Quick heads up, this chapter is over 8500 words long. I am very sorry. Here's a funny video to make up for it. Hope you enjoy :)
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Finally! Lunch hour. I starving! I haven't eaten since yesterday's lunch. I pack cheese and cookies to snack on during the day but they always disappear before I even get the chance to touch them! I really need to start packing things that aren't Tikki and Plagg's favourite food. Maybe apples, or strawberries? Nah I need something hearty and filling. Maybe-
"Umph!" I crash into someone. Damn my food-driven and ADD brain. I look up to see Adrien. In front of him is Nino; although, he doesn't seem to notice me and Adrien there.
"Sorry, Cinnabun. I was thinking about food." I point to Nino, "What's up with him?" Adrien places a finger on my lips to shush me. He takes my hand and pulls me with him to hide behind Nino. The dark-skinned boy is spying on someone? I follow his gaze to see Mari and Alya looking through a Teen Weekly magazine. I hold back an 'awwweeeee' causing my throat to make a hiccup like sound.
"You know, Alya is never gonna fall for a statue," Adrien says scaring the shit out of Nino. I can't help but let out a laugh. This dude is adorable!
"Bro! You know I'm not good with the ladies," Nino says sounding nervous. Like Alya and Mari are going to hear him, they're across the courtyard! "This one especially!" I raise a brow in confusion.
"Bruh, it's just Alya," I point out. "You talk to her almost every day." I lift my arm and twist my wrist making the 'bruh' motion.
Nino shakes his head dejectedly. "Have you ever heard me talk to her like I do to you dudes?"
I purse my lips. "Shit. Good point." Adrien seems to be torn between finding me the most adorable human on the planet and helping Nino out. I give him a 'bitch?' look making him shake his head like a dog then turn his attention back to Nino.
"You just gotta be yourself, man!" Adrien tries to hype Nino up. "We love you 'cause you're awesome! I am one hundred percent sure Alya will see that too." Damn boi! That was a kickass speech! Well, he did write me that poem during the Dark Cupid battle, so I should expect that.
"But what do I do?" Nino complains. "Do I crack a joke? Shoot her a compliment?" Nino's arms start flailing. "Invite her to the zoo? Play it serious?" His voice is crackly at the end and his hands fly to his red ballcap in distress.
"Dude, bro, buddy!"I say taking his hands in mine and removing them from his head. I hear Adrien give a small growl. What's up with him? "You're way overthinking this. Believe me, I'm the Queen of overthinking." He relaxes a bit in my grip but I don't let go of his wrists. "If you wanna ask a girl out, the best thing to do is to take her somewhere like the movies or the zoo or the museum or the aquarium, any kind of attraction that she's in to. Then you take her out to eat afterwards. This way you are guaranteed to have something to talk about while eating because you were just at a place worth talking about!" His hands are still in mine so as I'm flailing my arms around - because I talk with my hands a lot - his arms are following mine. Adrien is trying really hard to hold back laughter at the ridiculous sight before him.
I release Nino, softly apologizing for puppeteering him for a bit."You seem to have thought this through a lot, Y/N," Nino observes. Adrien is still stifling his laughter from before.
"Dude, I overthink everything AND I eat edibles to calm my anxiety. Those two put together make for some pretty rad ideas," I explain to him. "Oh, that reminds me! I actually thought of this last night on the brink of unconsciousness." The boys look at me concerned but intrigued. "If your leg got cut off, would it hurt?"
They look at me confused. "Uh, yeah. Duh," Nino says confused.
I smirk. "Where you gonna feel the pain though?"
"In your le-" Nino's eyes go wide in realization. Adrien looks even more confused.
"What?"
"If you cut off your leg, where are you gonna feel the pain?" I ask again.
"In your leg," Adrien replies.
"But how are you gonna feel the pain in your leg," Nino starts. "If your leg is gone!" We both finish. Adrien looks at me like I'm a goddamn genius.
"SEE! The beauty of weed my dudes!" I say with my arms out. After the two guys calm down, they start laughing. I join in. (Yes, I just spent ten minutes writing this useless scene. I don't care. I spent half an hour writing about weed in Dark Cupid, what did you expect XD I also do not take credit for the joke, thank you Tumblr)
"Okay," Adrien interrupts the giggling. "Okay, back to the real issue here." Nino and I calm down and pay attention to Adrien. "How are we gonna hook up Nino and Alya?" He asks looking at me.
"Movies?" I ask.
"There's nothing new coming out," Nino informs. "And anything I think she hasn't seen, I'm ninety-nine percent sure that you," he points at me, "Have shown her at a sleepover."
I shrug, "Fair point." I throw another option out. "Aquarium?"
"Alya hates the ocean. She's deathly afraid of sharks," Nino tells us again. I nod.
"Museum?" Adrien suggests.
"She's seen everything there already." Nino bows his head in defeat.
"OH WAIT!" I shout in realization. "The zoo has a new black panther exhibit opening today! I bet she'd love that!" Nino's face is now a bright shade of pink. He's so excited, it's adorable!
"The zoo it is!" Adrien decrees.
"Can you guys come with me?" Nino asks nervously. "I don't think I can ask her alone." Adrien and I nod happily. The three of us turn to approach the girls but the whole courtyard is packed full of people. How the hell did it get this busy?
