Whelving Warmth
Chapter 05
"School is fine, dad. We just had our major exams," I twirled the pesto in my fork and ate it. "Hindi naman ako masyado nahirapan"
I even think that I aced the exams lalo na sa Developmental Economics and Financial Management. I studied so hard for it.
As much as I don't want to acknowledge Theo's help, but I can't deny that it's a factor as well.
Pinakialaman niya kasi yung mga notes ko nung isang beses na nag-CR ako. When I came back, he shared that he also took those subject in his undergrad.
He offered that he can help me kapag daw may hindi ako naiintindihan. I refused because usually I understand the lesson naman and I don't want to ask for anybody's help, but he insisted.
Kapag napapansin niya na yun yung inaaral ko at medyo nahihirapan ako, nakikialam siya.
Ayaw ko pa naman ng ganoon but he's really persistent. Hindi ko nalang ginawang big deal.
Besides, it's his choice to offer help.
Minaliit ko pala talaga yung isang yun. He's very intelligent, as in really. He teaches me as if he just took the lessons yesterday, kahit na taon na talaga yung lumipas.
Ilang beses ulit kami nagkita sa mga nakalipas na linggo pagkatapos nung sa UPD, even we didn't plan to see each other. He would just randomly pop out of nowhere.
Maybe he likes the environment here in QC than in Makati, kaya dumadayo pa siya dito.
"That's good. I'm proud of you Sadie," nakangiting sabi ni Daddy sakin.
He was the one to fetch me in school earlier. Nagulat nga ako nung tumawag siya at sinabing nasa parking na siya.
"How about you Dad? Kamusta?"
Hindi niya ko pinapunta sa office buong linggo dahil sa mga exams ko. He told me to prioritize my acads first. Pero alam kong madaming ginagawa sa kumpanya kasi hindi na siya halos umuwi sa bahay.
Even during last weekend, hindi siya umuwi ng Sabado at Linggo. I was left with Manang Fely and the other maids.
"Nadelay yung tapos ng project sa Pasay," he shared. "We were supposed to visit it last week but upon inspection may nakitang dapat ayusin"
"Oh my, malala ba? What's the plans?" nag-aalala kong sabi.
"Minor issues only," he sipped at his wine. "Less than a month and it would be finish. Inasikaso ni Ashton. That man is really dependable. I would die peacefully if I know that I would be leaving you to him."
"Don't say that dad."
We went home after our dinner.
Kinabukasan, since it's Saturday, I was preparing myself for work when Daddy knocked at my door.
"Dad, I'll follow nalang," I said while combing my hair.
Hindi pa ko tapos mag-ayos. Basang-basa pa nga yung buhok ko. While he on the other hand, looks ready to go.
"No need, iha. Just rest today. Kakatapos lang ng exams mo. Think of it as your rest day," he said as he kissed my forehead. Umalis na rin siya pagkatapos.
After drying my hair, I drifted back to sleep. Babawi muna ako sa tulog. It was past lunch time when I woke up.
I ate downstairs alone.
Sabi ni Manang Fely, ako nalang daw ang hindi nakakakain sa bahay. Nang kumatok daw siya sa kwarto ko nung umaga ay wala raw sumagot.
Hindi niya naman na raw ako pinilit gisingin kasi nakita niyang halos hindi na ko matulog sa kakaaral.
Pagbalik sa kwarto, humanap ako ng pwedeng pagkakaabalahan sa bahay. It felt weird that there's no errunds that I need to do.
I put out my easel and got a blank canvas and paints. Pinagpag ko ang mga alikabok sa ibabaw ng mga ito dahil matagal na rin hindi nagamit.
My father told me before that he does not want me to get distracted by painting. Hindi naman siguro siya magagalit since wala naman akong ginagawang importante.
I bit my lower lip with the thought.
It is one of the skills that I gained out of boredom when I was younger. Sabi ni Manang Fely I am really good at it.
