- - -
it's a common belief that positive thinking leads to a happier healthier life. as children we are told to smile, be cheerful, and put on a happy face. As adults we are told to look on the bright side, to make lemonade, and see glasses as half full.
- - -
"i always knew that wallace's parents were wealthy," arizona says, pacing round mark and lia's kitchen. "but not twenty five million dollar wealthy. i mean that's 'libraries named after you' kind of money, 'saved babies in africa and has dinner at the white house regularly' type of money. people don't give me that kind of money."
"you have an unfair advantage," callie says. "you work with children."
"oatmeal, side of fruit, wheat toast, hold the butter," mark says, holding up a plate of food.
"thank you," callie says, taking the plate and taking a seat on the couch next to lia.
"you know what?" arizona says. "that money is gonna make such a difference for so many patients."
"it's... it's really amazing," lia smiles.
"maybe i should start doing more cleft-palate kids. everyone's a sucker for those," mark ponders as he dishes up another plate of breakfast. "cheese omelet, extra butter, cinnamon toast, crispy bacon."
"mine!" lia says, grabbing the plate, before retaking her seat on the couch.
"twenty five million is pretty cool, right?" arizona asks, taking a seat at the counter.
"best birthday gift ever," lia nods.
"birthday gift?" callie raises her brow.
"well, 'c- 'cause the money's a gift," arizona shrugs.
"i mean, technically it's for the hospital, not arizona, but since your birthday's on friday..." lia begins, but is cut off by callie.
"how does lia know about your birthday and i don't?" she asks her girlfriend.
"birthdays are just days like any other days," arizona shrugs. "i don't like them. don't celebrate them. no big deal."
"twenty five million?" callie emphasises. "that's a big deal."
"crap. i'm gonna be late. i will see you there," arizona says, glancing at her watch before exiting the apartment.
"okay, she's downplaying it right?" callie turns to lia. "i'm her girlfriend. i have to do something for her birthday, right?"
"yes," lia nods at the same time as mark says, "no."
"a... a surprise party?" lia suggests.
"bad idea," mark shakes his head. "surprise parties are hostile. they're dark. people jump out and scream at you. they never come to any good."
■ ■ ■
"hey," lia smiles, as she takes a seat next to jackson in the cafeteria. "you haven't been on my service in a while. i thought you wanted to go into cardio?"
"i did," he says, taking a bite of his lunch. "but i think i want to go into plastics."
"didn't i tell you, you've got the face?" she teases and jackson chuckles. "what made you change your mind?"
"i got to scrub in on a plastics case, and it felt right, you know?" he asks. "like that's what i should be doing. i really dig plastics."
"i know what you mean," she smiles. "that's how cardio used to feel for me."
"used to feel?"
"i'm looking for a new challenge, like a new specialty," she informs him.
"try plastics. we can learn together," he teases.
"i don't think mark would be a good teacher for me," she admits.
"oh right," he frowns. "i forgot you guys are dating."
"are you coming to arizona's party tomorrow?" lia asks to try and break the awkward silence that followed jackson's last comment. he nods in response. "i guess i'll see you there."
- - -
sometimes reality can get in the way of our ability to act the happy part though. you're hope can fail, boyfriends can cheat, friends can disappoint. it's in these moments, when you just want to get real, drop the act, and be your true scared unhappy self. ask most people what they want out of life and the answer is simple - to be happy.
- - -
mark is sat on the couch when there is a knock at the door. he opens it to find callie who just walks in, and mark shuts the door behind her.
"oh hey," callie smiles. "is lia around?"
"she's in the shower," he informs her.
"thanks," she says walking towards the bathroom and entering, leaving mark looking shocked as he wasn't expecting her to walk in on lia in the shower. he then follows and stands in the bathroom doorway. "hey, can you help me decorate my apartment for the party later? because it starts in a few hours and i've got nothing ready"
"of course!" lia answers. "i'll come over as soon as i'm out of the shower."
"thanks," callie smiles.
"can you hand me the shampoo?" lia requests and callie opens the shower door to hand it to her. "thank you."
"mm-hmm," callie hums before pushing past mark to exit the bathroom.
"are you really gay?" mark asks, following callie into the living room, as she turns around in response to his question. "like, how gay are you on a scale of one to... gay? 'cause that's my girlfriend. in the shower. my hot, hot, naked girlfriend. and, i- how gay are you?"
"i'm sorry. it's..." callie begins. "i've known lia a while and- but i'll... try not to do that again. the naked in the shower thing."
"thank you," mark frowns, looking at the floor. "look, you know that i'm not one to object to a little girl on girl. but, i love her, and i don't want to lose her again."
"look," callie says, pausing until he looks up to meet her smile. "i am really gay. and you're girlfriend is hot. but, she's not gay, and i don't see her like i see arizona. she's my best friend."
- - -
maybe it's this expectation though of wanting to be happy that just keeps us from ever getting there. maybe the more we try to will ourselves to state's of bliss, the more confused we get - to the point where we don't recognize ourselves.
- - -
"surprise!" everyone yells as callie and arizona enter their apartment. "happy..."
"i..." arizona says, bursting into tears. "i... um, i- i-"
arizona then runs back out of the apartment and is quickly followed by callie.
"told ya," mark smugly tells lia.
"shut up," she rolls her eyes and nudges his arm with her own.
"might as well take advantage, huh?" alex says, grabbing a beer from beside the couple.
"what?" lia asks.
"the party's a dud, but at least there's free booze, right?" alex shrugs.
"right," lia frowns, as alex walks away. she then turns back to mark who has now moved to sit behind her. "go ahead and gloat."
"surprise parties never come to any good," he reiterates his earlier argument. "i think this party speaks for itself."
"i don't get it," she sighs, leaning back into mark's chest. "you know, the best birthday of my life was the surprise party my parents threw. i- i- i loved it so much."
"how old were you at this party?" he asks.
"seven," she admits.
"like i said, it speaks for itself," he says craning his neck forward, over her shoulder to kiss her.
- - -
instead we just keep smiling - trying to be the happy people we wish we were. until it eventually hits us, it's been there all along. not in our dreams or our hopes but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar.
- - -