*timejump from mid june to beginning of august*
elle: it's my birthday on saturday, I'm going away with some friends and Jackie is coming too. Do you want to come too?
redhead ashton: at what time?
elle: 10am on saturday until like 11pm or later on sunday? We're going away for the weekend but all you need is a tent and a sleeping bag. Not that we'll be sleeping much.
redhead ashton: ooh where are we going?
elle: my happy place
elle: aka a lake about an hour out of LA
elle: so are you in or not?
redhead ashton: I'll be at your place at 10, do you need me to drive?
elle: that was going to be my second question so yes
redhead ashton: alright, I'll be there
—
I was sitting on the front porch with Jackie and another friend while we patiently waited for Ashton to arrive. He had texted me when he left so I knew he could arrive at any minute but we were already last to leave. My summer break had started three weeks ago and I was enjoying every second of it. I no longer had the pressure to go to work and I spend most of July in San Diego with Chris and his family to escape. It has been good for me and I could finally feel myself letting go of what had happened. It's not over yet but atleast now I believe that I will be better again one day.
I saw Ashton atleast once a week for Thursday dinner but we texted almost daily, just to check up on each other. Even when I was in San Diego, Ashton and I had Thursday dinner through face time. It became our day in the week that we don't have to act happy, that we can just tell the truth and be sad together. But lately my days became better while his became worse because of Olivia's birthday next weekend and the love of his life being gone for almost a year now. He was struggling with the anniversary but he knew it was okay. He knew it was okay to be sad.
He thanked me many times for deleting his social media of his phone and I know that had helped him. He had given himself a time off from the toxic fans and decided to recover for himself instead of them.
"He's going to make us all late" Josie said with a soft grunt. She woke me up from my thoughts and I looked at her with a soft smile. We've known each other since we were 7 years old and never really lost touch.
"Just be happy that we have a ride there this time." I replied with a chuckle before looking at Jackie, "Last year Josie and I decided to hitch hike there. It wasn't that smart but neither of us had a car to use at the time."
"You could have been murdered." Jackie said seriously and Josie and I just laughed.
"We had Thomas with us to protect us. And we were there in time, today we'll be late." Josie said and at the mention of Thomas, my smile faded shortly but it reappeared just as quick. It was my 25th birthday and I was not going to let him take my happiness away now.
"That's his car" Jackie said as she got up and took her bags, I got up too and Josie grabbed my arm to stop me.
"You didn't tell me this friend was rich." She said as we both looked at his car. "Is that why we haven't met him before?"
"He's kinda famous too so just shut up." I said to her with a chuckle. Ashton got out of the car and greeted Jackie before putting her stuff in the trunk. When we approached him, he looked at me with a smile.
"Happy 25th birthday Elle." He said before hugging me, I smiled and hugged him back tightly.
"Thank you very much Ash" I said with a smile, Jackie let me sit in the front so we all go in the car and I could see Josie on her phone and my phone buzzed just seconds later
Josie👽: SO WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TZLL US THAT YOUR FEIEND IS ASHTON FUCKING IRWIN
elle: if you freak, you're banned from any upcoming events where I will invite him too
elle: I DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE A FAN OKAY
elle: and I didn't even fucking know until a long time after I met Jackie
I quickly texted her back before starting to guide Ashton through the busy streets of LA. I was happy once we had reached the highway and I reached over for the volume to turn it up with a grin on my face.
I was ready for a weekend with my friends at my favourite place.
"That's your band right?" I shouted when they announced the next song they were going to play, he laughed and nodded while he kept his eyes on the road. "So do you sing any parts in this song?"
"No just the drums." He replied with a soft smile when the song started playing. We've been friends for two months now and it's been great but I still haven't actually heard him sing or play any instruments other than his crappy attempt at teaching me how to play the piano. Just a few songs that came on the radio.
"I wanna hear you sing." I said all serious and he laughed softly. "I'm serious, Emma will probably have her guitar with her so tonight, at the campfire. For my birthday." I gave him a small pout and he smiled widely before looking at me for a second
"You should do it Ashton, it's her birthday." Jackie said to defend me and I held out my hand to high five her.
"Fine, just because it's your birthday." He said and I smiled widely.
