"Please never forget that."
Alexa's pov
So I don't know why I even answered it. But the fact was I did. I answered it. And it messed me up bad.
"You were doing so well!" Lauren whined as she rubbed my back in attempts to comfort me.
"I know!" I whaled as blew my nose in yet another tissue.
"Oh hun.." She sounded excatly like a mother consoling a sick kid. Only thing was I wasn't sick. I was upset at myself.
"We are better off without those turds! Dont even let yourself be bothered with them!"
Lauren quickly
"What did she say?" Lauren squeaked nudging my shoulder.
I flipped over on my side to face Lauren and pulled my comforter right around me. She sat patiently on the side of my bed as I sprawled out on the mattress, sending tissues to fly in every direction.
I bit my lip knowing that replaying this information again in my head was going to send more tears flowing.
Sensing the inevitable Lauren grabbed more tissues and shoved them my way.
"Okay well..she- then- well-UGH!" I buried my face feeling in my blanket.
"Start from the beginning." She hushed.
So I did.
"Hello?"
"Alexa hunny, hi it's Mrs.Horan."
I froze. Niall's mom. Niall's mom was calling me. Why was she calling me?
"Could you hold on for a moment?" I Ungracefully slewed through the reciever.
"Of course."
My hands gripped the phone in fear that my sweaty palms wouldn't drop the phone.
"Excuse me everyone."
I gestures to my hair and makeup crew as I stumbled my way out of my seat. They all glanced around questioning my sudden mood change.
I quickly strode out to the hallway where only a few crew people were mingling around and helping to set up.
Deep breath and answer.
"Sorry about that. Kinda hard to here back there." I cringed at the sound of my voice. Hands down she could tell I was nervous.
"Oh, I totally understand." Her voice sounded so sweet. Sweet as honey. "I'm so sorry if I caught you at the wrong time."
"No, no it's aright. We're only getting ready for a concert. It doesn't start for a couple hours."
"All the prep can get exhausting." I nodded forgetting she couldn't see me. "Yes. It can."
"I think you know why I'm calling Alexa." Great. Small talk over I see.
"Before you ask, no Niall didn't put me up to this and no, he doesn't know I'm talking to you. So I would also appreciate if you wouldn't tell him I called." She giggled like a true gossip hound.
I however was still confused as to where this conversation could possibly end up.
"I wouldn't I wasn't planning on saying anything to -to him, Niall."
"That I never doubted. Even so, the pair of you don't really chat anymore anyways..Correct?"
I felt guilt in the pit of my stomach. Guilt that I had disappointed her. "Well-uhm-no..Not really." I stuttered. "Just bits here and there."
"These past weeks have been rough for him."
I felt so guilty. So so so guilty. I was mad at Niall. I was mad at myself. I was mad at both of us for not being able to make this work better. We were forcing happiness out of us from miles and states and continents away. It wasn't working.
"I don't mean for it to be. Its so incredibly difficult."
A breathy sigh of understanding was heard. "You don't have to explain yourself to me Alexa. I'm mad at Niall too. He has some growing up to do. That's for sure."
"Its my fault." I immediately aimed to pin the blame on me.
"Don't you dare say that. Not to me." She sounded fierce. I was taken aback.
"I just mean that- that I'm not perfect and I've done some things that add-that- that- I dont know- add bad stuff to the whole situation."
"He's in love with you Alexa. He's stupid and impatient and very stubborn sometimes, but he loves you with all his heart. Please don't forget that honey. Please never forget that."
"What the hell are you bawling for?! That's a great conversation. She didn't bitch you out or call you a slut or shame you....Why the hell are you so upset!"
I couldn't contain my tears because of the guilt.
"I feel awful because I've been such a bitch to Niall and only treated him like crap and and and I've been so so mean to him! I've made him suffer!"
Maura whacked me. "Pull yourself together woman! Niall's Mom wouldn't have bothered calling you if she didn't love you too or didn't want you to be with him. Niall has done worse to you. She knows that and so does Niall. Stop the fucking tears!"
I love Maura but her anger clouded her vision in every situation. "Its not so black and white okay? This time apart has been really hard on both of us and I've only made it worse. His Mom had to call me. That's how bad it is between us. It makes me feel even worse knowing how much pain I caused him that someone else had to step in. It makes me so upset that he couldn't even talk to me about any of this. I wouldn't even known he was that upset unless his Mom called!"
Lauren was the one to provide solace. "Well, at least we know he loves you! Its not over! And it might be bad right now, but everything is worse before its better. He's not giving up. That's for sure."
"I just don't know what to do." I blew my nose once more before retiring from the box of tissues for good.
"Call him and talk it out for real this time."
