Author's Note: This chapter is my original draft, and not the one that I uploaded in my first publication of this book. I like this one better, and I'm curious to see if any of my followers or readers from my BlueTulip97 days can detect the difference(s).
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"Kookie. I used to call you Kookie. My Kookie dough."
Jin saw the moment when Jungkook internally let go of the strength that had been holding him up all this time. He watched as the tears gathered in the other man's eyes. He felt a slight breeze as Jungkook reached across the table for his hand but he quickly pulled away to avoid contact. The sad and disappointed look on Jungkook's face made his heart clench but he forced himself to remain indifferent.
No, Jin, don't give in. He dumped you, remember? He married someone else even though he claimed he loved you, and only you.
It was hard. So hard because Jin wanted nothing more than to let Jungkook hold his hand, pull him in, and hold him tight the way he used to. Remembering his past had opened the floodgates, made him remember their time together in the States before Jungkook left, before Jin himself left the States to move to Seoul to be with Jungkook.
Jin missed Jungkook. He missed his hugs. He missed his kisses. And he missed their intimate moments together. He missed all of it so much that he had to force himself to stay away from the other man after he regained most of his memories.
Jin had to because if he didn't, he would've begged Jungkook to hold him again, kiss him again, and make love to him again. And he couldn't do that. Not to his husband. Not to their son. And not to the unborn child in his belly.
"Jinnie, please..."
"How long?" Jin's voice was glacial.
"Wh... what?"
"How long have you known that I was Kim Seokjin?"
Jungkook looked like a deer caught in headlights.
"Was it amusing to you, Jungkook? To see me floundering like that? Did you laugh behind my back as you talked about your past with me, knowing full well that I had no memory of it? Did Taehyung know? Did both of you have a good chuckle at poor confused Kim Seokjin?"
Jin laughed but his laughter held no humour.
"Did you have a bet to see how long it would take to wind me up as I wonder why some things seemed so familiar with you even though I didn't know you? How much money did you both bet? Who won? You? Taehyung?"
Jin's voice was getting louder as he became more agitated, and a part of him was glad that they were seated at this table. Though Jungkook may not care about other people's opinion of himself, Jin cared very much. He wondered if Jungkook remembered how he normally reacted whenever he attracted unsolicited attention.
Perhaps this was why Jungkook had reserved a table in this secluded section of the restaurant. It was far enough away from the other diners so they would have privacy. Jin had always hated how people looked at him whenever they went out. It made him self-conscious, and diminished his enjoyment greatly.
"No, Jin, it was never amusing to me. I didn't know you had lost your memories. When I first met you, I thought you were someone who looked remarkably similar to you. I wanted it to be you. God, how I wanted it to be you but after I talked to you that day at your anniversary party, I was persuaded to think otherwise. It broke my heart. It broke me."
As Jin was about to rebut Jungkook, their waiter approached with the bottle of wine that Jungkook had ordered. The young man popped the cork with great flourish and was about to pour into Jin's wine glass but Jin placed his hand over it.
"None for me, thanks. I'm pregnant," Jin gave the waiter an apologetic smile.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, sir. Is this a celebratory lunch with your husband to announce the coming of your baby?" the waiter asked. He had noticed that both men wore gold bands on their ring fingers.
Nosy bastard, Jin thought as he prepared to clear up the confusion.
"Yes. Yes, it is. My husband and I are celebrating," Jungkook answered. "You can leave the bottle with us."
The waiter placed the bottle on the table, and backed away but not before congratulating Jin and Jungkook on their wonderful news. Jin pursed his lips and glowered at Jungkook.
"You shouldn't have lied like that, Jungkook."
"I wanted to know what it feels like."
"What?" Jin was perplexed.
"What it feels like to be your husband. To be the father of your baby. And to have an outsider say it. You mean so much to me, Jinnie. You still do."
Jin could feel his resolve crumbling. Damn you, you stupid heart! Damn you, Jungkook! He dumped you, Jin! Remember? He claims he loves you but he never once tried to look for you after that night. Stop being a pussy and call him out for the bloody liar that he is!
"That's all very touching, Jungkook, but if I meant so much to you, why didn't you look for me? You never once looked for me these past three years."
"But I did! I looked for you six months after I got married! I had private investigators looking for you but they couldn't find any information on you. It was like you ceased to exist after that night."
Jin wasn't sure if he should believe Jungkook. The man did after all lie to him about his engagement. No, Jin, he never lied to you about his engagement. He just never told you until that night. Jungkook has never lied to you. You know this.
Jin scowled. He hated the voice of reason in his head. So you're playing devil's advocate now? No, Jin. I'm simply keeping you honest.
"No one knew where you'd gone. Not even your colleagues at the hospital. They were surprised that you just walked away from your job. They said you had seemed happy working there, and they couldn't understand why you left without a word."
Jin frowned. Eomeoni had said the same thing to him.
"I even sent Yoongi to the States to look for you but the hospital there said you never came back after you left for Seoul. You had even given up the lease on our old apartment, and had everything shipped here. There were no traces of you. No trace of Kim Seokjin. But there wouldn't have been, would there? Because you became Lee Yoojin after that night."
Jungkook looked away and took a deep breath before returning his attention to Jin.
"You were gone, Jinnie, but I never stopped looking for you. Never."
Just then a look crossed Jungkook's face and he cursed under his breath as he pulled his phone out. He unlocked it and began scrolling through his contacts as Jin watched him.
"Shit! Shit, shit!" Jungkook was frantic.
"What are you doing, Jungkook?"
"I forgot to call off my private investigators. They're still looking for you."
Jin's eyes widened.
"You're still looking for me?" he asked incredulously. "After all this time?"
"Well yes," Jungkook was puzzled by Jin's question. "Why wouldn't I?"
"But it's been almost three years, Jungkook."
"So? Three years, five years, ten. It doesn't make a difference. I would have kept looking if I hadn't found you."
"Why?"
"Because it's you, Jinnie. I love you."
Jin tore his gaze away from Jungkook. He hated Jungkook for making him feel this way. But he hated himself more because he still had feelings for Jungkook, and was betraying his vows to Taehyung.
As Jin looked away from Jungkook, his eyes lit upon the ring on Jungkook's finger. He frowned because it looked familiar.
"I noticed you're wearing a ring. Didn't you tell Tae that you're divorced now?"
"I am indeed divorced. But this is not my wedding ring."
"Oh," Jin was puzzled. Why would he wear a ring if he was no longer married?
"Don't you remember, Jin?"
"Remember what?" Jin frowned.
"It's our promise ring. You put it on me when we celebrated our first year anniversary."
"Well, since you didn't see fit to put one on me, I don't think 'our promise ring' is an apt description, do you?" Jin felt himself die a little inside when Jungkook winced at his sharp words.
"I did put one on you," Jungkook said sadly. "But you threw it at me the last time we saw each other. Before you lost your memory."
"You mean I threw it at you when you dumped me. So much for promises, huh, Kookie?" Jin's eyes hardened as he stared at Jungkook. "You're single now. You shouldn't wear such meaningless trinkets anymore."
"It's not meaningless to me, Jinnie. It means everything to me. You've always been everything to me."
Jin rolled his eyes in derision even though his heart and mind didn't feel the same way. He remembered bits and pieces of that fateful night. And he remembered how he felt when he pulled his promise ring off before flinging it in Jungkook's face. A part of him had hoped the ring would leave a nasty cut, though Jin knew no cut would ever come close to the pain Jungkook inflicted upon his heart.