Epilogue: Forgive and Forget (Part 1)
Kenneth Andrew Montemayor
I closed my eyes as I try to ignore the seething pain inside my chest. It was unbearable. It was something I've never felt before. It was something new to my core. And that something is tearing my entire being.
I lost them. I lost every fcking people that mattered to me. Nawala sila sakin dahil sa kagagawan ko. Nawala sila sakin dahil sa maling desisyon ko. I lost them and I know I deserve it. I don't deserve Mandy or our kids. Hindi ako ang tamang tao para sakanila.
I need to be better.
I sighed as the pain continues. Truth is, I never wanted to agree with this. I want us to make this work together. I want them to stay-with me. But her tear stricken face on that day in the hospital made me realize, we both need space. A kind of distance I never thought will make me crumble and fall.
The set up was very unfair. It was unfair but I'm helpless.
Mandy flew to the States with our children while I stay here-alone, with a wrecked heart and a miserable life. I took a series of deep and tired breaths. Gusto ko siyang pigilan, gusto kong magmakaawa sakanya and I fought the urge to kneel again and beg for them not to leave me. I know if I did that, she'll end up hurting more and I don't want to inflict her with more pain. Ako na lang. Ako na lang ang masasaktan nang sobra sobra.
They are the love of my life and I never thought that kind of love could be this painful. I stood up and walk away from the airport.
They're gone and I have to be strong for the next six months. I have to be the best man I can be for my family. I have to be there when she bore our daughter. I have to be there for my sons when they first walk to school. I need to be there in every step of their lives-their milestones.
I want to change for the better, but I don't know where to start.
Dumiretso akong opisina matapos kong ihatid ang mag-iina ko. I don't want to be alone and my office is the next best place for me to sulk and occupy my mind. Tumayo ang bago kong sekretarya at gulat akong binati.
"Good Afternooon, Sir! I thought..."
I smiled and dismissed her thoughts. "Give me my full schedule for the day." She didn't have the chance to ask further questions. "And please tell Atty. Lopez, I need the papers he's working on." I ordered before entering my office.
I sat down and stared at the nothingness of the whole city. The sky is so dark as if rain was about to fall. Tila pati ang langit ay nakikisimpatya sa nararamdaman kong kalungkutan. I just wish everything was nothing but a nightmare.
"Daddy will follow as soon as he fixed everything." Pagak akong napatawa sa pagsisinungaling ko kanina. My sons wanted an assurance that I'll be coming for them and I gave a pretty good white lie. Hindi ko alam kung magagawa ko bang tuparin ang pangako kong pagsunod sakanila dahil magpahanggang ngayon ay hindi nakiki-cooperate si Yngrid.
I've been trying to contact her since the beginning but she's so stubborn. Ayaw niyang bumigay sa pakiusap ko. Halos ibigay ko na nga sakanya lahat ng pera ko but she refuse to bow down and she even threatened our child-her own flesh and blood.
I sighed as I remember Ynigo, my other son. He's a vibrant boy. Gustong-gusto niyang magkaroon ng kapatid. He knows everything. Alam niyang may dalawa siyang kapatid na lalaki at isang munting prinsesa na parating pa lamang. I've laid everything on the table when it comes to my son. He's unexpectedly happy when I broke him the news and I hope my other children can have the same reaction when I introduced him to them.
"You'll follow us when your legally single, Ken. I don't want to be the mistress. Ayokong masira ang reputasyon ng pamilya at mga anak ko. My children deserve nothing but the best and not even you can break that." she uttered with utmost finality.
I am damn afraid of her words.
Her actions are all new to me. She gave me that ultimatum before leaving. She made it clear that everything will work as long as I can secure that goddamn divorce papers.
I swivelled my chair back to my table. I felt tired all of a sudden. Nanghihina na tinanaw ang larawang nakapatong dito. I took the frame and held it in my arms. It was our first and only family picture. Mandy and I are carrying the twins as we both smiled to the camera.