"Follow my lead," I whisper in Adrien's ear. I walk behind Adrien and put my hands on his shoulders. Using all my strength, I launch myself into his shoulders. Considering the dude is like six feet tall, I'm a solid meter above the crowd's heads. "FOrWArd!" I bellow. The whole crowd looks to see me on an amused looking Adrien and a nervous Nino trailing behind us. Adrien takes a shaky first step, getting used to balancing the added weight on his shoulders. The crowd parts like the Red Sea so they don't get smushed by me. I'm not that heavy but I can RKO someone easily and they all know it. I'm a force to be reckoned with here.
A minute later, my trusty steed, Nino and I make it across the yard to Mari and Alya.
"Pardon me, fair maidens," I say in a posh accent. Mari involuntarily scowls at my position atop Adrien but quickly smothers it. I offer my hand to Nino so he can help me down. "Dazzling dames of Paris," I take a deep bow in front of them. "Would you do me the great honour of-" I pause and straighten again. "Accompanying us three to the wild animal enclosures this afternoon?" Maria and Alya giggle at my antics. What? I'm a dramatic little bitch.
Mari stands up and copies my poshness. "Of course we would fair knight!" She curtsies making me smile. Three seconds pass and all five of us burst out laughing. Mari and I have one hand in the other's while the other hand is holding our stomachs.
"What - was - that all - about?" Alya asks in between laughs.
I force my laughing to stop but my smile refuses to leave. "Eh, you know me. I gotta make everything dramatic as hell." The group snickers again. "Seriously though, you girls wanna join us at the zoo today? They got a new animal coming in." Mari smiles really wide and nods.
"Yeah! Absolutely! Does four PM work for you guys?" Mari asks. Nino is staring at Alya adoringly. I jab him in the ribs to gain his attention.
"Does four work for you Nino?" I repeat Mari's question. He nods rapidly. "Great! I'll be able to finish my homework by then." Alya and Adrien agree with the timing.
After lunch, we all head to class. Oh shit! I didn't even eat anything! I hope Plagg didn't eat my Cheezwiz sandwich, the - adorable - little bugger.
The five of us are walking the class normally. However, I grab one of Mari and Adrien's hands and slowly pull them back so Nino and Alya are leading the pack.
"Y/N, what're you doing?" Adrien whispers catching the hint that I want to talk to them.
"I wanna tell you guys the plan!" I say excitedly. Mari looks confused but Adrien looks intrigued. "So, the reason I asked you and Alya to the zoo is that Adrien and I are hooking up those two," I jut my chin towards the pair leading us. Mari nods in understanding. "You guys can come over after school so we can improve upon the plan but here's the gist: So, when we all get there we three find a way to ditch them so they're alone. BOOM! Nino and Alya date." They nod again. "I don't really know what happens after that. I guess we kinda just, watch?" Adrien and Mari chuckle.
"We'll figure it out at your place," Mari suggests. I nod and we enter the classroom.
I hear a thud on my balcony. Two bucks, says it Chat. I have a jar on my desk to put two dollars in if I guess wrong when I hear the thud and don't know which hero it is. I walk to my trapdoor, unlock it and knock twice signalling that they can come in. I head back to my bead and flop down on my back. I close my eyes, waiting for the mystery hero to enter my room. The trapdoor opens, I hear the Shwoosh of a transformation and then...
"UMPH! My God!" I cry out. The hero flopped into my stomach, crushing me underneath their weight. "Whyyyyyyy?" I whine.
"Because you're adorable and I couldn't resist," says a feminine voice. Dammit, I owe the jar two bucks.
"You're early," I observe. I look at my alarm clock. "School ended ten minutes ago," I laugh. Mari giggles into my shoulder.
We lay there for a while. I think I passed out for a few of those minutes but I don't remember. I hear Mari's phone ring in her back pocket. I reach up and grab it. I feel her cheeks heat up on my neck. I answer the call from Alya.
"Hey, Alya!" I say in my high pitched Marinette impression.
"Hey, girl!" Alya greets back. "I need your help." Ooh! This should be interesting.
"Sure! Wadduya need?" I reply. Mari's cheeks are heating up even more. Tikki is giggling from the other side of the room while munching on cookies.
"So, I kinda like Adrien and I also kinda like Y/N, sorry girl," Alya explains. I almost choke. Why would she have a crush on me? I'm not that amazing! Hell, I'm an annoying little bitch 90% of the time! And why did she apologize? "And I need you to help me with what to say to them." It takes me a second to recover from my near coughing fit.
"Yeah for sure! What do you have in mind?" This is painful.
"I have these earpieces. We can talk to each other through them, like spies!" She says getting increasingly excited. "That way you can tell me what to say!" Why does she have to be so cute?! It's interrupting my almost-death here!
"Yeah for sure! I'll meet you at the zoo at 3:50," I look at the clock. "So in twenty minutes." Mari's head pops up from my shoulder. The loss of warmth makes me flinch - along with both her hands digging into my ribs.
"You're the best! See you then!" I bid her adieu and hang up. I look at Mari. I can't tell if she shocked, or mad? Probably both.
"Why did you say that?" She asks.
"Say what?"
"That I'd meet her there in twenty?"
"Well, um," I scratch my scalp nervously. "She actually has a - um - half crush on me and Adrien. She wants you to help her talk to us through Bluetooth earpieces." Mari's face is beet red. She as this eerie possessive vibe to her that I'm kind of intimidated by. But, not going to lie, I kind of like it.
"She's not gonna have you," she declares. Without warning, she kisses me. Holy shit! Where did this come from?! I can't help but kiss her back. I don't know why. She's a good kisser, though.
We break for breath and I ask her, "Where did that come from?"
"I don't know, felt like it." She answers, her cheeks reddening rapidly.
"Felt good," I smile.
