NORMAN
"Ooooh! I really do like that one, Daggy. You've got your sunnies off. And the colour of your eyes matches the paintwork of the scooter perfectly."
"Gonna take me a while to photoshop it, though. Much as I think it's funny as all fuck, Skip? Don't know if I really wanna post a pic...." I pause to stop sniggering,
"....just to have everyone talk about the dog taking a dump in the background. Some folk might interpret it as commentary."
"Jaysus, Mary and Joseph....I really need to get some glasses!"
Fin squinted at the screen, then clapped a hand over her mouth. To stop the splutter of horrified laughter from coming out once I enlarge the offending image.
Got ourselves a couple of hours layover in Miami before the final flight leg home to Atlanta. We're tucked away in a quiet corner of the airline lounge. Scrolling through the photos I've downloaded from my phone and camera to my laptop.
Thought it's best to just pre-empt the media. Get our news out there myself by posting something on my Instagram.
Then prepare for all hell to break loose....again.
"Love your tits in this one, very nice eyeful indeed" I nod to myself in appreciative memory, of how they'd recently felt under my palms.
"So are you, Daggy. Reckon you can photoshop your fly being done up?"
"Can't see a dog crapping in the street without glasses. Yet you can focus in well enough on my crotch. Wonder what Freud would make of that one, eh Skip?"
"You choose a bloody photo. I'm going to get us a drink. Coffee, soda....whisky?" She mumbled, all but bolting away with her face flaming.
Leaving me hooting with laughter....at the contradictions in her responses whenever I tease her.
Most times she gives it back to me tenfold. But also, like just now? She tangles herself up and all but trips over her embarrassment.
I absolutely love it. Either way!
*
Speaking of crotches though? I'm gonna have to seriously take mine in hand....pun intended.
Thank fuck Fin is an early riser. Cos I reckon she would've done more than blush. If she'd seen the stiffies I've been waking up with....every morning for the last three weeks.
Some of the dreams I've been having would deffo make her face pink up. Mine too....if I wasn't thoroughly enjoying what I remember of them. My missus has a starring role in each and every single one.
When I shoved her into the villa pool the day before last? It was more for her preservation than mine. Her response to my kissing her in front of the pap, left me with more than breathlessness.
When I felt Mr Happy start rising rapidly to the occasion for the second time that day? I knew I had to take some sort of deterrent action. Quickly.
I'm a pretty lusty guy and hell....Fin could give a walker a hard-on!
But she's my friend. And while I s'pose it's Ok for friends to fantasize a little now and then? It's not Ok for those fantasies to manifest themselves so....physically.
I gaze at the counter where she's making a cup of tea. Noticing that mine aren't the only eyes roaming greedily over her now-toasted caramel skin. So many lickable inches of it not covered up by her short, strappy sundress.
Feel my body rise out of the chair on its own accord, hands curling into fists.
When one guy all but drools down his chin as he walks past her. But his partner's swift knuckle to the ribs takes care of his little fantasies.
I force myself to get back to the task. Quickly locate the perfect shot and start adding some text.
We'd gone out for a couple of hours snorkelling on a nearby reef at Cayo Santa Maria. The guy who motored the little dive boat snapped this pic of us on the way back.
'She makes my heart skip a beat' I type the comment, pausing slightly before my finger lands on the enter key.
As soon as the announcement of our engagement finished falling out of my mouth that night....on stage while filming the Talking Dead? My online accounts basically went into meltdown.
Some comments were from friends who knew and friends who didn't. Congratulating the both of us.
The trolls then came out to play en masse. And while I try hard to not read their vile comments, I've had to restrict more than a few of them on my Instagram or Twitter accounts.
The others I don't really need to take care of....my fans do that for me.
Jeez, I love them to death!
Wishing me the best and racing to her defence. Shooting down in flames all those hardcore types they nickname 'Fin-atics'.
Yet for every hater, there are literally dozens more who give us genuine support. I always thank them on behalf of both me and Skip.
Don't tell her what's going down though. She's my wingman in the flesh and doing one hell of a job so far. It's the least I can do in return, to protect her online.
I scroll through even more pics, smiling in happy memory of when they were taken.
I'm rapt that Fin enjoyed our honeymoon as much as I did. And when she agreed to go back with me I was ecstatic. Started madly planning away in my head all the things we'll get up to, the next time around.
She's just the best travelling companion. Her unfettered excitement over everything we discovered, matched....and sometimes surpassed mine. I can't help but revel in it.
Yep, it was the fucking best! And I find myself actually looking forward to all the trips we have coming up for my work in the next few months.
London, Japan, France, San Diego....
*
"Daggy....Oh no...."
I glance up to see her placing our cups on the table. Before she crouches in front of me, hands reaching towards my face in distress.
"Yeah I know, sweetheart. It's not too bad yet. Think it was the pressurized cabin that did it? Plus it was pretty cold on that flight. The changes in temp make it flare up. It'll be Ok, don't fret."