I traced the curves of her smile and slowly, I felt the bitterness of my life. Masayang-masaya kami sa larawang 'yun. It was taken a couple of months after she gave birth to our twins. Noong mga panahon na wala pang magulong set up ang namamagitan samin.
I know I'm doomed. I know that without them I'll be doomed. But this is for the best-I hope.
I stayed at the office until midnight. Kung hindi pa ko pinasok ni Lorraine, my secretary, ay hindi ko malalamang hating-gabi na.
As I reached my abode, everything started to sink in. My suite feels so empty. I sighed. Dimwit. It's technically empty 'coz your family left you for the States.
What shall I do? I don't think I can last 6 months without them. Isang araw palang ang nakakalipas pero pakiramdam ko'y mababaliw na ko sa pagkabagot at pagkamiss sakanila.
I stood up and took my phone. I just can't take it anymore. I'll probably die even before the day ends. I need to act fast or else I lose myself.
For the next months, I acted upon the divorce proceedings. I'm willing to bleed money just to settle everything. Handa akong ubusin ang lahat ng meron ako makabalik lang ako sa pamilya ko. I don't need this luxurious life. All that I need and long for is to be with my family, nothing more. But Yngrid being herself is being stubborn.
She's demanding more and more and I don't know if my funds are enough. I grabbed a fistful of my hair and let out a frustrated groan. I had a long talk with my lawyer and he delivered a very bad news.
Ayaw pa ring pumayag ni Yngrid sa offer ko. I offered her a good sum of money. It costs everything that I have on one of my Swiss accounts but still, she's demanding 3 million dollars more of everything I laid down. I vowed not to touch the other accounts, 'coz every penny in there is for my kids-for Calen, Caleb and my princess.
I felt a tap on my shoulder. Napatingala ako sa aking harapan. I saw Dad looking at me with two glasses on his hands. He offered one and I willingly accepted it.
"You can use your own trust fund, son." He started and I immediately shook my head.
"You know I can't do that. It's for the kids."
It's his turn to shake his head and chuckled a little more. "I meant your own fund, Ken, not the one for the kids." I shifted my head to his direction.
"What do you mean?" I asked in a confuse manner.
"Eons ago, when everything between us is a little bit rough, I decided to put up a trust fund for you and your sister. A trust fund to secure your future in case worst comes to worst and God take my life...."
I groaned and cut him off. "Come on, Dad. Stop that! You'll live longer. Stop spouting nonsense. Death isn't a joke, so stop it."
Tumawa siya at tinapik muli ang balikat ko. "I'm just telling a story, son. I'm not here to piss you." I shook my head in disapproval. It's been a long time since we patched things up and everything felt lighter since then. Si Mandy at ang mga bata na lang ang kulang, kumpleto na ang buhay ko.
"As I was saying, you have your own trust fund, son. You have your own money to spend. I placed it in under your name but I never got the chance to hand it over."I glanced back at him.
"It's worth a thirty five million dollars, Son. It's all yours. Spend it to have your freedom. Spend it to have your eternal happiness with Mandy."
He's looking at me intently. I can see something in his eyes, something I'm not familiar."Fight for your family, Son. Win them back and have your perfect life. You're a good father and I'm proud of you for being something I'm not." He almost choked up with tears.
Ngayon ko lang narinig mula sakanya ang m ga salitang 'yun. He never mentioned being proud of all my achievements but his remark meant a lot to me. After all, Leonardo Montemayor is my flawed father and I love him for being the imperfect father 'coz without his imperfections, Kenneth Andrew Montemayor, his son and successor, will not be the person he is today.
"We're both flawed, Dad. But that kind of flaw made us a better person. Imperfections polished us to be the best. Trials tested us so that someday we'll both be the best we can be." I hugged him and tapped his back.
"You're the best father, Dad. I'll never trade you for anyone in this world." He hugged me back as I felt his shoulder shook and my shirt got wet from his tears.
Leonardo Montemayor, a tough business magnate, sobbing and crying for his son. He's perfect because of his imperfections and I love him for that. I smiled and remembered Mandy's words eons ago. "Forgive and forget, baby. It'll help you live."
And indeed, my baby is right.