Me: Here Candy...wow, you are so good at eating your crackers...yes you are.
Goddess: (stroking Carlos' furry back) So what you were basically saying was that you got engaged with Hot Roommate and you lied about it to everyone for two and a half months. Did I get it right?
Me: (wincing) Well, most of it. I mean, some of our friends know but we made them sign some NDAs to shut them up.
Goddess: Riiiight...because what's exciting about an engagement without some NDA signing? That's cute...
Me: (shoulders slumping) I know. I know...what we did was wrong...
Goddess: (letting Carlos roll out of her arms) I'm not saying what you two did was wrong. Surely you have reasons why you think you needed to keep the engagement a secret to everyone. And frankly, aside from your parents who most probably share your happiness about the engagement, you don't owe anyone enough for them to demand that you bare your souls to them.
Me: (sighing) Maybe. We hurt our parents pretty badly though. (staring at Candy who started chasing a ball) What about you? If Candy kept her engagement from you, what will you do?
Goddess: (laughing) Oh darling, she won't keep it from me because I will be her bestfriend.
Me: (rolling my eyes) Just in case. It's a hypothetical question.
Goddess: (humming) I will be hurt. I won't lie. It's such an important moment, I hope she will permit me to share it with her and the person she will love. (smiling fondly at her daughter) It will be such a privilege to see her that happy.
The Goddess gave me a kind smile.
Goddess: But you should stop berating yourself. It already happened, you two confessed already and people just now need to sort their feelings out. Do yourself a favor and stay positive. What's the worst thing that could happen?
Me: Our parents will never forgive us and we will get disowned. I will never see my Mama and Baba again.
Goddess: Okay...speaking as a parent...that will never happen. Your parents won't last an eternity without seeing you. But I'm not saying this so you will feel too important and just shrug off their hurt feelings...I'm telling you this because you are being ridiculous. They will forgive you, eventually, and they will never disown you. Same goes for Hot Roommate. If his parents didn't disown him for being gay, I don't think he will get disown by keeping his engagement a secret for two months.
Me: Yeah I know. I know they will forgive me. But you bet that I can't do anything wrong without this getting thrown in my face. My parents will surely remind me that I did this to them and they will tell their grandkids about it.
Goddess: As they should because you are not a model material. No one should emulate what you did. That was wrong and you are wrong.
Me: (nodding) Right. No one should follow my footsteps.
Candy: (coming towards the Goddess while holding a little cat flushy) Ohm...ma...
The Goddess and I winced at her.
Goddess: People will start thinking that she is Korean. She kept calling me "ohmma ohmma". Very close to how Koreans call their mother.
Candy grinned at her Mama. Then she went on all four and crawled towards Carlos, who is lounging at the carpet and swishing his tail. When Carlos saw Candy approaching, the cat hissed gently before standing up and leaping towards the long couch.
Me: Carlos doesn't seem to like Candy.
Goddess: They hate being quarantined together in one room. When we were back to my mother's home, Carlos was ever so happy that I let him outside so he can escape my daughter.
The Goddess and Candy left the Capital to isolate themselves in ShangHai where Goddess' mother lives. They just got back this week after almost four months of being away.
Me: Candy will soon turn two, right?
Goddess: She is. She is growing up so fast.
After saying that, the Goddess sighed. I stared at her.
Me: Okay...what is wrong?
Goddess: (face suddenly flushing pink) What? Nothing!
Me: (wincing at her) And they gave you an award for acting? They should demand those trophies back. You are not good at acting like a liar.
Goddess: (snorting) I am great at acting. I just need to be paid with a seven digit cheque so my talent will shine.
Me: (whistling) Well, tough luck. I don't have millions to pay you. But I do have two ears that will be willing to listen to you and an empty mind that won't judge.
Goddess: (rolling her pretty eyes) You are not an emptyhead. You are pretty smart.
Me: I know. I'm smart that's why I am telling you to stop stalling and just...let it all out.
Goddess: (sighing) What I will say to you won't leave this house, do you understand? You cannot tell anyone. Not even Hot Roommate.
Me: (nodding) Okay. I promise not to tell anyone. I swear.
Goddess: (nodding) I will trust you. Well...here it goes. Mr.Lim finally let out the "d" word slip from his lips.
Me: (baffled) The "d" word? What word is that?
Goddess: Divorce.
My slack jawed. I mean, my jaw slacked. My mouth fell open. I grew still in shock.
Me: D-divorce? F-from his w-wife?
