Zak POV
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
"You're telling me?!" Elle snaps looking between me and the records. "How did- why wasn't this mentioned yesterday?!"
When the curtain is drawn back, revealing the doctor from yesterday, I watch the shift in Elle's eyes as she goes from confused to blood thirsty.
"What this fuck?!" She snaps shaking the record at him.
"Despite circumstances, I'm glad to see you both again." He says. "Now I can explain."
"Please do." Elle says throwing the file down and glaring at him.
Me? I'm still hung up on the fact that I've.. I've created a baby?
"There was a mix up of blood results from the lab yesterday."
"So I'm not pregnant." Elle says, causing disappointment to flood my soul.
The sensation makes me stop and I want to question my own reaction on that but I can't, as the doctor begins speaking again.
"No, no. You're pregnant. I have been trying to ring you, however it says that this number is disconnected?" He says pointing to Elle's information.
She twists her head "Shit.. Yeah that's out of use. I don't live there anymore."
He nods "Without your mobile number, I was unable to call you and for confidentiality reasons, I couldn't contact your partner here."
"So my vitamins?" Elle questions.
"The foetus is taking all the nutrients out of your system, with normal healthy women, like yourself, it can go undetected because of the vitamins are restored with food. However you were unable to eat because of your medication."
"You're pregnant." I tell Elle.
"I know." She says, wearing an even harder frown than before, most likely from confusion. "Are you sure about this? Because you said there had been a mix up..."
"We are absolutely certain that you are pregnant." He says wearing a confident smile.
"Fuck." She whispers looking away from him.
I'm about to reply that that's the reason we are in this position, but Elle jumps in.
"My medication. Will that, would that have effected..?" She does a swirling motion to her stomach.
"No. I've consulted with the neurological team on your behalf. The medication is revolutionary because of this. It gives other epilepsy suffers hope about starting a family. You're one of a few that have actually started this new medication in the area."
"Oh. Right." Elle's says slowly.
"I understand this is a lot to take in.."
"H-how far along?" I force out.
"We won't know until we've done a scan." He replies.
"Elle was shoved earlier, hard. Is there a chance we can get a scan done now? To make sure the baby isn't harmed?" I ask causing Elle to pin me with a glare.
I expect it was because I said the word baby, making this all 100x real.
"Absolutely."
"Really? I don't have to wait for a couple weeks and come bac-"
"No." The doctor smiles. "We can go down now, if you'd like?"
Her face is pale and I can see she wants to refuse but slides off the bed slowly and looks at me. "Are you- are we-"
I take her hand and give it a squeeze in support. "Come on firefly. Let's go and see what we've started."
***
We find out that the epilepsy medication isn't as revolutionary as we thought, as it had interacted with Elle's birth control pill and rendered it useless, meaning we had plenty of time and practice to get into this situation. After a google search, we find out that the one before this one, was known for interacting with birth control and had a forum of women now in the same position as we were. Surprise pregnancy..
"I didn't know.." She whispers whilst we wait for the ultrasound room to be empty.
"I know."
"I should have asked. How could I be so careless?" She asks, rubbing her forehead.
"I should have worn a condom."
"But I should have-"
"Hey." I interrupt her. "Birth control has never and will never be a woman's sole responsibility. It takes two to tango as they say and both of us are responsible. I shouldn't have been so careless. You have been taking your pill. I let us down."
"But if I didn't have epilep-"
"But you have and you can't change that. El, I know you're frightened but don't try and approach this as it being your fault and only your fault. It doesn't work like that."
She grabs my hand and squeezes tightly "I'm fucking terrified."
"I know sweetheart." I reply quietly, pulling her into my chest.
We stay like this for a couple minutes, until a room becomes available and we are called in.
"He stays." Elle says sliding onto the bed.
"Not a problem." The nurse smiles, sensing her nerves and watching as I sit on the seat beside the bed. She then goes onto explaining the machine and the liquid that they use, all whilst Elle grips my hand, needing to know that I can't disappear.
I reassure her by kissing her knuckles, waiting and watching patiently as the nurse begins the scan.
There's various clicks and taps from the keyboard as the nurse works away, before looking at Elle.
"Would you like to see?"
Elle's eyes shoot to mine. "I- we-"
"Yes." I tell the nurse, giving Elle and encouraging smile, hoping that she won't panic.
When the screen turns, both myself and Elle stare at the little figure on the screen.
"That's incredible." I breathe looking at the blob on screen.
"This is the head." The nurse points out. "You've got a little arm and a leg there too."
The more I stare at it, the more I can see and can't stop the smile that's building. It's a weird feeling in my body, I'm scared but giddy and I can't wait to see more.
"You okay?" The nurse asks Elle, my eyes pull away to look at her. She hadn't spoke a single word yet, most likely through shock.
"Is that... Is that the-"
"Baby is there. I can make it a little bigger for you." The nurse smiles happy that Elle was speaking. With a few clicks the image is even bigger and we both go back to staring at the screen.
"And this is baby's heartbeat."