Her fingertips sweep gently over the puffiness that's starting to form around my bad eye. I've been ignoring it so far, hoping it'll eventually die down. Or the worst will hold off until we arrive home.
Wishful thinking, huh 🥺
*
"Please, tell me....what can I do? Please, babe? "
Fin is almost crying. Watching helplessly as I clutch my face and try not to moan out loud.
We still have over an hour to go until touchdown in Atlanta. And much as I hate to concede defeat....give in? I know I don't have an option anymore.
My head is fucking beyond killing me.
"In my backpack, angel. The little bottle with the red lid. Only need one, but it's gonna make me a fair bit woozy....loopy. I'm sorry."
"Shhhh, it's Ok. I've got you....I've got you...."
Managed to swallow the potent painkiller that I desperately try to avoid at all costs. Then Fin gathered up some pillows from the empty seats around us. Tucked them around me until I'm comfortable, with my face snuggling itself into her chest.
I heard her reassuring a concerned flight attendant just before I nod off.
Next thing I remember is being seated in a wheelchair, with my head tenderly clasped between her palms. Then being carefully propped up against a wall. Lots of noise and bustle is going on around me.
"Drink some water....that's it babe. We're in Atlanta. I need you to stay here now while I go get our luggage. The valet is bringing the car around. I'll come back to get you and we'll be home soon as. Ok?"
"K, babeeee" I groggily whisper back.
Skip slowly levered my sunnies on then pulled my baseball cap down. Wrapped her travelling shawl around my neck and lower face. So no one will recognise and disturb me.
My protector....my forever bestie....my wife....
*
Thought we're still in Cuba for a moment there?
But the absence of waves lapping at the shore or the sounds of Fin and Beatriz laughing together in the villa kitchen, put paid to that.
My eyes open gingerly and manage to focus fairly quickly, all things considered. Revealing the familiar layout of my bedroom in Palmetto.
I heave out a huge, pain-free sigh of relief.
Fin is sound asleep beside me. And the sheet covering my boxers has barely a ripple in it.
I'm desperate for a piss and a smoke. So I carefully ease my way off the mattress then walk a bit unsteadily down the hallway to the bathroom. Keeping as quiet as a mouse.
While I take a leak, I glance in the mirror and am surprised to see the swelling has eased considerably.
Well, it's no fucking wonder!
When I settle into my chair on the patio and light up? My watch reveals the fact it isn't just nine AM in the morning....but the next day to boot!
Have had myself plenty of time to recover, that's for sure.
*
"Wakey-wakey, little sleepyhead" My fingers gently pinch her nose and she bolted upright in shock.
"Wha....Norman are you Ok?"
"Fit as a fiddle now thanks to you, sweetheart. Sorry....I must've given you a bit of a fright?"
"Fright? I was feckin terrified! Didn't know if I could get you home safe and sound. Kept checking the rear vision mirror, expecting flashing police lights at any moment. Cos I don't have my U.S driver's licence as yet."
"Plus driving on the wrong side of the road for the first time in a big city? And....Oh feck....I was scared shitless for you too you know" She finished in a sheepish, tear-filled wobble.
"I know, baby. You did way beyond awesome. I better get off my ass and unpack, do my laundry. Then we gotta go shopping and stock up the fridge, cos I'm starving."
"The fridge, freezer and cupboards are chokkers. And your clothes are already washed, ironed, put away. Did it all yesterday while you were asleep. Hope that was Ok?"
She's fucking kidding me....right?
"Jeez I love you, Skip! I mean....well you know what I mean."
She quickly jumped out of bed before I can kiss her head. Fumbled with her robe sash, swinging hair keeping her face hidden.
Oh, man 😖
You can always count on me to make things weird, huh? Mr Dependability.
"Yeah....I know what you meant. Breakfast?" Fin took off before I could even nod.
"None of that Vegemite shit, Skip. You can keep that axle grease to yourself" I call out in warning before heading to the shower.
"You'll eat what you're bloody well given, mister!"
"Feckin harpy!" I yell back happily.
Aaaah....marital bliss 🫠
*
After wolfing down scramble, toast and coffee I rummage through the pile of mail that's built up.
"Woooohoooo! The settlement's done and dusted, Skip. Shall we go grab the keys from the agent and check the place out now that it's all ours? You go get dressed, while I do the dishes."
I'm feeling uber excited and as a result....domestically generous 😏
"Now I know why you wrote our vows, Daggy. You realised I'll probably throw the dishwashing thing in there. Hang on....I remember now. You promised absolutely everything didn't you? "
"Yayyayayay! I'll never have to wash or dry a single dish ever again. Oh, happy day!"
Mutter, mutter, mutter.
Wondered when that'd come back to bite me in the ass 😣
*
I unlock the front door of our new abode and throw it open.
"What the hell, you eejit? You're recovering still....put me down!"
Skip started giggling hysterically when I crouched slightly. Slid one hand around her back and another just under her butt.
Lift her into my arms with a flourish. Before kissing her forehead and announcing loudly....
"Honey....we're home!"
We cross the threshold.