"I think we just need some space for a little. Time to clear our heads. I'll call him soon though."
Lauren side eyed me suspiciously. "I will Lauren! I will because I still love him and I'm not giving up on him either! Not ever."
***
I waited till the weekend came. I picked a time where all the girls were sleeping, early in the morning.
It dialed a couple times and it felt with every ring tone my heart constricted my breathing. It all came out in one huff when he answered through.
"Hey, Alexa."
The fray off the blanket wrapped around me suddenly became entirely too interesting. I picked at the fray as the purple threads separated.
"Niall. Its really good to hear your voice."
"Yeah?" He didn't sound completely cheerful like he usually did. His tone had an edge to it and that worried me. "Could've called if you wanted to hear it."
"I could've and we could've had awkward small conversation and it could have been like that and been weird between us or I could have waited and given a space to let us see what really needed to be said."
Silence latched on as he was surprised by my words. " I care about you Niall I want this to work and if we keep trying to shove other problems under the rug, it's only going to end in disaster."
This time he was quick to speak. "No, no I agree. I'm glad you called too."
That bitterness that was there seconds ago slipped away as he realized my honest intentions were for us to be happy again. His gaurd was down now. So was mine.
"I know you don't like Cody but he's a colleague of mine and he is actually my friend I would never do anything with him to hurt you and I would never do anything with him in general because I don't feel that way about him I don't look at him like that and I guess I was so mad at you because you didn't believe me."
A deep sigh was heard across the line.
"I hate that I can't see your face right now."
"I hate it too Niall. Its terrible."
"I hate that when I came to see you last time, I felt like a groupie of yours..I felt like I didn't belong and that kills me Alexa. It kills me because I want to be the only person that belongs with you. Not Cody. Not the world. Not Melinda. Hell, not even the rest of Baseline. And I know its incredibly jealous of me to say that, but-"
He trailed off. But his feelings didn't. His feelings traveled straight through the receiver into my heart.
"I want to feel that way with you too Niall."
"I don't want it to be awkward between us. I want us to be us again."
I wanted that too. It was just so hard with the tour and everything right now. Given with the million things to do and only a couple hours to get them done.
"I have an idea." My words weren't filled with a spark. "I hate it, but I think it could work. It could help."
He sounded hopeful. "Let's hear it then."
"I'm going to pull an Ela and Harry here but-"
"Oh god no!" He laughed fully. "Please do not bring them into to this."
I was glad he was laughing. "Just listen! Just listen okay?" I giggled. "I think we should wait. Wait till we see each other again at Melinda and Jack's wedding. Then we can pick up where we left off at without having to worry about all this crap in between."
I could see a picture in my kind of him rubbing the back of his neck and shaking his head as he thought.
"I don't like it either Al. But, I think you're right. I think that's a good idea."
A wave of relief crashed over me. "Okay. Alright good. I'm glad."
"But hey Alexa. Promise me something."
"Anything." My heart skipped.
"Don't pull an Ela and end it for good. Don't spend too much time thinking we are actually apart that you don't want to be with me anymore."
I could see where Niall was coming from. I could. But I couldn't let him think that's why Ela cut it off. I couldn't let him think I would ever do anything like that either.
"Niall. First of all, that would never ever happen. I love you and dont forget that! That won't change! Secondly, Ela didn't break it off with Harry because she lost interest or got tired of him. Trust me that's far from it."
"I don't get it then. Look Alexa I don't want to start another fight between us over this. I get she is your best friend but I can't stand what she's put Harry through."
I know Niall meant well. If this was reversed I'd be pissed at Harry. But I love Ela and can't let her name go down like this.
"Niall, look she only did that crap for him. I know it sounds messed up but-"
"Put Harry through living hell for him? Alexa listen to yourself that's bullshit."
"Niall, look..." I debated on weather of not to tell Niall the whole complete truth. He deserves to know though. Niall is important to me. He should know. He should.
"Ela has a rough past. That's known. And she constantly feels like she's only creating problems for people. A lot of the times, yes she is, but she doesn't mean any of them. She's trying to keep Harry away because she thinks he will be better without her. He won't give up though. I love him for it but the whole thing is just messed up. Don't hate her. She loves him more than anyone in this whole world. I know that for a fact."
"That's ludicrous."
I sighed. "I know, Niall. It is. But Ela is sure that this is right for him. She's sure that she loves him enough to let him go and let him try and be happy."
"He's not though. Doesn't she see that?"
"Ela is...Well Ela is- trying not to focus on that. But she cares, just trust me."
"I do. I trust you. I do Alexa."
That sentence for some reason made my hope refill. We were going to be okay. We were going to get back to where we were. slowly, but surely. I could hope at least