- - -
according to elisabeth kubler-ross, when we're dying or have suffered a catastrophic loss, we all move through five distinct stages of grief. we go into denial because the loss is so unthinkable we can't imagine it's true. we become angry with everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves.
- - -
"i heard that... sloan was released from the hospital in la. that's good. is she, uh, is she coming back soon?" lia smiles at mark as they are both stood in the lobby, but he acts as though he hasn't heard her. "mark? this some kind of joke? you're not even gonna look at me?"
"torres..." mark turns and calls callie who's walking by. "i have a hip decubitus ulcer i need you to check out."
"mature," lia rolls her eyes. "really mature, mark."
■ ■ ■
"why are you walking like that?" alex asks cristina, who's walking down the corridor.
"uh, i've got a burn," cristina replies.
"where?" alex continues to pester her.
"go away," cristina snaps.
"well, we're both doctors," alex coaxes. "no need to be embarrassed."
"i'm not embarrassed," she unconvincingly protests. "i'm just waiting for meredith. now... go away."
"i let you treat my tick," alex reminds her. "come on."
"this is not a tick," cristina scowls as lia approaches the two residents.
"today sucks," lia sighs. "mark sucks."
"yeah?" cristina asks, thankful for the attention to be taken off her.
"yang's got burns on her girl parts," alex chuckles as he tells lia.
"oh," lia says, eyes wide in shock. "oh, wow."
"i do not- it's not on- on my girl parts," cristina protests.
"well, then they're on her ass," alex shrugs. "look at how she's walking."
"how did you get burns on your ass?" lia raises her brow at cristina.
"you paged?" meredith asks as she approaches the group of surgeons.
"mer, come," cristina instructs, grabbing her hand. "the rest of you bye."
meredith and cristina walk off, quickly, but alex sees which direction they head in so leads lia to them. when they get to the trauma room, he pulls back the curtains to find cristina lying on the patient bed with her pants down.
"alex! alex!" meredith scolds.
"oh. hot cross buns," alex chuckles at the sight in front of him.
"that's gonna blister," lia points out.
"will you get them out of here?" cristina groans.
"bailey's paging me," meredith announces. "lia, will you finish this for me
"oh, oh, my god. i hate you," cristina scoffs.
"what? i'll take alex with me," meredith says, grabbing alex. "let's go. come on."
"is this a sex injury?" lia asks, continuing to treat cristina's burn.
"it is," she nervously admits.
"i used to have sex injuries with mark. mark was really awesome at leaving you with good..." lia begins to say, but tears begin to fill her eyes. "sex injuries."
"please don't cry on my ass."
"i'm sorry," lia cries, wiping her eyes.
"please don't cry."
■ ■ ■
"i need to talk to you about mark," lia informs callie, grabbing her arm whilst she's stood at the nurses station and pulling her to the side. "he isn't speaking to me. he barely even looks at me. and i know we broke up, but we still work together. and when i begin my new field, i'm gonna be a plastic surgeon."
"you're not gonna be a plastic surgeon," callie chuckles.
"still, okay, we're gonna have to see each other every day," she points out. "i mean, he's best friends with my... with my derek. i- i don't know what to do."
"i know," callie says, quickly giving her best friend a hug. "he's not exactly being fair."
"no, he's not being fair," lia agrees, when they pull away from the hug. "you know, at least he could be civil. i had a one night stand. okay, big deal. it's not like he didn't sleep with addison."
"true," callie nods. "more than once."
"what?" lia asks, outraged.
"hmm?" callie hums, her pitch raising an octave, clearly not knowing that this was new information to lia. "nothing. i didn't say anything."
"more than once?" lia almost shouts. "more than once? why didn't you tell me?"
"i thought you knew," callie admits. "i thought if he was going to tell you, he'd have told you the whole truth."
"god, he is such a hypocrite! ugh!" lia groans before storming off down the corridor.
■ ■ ■
"what do you think of the present i got from hunt?" derek asks mark as he enters his new office, gesturing to the basketball hoop.
"for getting your own office? from hunt, huh? i was gonna get you one of those. the deluxe version. you know, the kind that keeps score?" mark says, moving through the office and taking a seat behind derek's desk. "not, uh, you know, the cheaper one."
"that's my chair," derek frowns.
"i know. i like it. it makes me feel powerful," mark grins before pausing. "you know lia slept with alex karev, while i was in la dealing with my sick daughter?"
"well, according to meredith, you were doing a little more in los angeles," derek raises his eyebrows at mark. "than just dealing with little sloan."
"she dumped me," mark reiterates.
"which is why you went back to sleeping with my ex-wife?" derek asks.
"you slept with his ex-wife?" owen interjects in shock.
"wait a sec," mark frowns and shakes his head. "you're remarried. what do you care?"
"i'm just saying, the karev thing is forgivable considering," derek shrugs.
"not to me," mark says before turning his attention to hunt and staring at him.
"what?" owen asks.
"is that a hickey?" mark says, his eyes still not leaving owen's neck.
"uh, it's, uh, it's- it's a birthmark," owen mumbles.
"it is," derek chuckles. "it's a hickey."
"alright," owen holds his hands up in defeat. "cristina and i have been... getting along."
"well, you two are good together," mark nods. "not like me and lia or... me and addison. way better than yang and burke."
"yeah, i never understood those two," derek admits. "they were too... monosyllabic."
"you know, i made a bet she'd never make it down that aisle," mark boasts. "won fifty bucks."
"what aisle?" owen asks.
"oh, you haven't heard that story?" mark chuckles. "that's a good story."
"uh, it's not your story to tell," derek scolds.
- - -
then we bargain. we beg. we plead. we offer everything we have, we offer our souls in exchange for just one more day. when the bargaining has failed and the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair, until finally we have to accept that we've done everything we can. we let go.
- - -
"hey," callie says, entering the skills lab. "ooh. nice skin graft."
"thank you," he smiles.
"so i was talking to lia-" she begins.
"wh- why?" mark cuts her off. "when? why are you talking to me about her?"
"she-" callie begins, but mark cuts her off again.
"don't do this," he shakes his head.
"she made some good points," callie tells him.
"she dumped me and jumped into bed with karev," he emphasises. "she doesn't get to make good points."
"mark, don't you think you're being a little..."
"what, mad. offended, disgusted?" he almost yells.
"hypocritical. sexist, immature?" callie retaliates,
matching his tone.
"she dumped me!" he reiterates. "not the other way round. she dumped me, and for wanting to step up and be responsible with my own daughter. you now how big a step that is for me. and you know how much i wanted to take that step with lia. i'm not the one who's immature! and you made me wreck my skin graft!"
- - -
we let go and move into acceptance. in medical school, we have a hundred lessons that teach us how to fight off death, and not one lesson on how to go on living.
- - -