I kinda wanna keep going... Before I get the chance to, though, my dad knocks on the door then enters without waiting for me to answer it. "(Nickname), a blond kid is here for you." I nod. My dad moves out of the doorway to allow Adrien through. "You kids behave yourselves now," he warns.
"DaAaaad," I whine. "We're going to the zoo in five minutes, calm down." I laugh the last bit. My dad lets out a chuckle, then returns to his office.
I turn to my guests to find them glaring daggers at each other. What the hell? Adrien's eyes meet mine, his scowl shifts into a smile.
"Adrien! How's it going?" I ask.
He shrugs. "Pretty good. ready for the zoo?"
I nod then glance at the clock. "Shit!" Mari and Adrien flinch. "We gotta go if we wanna get there on time!" I grab my tiny backpack with sunglasses, wallet, phone and snacks. I push the two out the door and onto the street. I start sprinting to the zoo, my two friends trailing behind me.
Five minutes later we reach the zoo. All three of us sweating buckets, we buy three tickets. Mari has to book it to the meeting spot to meet up with Alya.
On the way, I explain to Adrien the deal with Mari and Alya's Bluetooth situation. He laughs. "What's so funny?" I ask.
"Nino asked me to give you this," he hands me a little Bluetooth earpiece. Oh my lord.
"You're kidding."
"Nope."
"Holy shit," I laugh. What are the odds that Nino and Alya have the same idea? They really are meant for each other.
A couple of minutes later, Adrien is hiding in the bushes on the opposite side of the path from me. I'm hiding in a tree and Mari's in the bushes beneath and a yard or two left of me. This is going to be interesting.
"There's Alya," Adrien says into the mic. I turn to my left to see Alya walking towards the bench we're surrounding. She's holding a finger to her ear. She must be talking to Mari.
I turn to my left in search of Nino. Bingo! "Dudette at your three. Dude at your nine," I say into the mic.
"What?" Adrien and Nino respond simultaneously.
"Army slang, guys. C'mon!" I scold.
No response.
"Alya is to your right and Nino is to your left, Adrien," I explain. "Three and nine are numbers on the clock. The military uses it as a form of orienteering-" Eh, screw this. "I'll explain later."
"Hey Y/N!" What the Hell? I look down to see Kim and Max standing under my tree. "What are you doing?" Ah shit.
"I like climbing trees," I reply calmly. "Is that weird?"
"Not in the slightest," Max assures me.
"We are on our way to see the new panther exhibit, wanna come?" Kim asks.
"Uh, sorry guys, I'm actually waiting for someone. You go on ahead."
"Oh c'mon, please! We need two pairs of eyes for the race!" Kim pleads.
"You're racing a panther?" I wonder aloud. "This a have to see!" I jump down smoothly from the tree and speak into the earpiece. "Sorry boys, A-dog is gonna have to lead RedCap through this one. I'll keep this thing on if you guys need any help."
"Okay, Y/N. Don't let Kim cheat!" Nino cheers back. I smile.
"You betcha!"
Kim and Max look at me weird. I shrug and usher them to lead me to the panther.
The walk to the exhibit was strange. Half of it was Kim boasting about how he is 'totally' faster than the panther and the other half was Max telling him 'no' then following up with panther facts. I have to admit it was quite interesting to listen to.
We get to the panther to see the zookeeper feeding the giant black cat a massive slab of raw meat.
"Damn, that looks tasty," I say staring at the meat. "Can I have a bite?" Kim, Max and the zookeeper look at me like I'm crazy. "What? I haven't eaten since yesterday." I shrug and turn back then motion to the cat. "She's beautiful," I tell the keeper.
The panther growls in appreciation. At least I think it did. "Thank you," the zookeeper acknowledges me. I smile.
"How fast can it run?" Kim says with a cocky tone.
"Up to sixty miles per hour," Max replies. Kim seems to be attempting mental math. "approximately ninety-seven kilometres per hour," Max continues.
Kim scoffs. "Is that all? I bet I could beat it in a race." Kim is the cockiest dude I know.
"Well, I'm definitely slower than that," I say then turn to Kim smirking. "But I am faster than you." That hit a nerve. Kim is pissed now.
"I came in first place in the County Athletics Tournament, I can beat a dumb cat," Kim brags while seething at me.
The panther growls at Kim. Oh boy. "Kim, I think you should keep to racing humans. If you try to race a panther, you'll be running from it not against it," I try to warn. The cat's eyes soften(?) in my direction. I can't tell if the panther likes my personality or the way I might taste. I don't know what to do. I'll just settle for a smile. I smile kindly at the panther.
WAIT! HOLD UP! Did she just smile back at me? What the hell is going on?!
"Listen to your smart friend there, kiddo. You can't possibly compete with my panther," the zookeeper jabs. Awe! He called me smart!
"No need to compete!" Kim comes back. "I'm obviously the better-looking one." The panther growls again. Good god, It's like I'm in a Disney show where animals are very much personified. To be fair, that whole Mr. Pidgeon fiasco was incredibly bizarre.
"Hey, kitty kitty!" Kim taunts. "How 'bout a little race with me, huh? Last one's a rotten egg!" Really? That's your threat? You sound like a two-year-old.
"Let's see," Max says pulling out a calculator. "With a six-metre per second behind you and the sun at forty-five degrees to the northeast. Y/N's right, I don't think you'd be a rotten egg. You'd be," he pushes up his glasses and clears his throat, "Lunch." Damn Max, you a dramatic little bastard. I mentally give him a round of applause.
"Your friends are right, kiddo. Now please leave," the zookeeper kindly pleads. "She needs peace and quiet while she eats. You're stressing her out." She lets out another low growl.
