- - -
every day, a surgeon makes decisions that can go one of two ways: either very good or very, very, very bad. the problem is the epically great decisions and the epically bad ones look exactly the same when you're making them.
- - -
it had been a further two weeks since lia had revealed her pregnancy to mark, and in this time she had also told everyone else important in her life. all except one. she had told her parents, derek and meredith. even maggie. but she still hadn't told jackson, and it was beginning difficult to hide her slowly growing bump behind her scrub top.
now, she was lying beside callie on one of the on call room beds. arizona had gone to africa without callie, and since her return, callie had been moping around the hospital.
"how about we go to joe's tonight? i'm telling jackson and herman today, and i'm going to need a drink," lia suggests, and callie turns to look at her with her eyes wide. "not an alcoholic drink, obviously. like a fun smoothie or some stupid crap i can have. plus, you could really use a real drink."
"is mark going to be there?" callie asks.
"um... yes?" lia says with uncertainty, and callie groans in response. "no? it can be just us? or i could invite my sisters? i- i thought you liked mark?"
"i do," callie assures her, and lia raises her brow at her. "look, alone people don't like to see the together people, okay? even if the alone are happy for the together people, it's sort of mean. it's sort of like bringing a six pack to an a.a meeting."
"we're still your friends even though we're a couple. like you and arizona were mine when i was sad and alone," lia chuckles and callie raises her brow at her, making her realise mentioning arizona probably wasn't the best idea. "fine. no mark."
■ ■ ■
"this is waldo pfeiffer, gestational age twenty three weeks," dr. herman tells lia as they are stood in one of the exam rooms, looking at a set of scans. "in addition to an incredibly unfortunate first name, waldo's dealing with a particularly nasty c-cam. tell me what c-cam stands for."
"congenital cystic adenomatoid malformation," lia answers. "the mass is pressing on his heart and lungs."
"waldo's c-cam has been unresponsive to steroid treatment," nicole nods. "now he's developing hydrops. this is what fetal surgery was created for. first, we're gonna open up the mother, then incise the uterus, then we're gonna remove the c-cam and put him right back where we found him, and hopefully he'll be carried to term. you have a consultation in twenty minutes. make it fast, get back here, and we're going to go over this procedure step by step."
"terrific," lia smiles. "thank you."
"well, don't thank me," nicole dismisses. "i decided it was necessary when it took you two months to wrap your head around a fetal valvuloplasty. you ready for this?"
"yes," lia assures her. "yes, absolutely."
■ ■ ■
"hey, sorry, the consultation went off without a hitch, but then the mom got nervous, so i just wanted to make sure she was okay," lia explains to dr. herman when she enters one of the conference rooms and takes a seat beside her. nicole raises her brow whilst looking at the file in front of her as she clears her throat. "c-cam. um, i'm ready whenever you are."
"there's been a change in plans," nicole announces with a stern expression. "i'm having a personal- i'm going home. here are the materials on the procedure. internalise them. i've made notes in the margins because my approach is better than most of the crap that's in there. you'll also need to cover my service."
"wait, hold on," lia calls after her when she stands up to leave. "is everything, uh, okay?"
"i said it's personal!" nicole snaps at her. "you have what you need from me there. read it."
"what if i have questions?" lia asks.
"they'll be answered in there," nicole gestures to the files on the table in front of you. "i'll see you tomorrow."
■ ■ ■
"hey, can i talk to you?" lia asks, entering the trauma room where mark and jackson are treating a patient with severe burns.
"sure," mark says, placing his instruments down and looking over to her. "avery, can you cover for a minute?"
"sure," jackson nods.
"uh, not you. i- i, um, i need to speak to jackson," lia explains as jackson and mark both look to her with a confused expression.
lia then gives mark a look, attempting to use her eyes to tell him what she's doing. thankfully, he catches on and gives her a reassuring nod.
"i've got things covered here, avery," mark tells him, as he takes jackson's instruments out of his hand.
a puzzled look remains fixed on jackson's face as he walks towards lia in the doorway, allowing her to lead him through the hallway and into an empty on call room.
"is everything okay?" jackson furrows his brow. "you're okay, aren't you?"
"i- i'm- i'm pregnant," she reveals, but he remains confused.
"okay... um, congratulations?" jackson shakes his head slightly, still confused. "why are you, uh, telling me-"
"it's your baby," lia blurts out, cutting jackson off. his eyes go wide, and he takes a few steps back to allow himself to be able to take a seat on the bed behind him.
"w- what?" jackson chuckles slightly, in disbelief. "i mean, how? we broke up like seven months ago."
