- - -
don't you wish you could just take it back? that thing you said? that thing you did? there's no undo button. there's only hoping we can learn. we can change, right?
- - -
"have you and derek had a fight?" meredith asks lia as the two of them are walking through the hospital, after dropping darci and zola off at daycare.
"no," lia attempts to dismiss, whilst avoiding looking at meredith.
"really?" meredith raises her brow, unconvinced. "'cause every time i mention you, he goes quiet and has this weird look on his face... kind of like the one you have right now."
lia exhales deeply and opens her mouth to speak, but doesn't get the chance to before bailey approaches them, causing lia to let out a small sigh of relief.
"dr. webber, i have a follow up on one of your father's patients, sheldon morris," bailey informs lia, widening her eyes as she emphasises her words, suggestively, and meredith furrows her brow. "but i have a high profile patient coming in. could you take a look for me?"
"i really can't, bailey, i'm sorry," lia shakes her head apologetically. "i am swamped today. i have back to back surgeries nearly all day."
"don't worry, i'll ask shepherd," bailey smiles, turning to leave.
"don't ask derek," lia blurts, and meredith furrows her brow as bailey spins back around. "mark has a pretty free schedule today. ask him."
bailey nods before turning back around and heading off down the corridor. once bailey is out of sight, meredith immediately turns to look at lia.
"okay, there is definitely something going on," meredith presses, and lia remains silent for a few moments before responding.
"okay," lia sighs. "at christmas, derek accused my
dad of 'falling off the wagon', and i wouldn't call it a fight as such, but things have been a little awkward since."
"and has richard fell off the wagon?" meredith asks, and when lia doesn't respond she presses her further. "come on, lia, it's me. you can tell me anything. i won't tell derek if that's what you're worried about."
lia exhales deeply and for a moment meredith thinks that her sister is about to open up to her. but instead lia just walks away, leaving meredith to roll her eyes in response.
■ ■ ■
"mr. morris. dr. sloan. i'll be filling in for dr. bailey today," mark greets, shaking sheldon's hand as he enters the exam room. "so you're here for a follow up?"
"uh, yeah, yeah," sheldon nods. "i had my gall bladder out a couple of months ago."
"months?" mark furrows his brow as he looks up from the patient folder to look at sheldon. "and you're still getting follow ups?"
"i am, once a week," sheldon confirms.
"once a week?" mark's confusion continues to grow, as he returns to looking through the file.
"yeah. dr. bailey says she just wants to make sure i'm in tip-top shape," sheldon chuckles.
"dr. webber did your surgery?" mark asks.
"yeah. chief of surgery," sheldon grins. "fancy, huh?"
"yeah. mm-hmm," mark nods, faking his enthusiasm.
"you guys are the best. people say a lot of crap about health care, but they've never been here," sheldon looks around the room, almost with admiration. "you take care of people."
"we certainly do," mark nods.
"mm. dr. bailey was all worried 'cause i turned yellow after my first surgery," sheldon explains, and mark's eyes briefly go wide before composing himself again. sheldon then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a picture of himself, following his first surgery, which he hands to mark. "oh, see? here. but it went away. i'm fine now. you want to look at my scar or wait 'til after i pee in the cup?"
■ ■ ■
"hey, tom kates is having panic attacks?" bailey turns to mark and furrows her brow when he approaches her at the nurses station, clutching a patient file.
"yeah. i don't know why. he's not talking," mark shrugs, placing the file down. "i took care of your, uh, chole patient. it's all good."
"uh, thanks," bailey says as she continues to sort through her patient files.
"yeah, he's getting some high-class care. six visits with a surgeon?" mark raises his brow. "a nurse practitioner could do this."
"no, i like to do, uh, aftercare myself," bailey shrugs, nonchalantly, but unconvincingly.
"he wasn't even your patient. he was the chief's. there was an error," mark points out.
"he's fine," bailey dismisses.
"so why all the-" mark begins.
"i have a thing for him, okay?" bailey cuts him off, and mark's eyes widen with surprise and amusement.
"sheldon morris?" mark pulls the photograph out of the patient file that sheldon gave him earlier and holds it up to show bailey.
"he caught my eye," bailey tells him as he turns to picture around to take a better look for himself. "sheldon has a quality that i'm... drawn to. i... i can't put my finger on what it is exactly."
