As I catch my breathe Murphy fills me in on the whole "A.L.I.E" situation on Camp Jaha. Apparently an AI took over the camp just as Murphy and Emori ran leaving the so called mess. I try to wrap my brain around all this new information as I walk back to Polis.
"Why didn't my mother tell me anything about this?" I ask suddenly feeling forgotten.
"It seems whatever was between you both fizzled into madness. She was one of the first to take the chip, claiming it took away all her pain." Murphy states as emotionless as he always is.
"It messes with your brain. Brings you to a place called the City of Light. It took my brother with, he practically killed himself with no hesitation."
Emori says glumly. It seems she shows enough of her pain for the both of them.
"I'm sorry." I say softly, even though I know this wasn't my fault for once.
"Thanks, it's fine really." She whispers.
It's silent as we walk back to the gates, only now do I realize how far I ran off. Every now and then we freeze at the sound of a twig snapping, just to find a small woodland creature hopping its way through. The woods are surprisingly peaceful when your not a grounder enemy. My body shivers as I recall how many of my people were killed from wandering where they shouldn't have. One dagger to the heart, spear to the chest, all dead by a single warrior.
I wonder how the mountain men would've felt if I hadn't
taken their lives.
I'd avoided the truth for three months in the wilderness.
Avoided the truth in my time at Polis.
Avoided the truth when I mourned for what I thought was Lexa's death.
I felt my body deteriorate at that time, imagine how they felt.
Children choking on their own breathe.
People watching their loved ones die before themselves.
The president as I plant a bullet in his heart.
All dead.
I know I can't pity myself any longer, that's all I've done here. But I can't live my life pretending it never happened.
I must do better
We will do better.
My body is stiff as we approach the gates. Immediately Emori and Murphy stiffen in a stance to run, as a grounder aims an arrow at my chest.
"You have no business with your friends, Wanheda." She growls.
"I am an ambassador of Skaikru. I am here on behalf of Lexa com Trikru." I shout with the authority I can muster.
"Please let us through." I say softer.
I can see the warrior about to yell something when the gates are opened. Indra stands in the opening, a scowl masked on her face.
Cautiously I walk blocking Emori and Murphy from the path of an arrow, and follow Indra towards the tower.
"How's Lexa?" I ask worriedly.
"Recovering." She spits.
"Indra what is it? I understand you hating me before, but now it seems far fetched." I demand an answer. I'm done playing these 'I hate you, here's some advice' games with her.
She holts, her body like a statue.
"It's best you realize how much Lexa is truly doing for you. Not everyone agrees on your ability to breathe, let alone be an ambassador." She hisses looking onward.
I bite my tongue. Great more indirect threats. At least this one's of value.
"You can escort yourself, and your guests, to your room." She huffs leaving me, proving how anyone can now harm us if they please.
I inhale shakily and put on a stout smile for Emori and Murphy.
"Let's go."
We go up the lift and to my bedroom, careful to let the grounders pass around us. It seems that they also got the hint about my position here.
Prisoner—>guest—>ambassador.
Can't blame them for thinking I'm Lexa's weakness.
I honestly am.
As we enter my room Emori gasps at the sight.
"Now I get why you've been here so long." She drags a hand along the fur on my bed.
She then scampers to my couch, pulling her feet to her chest.
I see Murphy smile softly as he watches her ravel in the room.
"I like her." I murmur elbowing him.
"Don't get any ideas." He jokes elbowing me back.
I let a smile form on my lips as he walks to Emori, exploring my room with her.
Maybe if the Ark really does fall apart, I'll let them stay here. They may be the only happy ones left.
I quietly leave the room as they stare out into the marketplace. My breathing quickens as I look at the hallways in front of me. Now or never.
I intertwine my fingers and swing them in front of me, wary of how close Lexa's room is getting. I'm about to turn the corner when something urges me to stop and think. I press my back against the wall and close my eyes.
I have to do this. Suck it up Clarke. You're people could be dead from how Murphy explained it. You have to—
"Wanheda." A raspy voice calls out.
I open my eyes slowly to see Roan staring at me.
"I see you're headed for Heda's room. How is she by the way. It seems she's fallen ill recently." He smirks.
"The Commander is perfectly fine, Roan. What do you want?" I say exasperated.
"Nothing, truly. I just want you to know if the Commander does indeed fall from power, Azgeda is always there for an alliance." My blood turns cold. Does this mean the ambassadors are planing another coup?
"Is that a threat?" I say through clenched teeth.
"Not at all. Just let Lexa know she may want to prove her worth now. Especially with you back." He warns leaving me.
Tightening my jaw I turn the corner and walk by two warriors guarding the door. They both grunt discomforted in my presence.
I open the doors to Lexa's chambers and take in the bright light streaming from her windows. It's just past noon and I've barely rested.
Gaia looks onward in the corner, raising her face from a scroll, as she intently writes something in a notebook.
She seems more on edge than usual, second guessing her movements and judgement. I guess that's what happens when you almost kill your own commander.
Lexa sits at her desk, a loose blouse billowing along her frame and a fur draped on her shoulders.
She looks up as she puts down her quill and looks shocked to see me standing before her.
"How are you feeling?" I ask softly, unaware of Gaia listening closely.
"Better than what I could've been." She jokes solemnly.
Always talking about her death.
"I didn't think you'd still be here. I thought you would've left for Skaikru by now." She adds dismissing Gaia with a wave of her hand.
We both remain silent as Gaia excuses herself, quickly shutting the doors behind her.
Lexa smirks as she watches Gaia scramble away.
I keep my face calm and emotionless. I can't make this any worse than it already is.
"I've decided I'll still be leaving. Murphy and another one of my people came for me." I shrug sadly, waiting for her response.
A small wave of disappointment clouds her eyes, before she covers it with understanding.
"You have to do what's best for your people." She nods stoutly. I feel guilty for changing her mood so easily. Guess that's something else I can ruin.
"What was it like?" I ask changing the subject. I walk over to her bed and sit on the corner.
"You know, having...him take over your body."
She swallows shifting in her seat.
"It was like nothing imaginable. I could see through my eyes, hear, feel, yet I couldn't speak or move." She pauses looking down for a moment.
"I'm sorry I hurt you Clarke."
My body aches at how I'm reacting to her situation. She just caught off a demon controlling her body and I'm leaving for my own feelings.
"You didn't hurt me." I assure her, feeling my fingers itch to the bruising at my chest.
"I should pack up. I'll be back in a weeks time. Any longer you can send a messenger to fetch me." I stand and turn away from her.
"May we meet again." She says a hint of hope licking at her words.
"May we meet again." I whisper leaving the room.