I wasn't able to confirm it because the only viewer of painting were daddy and the housekeepers. All of the housekeepers used to praised my artworks, but I don't believe them. They might be afraid to say anything bad about my works since they are serving our family. Si daddy naman wala siyang sinasabi nung una but later on he told me to stop.
Nevertheless, I still want to continue doing it. There is really something in painting that pulls me. Painting is my breath of fresh air.
For the entire afternoon, I was painting in my room.
I was putting final touches to my artwork when my phone suddenly rung.
It was a call from Amelia, Ashton's younger sister.
"Hello Ami?" I said with my phone sandwiched between my ears and my shoulders. Pinagpapatuloy ko pa rin ang ginagawa, it was almost finish.
[Hello Ate? Can you check kuya Ash?] There's a hint of worry in her voice. My brow furrowed.
"Why? What happened?" tanong ko sakanya.
[He was sick kanina pero nagkasagutan sila ni Daddy. I saw Daddy punched him then he went out of the house na. I tried to stop him but he told me that it's nothing.] Her sobs were already heard from the other line.
Napatayo naman ako agad. I told her not to worry kasi pupuntahan ko na yung kuya niya.
He's probably at his condo in Makati right now.
I got in one of our car at nagpaalam kay Manang Fely. Binilin ko na sabihin nalang kay Daddy na pupuntahan ko si Ashton.
It was a quick ride because our house is in the boundary of Quezon City and Makati.
"Do you know if Ashton Cordello is here?" nagmamadali kong tanong sa babae sa front desk. They know Ashton since his family owns the condominium.
"Yes ma'am. Pero sino po-" binulungan siya ng kasama niya. Nakita ko kung paano bumilog ang mata niya. "Sige po ma'am. Sorry po. Proceed nalang po kayo."
I was anxiously waiting at the elevator to reach his unit's floor. Nang magbukas ang elevator ay dare-daretso akong naglakad papunta sa unit niya.
I tried opening it, nagbabakasakaling naiwan niya iyon ng nakabukas but it was lock. "Ashton?! Ash, open the door!"
Ilang minuto pa ko nagpatuloy kumatok bago nagbukas ang pinto. I gasped when I saw the huge bruised in Ashton's face. Halata na rin na nanghihina siya by the way he holds the knob.
"Ash-" Hindi ko na natapos ang sasabihin ko dahil bumagsak na sya.
Hinipo ko yung noo niya habang inaalalayan siya patayo. He was burning hot!
Anong pumasok sa utak nito at nagpasapak pa kay tito Alex?
Iginaya ko siya papunta sa kwarto niya at ihiniga siya sa kama.
I got a sponge and a basin full of cold water. Pinunasan ko yung katawan niya.
Good thing nakapambahay naman na siya nung dating ko dito. He's wearing sando and boxers. Kumuha nalang ako sa closet niya ng sweatpants and sweater to keep him warm.
"Ash do you have a thermometer?" Sinubukan ko siyang gisingin pero hindi gumana.
Kinuha ko ang dala kong bag sa bedside table. "I'm just going to buy you things," paalam ko sa kanya kahit natutulog naman siya. Inayos ko yung pagkakakumot sa kanya.
I checked her refrigerator earlier to see what can I cook for him but it has nothing in it but ice and some alcoholic beverages.
When I returned, I first checked his temperature and put some ointment in his bruised lips. Nilagyan ko rin siya ng Kool Fever sa noo niya kasi hindi ko pa siya mapainom ng gamot.
Then I went to his kitchen to cook chicken congee.
"Hey," panggigising ko sa kanya. "Eat first."
Naalipungatan siya pero he still look weak. Malamlam pa rin ang mga mata niya.
I help him seat and put a pillow on his back. Ako na rin ang nagsubo sa kanya since he can't do it on his own.
"Here's the medicine," abot ko sa kanya na agad niya naman kinuha. Sunod kong inabot sa kanya ang isang baso ng tubig.
I stayed by his side that night. Naglagay ako ng upuan sa tabi niya at hinawakan ang kamay niya.