"sure. sure," mark nods, clearly unconvinced, but still amused. "want to keep his picture?"
bailey narrows her eyes at mark before snatching the picture off him. he then walks away, chuckling as he does so.
"ben better watch out," mark calls back to her and she exhales deeply whilst screwing her eyes shut.
■ ■ ■
mark is walking across the hospital catwalk towards richard who is walking across in the opposite direction.
"richard... tom kates needs a splenectomy," mark informs him, stopping in front of him. "any chance i can get you to do the procedure?"
"oh, well, i've asked bailey to take over my service," richard explains before attempting to step around mark, but he mirrors his movements so that he's blocking richard's path.
"it's a high profile patient," mark points out. "i thought you could make an exception."
"sure," richard nods after a small sigh before continuing past mark who turns around and watches richard walk away with suspicion.
■ ■ ■
"you good to go?" mark asks, entering the o.r where bailey and meredith are getting ready to operate on tom kates.
"yeah," bailey nods. "what, are you babysitting? 'cause i'm not new at this."
"where's the chief?" mark furrows his brow.
"i don't know," bailey shrugs. "check his office."
"he said he was gonna do the surgery," mark tells her.
"and then he told me he didn't have time and asked me if i would do it, which i was planning on doing in the first place, so i said yes," bailey explains.
"what the hell is going on?" mark asks bailey in a lowered voice. "the chole patient, your boyfriend? that was the chief's mistake. and he hasn't touched a patient since then."
"he's been busy," bailey attempts to dismiss him.
"yeah, i've heard that story before," mark scoffs. "what is going on?"
"it is not my job to get involved in his personal life," bailey tells him after a long pause. "however, you are engaged to his daughter, so don't you think you should be having this conversation with her?"
■ ■ ■
"lia," meredith calls when she catches her sister walking through the hospital.
when she hears meredith call, she stops walking and turns around to look at her. meredith jogs slightly to catch up to her.
"everything okay?" lia asks.
"look, i know you clearly aren't ready to talk to me about whatever is going on with richard," meredith begins. "but he was meant to operate on tom kates today, and didn't. and mark is starting to get suspicious too, so i thought i'd give you a heads up."
"thanks, mer," lia exhales deeply, giving meredith's arm a slight squeeze before heading off towards her father's office.
■ ■ ■
when lia enters richard's office, she finds him watching what appears to be an old surgical film.
"oh, alivia, you're just in time. take a look at this," richard gestures to the screen and lia uncomfortably makes her way over to where he is sat. "okay, it's- it's coming up. look, right there. look at that. that's the minute we knew ellis was different. oh, and that other hand holding the retractor? that's garber. he was the chief of surgery back then. no one could believe it. she walked in that room a resident and walked out a legend."
the office then falls silent as richard watches the video with awe and amazement, and lia watches him, her brow creased.
"mark was worried when you didn't show up for the, uh, tom kates surgery," lia tells him, whilst picking at her nails.
"yeah, mark worries. that makes him a good guy," richard shrugs, not taking his eyes off the screen. "oh, look, look, look, look, look."
- - -
we can do better. we can't take back what we've done. we can't undo the past, cause the future keeps coming at us. best to keep the past in the past. move on. learn from it.
- - -
"something's going on with richard, and i can't figure it out," mark frowns, walking into the attending lounge where lia is slipping her jacket on after getting changed out of her scrubs. "i think he's scared to operate. is that possible?"
lia turns her head to look at him for a moment as she continues to gather her things together, but she doesn't actually respond to mark.
"you don't know or you're not gonna tell me?" mark presses, but lia remains silent as she stuffs the remaining of her belongings into her bag before throwing it over her shoulder and exhaling deeply.
"it's... nothing," lia shakes her head, turning to face him, yet looking anywhere but his face.
"if it's nothing, find a way to look me in the eye," mark tells her, and she does, but doesn't respond immediately.
"i don't know," lia admits. "i- i- i... i keep telling myself and derek there's no problem, but if there's no problem, then why can't i just say it?"
mark cocks his head to the side slightly, furrowing his brow and lia shakes her head, not wanting to say it out loud.
"he's drinking again," lia sighs.
- - -
we don't learn from our mistakes, we wind up locked into a future we never choose. the past is written, there's no changing it. what's done is done, but the future is ours to choose, for better or worse.
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