.” I giggled, letting the shower wash the remains off of me. “Babe, that was a lot.”
“Yeah well your mouth does something else to me. It’s capable of many things Sophia.”
“You sound like Christian Grey.” I laughed. “That sounded like something he would say.”
“You read that?”
“Did I ever. I enjoyed every page of that book.”
I stood up then and was surprised when he pulled me against his chest and started to laugh as his lips kissed my neck and his hands traveled down to my ass.
“Mmm… so my baby girl’s kinky?”
“I think you’d know that by now, right?”
“Yeah and that nurse’s uniform is still in your suitcase. It hasn’t been brought out yet so don’t think I’ve forgotten about it.”
“Maybe we should re-visit that shop. Get some toys or something.”
“Fuck baby, really? What kind of toys?”
He was so horny and it was hysterical to me. I honestly would be interested in bringing some toys into the bedroom and what better way than to test them than with him?
“Whatever you want…” I smirked.
“A vibrator.” He said. “I’ve seen those in pornos and they look like they’d make you just…”
“I have one.”
The look on his face was priceless.
“What?”
“I have one. When we were apart I had to do something…”
“You are so dirty.” He groaned. “God, I love it. You’re the perfect girl for me.”
“Mhm. Well now you have a week off until we go to Barcelona so what are you planning on doing? Staying here?”
“Well if you want to then I guess we could but Jazzy and Jax always like to go trick or treating with me and Halloween is a couple of days from now so I thought we’d fly out to Canada before we go to Barcelona. But if you-“
“Baby that sounds like so much fun! Oh my god I bet you Jax is gonna be Spiderman.”
“It’ll be the fourth year in a row if he is.” He chuckled, gripping onto me tighter. “Not to change the subject or anything but now that you have a vibrator I hope you know that I’m completely going to book a hotel for us at least one night in Canada because I can’t go a week now that I know this baby.”
“Okay.” I said. “Sounds good to me. What are you going to be for Halloween?”
“I don’t know. What I’m interested in is what you’re going to be for Halloween. Look like a slut for me.”
“Yeah dressing like a slut in front of your siblings and your parents doesn’t sound like a good idea.”
“Just for me.” He murmured into my skin. “Get something for bed. Please.”
“Okay!” I giggled when he kissed me relentlessly and opened the shower door so I could grab a towel as he turned off the faucet. “We are probably the horniest couple known to man kind.”
“And I will gladly accept that title.” He grinned proudly. “Now get your ass to the bed because it’s your turn.”
A/N:
ROLLER COASTERRRRRRRRR ONE MINUTE WE WERE UP BUT THE NEXT WE WERE FALLIN DOWWWNNNNN
NO BUT OMG LONG CHAPTER HOW ARE YOU GUYS FEELING
THAT GOT SO INTENSE FOR A SECOND THERE HOLY FRICK.
I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED IT I REALLY HOPE YOU DID CAUSE YOU KNOW ME AND MY DRAMA I LUHHH IT.
PLEASE COMMENT AND LEMME KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT.
ALSO IN CASE U GUYS DIDNT KNOW WHAT'S UP WITH JUSTIN TODY: A NEW SONG CAME OUT, HE COMMENTED ON ASHLEY MOORE'S PHOTO 'WHY ARE YOU SO SEXY' AND THEN HE SAID 'U GUYS GET SO MAD' CAUSE OBVIOUSLY WE'RE PROTECTIVE AF AND THEN FOR WHATEVER REASON THE BOY'S ON CRUTCHES AND THAT'S WHAT YOU MISSED ON GLEE.
I PERSONALLY THINK THIS IS A TACTIC TO GET HAILEY TO BE JEALOUS BUT IDK IDK MAYBE MAYBE NOT. I SHIP THEM HARD AF AND IDC IF U DISAGREE DON'T COMMENT HATE JUST SCROLL PAST THIS SHIII.
IF YOU WANNA BUY THIS BOOK THEN IT'S AVAILABLE ON LULU.COM AS WELL AS THE OTHER BOOKS OF THE SERIES. GO AHEAD AND BUY IT IF YOU'D LIKE AND COLLECT THEM ALL ;)
WHY AM I TYPING IN CAPS? IDK CAUSE I FELT LIKE IT. IF YOU LIKE JUSTIN FANFICS READ MY NEW ONE 'JUST FRIENDS' AND ALSO MY OTHER ONE HIDDEN ATTRACTION CAUSE I THINK YOU'D LIKE EM BOTH ;) HEART YAALLL 10000000X
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