FIN
Is there an exorcist in the house?
I swear by all that is holy I levitated a foot above the bed. And if Norman hadn't stopped when he did? My head would've started the obligatory 360-degree spins as well until I passed out.
Fitting accompaniments to my speaking....ummmm....screaming in tongues.
"NORMAAOHMAWADJAOOOHAHHHHDAGGYESSSSNORMANAHHHH"
Translation: Goodness gracious me, Norman! I must say, you're extremely talented indeed. But please forgive me if I just have a little out-of-body experience right now. I'll be right back, just catching my breath is all. So don't you go anywhere cos we sure as hell ain't done yet. Not by a country mile.
No sireeee!
Honestly! Sometimes I reckon I should take out a restraining order against my own imagination. Because reality sure is ruling so far.
A girl can only have so many cold showers. And being around Norman? Well, there's a limit on how many of those you can have....EACH AND EVERY FECKIN DAY!
So I have to admit that I've actually ummmm....popped the cork on my lonesome to that imagination a couple of times. Ever since our very first kiss.
OK, before that even.
But in my own self-defence, I was sound asleep and dreaming on those occasions. So they don't really count....do they? 😜
*
When my lids eventually open, to see my one and only real-life Daggy smiling lopsidedly down at me. I almost passed out for real.
Catch that look in his eyes. The one that's been there every single day since he told me he loves me.
Me?
Jaysus I love him....every single eejit bit of him. And I want every single remaining eejit bit of him NOW!
"Puh....puh....please Norman?" I beg, spreading my legs further until I feel his hips settle against the inside of my thighs.
His lips land on mine and I taste myself on his tongue when he starts to push into me.
Tried to anyways. His mouth clenched slightly against mine when my teeth bit down a little without me realising.
"Fin? You're....you've never....?"
"Yes....No....I mean....Oh....I DON'T KNOW! "
"But....I mean....I know I said I didn't want to know about previous partners and that. But haven't you ever....?"
Thank goodness he didn't see my look of inner exasperation. Lovelust frustration almost. But I can't stop him from hearing a bit of it in my, maybe....slightly sarcastic response?
"Daggy, do you think we can have that particular little conversation at a more convenient time? Because right now? There's something else I truly feel has a much higher priority."
"So if you don't mind can we just keep going....please? I love you....you feckin eejit. Everything's Ok. Very much more than Ok in fact."
"No, it's not fucking Ok, Fin! How can it be, if I'm hurting you?"
Norman pulled away almost in fear? And I could've screamed when he rolled away completely onto his back. Going by the look on his face now, he's starting to psych himself out altogether.
But one part of him hasn't succumbed as yet.
So, with a speed that astonishes even me....I push my body up. Mount him like I would a horse.
Before my husband can even think about raising holy hell over what I'm about to do? I manhandle that crowbar away from his tummy. Put it back where it'd nestled previously.
And without a second thought....sort of just....drop. Let gravity take over altogether.
BULLSEYE!
Yowieyowieyowieouweeeeouchhhh!
Guess I really did end up saving myself for marriage after all, huh?
Feels like I'm stuffed fit to burst and it stings quite a bit for a second or three. But compared to what happened to my body all those weeks ago?
As the Black Night announced in Monty Python and the Holy Grail....tis but a flesh wound.
One of Norman's hands crept away from the thigh he gripped. Slid up my tummy to my chest then around the back of my neck. Tugged my head down until we're staring at each other once more.
When the smile takes over my face, his look of relief is almost palpable.
"So, you're happy now are you? Feckin harpy....taking me against my will!" He growled in mock anger and I let out a little gasp when he twitched inside me.
I lean over, raising my bum slightly up and then down as I do. Repeat that last action a few more times and make the most wonderful discovery.
Feck it....reality has now been crowned the winner as far as I'm concerned!
I'm so overwhelmed that the reply I kiss into his mouth sounds woefully inadequate.
"Mr Reedus? I'm very, very happy indeed. Are you ummmm....willing yet?"
"And able....me little divil!"
"Please?" I beg softly, for what I thought will be the last time.
"God how I love you, Fin."
He then starts to show me just how much. Never taking his eyes off mine as his strong hands settle on my bottom and his hips start to move in little clockwise circles.
While moving me in the opposite direction.
Oh myyyy....
Norman doesn't leave me at all, not one single millimetre. My insides feel like a tub of hot molasses and he's giving them an almighty stir.