Goddess: (nodding) He just called me one night and said he broached the subject of divorce to his wife.
Me: (blinking rapidly) Why would he do that?
Goddess: Why do you think?
Both of us looked at Candy. The little goddess to be has decided that bothering Carlos is a worthwhile activity after all so she kept on sliding closer to the lounging cat. I hope Carlos won't claw her.
Me: I mean she is his legitimate daughter. She carries his name, right?
Goddess: Yes. But he won't be able to publicly claim her. Not until she grew old and become a woman of her own. Oh my poor daughter...she is so unlucky to have us as her parents.
I saw shine on the Goddess' eyes so I scowled at her.
Me: Hey! None of that. She is lucky to have you and Mr.Lim as her Mama and Baba. She is so lucky. So darn lucky. She inherited good genetic genes from you and Mr.Lim, she will not want any material things in this world because you will provide well for her, you will teach her values and manners, she will be surrounded by people who loves her...she is lucky. And one day, Candy will be the one telling you all of these...not me.
Goddess: (sniffing) I just pity my lover. He loves our daughter so much...he wants to proudly parade her in his arms.
Me: Mr.Lim is a good father.
Goddess: (nodding) He is a good man. Funny too. There were times when he told me he wished we met before he was married. That he wants to make an honest woman out of me. Like I need that...
Me: (staring at her) You don't really wish for it? To be married to him...
Goddess: (snorting) The time for wishing was over. I have made my bed and decided to lay on it without resentment. I already received so much from him. His love. His time. His daughter. Wanting his ring will be akin to greed.
Me: But you love each other and...
I stopped when I found her staring at me like I am out of my mind.
Me: (rolling) Oh alright...alright. I get it. Life is not like that. I get it...
Goddess: (sighing) If I was still that naive, carefree and reckless twenty something year old girl who dreams of a dashing man to sweep me off my feet...I would be glad that Mr.Lim is broaching the issue of divorce between him and his wife.
Me: But...
Goddess: But my reality is better than my dreams. I am not complaining. I have my daughter, my lover, my business, my family and friends...
I smiled when she gestured at me when saying "friends".
Goddess: ...I don't need a dashing man anymore. My dreams has changed. I now want a daughter who will grow up to be strong and kind to others. A daughter who will not be afraid to take risks but would also shield her heart from being broken. I want my lover to succeed in his every endeavors and I want him to be proud of what we have. Her...
Goddess and I smiled together when we saw Candy dragging a cushion from on of the solo armchair so she can lay on it.
Me: I think she is sleepy.
Goddess: I think she is wonderful. The heavens has given her to me as a gift, if I will want more, I'm scared that I will be punished and that punishment will meant my daughter getting hurt...
Me: Oh no. That's not how...
Goddess: I know. I know it's ridiculous to think like that but I cannot help it. (smiling at me) When someone came into your life...and they complete you...you could not help but question your luck, Cute Neighbor. Like, how did I deserve this? What have I've done to have this...wonderful wonderful gift in my life? And you are happy but you are also cautious that it will be taken from you. So I am being cautious. I won't get greedy. I told Mr.Lim not to be greedy. I told him...don't aspire too much for us anymore, lets reserve all our prayers and wishes for our daughter. So she will find all the happiness in this world meant for her.
I got quiet after that. Then I sighed.
Me: That must've hurt.
Goddess: (nodding) It does. Because I want it too. To be able to go out with my hand holding my husband's and him carrying our daughter in his other arm. That would be wonderful, don't you think?
The Goddess gave me a look that says she wants me to agree with her. There's a sort of desperation in her eyes that wants validation for her dream of one day being public with her lover and daughter.
But that's not what she needs from me. It may be what she wants, but that's not what she needs.
Me: (sighing) That's your greedy part speaking. Stop being greedy. You already have a rich lover and beautiful daughter...that's one thing more than what I have. Wait for me to catch up.
The Goddess groaned a chuckle and then she laughed. That made Candy look at her Mama. The little girl stood from the pillow cushion to go to the Goddess. My friend hefted her daughter to make Candy sit on her lap and she kissed Candy's temple.
Goddess: Sleepy, my darling?
Candy: Ohmma...ohmma...
The Goddess and I chuckled at her adorableness. Candy dozed off in Goddess' arms as she and I smile at each other.
Goddess: You and Hot Roommate will be alright. I will always root for the two of you.
Me: (nodding) I know. And I am always on your team. Remember that.
Goddess: I know.
And it's great to have friends. I am lucky because the Goddess' next door is mine.