"Awe, stressed out are we Miss Panthy?" Kim teases. He addresses the keeper again. "You're talking about a wild animal dude!" The panther lets out an intimidating roar. Max flinches and the keeper stands abruptly.
"Leave, now!" He shouts at Kim. "Or I'll have you kicked out of the zoo immediately!" Yikes, we really should go.
"Come on guys," Kim instructs me and Max. He starts talking in a mock baby voice. "Let's leave this wittle kitty awone with its angwy babysittah!" He lets out a cocky laugh and struts off, Max following quickly behind him. I stay back a second longer to apologize for Kim's behaviour; to the keeper and the panther. Once again the panther seems to smile at me. Seriously, this is kind of freaky.
I turn around after nodding my head with respect to the two. I rush to catch up with Kim and Max. When I reach them I give Kim a hard punch in the arm.
"Ow! What was that for?" Kim rubs him hurt arm.
"For being a prick!" I tell him. "Why can't you accept defeat? Challenging a goddamn apex predator because you're too afraid to hurt your ego?" I throw my hands in the air. "Jesus Christ!" I walk past to two stunned boys and head back to the bench I am supposed to be stalking.
*3rd person POV - backwards time skip to when Y/N left with Kim and Max*
Nino and Alya are walking towards each other but neither are looking where they're going. Alya is on her phone updating her blog and Nino was bickering with Adrien through the earpiece.
"Umph- Oh! Hi Nino!" Alya greets. She quickly glances around looking for Y/N and Adrien. "Where are the other two?" She asks.
"Tell her that you'll be better off without us," Adrien tells Nino through the earpiece.
"Umm- we'll be better off without me," Nino stutters.
"What?" Alya tilts her head.
Over where Adrien is hiding in the bushes, Plagg flies out and lands in Adrien's hair to observe the awkward chaos. "Ooh! This trip is turning out to be a lot for interesting than I thought!" He says loudly. "Turn up the volume."
"Uh- without them! I mean, we don't need Adrien and Y/N to hang out at the zoo," Nino covers.
"Of course we do you dum- Ah I mean, weren't they supposed to come?" Alya catches herself. "Don't you wanna wait for them?" She looks at Nino expectantly.
Adrien pipes up in Nino's ear. "Tell her you wanted to be alone with her."
"Not yet," Nino whispers.
"Sorry, what was that?" Alya questions.
"You're right," Nino says giving her finger guns. "We'll wait."
"No! What are you talking about?" Adrien shouts into the earpiece. "We're not coming! Y/N isn't even here!"
"Okay!" Alya cheers.
A few minutes of waiting later, Alya realizes that Adrien and Y/N aren't coming.
"They're not coming, are they?" Alya says disappointed.
"Repeat after me," Adrien instructs Nino. "Yes they are, but first I wanted to take this opportunity to-" Nino repeats him but in a much more strained voice. "Tell you that I love you Alya," Adrien finishes.
"Tell you that I-uhhhhhhh," Nino says, voice still strained. "I- love- a girl and - I don't know how to tell her," Nino concludes going off-script.
"Hey! What are you doing?" Adrien throws his hands in the air defeated. This kid is hopeless Adrien thinks to himself.
"You do, huh?" Alya asks, smirking.
Marinette pipes in. "He does? I can help with that!" She says excitedly.
"Oh, really?" Alya whispers sarcastically into the mic. Marinette mocks her friend's insult in a baby voice back through the mic. Alya lets out a giggle.
"Is that a bad thing?" Nino asks sadly.
Alya is quick to recover. "No, no! Not at all, it's just, I'm imagining who it could be and Chloe somehow popped in my head." She gives a giggle again. Nino joins her for a bit. "So who is it, Loverboy?"
"Tell her 'it's you'" Adrien pushes.
"It's youuuuuuuuuuu-" Nino starts but begins to panic. "-uur best friend Marinette!" He declares.
"What?"
"What?!"
"WHAT?!"
"Marinette?" Alya repeats. "Awesome!"
"No, not awesome!" Mari screeches.
"I could fix up a date for you guys!" Alya continues.
"EXCUSE ME! You didn't even ask me first!" Mari screams into the mic. Adrien hears her from across the path but Nino has blocked out all sounds except Alya's voice. Marinette lowers her voice, "Nino is like my brother! Plus I love Y/N! You know that!"
Alya whispers into her earpiece. "He's gonna be so sad if you don't."
"What was that?" Nino asks.
"I said that it would so sad if you didn't tell her," Alya replies.
"NO! Ughhhhh" Mari groans.
Where Adrien is hiding, Plagg was making his own comments. "Oh my goodness! This is too good!"
"Shush, Plagg!" Adrien scolds.
"Eh, whatever," Plagg brushes him off. "Hey look! There's Y/N." He points to Adrien's crush walking down the path looking pissed. "What's got Y/N all riled up?" Plagg asks the air.
"How is Y/N so graceful and gorgeous even when she's mad?" Adrien wonders aloud. Plagg gags but internally, he agrees.
*Back to Y/N's POV*
Who the hell does Kim think he is? Why does he have to be so cocky? GOD, he pisses me off sometimes.
I was listening to the conversation my friends were having over the earpieces. I have to admit, this is hilarious! Nino panicking and telling Alya he likes Mari is PURE GOLD!
I look up and see Nino and Alya sitting on the bench. Oh shit! I have to hide. Before I can find a hiding place I hear a scream behind me.
"HE'S COMING!!"
"GET OUTTA HERE!"