"Your face, baby....it's how I always imagined you'll look when I'm inside you. Just like my drawing."
My head starts to roll in sync with every swirl and then his hands kind of pull me down onto him even harder. Massaging my butt cheeks until I thought they'll erode.
Those hands. Oh myyyy....
Feel a tiny shift inside me and open my eyes to see Norman lift himself up into a sitting position.
"You, Mrs Reedus....have the most incredible tits. Can I paint them?"
He moaned around the mouthful that he'd filled himself up with and my arms settled around his neck, clutching his shaggy hair in my hands.
"With your fingers?" I whimper, deliberately misunderstanding his request to immortalize them on canvas.
He gasped in delight.
"Might use something else first, maybe?"
He's gonna embalm me? Oh myyyy....
Daggy's lips drag their way back up to my open mouth. Without missing a beat he somehow manages to get to his knees, placing me on my back. Then he sits up on his haunches and gazes down.
Time comes to a standstill again.
My entire universe focuses in on his eyes as they roam all over me, along with his fingers. Fingers that now perform a tango over where we're joined.
Blue eyes....Oh myyyy....
"Skip, your skin. It's everywhere....gonna lick it....bite it everywhere."
His voice? I want to record it and play it in my sleep whenever he's away.
The hip roll came to a gentle stop. Ever so slowly, Norman started to draw out and slide back in again. A centimetre....then a bit more....a bit more and I can't stop myself.
"Norman....Norman PLEASE!" The scream-beg bursts out at last.
That smile....OhmyyyyGod....
My man bent himself over me, taking the weight of his upper body onto massive forearms. Those biceps are writhing under my palms that grip them hard.
When he started to move in earnest? So did I.
We pant, we whisper, we moan, we smile, we laugh and we never lose momentum. But we do lose track of all time.
"Fin? Oh, sweetheart....I'm sorry....I can't hold...." He eventually whimpers desperately.
"Let go, Daggy. I got your back."
I do, almost. My hands slide down the side of his sweat-slicked ribs and fingernails dig into his bottom. As his face scrunches up in ecstatic agony and he screams.
I can actually feel him....wow can I ever....
Oooohhhhmyyyy....
*
My head went bye-byes for a little while.
Only waltzes back when his lips come down to rest on my forehead. Chin whiskers tickle my nose every time he drags in ragged gulps of air.
I let him be. After a while, his body stopped shaking and he kissed my nose then mouth.
"Fin! Oh Jaysus, Mary and Joseph. Am I still alive? Feck me, little divil!"
"Don't worry, you haven't joined the Walker ranks quite yet. And as for the last bit? If that's a request then hell yeah! Wherever, whenever and forever...."
"Gonna hold you to that promise, Mrs Reedus. You can count on that. And it'll be better next time I swear! It's just....well it's been a while. And making love to you at last? I got a bit....just lost control there a little sooner than expected."
"Probably put you off too with all my talking and babbling. Should've warned you, that's kinda what I do. Sorry...."
His face is sheepish and almost....mortified? From what I can see through my rapidly blinking eyelashes anyways.
"Norman! Why on earth are you apologising to me for?" I gasped.
"Sweetheart....you didn't come."
"Pfffft....you sure do have a short-term memory Daggy."
"No, I mean....well like I said. It'll be better next time."
WHAT?
"As far as I'm concerned, mister? It was fecking awesome this time! And I came alright" I whisper passionately.
He gave me a 'serial killer' level look of disbelief.
I lift his hand and tap his forefinger on the little bit of space between my eyebrows.
"More places to come than just my hoochie you know, Mr Reedus. And it was a bloody doozy that's for sure....I'm still trying to get over it."
His slow nod is followed by a tiny smirk before he replies.
"Shit, baby....you only have to breathe in my general direction and I have a mindgasm. Nice to know I can give them to you as well."
"Daggy, what on earth are you doing?"
With eyebrows wriggling up and down like caterpillars, his eyes squint crazily. He looks like a demented hypnotist.
"Just seeing if I can give you multiples."
Seven billion, seven hundred million people inhabit this earth. Yet he's the one I stumbled across that fateful day....
....just sayin.... 😏
*
After many long heavenly minutes of kissing and whispering words of love, Norman remembered.
"Skip, how come you were so confused....about being a virgin?"