"Thank you." I said as I looked at him before looking at Josie in the back who had accepted Ashton was sitting infront of her. I really didn't get all of the 'fangirling'.
"I just got a text from Anna, they already arrived and are starting to put up their tents. Jack will be there in 5minutes" Josie said when her phone buzzed. "How much longer until we're there?"
"20minutes" I said to her with a smile before looking ahead of me again.
"So how many other friends will be there?" Ashton asked and I realised I never told him that.
"We're with 14 in total, there are 5 other guys so you're not alone." I said and he looked relieved about that. I had been looking forward for this weekend for the past two weeks and I was happy it was finally here. I couldn't care less about it being my birthday but I got all my best friends here with me in my happy place.
—
"So usually we sit around the fire and we all sing these random songs together but all of us sound like absolute shit." Emma said when she sat back down with her guitar, "But now this year we finally have someone that can sing with us. So Ashton, are you ready to listen to a bunch of dying cats for the next hour?" She asked amused and Ashton laughed
"Yeah I'm ready" he replied with a genuine smile, I could see he was happier and that he finally seemed to be able to let go of his worries a little. My group of friends had welcomed him with open arms and nobody acted crazy. We spend all day in and around the lake with smiles on our faces and laughs replacing the usual silence. "But I told Elle I would play something for her and I'm a man of my word, so can I?" He asked and Emma nodded happily before handing over her guitar to the boy sitting a few spots away from me.
"I'd never say no to that." Emma said with a laugh and Ashton laughed too before looking at me with a smile. I smiled back at him before he looked ahead of him again and tried to come up with a song.
"I haven't played this song in ages so don't judge me." He said with a chuckle before he started to play the guitar. Everyone watched him in silence and waited for him to let out his voice. I was curious and excited that after two months, I'd finally get to hear it.
When he started singing, my smile only grew. But the lyrics hit me, I recognised the song quickly as it was one of my favourite (non-classical) songs.
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came
I watched him and while everyone smiled, I realised this was about her. But he had the smallest smile on his face and let out a soft chuckle when he let out the last note. Either I had it wrong, or he was learning to accept he couldn't have changed a thing.
"That was fucking amazing." James said as he looked at Ashton. "You should totally do something with music as a carreer." He said and while most of us laughed, I was glad I wasn't the only one that didn't know it at first. But nobody said something about it, he was just a friend, not a popstar.
"We're going to sound 10 times worse now." Josie said with a soft laugh while Ashton handed the guitar back to Emma.
We sat around the fire for three more hours, talking, singing (horribly) and laughing before everyone decided it was time to sleep. I shared a tent with Josie and she let me get changed into my pyjamas first. So while she was getting changed, I sat infront of our tent and I watched Ashton walk over to the side of the lake. He sat down on one of the fallen trees and I looked to my side to see Jackie watching him too.
"That was the first song he ever sang together with Sam at her 25th birthday party with her friends, it was the first time he heard her sing. I think he just needs a minute." She said before going into her tent and I didn't know what to do, I wanted to go over and talk to him but maybe he just needed some time alone.
He just sang this song for my 25th birthday with my friends because I wanted to hear him sing so badly. I got back up just when Josie opened the tent.
"You're free to come back in." She said and I looked at her shortly before looking back at Ashton. "Just go, I sleep like a rock anyway."
"I'll be quiet if you're already asleep." I said before walking over to where Ashton was sitting. I sat down beside him in silence and he didn't even move slightly. But there were no tear stains on his face and he just looked at the lake with the smallest smile.
"About a month after Sam and I met at my show, she invited me for her 25th birthday with her friends. She literally asked me the night before but I went anyway. We were playing truth or dare but they played this very sexual version of it, unlike the funny and harmless version we played tonight. And I asked her to sing, as a dare. I knew she could sing, she had mentioned it before but I had never heard her sing. She accepted it but only if I would sing along with her. I didn't know the lyrics but she looked them up for me and we sang it together so that was the first time I ever heard her voice. Later that night we played karaoke and we laughed all night. We kissed for the first time too that day, as a dare. But it was only much later that I realised that that night was the night I fell for her." He said softly without ever moving his eyes away from the lake. The light from the moon and the stars was reflecting on the water and it was a magical sight. "I hadn't played that song since she died, I wasn't able to do it without breaking down. But tonight when Emma showed up with her guitar, that was the only song that I could come up with. The memory was playing vividly in my mind and I could almost hear her voice too but then about halfway, it faded and I realised I wasn't in London, I wasn't with Sam and her friends but I was in this amazing place in California, with you and your friends. I realised that life went on, new memories are being made and I felt okay with that. For the first time, I felt okay with learning to move on."