Kim and Max sprint by me. What the hell are they running from? He better not have actually raced the panther.
Hey, wadduya know? The panther comes screaming around the corner the two boys just came from. The panther slows for a second to sniff me. Wait, why does she have purple eyes?
"You're the nice kid," the panther speaks in the zookeeper's voice. Ah. He got akumatized. Goddammit, Kim! "I won't hurt you if you stay outta my way." He licks my wrist and races after the boys. My gaze follows him.
An elephant trumpets behind me. I whip around to see a parade of zoo animals, including the original panther. They look menacing. I back away to the edge of the path so I don't get trampled.
"We'd better ditch this place!" Nino says to Alya. He takes her hand and runs away from the army of animals. It kind of looks like the Narnian army in The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. Seriously? Again with the movie references?
The army passes by me but the panther stays behind. I see Adrien and Mari step out from their hiding places to protect me. They stop, however, when they see the panther sit down and lick my other wrist. I crouch down and start petting her ears. I hear a low rumbling sound erupt from her chest. She flops on the ground and allows me to scratch her ears and neck.
"You're adorable," I say lovingly to the giant cat. I'm already in a Disney movie today - apparently - might as well take advantage of it. "I'm sorry about those boys earlier. Guys can be real pricks can't they?" I chuckle a bit. Her purrs rumble louder as if she let out a chuckle too.
I remove my hands from her head and slowly stand up. She follows suit looking disappointed from the loss of contact. "Sorry gorgeous, I have to make sure my friends are okay." She growls a bit. "Not the pricks," I raise my hands. "My nice friends." She stops growling and rubs her head on my leg. She then bolts off to catch up with her posse of animal buddies.
"Y/N!" Mari comes rushing over to me, Adrien hot on her tail. "What the hell as that? You're a panther whisperer now?" Mari questions me in shock.
I just shrug it off. "Apparently. You learn something new every day." I give them finger guns and start jogging to the battle.
"Where are you going?" Adrien calls to me.
"To help LB and Catdude!" I call back. "Let's be honest here, they'd be lost without me!" I laugh at their reactions. I turn back around, knowing they'll meet me there, and sprint to find Kim.
I turn a corner to see Kim being blocked by the keeper. "You lost kiddo!" He says menacingly. "What do you think of panthers now?"
"That they're the best?" Kim suggests shakily.
"That most are nice but this one is being a dick!" I say announcing my arrival. I step in front of Kim to protect him.
The keeper looks disappointed in me. "I told you to stay out of the way!" He growls at me.
"Well," I reply. "Despite his many, many flaws," Kim makes a sound of offence behind me, "Kim is actually a good guy when he's not cocky and he's my friend. I won't let you hurt him!" Wow, I said that way braver than I really feel.
The keeper tsks me. "Bold words for a kid who's about to be shredded!" He pounces at me and Kim. I grab Kim's shirt and dive to the ground beneath the keeper so he goes over us.
The keeper lands with a skid and I jump up. "Kim, run! I'll hold him off as long as I can." Kim obliges and sprints away from me and the keeper. "I won't let you hurt anyone."
He simply shakes his head at me. His army is to my right watching the battle unfold. I spot a broken branch at my feet and snatch it up. I got to have some kind of weapon. A cheap version of Chat's stick will have to do.
The keeper laughs at my action. He takes a running start and pounces on me again. I lift the branch so his teeth sink into it instead of me. I lift my legs so they are under the stick and launch the panther as far away from me as I can. I lose my branch in the process though. Goddammit! I could really use some hero action right now.
The keeper runs at me again. I prepare myself for a whole lotta pain. It never comes. I look up to see Chat and LB guarding me. The keeper tied up at the base of his army.
"Y/N! Get outta here!" LB orders me.
"Hell naw!" I retort. The keeper sics the army upon us. "Actually, hell yeah!" I turn and sprint as fast as I can away from the horde.
"We need to get them back in their cages!" Chat says.
"No shit sherlock!" I rebut. We keep running. Alya and Nino run through the four-way cross in the path ahead of us.
"I'll get them safe!" LB says. "Chat, get Y/N to safety!" She jumps away to save Alya and Nino. Chat scoops me up bridal style and jumps to the roofs and to my house.
"There, we're safe now," Chat sighs. He doesn't let me down though. I cough and he drops my legs so I can stand.
"Do you know what happened?" Chat asks me.
"Kim angered the zookeeper," I explain. "Betcha ten bucks that Hakuna Matata is in his bracelet." I wiggle my eyebrows at him. He laughs at me and nods.
My phone vibrates in my pocket. Mari texted me asking me where I am. I tell her I'm at my house with Chat. She replies saying she'll be there in a couple of minutes. Sweet.
"So he's after Kim then?"
"Yeah, we gotta make sure he doesn't get hurt."
"Okay."
LB busts through my trapdoor. "I'm here!" She pants.
"Clearly," I mumble. Chat sniggers. She opens her mouth to ask me something but I cut her off with the answer before she can ask it. "The zookeeper was akumatized. Kim made him mad. Ten bucks says the Hakuna Matata's in his bracelet." LB nods and catches her breath.
"Let's find Kim then," she states. I nod. Chat and LB climb up the ladder to my balcony with me following.
"Woah Woah Woah," Chat stops me when we break the surface. "You're not coming, it's too dangerous."
I scoff. "Really? You think I'm not gonna come with you?" They exchange glances. LB lets out a defeated sigh and approaches me. She latches her arm around my waist. I follow her lead and wrap my arms around her neck. Chat growls. "If you wanted to carry me, you shouldn't've tried to stop me," I tell Chat snarkily. I stifle a snort at Chat's expression before LB launches her yoyo so we land on a roof.
