Troye's POV
These nightmares get out of hand... To the point where I shake the bed and Tyler thinks it's an earthquake... How stupid of me getting so worked up for a stupid nightmare. Nightmares aren't real Troye... You know that...
Whatever Troye, just hurry up and take a shower so we can get out of here and be happy for once. I slowly and painful pulled my pants off. The recent cuts I've done stuck to my pants, peeling of the skin. Even a little blood drooled from it.
I started the shower up and jumped inside. Well not really... The hot water actually burned the cuts I had, but I had to do it even if it did burn, it cleaned it, I think? Whatever. I wonder why I have such realistic dreams..? Why are they nightmares? What started all this? All these questions I couldn't even answer myself.
Therapy wasn't the answer either, I don't like asking people for help because it makes me feel useless. I ask Tyler for help because I've known him longer than the others. He's been there more then my family has. My family would sometimes just tell me to go to a counselor or something.
No... The little voices... Again....
"He's never there for you!"
"What are you talking about? He's never there, you're always there for him, he's such a selfish bastard!"
"Don't trust him! Hurt him for turning your back on you!"
"He's being such a dick, make more cuts!!"
"Troye? You in there?" Tyler asked, knocking on the door.
"Yea, just taking a shower Tilly!" I said, I lied on being happy, I just wanted him to think I was in a good mood. But I actually wasn't... I'm such a piece of shit for lying to Tyler like that... Wait, I've been in this shower for AT LEAST 42 minutes. I need to get out before he thinks I'm doing something else. I want him to believe that I fine, OK, and happy.
I walked out the shower and got dressed. I walked out the bathroom to see Tyler on his phone, obviously, on tumblr. "Hey Troye, done in the shower? After I'm done we can leave, OK?" Tyler asked.
"K" I responded listening to the door close behind me. Maybe having coffee would make me more happy.. Anything I enjoyed made me happy. Especially being in the arms of Tyler. It made me safe being in his arms because I knew he would do anything to make sure I was kept happy.
That's exactly why I lied to him about being happy so he knows he wont have to worry about me. Ugh the fact that I even lied to him makes me regret it.. I never lied to a close friend before... Especially to a person like Tyler. What if he realized I was lying? That'd be horrible.. Maybe I should tell the truth... But if I do, he'll hate me. He actually trusted me for a moment. I bet if I tell him the truth, he'll ask "What happened to the Troye I trusted?" He'll leave me... This is exactly why I have barely any friends. I mess up. Like I did right now. I lied to a true friend and now, if I come out, he'll think I'm the biggest bastard in the world! See this is EXACTLY why I have only 3 friends. Because I always mess up..
Once I cheated on my boyfriend... I felt like shit when I did that... Why would I do that? That's because I'm an idiot and I don't think before I do. I've messed up on a lot of boyfriends... I could never be perfect for anyone... Not even for Tyler. I bet if I did get into a relationship, it wouldn't workout and he would hate me forever! And I definitely wouldn't judge him... I don't even deserve to live guessing on how much I hurt people's feelings, maybe if I wasn't ever born the world would be a better place. Tyler wouldn't have to worry about me so much, he would have much more fun without me.
I bet right now, If I didn't exists, he wouldn't be here, he would be off, having fun. With Zoe, Alife.. Just thinking about it, all my friends whould've had better lives without me. Without me he wouldn't have to worry about the constant shaking in the bed. He would get a good sleep every night without me being in there. Yea that's it, If I just end my life, everyone's life would be better if I just wasn't alive. Why did I even come to earth if I ruined everyo-
"Hey, Troye are you ok?" Tyler asked.
"Yea.." I answered, lying, again...
"Really? You were crying..."
I was crying? Really? For how long? And hour? Was I really in a deep thought for an hour?
"No, I'm not OK, I lied to you! I wanted to make sure I was happy. I did that because I hated to see you see me sad, I should be the only one sad, not you..." It just blasted out of my mouth... I couldn't keep it in... My brain just decided for it to "Come Out" Shit. Now he's going to think I'm a bastard for doing that... He's not even going to forgive me. He never forgives me or anyone when they lie...
"Troye? You lied to me?" Tyler said, seeming upset. I told you, he's probably going to call me a faggot, throw me on the ground and punch me. Well, he can go ahead and do it.
"Troye, why?"
"I didn't mean to! I wanted you to assume me being happy. You worried about me so much, it's unfair! I'm sorry, Tilly. If you're mad just go ahead, call me a bastard, and beat me up, do what ever you want to do to me...."
"What? Troye I'm not going to do that..."
"OF COURSE YOU ARE! YOU HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE LIE TO YOU! JUST GO A HEAD AND DITCH ME! CALL ME WHATEVER YOU WANT!"
"Troye, come on, It's okay..." He said pulling me into a hug. My hands rested on his chest while I sat there just crying.... I sat there, like I would never stop crying... I f-
"He's going to punch you in your sleep!"
"He's lying to you bitch!"
"Faggot he's obviously lying, hurt him for revenge!"
"No no no, Tilly the voices I can't stop!"
"Shhh... Just ignore them... It's okay..." Tyler responded planting a kiss on my forehead.
But what of those voices really where telling the truth..?
A/N
OMG SORRY I LIED ABOUT POSTING 2, SO SORRY!! I was tired ;~;. So I made this really long and it was very hard to make(that's what she said). Because I was getting distracted by youtuber/tumblr AGAIN -.- . No update tomorrow (10/27/14) guys! I won't be here, I'm going somewhere with my family and family friends. Ya.... and OBVIOUSLY no update on halloween x3. Anyways, I like balls. So I hope you guys like this one, and If I forget to put an authors note on this a chapter, I was prob stupid and forgot to put one. Well... Idk what else to put so Byeeeeeeeee, oh wait, if any of these words are spelled wrong, or not god grammar, I typing fast a nd rushing because I'm really tired.... Anyways... BYEEEEE ;3!
Tumblr: queen-tillyoakley