Bi-Curious
Chapter 25
"It's a Beautiful Day"
Ethan
I wake up early with Charlie naked in my arms. Today's his birthday and I'm so excited to spend it with him. I don't have any plans since he said he'd prefer to stay back at home today, but I have a list of suggestions in case he changes his mind. I slide out of bed quietly and go to make him pancakes.
I make a breakfast in bed, pancakes, hash browns, and bacon. The hash browns are slightly burnt, but still edible. I season everything up and set up a tray and bring it into his room. I set it on the nightstand and crawl in bed next to him again and wait for him to wake up.
Charlie's hazel eyes open and he sits up, the blankets falling off of him and pooling around his waist. "Mmm. G'mornin', Superstar."
"Good morning, cupcake." I greet him, smiling. "Happy birthday."
"Thank you. I'm nineteen now, what Xander claims to be a 'big deal' because it's my 'last year as a teenager.'" He chuckles. "I smell food."
"That would be because I made you breakfast in bed." I sit up and grab the tray.
"Aaaw, you didn't have to." Charlie grins and cups my face before kissing me.
"I wanted to." I smile and place it in his lap.
He begins to eat. "Mmm." He feeds me some with a grin before drinking some of his coffee.
"Thank you." I smile. "Do you like it?"
"Yes, Ethan." He kisses my neck. "Of course I do."
I beam "Yay!" I grab a pancake and eat it. "So, I know you said you didn't wanna go out today, so we can lounge around and cuddle and fuck all day if you want, but if you decide you do want to go out, I'm down for that too."
"Staying home to cuddle and fuck sounds heavenly. You don't need to go out of your way for me." Charlie smiles.
"Nothing's out of my way." I promise.
He just shakes his head. "All I need is your company, but... if you want to do something... you could draw me."
"Like one of my French girls?" I wiggle my eyebrows. "I'd love to. How do you want to be drawn?"
"I don't know. Realistically."
"Okay." I move the tray away and lean over to grab the drawing kit Charlie got me. I curl up next to him and kiss him, pulling out a piece of paper and pencil.
Charlie puts his finished tray on the bedside table and looks at me, his head cocked slightly. "How should I pose?"
"Don't." I tap the eraser against my lips and study him. "You're at your most beautiful when you're being natural."
"Okay." He does just that and begins writing.
I watch him for a few more minutes before beginning to draw. We sit like that for about an hour, both quietly working on our art until it's finished.
I've drawn Charlie just as he is, writing shirtless, the blankets covering his lower half. I paid extra attention to the detail of his face, making sure to get how the way it crinkles in concentration, his morning stubble, his curly hair. He looks beautiful to me and I tap his shoulder. "I'm finished."
Charlie looks at it and smiles softly. "I love it. It looks like me."
"I'm glad you like it." I tilt his head towards mine and kiss him.
He wraps his arms around me and kisses back, bringing us as close as possible so that I'm lying on top of him.
I deepen the kiss, resting my hands on his hips. "You have morning breath." I chuckle.
Charlie the Tomato runs away and locks himself in the bathroom.
"No!" I call out. "I don't mind! I have it too, please come back!" I get out of the bed and stand outside the door.
"I'm so embarrassed. This is why I don't kiss you in the mornings, asshole."
"Come out." I chuckle and wiggle the door handle.
"No. I'm gonna spend the day in here."
I sigh and go to my room, grabbing my lock pick kit before returning. "I can break in, you know."
"No. I deserve privacy. It's my birthday, cockslut."
"Mm. Name calling. You know, I would love to be a slut for your cock, but you won't let me in. You don't have to be embarrassed with me, Charlie, I really care about you. I love the taste of your mouth, no matter what its condition is." I explain. "Please, baby, let me make it up to you."
A grumpy Charlie opens the door with a toothbrush in his mouth and rosy cheeks.
I smile and hug him, kissing his neck. "It's okay, you're beautiful."
He spits in the sink. "Brush your teeth."
"Anything for you." I move back and grab his toothbrush, putting more toothpaste on it.
Charlie scoffs and holds up my toothbrush. "You have your own."
I shrug. "I like yours."
"Because it's electric?"
"Yep!" I rinse and spit.
Charlie sighs and pokes my penis before walking out of the bathroom and plopping down on the couch.
I follow him, unashamed of my nakedness, and sit down next to him. I run my hand over his chest. "Your body is gorgeous."
He blushes. "Yeah, well, so is yours."
I climb on his lap, straddling him and just hold him, pressing our skin together. Charlie breathes me in and relaxes against me, just staying with me.