She sets me down so we could look for Kim. "See anything?" I ask.
"There!" Chat points to the bridge where we fought Evilustrator that one time. I squint my eyes. how the hell does he see that far? I can't see shit!
"Good eye Chat!" LB praises. What the hell? How come I can't see him? Eh, I'll just take their word for it. I jump on Chat's back and we whizzed away to the bridge.
We land quietly so neither party notices us. "It's just you and me kiddo," the keeper growls. Kim stumbles backwards, falling on his ass. I let out a snort. "And then there was one," the keeper continues maliciously. Aw hell no!
I sprint from our spot towards the keeper. I pounce at him, bodychecking him midair. I land on top of the giant black cat. Shit, I'm about to be mauled. LB wraps her yoyo around us so neither of us can move. Nice move, could have just got me out of this mess rather than gluing me to it!
"You're not getting away this time!" LB says confidently to the panther.
Chat runs to Kim. "Quick, hide in the first building you see," he instructs placing a hand on Kim's back. Kim bolts away.
"You'll never get me!" The keeper states in his low raspy voice. Purple and black goop surrounds him. Ewwwww it's touching me! It feels even grosser than it looks. When he emerges he's no longer a panther. HE'S A FUCKING EAGLE! WHAT THE HELL?! To be fair, I did have to deal with that Pharaoh dude, so this shouldn't be a shock.
Before he flies away, he takes a second to grip his talon into my arm and slice the skin and some muscle. I don't give him the satisfaction of hearing my cry out in pain though.
He flies off leaving two dumbstruck heroes and me still tied up in the yoyo. "A little help here!" I shout at them. LB loosens the wire setting me free. When I get up there's a small pool of blood where my arm was.
"Y/N! What happened to you!" Both heroes shriek at the same time. They simultaneously grip my forearm and examine the wound across my upper arm.
"Calm down you guys," I say pulling my arm from their grasp."It's just a scratch." It's not just a scratch. This thing fucking hurts like hell. I look to Chat. I rip my sleeve off and wrap it around the wound. "Do you know where Kim is?" I ask while LB ties the bandage for me.
He nods and pulls out his stick. It opens up like that old Blackberry where the keyboard is hidden under the screen so you have to slide it up to use it. Damn, I miss those things, they were awesome. Shit, focus Y/N!
He shows me the screen where a little green paw is marking the map. He put a tracking device on Kim! Damn, that's smart. I scratch his chin and say "Good kitty," before hopping on LB's back so we can find Kim.
We jump away and land on Mari's balcony. "He'll be safe inside this building. Panthers can't open doors," Chat states proudly.
"Oh yeah, 'cause the zookeeper totally can't morph into an animal that can open doors," I say sarcastically. Chat's ears droop in embarrassment.
"If Animan morphs into a mouse or something, he could easily get into the bakery," LB observes.
"'Animan'?" I ask. "That's his villain name?" LB nods. "Damn, that one's actually good." I look to the sky and shout, "Well done Moth Man! You finally came up with a creative name!" The two heroes look at me weird. "What? I can't say it to his face yet." Chat just shrugs and LB looks at me amused.
"We do have an advantage, we know where to find his prey," Chat says cleverly.
"He'll sniff Kim out sooner or later," LB replies. "But we did buy ourselves some time to plan our next move." Huh, these two actually can be smart. I guess I'm just the sarcastic side character now. I'm the Sokka of the team, the guy with the red shirt, the Pheobe of our group. Jesus Christ, I watch too much TV.
"We need to stop Animan before Paris turns into a jungle!" Chat says.
"It already is with you here," I mumble. LB suppresses a snort making me stifle my own. Chat looks at us confused. I wave my hands in front of me signalling him to ignore us.
"Follow my lead." LB picks me up and leaps down fon the balcony. We land gracefully then enter the bakery.
"Hi, mo-" LB starts but I elbow her in the ribs. "- o- ahm!" LB stands there waving nervously.
"Oh my!" Madame Cheng gasps. "You're- you're-" LB is getting increasingly nervous that her mom will recognize her. "You're Ladybug!" Madame Cheng finishes. LB sighs heavily and nods her head profusely.
"Hi, Madame Cheng!" I greet the - gorgeous - Chinese woman. "We need your help."
"Sure dear, what do you need?" She asks.
"We need you to take care of my classmate Kim so we can stop the Akuma that's after him," I explain. She nods and leads us all upstairs to Mari's living room.
"You finally said it right," LB whispers to me. I stick my tongue out at her then walk through the apartment door.
We turn on the TV to see Nadja Chamack giving the news report on how the zoo animals are taking over Paris. Yeesh, we get it!
"You'll be safe here," LB assures Kim. She points to the sweatband on his wrist. "Can I borrow this?" Kim happily obliges and hands her the - no doubt sweaty - sweatband.
I walk over to Chat. "C'mon kitty, we got work to do." He jumps at my words then straightens himself. "Thank you so much, Madame Cheng. How could we repay you?" I ask Mari's mom.
"By saving Paris, young heroes!" She replies. "And how about you come over for dinner tonight, Y/N?" She continues. "I'm sure Marinette would be very excited to have you over."
LB waves her arms around. "Yes, thank you so much for all your help!" She interjects. I try really hard to hold back my laughs but a few manage to sneak through. She's too cute for her own good.
Chat and LB each grab one of my hands and rush out the door, dragging me behind them. LB stops and wraps the sweatband around one of the handrails so Animan will come right to us.
