Chapter Fourteen:
The morning came too soon and as the bright light bounced off of the walls from it pouring in through the window, I squinted my eyes only to see what I’ve been missing for so long.
Her.
She was sitting up in bed like she usually would every morning to wait for me to wake up, which was unusual because I almost always woke up before she did, and she was scrolling through her phone. It was just the way she looked so focused that made me want to keep staring at her. The way she squinted ever so often to try and read a word or when she brought her thumbnail to her lip most likely from a hate comment from one of my fans about how she looked. It just continues to blow my mind how she doesn’t see how truly beautiful she is in my eyes but then again I come back to the mistake I made and wonder how she ever would feel beautiful again when I cheated on her with someone else. Any ounce of self-esteem she had left probably went right out the door and it was all because of me.
Ignoring the thoughts running wild through my head, I moved over so I could be next to her and placed a kiss on her shoulder, my arm wrapping around her waist to try and somehow explain to her how beautiful she was through my actions. I didn’t want to think about this being our last day together before I left for the tour. I never liked goodbyes and this one was coming way too soon because we’re just starting to get to know each other again and get back to ourselves. Being apart isn’t going to help us at all and I know that I said I would fly her out every chance I got but let’s be honest here, her schedule is going to conflict with mine so much it’s going to be almost impossible. She has a job now, she works. I’m not going to take that away from her because I know how much she loves to be independent.
“I missed waking up to you.” I muttered into her skin. “You look beautiful baby.”
She just smiled and tilted her phone around only for me to look at a picture of me sleeping. I remember when I had posted one of her last year. I guess this was some sort of payback but in all honesty I hated the way I looked. The way my eyebrows were too bushy and the way I had some acne on my forehead made me cringe. I don’t understand how any teenage girl would fantasize about me or actually want to be with me but my insecurities usually stayed inside. I don’t typically tell people about them.
“I thought it was a good idea at first…” She rolled her eyes and let out a sigh before she started to scroll down through the comments and recite them. “You don’t deserve Justin you fat ugly whore. When will you guys just break it up for good already? Don’t steal my juju!”
“What the hell does juju even mean?” I questioned. “I don’t like that nickname. It sounds like I’m two.”
The comments she kept repeating made me upset. More than upset. I understand that my fans want the best for me but what they need to realize is at the end of the day it’s my life and I’m going to be with the person I want to be with. If this ends up badly again then that’ll be my mistake and I can only hope they’ll support me and help me through it like they did the last time. I’m just a human that’s going to continue to make mistakes just like any other person. Just because I’m a celebrity and I’m more put out there than others doesn’t mean that I have to be perfect. I just wish some of them had a little more respect for the people that I loved.
“I don’t like it either.” She laughed. “I just hate reading comments on instagram. People are so mean, you know?”
I grabbed the phone gently out of her hand and slid the power button off before I tossed it onto the other side of the bed and began to kiss her chest.
“Forget about it.” I murmured, letting out a soft groan. “Let’s mess around a little.”
My hand went to slide into her underwear but she jumped at the contact and shook her head no way too quickly, her face going as pale as a ghost. Since when did she get like that when I touched her? The only thing I could do right now was stare at her in shock and try not to feel slightly offended.
“I-I’m sorry.” She stuttered. “I just kind of wanted the first time we did something again to be special if that doesn’t sound weird?”
“Oh.” I half-heartedly smiled and nodded my head, completely relieved by her response. I thought she just didn’t want to sleep with me because she was turned off or something. Thank god. “It’s okay babe. We can wait.”
Sinking back down into the comforter feeling slightly rejected, I watched her stand up and try to search around for my sweatshirt she had peeled off of her during the course of the night. The way her body looked in underwear drew my eyes to every inch and section you could possibly think of. The way her hip bones had a slight indent, the way her thighs came together because her ass was big. The way her breasts looked like they could be double d’s. God damn…
“Justin.” She repeated, completely snapping me out of it. A little smirk became plastered on her face when she noticed I was completely infatuated with her chest for a couple of seconds and that’s why I had zoned out. I’m a guy, what can I say?
“Sorry.” I replied. “What?”
“I asked if you if you wanted to do something tonight since it’s going to be our last night…”
The answer I wanted to say was you. But I withheld that remark and tried to think of something more along the lines of what a gentleman would say but as she bent over to grab her pajama shorts I couldn’t come up with anything except horny comments. I can’t help it.
“Well I could think of a couple things…” I trailed off. “Actually, a lot of things we could do…”
Turning around to face me, she rolled her eyes and slid the pajama shorts on, as well as helping herself to another one of my sweaters. I didn’t mind though because what’s mine is hers and I love seeing her wear my clothes. It was a huge turn on.
But let’s be honest, what doesn’t she do that won’t turn me on?
“You certainly haven’t changed.” She said, her cheeks slightly blushing. “I’m being serious though Justin.”
“I already have a special night planned. Why are you getting dressed? Can’t we just hang out here for a while? You aren’t leaving are you?”
“Justin no.” She said, completely exasperated from all of my questions. “I’m just getting dressed because I was cold. How are you feeling by the way after last night? Better?”