"and then we slept together a couple of months later," lia reminds him. "after the, uh, college shooting?"
"and... you're sure that- that it's my baby?" jackson asks, and lia nods, earning a sigh from jackson.
"i don't want anything from you, or expect anything from you," lia assures him. "if you want an out... it's there."
"an out? from my baby?" jackson scoffs, and chuckles slightly. "yeah, it's not how i envisioned having a kid, but it's my kid... and i want to be there and support you."
"you're a good guy, jackson," lia smiles softly. "you're gonna be a great dad."
"does, uh, does sloan know?" jackson asks, slightly nervous.
"yes," lia nods, and jackson raises his brow, pressing her for further information. "he's fine with it. again, it's not how we envisioned, but... he loves me, and he loves you in a weird 'plastics posse' kind of way, i guess. he said he'll support both of us."
"it was never going to work out between us was it?" jackson chuckles, and lia shakes her head.
"i do love you jackson," lia assures him. "but mark-"
"i know," jackson softly cuts her off. "plus, sloan and i make a pretty good team so this is gonna be okay, lia. it's all gonna work out."
- - -
looking back, it's easy to see when a mistake has been made, to regret a choice that seemed like a decent idea at the time.
- - -
"so, i told jackson," lia announces as she slides into a booth at joe's, next to maggie and across from meredith and callie. "but herman went home before i could tell her, so... tomorrow's going to be another fun day."
"what did jackson say?" meredith asks her sister.
"he's happy, i guess," lia shrugs. "he and mark are being weird and annoying though. they're like a weird little couple. apparently we're the 'parenting posse' now."
"the what?" maggie raises her brow as meredith laughs.
"oh, um, they're this weird little surgical team, and they refer to themselves as the 'plastics posse'," lia explains, shaking her head. "and now they've come up with the 'parenting posse'."
"what did i say about the alone people?" callie reminds her.
"sorry," lia chuckles.
"has she mentioned me?" callie looks over to lia.
"what?" lia's voice raises an octave as she pretends she doesn't know who callie is referring to.
"i know she writes to you," callie informs her. "and i know you haven't wanted to say anything because you're my best friend, and you don't want to upset me. but i'm asking you if she's mentioned me."
"well, you know, she's been very, um..." lia rambles as she looks to meredith who is shaking her head in a warming manor from beside callie. "she's, uh, she just sort of dove right into the medicine, and she's been- she's been busy and just, uh... does that help at all?"
"i have to start all over," callie shakes her head.
"no, don't do that," lia scolds her. "you're going to be okay. look at me, i was a mess. a real mess."
"it's true," meredith confirms. "i mean, you only saw her when she was actually dressed and had actually showered. you should've tried living with her."
"thanks for that, mer," lia falsely smiles at her sister before turning back to callie. "everything will work out. you just, uh, need a, uh, sexual palate cleanser."
"mark is not good for you," callie chuckles, shaking her head.
"what? it works," lia laughs. "kind of."
"kind of?" meredith raises her brow.
"wait, i'm lost," maggie interjects. "sexual palate cleanser?"
"oh, it's this stupid thing mark says helps you get over a breakup," callie explains rolling her eyes. "you sleep with someone to get over the break up, basically."
"and you're saying it kind of works?" maggie turns to lia.
"i mean, i guess if you do it right it works," lia shrugs.
"and how do you do it right?" maggie furrows her brow with amusement.
"well, for starters, don't sleep with the person you're trying to get over, because then you'll end up needing another palate cleanser, and this will happen," lia gestures to her tiny bump that is still barely even showing, as meredith chuckles. "sleep with someone you don't know, basically. sleep with someone you're never going to see again so that you don't end up in a- in a parenting posse with your boyfriend and ex."
the three girls' eyes all go wide as they awkwardly smile at lia following her slight outburst. the table is silent for a few moments due to none of them knowing quite how to respond.
"how about him?" meredith suggests, gesturing to a man sat at the bar, attempting to hide the fact he was previously staring at callie.
"oh, my gosh. yes," lia nods, enthusiastically. "he's perfect- none of us know him, he doesn't work at the hospital, he's been staring at you all night, and he's not ugly."
"come on, guys," callie shakes her head.
"no, come on," maggie encourages, getting on board with the idea. "it seems... logical, i guess."
"yeah, have fun," lia smiles, and callie sighs.
"okay," callie exhales deeply. "i'm going over."
- - -
but if we used our best judgment and listened to our hearts, we're more likely to see that we chose wisely and avoided the deepest, most painful regret of them all- the regret that comes from letting something amazing pass you by.
- - -