Back in the bakery, LB and Chat are looking out the window into the jungle that is Paris. I grab a bottle of air freshener to cover our scents. I spray myself then approach the heroes. I ready the can and spray the two thoroughly.
"Hey!" Chat complains. "What's that stuff?" He waves his hand to clear the cloud of Febreeze.
"Air freshener," I reply. "You smell like cheese, can't have Animan recognizing that." Chat gives a small pout.
"Why do I need it then?" LB questions.
"The smell of flowers and cookies is also very potent," I explain. She smiles and blushes a bit. Cutie.
Chat drops down and picks up a small macaron box. "Couldn't we capture him in something like this?" He asks.
"Only until he transforms into something bigger," LB realizes. I look out the window and see a bus.
"How about a bus?" I say pointing out the window. LB goes to praise me but Chat pulls us down.
"He's coming," he warns us. His ears are twisting like a cat's. Oh yeah, he told me they work just like a real cat's. I lift a hand and stroke one of his ears. Chills visibly crawl down his spine.
He grabs my wrist. "Don't do that," he warns me in a low growl. Ooh damn! I am gonna have fun with this new discovery!
Outside, Animan circles in front of the bakery door. "It's working!" I cheer. "He's sniffing out Kim!" I stop when I feel Chat's nose on my neck. He's sniffing me. I send him a glare. He stops and smiles sheepishly with a nervous laugh to match. "What do I smell like?" I ask standing up.
"Arctic Cold scented Old Spice," he replies. LB looks at me funny.
"What?" I shrug. "Men's stuff is cheaper than women's stuff," I explain. Both are looking at me funny. "Ugh, c'mon," I groan.
I grab the macaron box and lead the pack to the sweatband. There we see a ladybug flying towards the sweaty material. I snap the box around the bug and dash outside, the two heroes following me. The box starts oozing the purple-black stuff and I chuck the box a far as I can from us. I keep running until we are all on the bus. I jump up and wedge myself in the bag carrier shelf above while Chat and LB hide behind the farthest seats from the front.
Animan, who is now a panther, passes right underneath me. I silently lower myself and leave the bus. Behind me, the doors slam shut. Shit, now they're stuck in there. I try to pry the doors open to no avail. LB starts hitting random buttons but nothing is working.
Chat appears in my vision by flying backwards. I look through a passenger window to see Animan has turned into a grizzly bear on its hind legs. Goddammit! The bear falls forward and traps Chat underneath it. LB kicks Chat's stick to him so he can escape. She throws her yoyo around the bear so it can't move. Animan transforms back into a ladybug to escape his bindings. Chat chucks his stick like a bullet at the bug. He misses but the stick ricochets off the back window and fires back at the bug only nearly missing. Animan morphs back into a panther. He stops to pant for a second. He's getting tired!
Chat runs back to the control panel and cataclysms the board. The bus short circuits causing the doors to open and close rapidly. Timing it just right, Chat and LB jump out but Animan gets trapped in. The bus's electric system blows making the bus a makeshift prison.
"It's not exactly a cage, but, it'll do." LB places her hands on her hips proudly. Animan transforms into a grizzly again and hits the doors in an attempt to break through them. He's not getting very far though.
"I don't think he can bear to be trapped in there," Chat puns. I facepalm loudly.
"You, my furry friend, are almost too much to bear," I quip back. We just have to wait for him to tire out. Then we can get this over with. I really need a hot shower and some soothing mint tea right now. Throw in some pastries for a rumbling stomach. Today has been rough.
Animan keeps transforming into different animals trying to escape. Failing miserably he retreats to the middle of the bus and passes out. "Hell yeah! It's working!" I cheer. I take a step towards the bus to get his Akuma but I'm stopped by the bus shaking. "What's happening?" I ask the pair. I retreat back and grab someone's arm. I don't know which hero it is but I can't take my eyes away from the trembling bus.
Something punches the top of the bus, deforming the metal. The bulge keeps getting bigger and bigger until it breaks open. A GODDAMN T-REX POPS OUT! WHAT THE HELL?!
"WHAT THE HELL?!" I repeat my thought aloud. "Since when are extinct animals fair game?! I didn't sign up to be in a Jurassic Park movie!" Animan gives a deafening roar. "Fuck this!" I shout and sprint to safety. LB and Chat are close behind me. I try running to a door but Animan is so close behind me I change course and book it to the right. Animan skids and crashes headfirst into the building. I do a spy movie move and slide over the hood of a car. LB and Chat leap over the cabin of the same car and hide with me.
LB activates her lucky charm. To be honest, I'm still mesmerized by her dance sequence thing whenever she does that. The object falls from the sky. A carjack?
"Huh, who knew my knowledge of changing a tire would come in handy when fighting a T-Rex?" I joke. We all peer over the car to see Animan searching for us only a few yards away.
"Look how small his arms are," LB observes.
"So he can't play basketball, what are you getting at?" Chat asks.
"You get on his back where he can't swipe at you," LB explains. "While he's distracted, I'll floor him!" She does a double fist pump to emphasize her point. AHHHH SHE'S SO CUTE!
"Sounds like a good plan." Chat turns his attention to me. "You know, I can be very distracting." He leans in real close to my face. I groan and push his face away from mine.
"Flirting later, fighting now," I growl.
CRUNCH!
The car we're hiding behind is trampled by Animan's giant foot. LB and Chat make a break for it. LB drops her carjack so I pick it up and book it as well.
Animan is hot on my tail. I pick up the pace and pass Chat. "NOW!" I shout. He jumps in the air, landing on Animan's head. Animan stops and starts whipping his head around to try and dislodge the cat on his back.