I breathe next to his ear. "Let me suck your cock, Charlie."
"I— Okay, yeah." He shivers.
I slide down onto my knees and spread his legs, kissing his thighs. "I want to give you more pleasure than you've ever experienced." I rub his thighs. "I have some ideas for later tonight. We can discuss them whenever you're ready. I bought some outfits too." I begin stroking him slowly.
"Outfits?" Charlie bites his lip. "For who?"
"Both of us. I thought maybe we could do a little roleplaying." I smirk and squeeze his length.
"Mm, sounds fun." He closes his eyes momentarily before making eye contact with me.
I smile and take the head of his cock into my mouth, hollowing out my cheeks and beginning to bob up and down, taking more in with each bob of my head.
Charlie tangles his hands in my hair. "You've been practicing."
I pop off. "I have. I bought a dildo." I blush and returns to my task, my tongue circling around his length.
Charlie blushes. "Maybe we can use it later too."
I flush down to my neck and nod. "Anything you want, baby."
I take half his length in and push further, calming my gag reflex. It's taken a lot of practice and a few times where I actually puked, but I've finally been able to train myself, so I think I can deepthroat him. I've seen it on a lot of porn and I've experienced it myself only a few times so I know it feels really damn good. All I want is to give that experience to Charlie, so I push further and suck hard, drool pooling around my lips. I lick it up and continue, bobbing my head faster.
Charlie moans. "Fuck, Ethan—"
I allow his moan to motivate me and I deepthroat him, moaning as I do. I love the feel of his hard cock filling me up, resting so nicely on my tongue. My jaw is starting to ache, but I pull back and do it again.
"Fuck, baby, you're doing so good— So good." Charlie moans and pulls my hair.
I groan and flutter my eyelashes, making eye contact with him as I take him to the back of my throat again and again. I taste his pre-cum on my tongue and scrape my teeth against his length, sucking while he practically suffocates me.
"E-Ethan, I'm close..." He shuts his eyes tightly.
I continue my rough pace and move my hand up to fondle his balls while I pleasure him.
"Ethan, let me pull out—" Charlie's eyes widen as he moans, looking to me before biting his lip.
I do as he says but stroke him, opening my mouth and sticking my tongue out, a sign for him to come in my mouth and on my face.
Charlie does just that, his eyes clenching closed as his back arches off the couch and he finishes all over my mouth and face, leaving him panting. "Fuck, you're so hot—"
I smirk and climb back onto his lap, breathing heavily. "You made quite the mess of me." I chuckle darkly, licking up what my tongue can reach. "Clean me up."
He doesn't even hesitate, his tongue licking it all up before he kisses me.
I return his kiss and relax against him, my hard cock sitting against his lower stomach.
Charlie grips me and strokes me slowly. "Want me to return the favor?"
"Ah, fuck." I groan and nod. "Yes, please."
Charlie leaves the couch and trails his tongue around my length before dropping to my balls and sucking on them, stroking me in slow, deliberate movements as his mouth explores.
"Who's the cockslut now?" I tease, threading my fingers through his hair.
Charlie's eyes darken with lust, his pupils dilating slightly. "I've always been a cockslut, Ethan. I'll always be your dirty little slut."
I moan and tighten my grip on his hair. "That's right, pretty boy. Suck me off with that pretty little mouth of yours."
"No need to be in such a rush, Ethan." He moves up and kisses my neck, his hand still moving teasingly before he whispers in my ear. "I'm all yours."
I squeeze my eyes shut, loving his attention and loving that it's true. He is all mine now and I couldn't be happier. He made the impossible choice, he chose me, and I'll forever be grateful for that. I can't imagine my life without him anymore.
Charlie sucks on my neck until he leaves a hickey, kissing the spot before finally moving down to put his lips to my cock, a finger slipping into my entrance.
I jerk and moan, surprised. My breathing picks up. "Wha-What are you doing?"
"Just blowing you, Superstar. Can I not finger you too?" He asks innocently, his face resting against my cock.
I look down at him and lick my lips. "You can."
He smiles, kissing the tip before starting again. His mouth focuses on the head, pulling moans out of me as his finger curls inside me and he adds a second, scissoring me open as he takes a fourth of my cock in, his head bobbing in time with his fingers.
Charlie teases my prostate and I curse, moaning loudly and begging him to continue and he does. Taking my noises and pleas as motivation, Charlie deepthroats me and sucks with vigor, his fingers slamming into my prostate mercilessly.