I almost forgot last night happened. I almost forgot that she had seen me with my pills and that we had that intense make-out session. I would have dealt with the anxiety attack if it had meant that I would have gotten a chance to sleep with her.
“Yeah. I probably didn’t say it enough last night but thank you for everything. It really helped and I’m sorry for not telling you sooner but I’m trying to work on it. You being there last night really worked.”
“I could tell.” She responded and walked back over to where I was. “Tonight we just need to talk about everything though Justin. You know, about you… and us… where this is even going.”
The way she said it was almost in such a dramatic way it was like she didn’t want to try anymore. Was she going to really give us up when we just started again? I’m not going to let it happen.
“What do you mean where we’re even going?” I shot back bitterly. “Are you breaking up with me already?”
“No Justin I’m not breaking up with you but we aren’t even together, remember? I told you I’m trying to take this slow but it’s like you continuously want to take it fast. I’m just saying that we need to discuss how this is going to work if it is.”
If. The word if made me want to get up and leave the room but I clenched my fists and tried everything to calm myself down. One wrong sentence and she’d be out that door. If I was rude to her even for a second I know that she’d leave so I just had to keep my cool.
“K.” I said, that being the only letter to describe my mood.
“K?” She repeated. “Seriously Justin? What are we? Five?”
“Can we just not talk about this Sophia? I don’t want to think about leaving you, okay? It’s putting me in a bad mood and I just want tonight to be a night we’ll remember but yeah, we can talk about things too I guess.”
The silence throughout the room continued to grow and all I wanted to do was just rewind back to last night and hit replay again and again, feeling her lips against mine when she actually loved me. She actually cared last night but now it was feeling like we just hit repeat and the same attitude and coldness was what I was getting. I know it’s going to take some time and I’m trying to be okay with that but having her here and listening to an awkward silence between us was horrible and I think she could feel that too because she grabbed her wallet off of my dresser and twirled it around her fingertips.
“I’m going to go back to the apartment and shower and stuff. But uh, I guess just call and tell me what time you want me here later.”
“Seriously?” I groaned. “Is it because of what I said? I don’t want you to leave. I’m sorry if I made you upset.”
“I’m not mad Justin. I’m in a bad mood too because we have to say goodbye tonight and it’s not something I want to do either. I’m only going back to the apartment so I can get ready and look good tonight. I don’t want you to forget me when you’re on tour and everything so I need to make a lasting impression.” She smiled that heavenly sent smile that always made my heart go completely into my stomach from how beautiful she was. I have no problem with her wanting to go look nice but what she’s in now is just as good too. She’s already made a lasting impression.
“Oh.” I responded, feeling completely stupid. “Okay then. I guess that’s fine. I’ll call you, okay?”
I sadly glanced down at my lap and didn’t even notice her walk over to me because before I knew it she tilted my chin up with her fingertips and pushed my legs open so she could stand in-between them. It all happened so fast and when her lips pressed against mine I wrapped my arms around her so tightly I swear she’d break.
“Don’t make it too late.” She giggled, pulling away breathlessly from the kiss. “I can never stay away from you for too long.”
“Feelings mutual.” I laughed too and pulled her back in to kiss me again, my hands moving to her ass without permission. She can lie all she wants, but I know she missed this.
“Okay okay I gotta go.”
Interlocking our fingers together, we swayed our arms side to side like some high school couple on a sappy date but you could feel that neither of us wanted to let go. Tonight is going to be the hardest night of my life saying goodbye to her but as much as I wanted her to come with me she couldn’t. She had a job now and we weren’t officially together again. If it were up to me she’d have the ring back on her finger and we’d be having the time of our lives overseas for my tour but unfortunately because of the mistakes I’ve made that can’t happen.
Instead, tonight I will have to say goodbye to the one girl who means everything to me. I wish I could determine how long it would be until I get to see her again but that’s the scary part. I don’t know when we’ll be able to see each other again.
“Alright.” I finally sighed in defeat and let her hand go, ignoring every instinct in my body to grab it again and pull her back into me. “I’ll call you.”
A/N:
Okay so fair warning- long authors note.
First of all i'd like to say THANK YOU for letting this story get to 100,000 reads! Not even 15 chapters are posted yet so that is honestly insane and I am so grateful for all of you.
Second thing, the book is closer to getting published! This time i'm giving the option to purchase the book in either hardcover or paperback but I would also like to say that you won't need to purchase the book in order to finish it because I'm not like that and never will be. I understand some of you have financial situations and everything and i'm not greedy. The only reason i'm selling these books in the first place is to meet Justin next tour so I can flipping ask him if he's read the series LMAO.
So yeah if you wanna donate to the deanna foundation and buy the book that would be great and if you can't then that's okay too. Either way I love you guys and thank you thank you thank you!
For all of you that read my other books Recovery and Hidden Attraction those will both be updated tomorrow.
OH and one more thing.
Thank you guys so flipping much for the support of my first novel A Journal of My Unspoken Thoughts. I can't believe the amount of love you guys are giving right now and i'm so glad you guys connect with it because it's so personal to me and to know that you guys like it is so insane. I'm nervous to finish this book because I feel like after this I don't know where i'm going and that terrifies me. I'm worried you guys will stop reading and just like not want to read my stuff anymore lmao but idk.
Comment and let me know what you thought please!
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