LB uses her yoyo to tie up Animan's legs. The dinosaur loses his balance and crashes to the ground chin first. Chat and LB join me a few metres from the deadly jaws of the villain.
"Someone call Steven Spielberg, he's missing a dinosaur," I say to my two-man audience. I earn two chuckles.
LB looks at the carjack in my hands. "Huh, weird we didn't need to use the lucky charm," she says suspiciously. "What do you think it means?" She asks the two of us.
"It means we rock as a team," Chat says proudly as he struts to Animan's head. LB has a revelation and races after Chat.
"Wait!" She grabs his tail and yanks him back before Animan can chop the cat in half with his jaws. Oh great...
"Well shit, this might as well happen to me," I say with a sigh. "See you guys in a bit." I give them a two-finger salute and sprint to the beast's jaws.
"Y/N! NO!" They both scream behind me.
"Open up Big Boy!" I yell. The dino obliges and unhinges his massive mouth. I leap inside and the jaws clamp around me. Ewwwww, my clothes are covered in dino spit now. YUCK! I can hear my friends screaming from outside my nasty prison. Eugh, this is disgusting. Time to get the hell out of here. I wedge the carjack between his bottom gums and the roof of his mouth. Once it's stuck there good I start cranking the lever. A couple of seconds - and immense exertion - later the dino's jaws are pried open, unable to close.
I walk out of Animan's mouth humming You're Welcome from Moana. I approach the bracelet, tear it off his wrist and dropkick it to land - broken - in front of LB. She purifies it and cleanses the city without moving anything but her arm.
I walk up to them with a fist ready to be bumped. "You both owe me ten bucks each. Pound it?"
"Y/N!" They both cry, pulling me into a group hug. Awe, these two are adorable.
Chat's ring beeps showing his last pawprint. "Yikes! Better run there kitty cat," I warn scratching his ears. He shivers then boops my nose and leaps away. I look at LB's earrings. "You'd better go too. Don't want anyone else knowing your identity." She smiles and gives me another hug.
"See you at dinner," she says into my hair.
"See you tonight."
She releases me and swings away. I walk up to the zookeeper. "Everything is okay sir," I assure him. "You should get back to the zoo and check on your animals. And make sure your panther gets a hug and kiss from me." I wink and help him up. I bid him adieu and happily skip off to Mari's house for dinner.
When I get there I walk right into Mari's room to see her lying on her chaise. "Rough day huh?" I ask.
She bolts up and rushes to hug me again. "Y/N! I was so worried! Are you okay?" She gasps really loud, "What about your arm!" She grabs my arm to see a slightly bled through bandage just below my deltoid. "Oh, I'm so sorry." She looks down dejectedly. "Why didn't the Cure work?"
I wave it off. "Hey, don't worry," I tell her. "It doesn't even hurt. I'm just excited for dinner. I can't wait to hear your parents' story of meeting THE Ladybug." She laughs with me at the thought.
She pulls me into another hug. God, I love this girl. She's so caring and sweet. She's just too innocent for me to handle. I don't wanna taint her innocence with my dark and dirty mind. Not yet anyway. Wink wink.
Her phone rings in her pocket to reveal Alya calling her. "Oh no! I totally forgot about Alya! She's gonna be so mad at me for ditching her!" Awe my poor baby.
"Imagine if she knew it was you that stuffed her in the cage with Nino!" Tikki points out, flying out of Mari's pocket.
I snort. "Ha! She'd kill you!"
"I'll settle for 'mad' then," Mari says before answering the phone. She talks to Alya while walking down the stairs, out the door and to the front of the bakery with me following close behind. "Hey, Alya, I'm sorry about ditching you." I can hear Alya giving Mari a million apologies for what she said to Nino. Mari just laughs and says, "You're forgiven. Oh!" Turns out Alya was standing right outside the door to the bakery.
We all giggle at the encounter. Nino exits the bakery with a bag of fresh cookies. "Thanks, Nino!" Alya says and takes the cookie he offered her.
Nino smiles at us and offers each of us a cookie. "Um, what's he doing here?" Mari whispers to Alya while I gladly accept the delectable pastry.
"Ladybug locked us up in a cage together all afternoon," Alya explains. I stifle a giggle when Mari gasps nervously.
"Turns out, we have tonnes in common," Nino added. "Plus I also confessed to her." Good for you Nino!
"Hell yeah man!" I dab Nino up making the two girls roll their eyes at us.
"After chilling with Nino that whole time, I realized that my crush on Y/N wasn't really a crush, just adoration for one of my best friends," Alya explains to us. "Same with Adrien."
"Yeah! We really got to know each other!" Nino adds.
Alya bumps his shoulder. "Now, they don't need to hear all the deets." I laugh at this. They totally kissed. Hands down, no doubt. I gotta interrogate Nino after this. "The funniest part is that Nino was being coached by Adrien the whole time! How ironic is that? Both of us were being coached throughout the whole thing!" I couldn't help but let out the laugh that was building in me. The irony of it all has been killing me since the zoo earlier.
"Good for you guys!" I praise. "And Nino, you better give me those deets later." I point an intimidating finger at him. I turn to Mari and link my arm with hers. "Let's go inside for dinner now, I'm starving!"
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AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! 8.8k words!!! I am so sorry. Once I start writing I can't stop and by the time I realized how much I wrote it was far too late to split it into two parts. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed it. If you wanna see anything specific happen, comment and I'll do my best to integrate it into the story.
CIAO! <3