"Charlie," I moan, thrusting my ass towards him. "That feels so good, baby, don't stop. Fuuuck." I drop my head against the couch. "I-I'm gonna come..."
The blond brings me to my finish and swallows, thrusting his fingers a while longer to milk out my orgasm before he grins crookedly at me. "Did I do a good job, Ethan? Am I a good enough slut?"
I swallow and pet his head lovingly. "Yes, pet, you did a good job." I praise him and pull him back up into my lap to kiss him.
He scrunches up his nose. "We went over the pet thing. Think about the Momo, our child."
"Sorry," I kiss his head. "I forgot."
The now nineteen year-old (or at least I think his birth time has passed) laughs and kisses my neck. "You're bored, aren't you? We can do something... depending on what you have in mind."
"I've never bored with you." I smile. "I'm content to just hold you and daydream all day."
"Daydream about what?"
"You."
"I want to go out for ice cream. How about we shower and I'll take you on a date?"
"Sounds like a plan." I smile brightly and stand up while Charlie wraps his legs around my waist. I carry him into his shower and set him down. "Together or separately?"
"Together. Wash me, my birthday slave!"
I chuckle and kiss his neck before turning on the shower. "If a birthday slave is what you want, then a birthday slave you shall get."
He closes his eyes and leans against the shower wall, the water hitting his body and flowing off of it, certain streams following the curves and dips of his body.
I smile softly and rub shampoo into his hair. It feels very intimate, being in here together and washing him. I really like it, it feels like something lovers would do.
I rinse his hair and add conditioner before beginning to slowly wash his body. I take my time, running my hands along every part of him. He's beautiful and I feel privileged to be able to see him like this, so relaxed and safe.
"I could become addicted to you." I whisper, mostly to myself.
"You could?" Charlie asks, opening his eyes to look at me.
"I'm starting to." I caress his cheek.
He kisses me. "Thank you for always being here for me."
"You're welcome." I smile softly. "Thank you for being here for me too."
Charlie chuckles. "You're welcome. I can't wait to get sundaes."
"Mmm, me too. I'm broke though, so..."
"I know you are."
I turn Charlie so I can rinse off his back. "Grand spankin' new." I slap his ass and chuckle once he's clean.
"Ouch."
My eyes widen slightly. "I'm sorry, did it hurt? I won't do it again and you can spank me back."
"I'm fine. You said you wanted to spank me."
"I don't want to hurt hurt you." I hug him.
"But you didn't." He laughs. "C'mon, let's get dressed and get this done. I'm gonna eat my weight in ice cream."
I smile and release him. "I look forward to that. You go, I still have to wash."
"Okay. I'll try and look good for ya then."
"Look good for you." I correct and quickly wash myself before making my way to my room to get dressed.
I pull on some black, ripped, skinny jeans that I know accentuate my ass, along with a black shirt with the design of a skeleton hand flipping everyone off on it. I pull my leather jacket on over that along with my trademark cowboy boots and the hat Charlie gave me. I head back to his room and knock on the wall.
"You ready yet?"
Charlie opens the door, wearing a black graphic tee, a purple flannel, dark gray jeans, and some purple high tops. He adjusts his signature winter beanie on his head and wraps a black scarf around his neck, wiggling his hands at me, showing me he has the fingerless gloves with the mitten attachments on. "I'm ready, Freddy."
"How do you always look so damn good?" I shake my head and take his hand.
"So do you, but you do dress the same every day." Charlie laughs, pulling me to the parking lot and to my assigned parking space that's next to Charlie's.
"It's my style!" I defend. "Why? You wanna give me a makeover, hot shot?"
"Maybe just do your eyebrows." Charlie hums.
I pout, touching them. "What's wrong with my eyebrows?"
He leans over me and smooths them out and then plucks a few stray hairs with his fingertips. "I just gotta make sure they don't become as wild as your pubes and turn from eyebrows to eyebrow." Charlie dies laughing. "No shaping needed though. They're actually really nice under my control."
I gape, offended. "Never once in my life has it grown into a unibrow! And leave my pubes out of this!"
"You asked for a makeover!" Charlie exclaims. "I couldn't come up with anything else because you're too damn perfect."
"Aw, thanks." I nuzzle against him and we reach my car. I open his door for him before getting in the driver's seat. "Got a specific shop in mind?"
"The one with the huge sundaes!" Charlie spreads his hands far apart.
I chuckle, knowing exactly what he's talking about and drive off.
"So how are you going to woo me today?" Charlie asks.