"It's a bit of a parallel, so alike yet so different." I whispered as I tried to wrap my mind around the past few hours. I wasn't really sure what else to say. I had never heard this story before, yet we played truth or dare, he sang that song to me and afterwards we all sang a few songs which could be seen as a bit of karaoke.
"It's the first time that I'm not crying when it happens." He said softly as he finally looked at me, "I'm glad you invited me here for your birthday. Somehow it finally gave me some peace."
"I'm glad it did." I replied when I looked back at him, small smiles on our faces.
"So how are you doing?" He asked and I shrugged my shoulders, I didn't really know.
"Much better than I expected. I thought I was going to be a mess because after all, we celebrated 18 of my birthdays together but I'm alright."
"Look at us finally learning how not to be a mess." He said with a soft laugh and I laughed too before nodding but when our laughs faded, silence took over.
—
AshtonIrwin: the past year has been incredibly hard on me, I struggled a lot with my mental health and I found it so hard to open up about it. Even to the friends around me I closed myself off, until I met a new friend who showed me it's okay to grieve, it's okay to miss someone and to be in pain. The past month I took the time to get to know myself again, to recover without the pressure of social media. But it wasn't until this weekend that I finally found a little peace in my mind. I let go of the constant connection with the world, turned off my phone and got to know myself again, surrounded by great people and the most beautiful location. I'm still learning how to move on but I'm ready to come back and let you into my life again, if you let me speak.
386.017 likes
JackieEvans: always here for you Ashton ♥️
LukeHemmings: so proud of you Ashton, you're an example to all of us.
UpdatesofAshtonIrwin: we're glad to see you back, it's a good thing you took your time to heal
5sosfan007: who's the person you met?
5sosfans69: isn't that the same place as that picture of that Elle girl on her brother's instagram 2 months ago?
5SOSGlobal: we all hope you are doing well x
— twitter —
AshtonGlobal: Ashton clearly isn't happy yet but the fact he was able to say something about it, gives me hope. I miss seeing him happy and cheery
AshtonGlobal: also, I'm 99.9% sure he's talking about that one girl we keep seeing him with. We know nothing about her but I don't think Ashton is with her, he is still hooked on Sam
SamGlobal: I miss Sam so much and soon it will be a year ago that she passed but I'm heartbroken to see how much Ashton still struggles with it. Fans pushed him to move on and I'm glad that this new friend of him finally made him take a step back.
Immarriedtoashton: everyone is just ignoring the fact that this elle girl is spending so much time with him and its clear he was talking about her in that post. She's trying to take him away from us.
IdontlikeElle: if you can't see that Elle is in there for the money, you're dumb. She probably used jackie to get to ashton.
— Instagram —
Tagged: elledoesnthaveinstagramstopasking
JackieEvans: 3am inspirations with the lovely Elle. // any hate will be deleted and blocked.
AshtonIrwin and 59.018 liked
ChrisMiller: my favourite redhead
UpdatesofAshtonIrwin: you're so talented Jackie!
5SOSGlobal: is Ashton dating her? She's so pretty
5sosuser: can't you see that she's just in there for the fame and money?
ThomasJacob: elle is a cheating and lying bitch, I used to be dating her so I know. I'm sorry for whoever she ends up with next.
AlecMiller: @thomasjacob dude you cheated on her ever since you started dating and lead her on for 7years. I'm pretty sure you're the asshole here. Just fuck off
———————————————————
Extra long update because it's teeny_tiny_ 's birthday. So wish her all a happy birthday and thank her for the long chapter.
Next chapter will take me a little longer because I ran out of premade chapters and I have an exam friday and saturday so I'm a bit busy to write atm