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the human body is a terrible liar. whatever secrets it's hiding, it will tell them all eventually. leprosy, chicken pox, tuberculosis, hiv, we can carry these for years with no physical symptoms.
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"i spent the day with maggie," lia tells mark as she stands in front of the mirror, making a coffee, in the doctor's lounge, and he stands behind her. "i needed a day, mark, so i took it."
"that's fine. i just need to know why," mark insists.
"no, you don't," lia shakes her head. "you want to hear that i cured cancer or that i found a vaccine for als before breakfast."
"that'd be great," mark mumbles. "anything would be great."
"there it is again," lia groans.
"what?" mark furrows his brow.
"you're waiting for me to pay up for this grand sacrifice that you made for our family," lia elaborates. "how am i supposed to do anything with you pressuring me and hovering over me for a decision that you made? and you're waiting for me to fail."
"i'm waiting for you to shine," mark argues.
"and i told you, you should go to la and shine there," lia turns around to face him. "it was you who decided to stay here and martyr yourself and now make me feel guilty because of a decision you made. well, i am done. i'm done feeling guilty. i won't do it anymore. just stay out of my way."
"wow," mark folds his arms across his chest. "you may not have been raised by ellis, but you definitely have her dna."
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but given enough time, the signs will always show up. the real question is, what are your body's secrets? and are you ready to know?
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"hi, elliot," maggie greets her patient, before turning to his wife, finley, who's sat beside him, also wearing a hospital gown. "finley, wheelchair? what happened?"
"jasper happened," finley and elliot announce in unison.
"four pound fourteen ounces," finley rubs her stomach.
"oh, you had the baby," maggie nods. "i thought he wasn't due for another month."
"he wasn't," elliot confirms.
"no, but he's fine," finley assures. "he's in the nicu."
"check out this little alien," elliot turns his phone around to show maggie, and the interns behind her, a picture of their baby.
"aww," maggie coos.
"isn't he cute? we're calling him e.t for short," finley chuckles.
"yeah, i was in the middle of my usual pre-surgery fast when her water broke," elliot tells them.
"he wanted to postpone, but i said no," finley turns to her husband. "you don't postpone heart surgery."
"yeah, jasper's immune system is still a little wonky," elliot adds. "i'm not allowed to hold him until i get discharged."
"well, cross, present please," maggie turns to the intern on her left.
"elliot calhoon, thirty nine, here for a fourth aortic valve replacement due to congenital aortic stenosis," cross presents, and maggie nods with shaky breaths.
■ ■ ■
"so, i have a valve replacement on a chronic aortic stenosis," maggie tells lia as she walks alongside her. "you wanna scrub in?"
"okay," lia shrugs. "why?"
"hmm?" maggie's voice raises an octave.
"why do you need me to scrub in on a valve replacement?" lia elaborates.
"no, i don't. i just thought it would be fun," maggie attempts to convince her.
"okay. but it's a valve replacement," lia's brows knit together. "which i know you could probably do with your eyes closed. so if this is about sabie, stop doubting your abilities."
"it's not about sabie," maggie assures. "but if you don't wanna help..."
"no, i do. i do," lia insists. "god, i haven't seen a heart that's not the size of a walnut in months."
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"hi," lia greets as she enters elliot's room whilst maggie is busy examining him.
"elliot, finley, this is-" maggie begins to introduce lia.
"dr. webber," finley smiles, cutting her off. "we've met. she's jasper's doctor. she's the one who delivered him. is he okay?"
"jasper's fine," lia assures. "i'm here as elliot's doctor today."
"okay, one more deep breath for me," maggie instructs elliot, and he obliges. "okay. we're ready to prep you elliot."
"okay. i'm gonna go watch bad tv. and eat pudding. and ice my lady parts," finley takes her husband's hands.
"oo la la," elliot chuckles.
"enjoy it because it's gonna be your last alone time for the next eighteen years," lia says and they laugh.
"i don't have to be scared, right?" finley asks elliot softly.
"if i die, don't ever leave him with my mother for a weekend," elliot warns.
"shut up," finley laughs. "and i won't."
"we're gonna fix your up so that you can hold that beautiful boy," lia assures.
■ ■ ■
"what's the activating clotting time?" maggie asks during elliot's surgery.
"four hundred eighty five seconds," kelly, one of the scrub nurses, informs her.
"thank you," maggie nods.
"maggie," lia raises her brow and her sister looks up at her. "you asked that three minutes ago. stop doubting yourself."
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"valve's in. we're almost done closing the aorta," lia announces.
"okay," maggie nods. "okay. good. good."
"nice work, maggie," lia smiles from behind her scrub mask.
"thank you," maggie offers a smile back as the o.r phone begins to ring, and kelly picks it up. "okay. clamps up. take the patient off bypass."
"dr. webber," kelly calls over. "they need you in the nicu."
"you're good to close, right?" lia asks maggie.
"yes," maggie sighs deeply. "thank you for the assist."
"mm-hmm," lia hums before heading out of the o.r, allowing hanna to take her place as assist.
"dr. pierce, seeing as i was the one who was meant to be on your service today, do you think i could close?" cross asks, hopefully, and maggie remains silent, but her eyes widen on the patient's chest. "dr. pierce?"
"shut up. shut up, cross," maggie warns.
"shouldn't his heart be restarting by now?" deluca asks from the other side of maggie.
"i don't know why- why it isn't restarting," maggie's breath grows ragged.