"I'm just going with my gut, baby." I smirk and pull into the parking lot for the ice cream shop.
Charlie rushes us in and taps his finger to his chin, thinking. "I'll have the giant fudge-spectacular with extra whipped cream, please."
"Sure thing." The girl smiles, checking him out. "What's the occasion? It is pretty cold outside."
"It's my birthday." Charlie grins and bounces excitedly.
She leans over the counter and rests her chin on her first. "Well, I'd like to wish you a very happy birthday then."
"Thank you."
I wrap my arm around his waist. "I'll have a medium fudge sundae with chocolate ice cream."
The cashier quirks an eyebrow. "Sure thing."
Charlie giggles. "He's jealous even though it's him who's the bi one. Maybe you should try on him."
She just chuckles. "I highly doubt he'd go for me when he has you, birthday boy. I'll deliver your order once it's finished." She accepts his money. "Have a nice day."
"Thank you." Charlie waves.
I hug him closer. "You know I'm only interested in you, right?"
"Yup. I was just sayin'." He picks out a booth and stands in front of it, unable to sit down.
"You wanna do some cartwheels?" I tease, ruffling his hair.
"No. I wanna sit on my asssss."
"I'd much rather you sit on my face." I smirk.
Charlie blushes. "Oh, shut up. We're in public."
I chuckle and brush his hair out of his eyes. "So we are. Don't worry, I'll try not to embarrass you too much."
Charlie has us sit down, my arms still wrapped around him. "You're so coddle-y. What happens when I need to wipe my ass?" His smirk shows me he's not really bothered by it at the moment.
"Then I'll wipe your ass." I tickle him.
"Eeeew."
"I have no fear." I chuckle.
"You made me wash up the first time, y'know." He makes a circle with his hands and sticks his tongue in it.
I blush. "I didn't actually make you, I said I'd do it anyway and I meant it."
"I know. I didn't wash up the second time~"
I smirk and kiss him. "I know."
"Dirty boy."
"Only for you." I whisper.
"Mmm. I feel special."
"You are special." I cuddle him.
The girl from before sets our orders in front of us, a candle sticking out of Charlie's. The blond smiles and thanks her before looking at the unlit candle, reaching his hand into my pocket and grabbing my lighter before he gives the candle light.
I smile and begin singing to him.
He smiles and blows out the candle and then kisses me. "Thank you for taking me here."
"You're welcome. Happy birthday, Charlie." I beam.
"Thank you. When's your birthday?" Charlie inquires.
"November eighth." I shrug.
"It already passed! Why didn't you tell me?!" Charlie whines, placing his candle in my sundae and lighting it again. "I'm a terrible friend."
I pinch the flame out with my fingers. "I don't like my birthday."
"O-Oh... I'm sorry..."
"It's okay," I pet him. "You didn't know. I appreciate you trying to celebrate." I smile. "You're a good friend, Charlie."
"Will I ever get to know why you don't like it?"
I nod and take out a cigarette to chew on for comfort since I can't light one in here. "When I was thirteen, I got in a big fight with my dad on my birthday... that evening, he got into a crash. Never came home. And I never got to apologize."
"Do you believe in an afterlife?"
I chuckle bitterly. "No."
"Me neither. Once I'm gone, I'm gone."
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry that I made you sad." He grabs the cigarette, but doesn't pull it out.
I just shrug. "It is what it is."
He pulls it out and places it back in the box, pressing his lips to mine. "I'll be your cigarette. It's okay."
I look into his eyes and pull him closer by his neck, kissing him deeply before releasing him. "It ain't that easy, but I appreciate the sentiment."
Charlie's eyes glint mischievously. "What if I told you that you taste gross when you smoke?"
"Hmph. I'll brush my teeth more then." I reply, throwing my feet onto the table while I eat my ice cream.
"Were you raised in a barn?" Charlie asks, eating his ice cream.
I tip my hat to him. "Nope. Guess your influence is just getting to me, country boy."
He scoffs and finishes his bowl before I even do and he starts cleaning up.
"Do you want me to quit?" I ask. "Because asking will get you a lot farther than trying to manipulate me."
"Asking will get me nowhere. I mean, if it didn't work for Ryder, why would it work for me?"
"Why do you want me to stop?" I ask, ignoring his comment. It didn't work for Ryder because Ryder's not here. He can't hold me accountable. I love that kid more than anything, but an addiction is an addiction. If I ever hope to beat it, I know that I'll need some serious hands on help. I can't put that burden on him and I certainly can't put it on Charlie.