The rhythmic whooshing sound fills the room causing my smile to grow even bigger whilst my own heart tries to match it.
"How far?" Elle asks shifting on the bed.
"At an estimation, based on size, I would say between 9-11 weeks. Congratulations."
***
"I don't understand."
I look up from the scan picture to Elle, ignoring the strange looks from people as they pass, probably wondering why we are still sat here, in the hospital carpark.
"What part?" I ask her softly.
"All of it. How am I- we used condoms. You're not Aquaman, your swimmers couldn't have got through the condom and pill, right?"
"Ahh now that might be my fault." I admit making her eyes move over to me.
"What?"
"Well.. I always by the best brand, and I know my size. But there were a few moments when we got a little too energetic."
"We broke one?" She asks, her eyes widening.
"We broke a couple. I would have told you but I figured there was no point. You take your both control religiously and I didn't want to worry you about something that wouldn't happen."
"But it did."
"I know.. El, I haven't bought condoms for a while, we've had plenty of opportunities to buy them. We are lucky that it's been this long before it happened."
"Well I didn't know about the pill being useless. Otherwise I would have put something else into action."
"You didn't want a baby.." I realise.
"No! Did you? Really?" She asks. "Because your line of work, your situation, isn't going to fit a baby in on that."
"You know how to ruin the fucking moment." I mutter looking away from her.
"Be realistic Zak. Be real with me. How the hell is this going to work? What if I have a seizure whilst pregnant? What is that going to do to the baby? What if I pass it onto the baby? What if I have a seizure and you're not there? What if I have a seizure and I don't wake up after and you're not home and our baby is left in the-" She stops as her chest begins to heave for air.
Watching her gasp for air makes me panic and I lean over, grabbing a paper bag and putting it to her mouth.
"You're having a panic attack." I tell her as she looks at me scared. "Breathe. Think of the ocean. The waves.. Can you see them?"
She nods as the bag opens and closes, crinkling at every breath.
"Now match your breathing to the waves lapping on the shore. They are rolling in, but they gently hit the sand."
It takes a few goes, until Elle's rapid pants move into steady breaths of air. When I know she's okay, I move the bag away.
"I'm sorry." She says instantly. "Zak, I'm scared."
"I know. I am too."
"Then tell me what you want. Because I need your opinion. So don't tell me that it's my choice, don't make me do that."
I nod and turn in my seat, facing her fully.
"I've never wanted children. Like you said, my line of work-"
"I shouldn't have thrown that at you." She whispers.
"No, it's okay. It's understandable. But like I said, with my line of work, a baby wouldn't fit. I'm too selfish to be a father, especially when I look at you. I can't imagine having to wait for your attention or having it shared with someone else. I love our life together, every aspect of it. I love that we can roll into bed at whatever time we want, do whatever we want and nobody can stop us. I'm greedy for you, El. Always have and always will-"
"So you don't want this?"
"I didn't say that. When you found out, when we found out. I was in shock, suddenly everything came to a grinding halt and then I felt something, something weird in my chest. I can't explain it, it was like, hope, excitement, purity, all rolled into a ball. Then when the idea of you might not being pregnant rose, I felt so disappointed... What I'm trying to say is, I'm ready for this. I'm so fucking ready for this, because I have you. I wouldn't want to do any of this, without you by my side and that's the truth. With you, I feel untouchable, we make a good fucking team. You can't deny that."
She shakes her head "I wouldn't argue that either."
"So my answer is yes, I want this baby. As long as it is what you want too. El, I've told you, you're my number one priority. If you don't think it's the right time, then I accept that."
Her hand goes to her stomach absently as she thinks. I already know the answer, I just need her to make the connection herself.
"You think we can do this?"
"A hundred and ten percent."
"And it won't change anything between us? We will still be us right?" She asks looking for reassurance.
"We will be even better. I know it's not the same but we are already a family. Me, you and Gracie."
She smiles at that little thought. "Yeah, I guess we are. But it will change us, won't it? I won't be able to be on the road with you.."
"I'm not leaving you behind. We can find locations close to Vegas and when the time is right, we can start going further..."
Elle turns looking at me carefully. "You've thought this all through, haven't you?"
I give her a sheepish look "The wheels have been turning since we found out. But it can all change. I want what you want. This is your body, I will support you, no matter what."
"Can I see?" She says motioning to the photo I had been clinging onto since it was printed.
Reluctantly, I had it over, feeling a bit of a loss because I wanted to hold that photo. I want to hold onto it until I have the little bundle, in my hands, all pink and wrinkly.
Elle is silent, staring down at the black and white blob, with a small arrow pointing out a head, arm and leg. Her fingertip tracing over the image.
"Whatever you want." I say quietly, feeling anticipation building in my body. I know what I want, I've never been so sure, in my entire life.
"I can't believe this... I-" She pauses. "We're gonna have a baby." She laughs, tears of happiness fill her eyes.
My grin could split my face as relief floods me, I lean over the car console and hug her tightly. "Yeah, yeah we are."