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"lia," mark calls as he hurries catch up to her, taking hold of her arm when he does.
"mark, not now," lia groans.
"five minutes. just five minutes," mark says, pulling her into an empty on call room.
"mark, i swear to god," lia sighs. "i can't do this right now."
"i'm sorry about the thing i said about ellis," mark apologises as he closes the door.
"why? you meant it."
"it was in the heat of the moment," mark defends. "i- i just-"
"you know, you wanted to hurt me, and you did that, so at least have the guts to stand by it," lia tells him.
"will you just hear me out?" mark asks.
"you could do worse that compare me to a brilliant surgeon, but you meant it in the sense that i am cold and ambitious and selfish, a horrible wife and mother. i got that," lia assures.
"well, i love how you can just switch it around so you can make it fit-" mark shakes his head.
"you think i'm like ellis, whatever," lia shrugs. "but do not make me live under the weight of your disappointment because of something you gave up."
"if you recall, i gave it up for you," mark protests.
"oh, you gave it up for me, but i don't want it," lia shakes her head. "go. you should get on the next flight out. call el camino and get the job back. just go."
■ ■ ■
"charge to thirty," maggie orders, clutching the internal paddles as elliot's monitor beeps rapidly. "c'mon, elliot. c'mon. clear. god. this can't be happening. this can't be happening, again"
"should be try epi and-" cross begins to suggest.
"we've already tried twice," maggie cuts him off before turning to kelly. "increase the pump flow."
"so, you're just gonna keep him on bypass?" cross furrows his brow.
"cross. i said shut up," maggie scolds as lia walks back in with a surgical mask held up to her mouth.
"what the hell happened?" lia asks. "maggie?"
"his heart didn't restart," maggie cries as she continues attempting to get him back. "i don't know what i did."
"he's been on bypass multiple times before, right? it's probably hibernating myocardium," lia attempts to calm her down. "let's keep him up here for a couple hours. it could come back. maggie, do you agree with my recommendation? maggie?!"
"well, i'm not gonna go out there and tell his wife and newborn, so i guess i don't have a choice," maggie pulls the headlamp off her head and walks out.
"pack the chest," lia instructs the surgical team. "put him back on bypass. i'm gonna scrub back in."
■ ■ ■
"i don't think i understand," finley shakes her head as lia and maggie stand in front of her in the nicu. "does he need a new valve?"
"he just needs more time," lia explains.
"okay," finley nods. "how much time?"
"well, we can't be sure," lia admits. "with hibernating myocardium, the odds of his heart restarting are very high. we just don't know how long it'll take."
"wait. you're saying... it might not start at all?" finley's voice begins to break.
"there is a very small chance, but-" lia begins, but finley cuts her off.
"no. this has to be a mistake. he's had this surgery three times before," finley reminds them before she turns to maggie. "you've done this three times before."
"yes, i have," maggie nods.
"then what happened?" finley cries.
"i- i don't know, finley," maggie swallows. "i- i'm sorry."
"oh, my god," finley brings her hand up to her mouth as continues to sob.
"will you please- will you excuse me?" maggie's turns to lia, her voice breaking, before she walks out of the nicu.
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when the body reveals its secrets, there's no turning back. the good news is, when the truth is out, you'll know what you're dealing with.
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lia is removing her lab coat when she walks into the doctor's lounge to find that mark is already in there. as soon as she notices his presence, she turns to walk back out.
"ah, no, stop. stop. we're not fighting. the fighting is over," mark tells her, and she stops and turns back round to face him. "i'm calling a halt to it."
"god, mark, you don't just get to do that, decide when we're moving, decide when a fight is over," lia shakes her head. "what if i'm not done fighting?"
"oh, it's- it's not over. i can guarantee you that," mark assures. "we'll probably fight tomorrow and the next day, and this is gonna last for a while, but right now we're gonna have a truce."
"a truce?" lia raises her brow.
"yes," mark confirms.
"why?" lia sighs.
"sabrina died," mark says gently and she exhales deeply, moving over to take a seat on the couch, and mark sits rests on the back of it, just behind her head. "sabrina died and you don't tell me? this can't happen. when stuff like this comes up, you have to let me know. i- we put all our other stuff aside, and it's like- i need to know that you're okay. are you? are you okay?"
"sabie died. i loved her so so much, and even though i hadn't seen her for a few years, we would always text or talk on the phone. and now we can't. now she's just gone," lia throws her hands up before resting them back down on her lap, where mark takes hold, and uses his thumb to stroke it. "maggie said that they didn't want her to operate. that she bullied them into letting her. but, i- i just don't know. i wasn't there. i was in the nicu. i just- i haven't even had time to process it all yet, because i'm worried about maggie. i'm so worried about maggie, mark."
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the bad news is, it might already be too late to do anything about it. at that point, all you can do is hope you're ready for what comes next.
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"pierce, w- hat happened in that o.r?" bailey asks maggie when she finds her walking aimlessly around the hospital.
"i would like to tender my resignation, effective immediately," maggie tells her, and her eyes widen.
"no, no, hang on," bailey holds her hand up. "one bad outcome is not a-"
"i had a bad feeling," maggie cuts her off. "i know that patient. i had a bad feeling. i should've trusted myself. i can't be a surgeon if i can't trust my own gut. i can't. i quit."
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hope it isn't over. hope to be saved from loss and pain and despair. and most of all, hope that there's something left to save.
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