One Hundred Shades of Forever.

Chapter Forty Three.

Chapter Forty Three. 

            I hated to be proven wrong but when I showed up at Za’s room crying my eyes out like a little bitch he did exactly what I wanted him to. He didn’t criticize me and he didn’t tell me I told you so. Instead he just opened the door up and tossed me a blanket and a pillow so I could sleep on the couch as he went back into his room to sleep.

            No part of me wanted to go into detail and no part of me wanted to discuss what happened because the worst thing about this whole entire thing is that she was the only thing on my mind right now.

            Was I mad at her? Beyond. Did I want her out of my life? No way in hell.

            That’s the problem with me. I say things I don’t mean and then I regret them literally ten minutes after it happened and now I’m sitting on this damn couch staring out the huge window at the city wondering why the hell I have to be such an asshole at times but I wasn’t alone in the fight. She had her fair share of hurtful things during the screaming match and that’s the shit that drives me crazy. We scream the rudest things when we don’t mean it. I know she didn’t mean it and she knows I didn’t mean it. At least I think so.

            Letting out a sigh, I turned onto my side underneath the blanket and suddenly heard her voice but it wasn’t coming from the room. It was coming from my pants pocket so I fished it out and saw the video I had recorded of us on the plane playing on my phone. I must have accidentally pressed play but it literally felt like my heart was stabbed repeatedly.

            “The power couple’s back.” I heard myself say. “Babe look at the camera.”

            “I look horrible!”

            And then she laughed and then I started to cry because god dammit I miss her and it’s only been an hour since our fight. If only we could be like this forever and we could just laugh and make out like crazy then life would be perfect. It would be so perfect.

            Sleeping without her didn’t feel the same. I’m used to holding her and I’m used to having her here with me. I loved the way she kissed my jawline and the way she rubbed my stomach until I fell asleep. Oh my god I fucking miss her.

            “Fuck.” I muttered, running my hands over my face. “I’m such an idiot.”

Sophia’s Point of View:

            I hadn’t stopped crying since he left. I felt alone in this damn hotel room in this huge flipping king bed but it was my whole entire fault. He never would have left if it weren’t for me being such a selfless and carless person to not even care about his feelings. Why do I do that? Why do I get something good and then do something to mess it up?

            I don’t blame him if he hates me right now. He has every right to hate me and I know what I’ve done is wrong and I know what happened was horrible but I want him to forgive me because I don’t ever want to live without him. That was the worst fight we have ever been in and now he might just be out of my life forever.

            Sleeping without him sucked immensely too. I felt so scared in some foreign country without him here to hold me and I know that sounds sappy but the nights with him were the ones I cherished the most because we used to talk about everything on our minds like where we were going or what we loved the most about each other. If I could rewind time and take every single damn thing I said back I so would because he means more to me than a fight.