My father called later on than night to ask what happened. I explained to him Ashton's condition and he told me to stay in my fiance's place nalang muna.
Hindi ko rin nakalimutang i-message si Ami to notify her that I'm with her brother already.
She was so thankful to me.
Inapa ko ulit ang noo pagkatapos kunin ang kaniyang temperatura. It's lower than earlier. I gave out a sighed of relief.
Madaling-araw ng muli ko siyang gisingin para painumin ulit siya ng gamot.
"Sadie?" He called out with his sleep eyes.
Nginitian ko lang siya.
I didn't notice that I drifted to sleep while watching over him.
Nagising ako ng may naramdaman akong kamay na umaalog sa aking balikat, "Sadie, wake up"
Napaayos ako ng upo. "Sorry. Okay ka na ba?" I ask him gently. Nakita kong nakaayos na siya ng upo sa gitna ng kama niya.
I was about to check his temperature again but he stopped me.
"I think about what you said last time," he said with his cold voice.
"I told my dad about it. Sinabi ko na rin sa kanya yung kay Ysabella. This is what I got." referring to his bruised cheeks. "He was so furious"
Ramdam na ramdam ko kung paano nanlamig yung buong katawan ko. Shit.
"Ask me again your questions, Sariah. I'll answer them all now," he looked at me darkly.
Ngayon naman ako biglang natakot magsalita. The way he speak makes me feel that he's going to say something that will hurt me.
Umiiling nalang ako, "You're still sick. Magpahinga ka nalang muna. I'm going to get you some food."
"You want to know why I distanced myself from you right?" sabi niya na nagpatigil sakin. "You asked me before why am I treating you like this."
I gather my courage and looked at him, but it shattered with what he said, "Because you remind me why my mom died."
What is he saying?
"I didn't do anything!" pagtanggi ko. I was so young then. Ang alam ko lang Tita Leah died because of heart attack.
"Yes you didn't do anything! Just like your mother!"
"Don't mention my late mother here!" galit ko na ring sabi sa kanya.
"Nakarating sayo na namatay si mama dahil sa heart attack diba? But do you know the reason why?" Nagpupuyos niyang tanong. His eyes darkened with anger.
"Just get it straight Ashton!"
"She died when she learned about the existance of Tamara. She died when she learned about my father's infidelity. But you know what's worst? She died with a broken heart because she learned that your mother, her bestfriend, knew about it since the start pero walang ginawa ang mommy mo!" he throw the bedside lamp to the wall out of wrath.
Napasinghap ako sa sinabi niya.
I didn't know.
Oh God, I didn't know.
Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga nang maramdamang patulo na ang luha ko
"For years, your mother knew about it. Pero hindi niya sinabi kay mama! She chose to carry it to her grave!" I saw him running his hand to his hair out of frustration while I remain near the door still doing my best not to cry.
"Kung sinabi niya lang! Siguro buhay pa si mama ngayon. Siguro kasama pa namin siya," punong puno ng pagsisisi yung boses niya.
"Mabait si mama, e. If she learned about it sooner, I'm sure she'll still forgive. But why did she need to learn about it that way?!"
He looked at me with tears in his eyes, "She loved you so much Sadie. My mother loved you. My brothers and I loved you. But because of what your mother did? I don't think you deserve any of it."
His words were like shards that pierced my heart.
I can't take this anymore.
Tinalikuran ko siya at patakbong umalis. Ang mga luha na kanina ko pa pinipigilan ay biglang bumagsak.
I was crying so hard. Hindi ko na halos makita ang dinadaanan ko.
I didn't know that this is where he is coming from.
Napasalampak ako sa parking sa kakaiyak. This is so fucking painful. All along I thought ako lang ang nasasaktan.
Ashton is right.
I didn't deserve their love.
I deserve all of this pain that I am feeling.
Biglang may yumakap sa akin. When I heard his voice comforting me, mas lalo lang ako naiyak.