"Well, I've only had one partner before. And ummmm....well it wasn't exactly ummmm...."
Oh Jeez, how can I put this delicately without sounding....sizeist? Decide there's just no way.
"Meek kind of summed the experience up the best, I think? Said 'If he walked into a wall with a hard-on? He'd probably break his nose first'. Daggy....are you Ok?"
Thought he's about to have a heart attack. Norman's face went almost purple, cos he's laughing hysterically and flailing about so much. When I roll my eyes, I miss seeing him tumble clean off the bed.
Hmphhhh! Missed being the one to push him off it more likely!
I got up and went to sit on the toilet. Almost died of fright and embarrassment when he nonchalantly strolled in. Wiping tears from his eyes before kneeling in front of me as I try to finish.
Ummmm....wasn't exactly prepared for my first open-door, intimate loo experience tonight as well?
"So, do you two girls talk about everything then?" He ripped off some toilet paper and pressed it into my shaking hands.
After he blew his nose on it.
"Only past history. Not present day....present partners I mean. Not that either of us had much experience to speak of anyways. And deffo not like X-rated, explicit stuff. Just in general terms."
"But if you did, Skip....what would you tell Meeka....about me?"
"At risk of inflating your ego? I'll probably tell her to call in some tradesmen....cos we'll have a bloody wall to rebuild."
That set him off again.
I rose up and flushed. Tried to get past, only Norman was too quick for me this time.
Grabbing my hips he stops me dead in my tracks and blows another raspberry. This time on my bum cheek.
"Too late, baby. The ego is inflating....and we got us an ocean to go swim naked in. Hey, Skip....you can pretend like you're drowning? And I can be a life raft."
*the look*
*
"Mmmmnomnomyummmm" Norman groaned, swirling his tongue in my mouth.
When he finally pulls away, his gob looks like a washing machine that's exploded mid-cycle.
Well....I was halfway through brushing my teeth when he dived on in and started kissing.
"Top of the mornin to ye, me little divil. You have this sort of lovely glow about you. New moisturizer?" He winked.
Well, someone's a very happy boy today. Even with only fifty-seven minutes of sleep....give or take.
Twenty-three minutes of sleep for moi on the other hand is probably NOT what's attributing to my complexion 😜
"Just cos you shared in mine doesn't mean you get out of it, Daggy."
"Feckin harpy" He grumped, snatching his toothbrush from my hand and foaming up with a vengeance.
"SoSkpwhaouellikoinoday?"
Translation for everyone but Dentists: So Skip, what do you feel like doing today?
Translation of my look in response: Everything I've never done before....naked? And whatever you want to do of course....dear.
Translation of his look back: Feck me! I gotta lot of ideas you know.
"Told you before that's a given and....the second one's a given too. Bring it on, dear" I whisper back.
Licking my lips, I get in first. Slap him on the bum.
Norman is such an incredible impromptu artist, eh?
Cos the bathroom mirror instantly and miraculously transformed....into a Sensodyne spray-painted masterpiece.
*
I was changing the sheets when he strolled past. Whacked me on the bum in kind....both cheeks with both palms.
"Just gonna have a smoke. And then we'll deal with the consequences of your sass, Mrs Reedus. Hey, don't give me those eyes. You're the one who said, 'I do' and 'dear' remember!"
Mutter....mutter....mutter....
He flung open the doors to the bedroom balcony. Strutted out, naked as a jaybird. And threw his arms up into the air as if in victory.
Yelling at the top of his lungs.
"Ladies and Gentlemen! Norman Reedus would like to make a joyous little announcement to the world. Guess who got well and truly laid last night? ME! And guess who's gonna get mega-laid again....and again....and ag...."
He doubled over over suddenly. Clutched a hand over his package while giving a little wave. As he frantically backed bare-assed into the bedroom again.
Hubba....hubba! Whatta view.
"Ummmm....how're you doing Carlo? The garden's looking great. Just love your work, man. Have a nice day!"
The balcony doors slammed shut. Norman swan dived onto the newly made bed. Buried his flamingly embarrassed face into the pillows.
"It's alright, dear. Maybe he doesn't understand English?" I gently stroke his hair in commiseration.
Braying howls of laughter from the villa's gardener drift up.
"Ummmm Ok, maybe I'm wrong. C'mon, Flasher. I'll make you breakfast. So you can get your strength back again. And again....and again...."