"Well, it's bad for you and two years ago, I went to a funeral. It was Xander's friend's grandmother's funeral and she died from lung cancer. She had her child young, so didn't die too old and it was just hard, watching how this girl dealt with her grandmother decomposing and then dying. It just felt so much more... real." Charlie bites his lip, blushing. "I want you to live a long life."
I nod. "I'll think about it."
"Yeah." He plays with a napkin, folding it into a crane.
"I didn't know you could do origami." I smirk.
"I'm a man of many talents." He smiles, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes.
"Charlie," I cup his cheek. "Please don't be sad because of me."
"I'm not sad. I'm just not happy."
I take my lighter back from him. "I won't smoke around you anymore and I said I'll think about it. Charlie, imagine if I asked you to stop drinking, how hard that would be."
"I've drank twice since meeting you." Charlie scratches his head.
My eyes widen and I kiss his nose. "That's incredible."
"Thanks. I did it for my brother and assigning myself as your designated driver definitely helped." He chuckles.
I smile and ruffle his hair. "You're one strong willed man."
"Thanks." He grins.
I finish my ice cream and toss the cup into the trash.
"Home?"
"If that is your desire." I smile and stand, holding my hand out for him.
He takes it and swings our arms. "It's dark already."
Once we're in the car, I turn to him, already blushing. "I meant what I said earlier you know. I want you to ride my face."
"I've never done that before..." He blushes as well.
"You don't have to, but if you're interested, I'd like to try." I rub his thigh. "Your pleasure and comfort are what's important to me."
"I'll try sometime then." He smiles shyly.
"Okay." I smile and drive us home, playing Charlie's music instead of mine. Once we reach the apartment, we both get out and go up. "What now?" I ask once we're inside. "Want a massage?"
"Oooh. Yes."
I smirk and take him to my room. "I have oils if you're willing to take your shirt off." I inform him while digging through my drawer of the few sex toys I own.
"I like it better when you take my shirt off." He flutters his eyelashes.
I smirk and kiss him, taking the hem of his shirt in my hands and slowly pulling it off as we break apart. I run my hands over his chest and stomach. "You're gorgeous."
"So you've told me. You're beautiful too, Superstar." He closes his eyes contently.
"Thank you." I gently push him down on the bed and rest my hand on the hem of his pants. "May I?"
"Yeah." He runs a hand through his hair.
I pull his pants and boxers down and grab the oils. "I'm going to go heat these up. I'll be right back." I leave and heat the oils before returning to Charlie and flipping him over onto his stomach. I pull my own clothes off, because it always feels nicer when we're skin to skin, and straddle his legs, just behind his plump ass.
I spread some of the oil on my hands and begin massaging his neck and shoulders.
"You're actually really good at this." He groans, his voice muffled by the pillow.
"Thank you," I grin. "My little sister has me trained. Everyday, she'd come home from school and beg for one. She even blackmailed me when she got older." I chuckle fondly.
"Sounds like another bonus of living with you."
"I have loads to offer." I smirk and press deeper into his skin, moving my hands to his upper back.
He moans and buries his face deeper into the pillow, his body becoming more and more relaxed as I go on.
"You're carrying a lot of tension." I note, pouring more oil onto his back and rubbing it in.
"Yeah. I tend to do that."
"Hopefully I can get you to relax," I lean over and kiss his neck. "At least for today."
"Thank you," he whispers.
I continue massaging, working out the knots. Charlie has a beautiful back and it feels very grounding to run my hands all over it. I love the way his body responds to my touch, relaxing everywhere I move my hands like magic. This is just as relaxing for me as it is for him.
I press deeper into his lower back and massage his hips.
"What's your biggest fear?" Charlie asks.
"That you'll fart when I eat you out."
"How deep."
I hum. "I'm not actually sure what my biggest fear is, it's a lot to think about. I suppose it'd be... losing someone I care about."
"That's valid."
I chuckle. "What's yours?"
"I have many."
"Do you feel comfortable telling me?" I ask and slide my hands back up his spine. I don't want to start massaging his ass while trying to have a deep conversation.
"Uh... I have a fear of drowning. I nearly drowned once and had to be saved by some lifeguard. I also have a fear of letting down my parents or anyone I care about. I'm also scared of escalators and being alone."
I lean down and kiss his neck comfortingly. "I'm glad you didn't drown. It must be hard with your parents, but I know for a fact you could never let me down." I press my chest against his back. "And you'll never have to be alone again. I'll always be here when you need someone, no matter what." I promise.
"Thank you."
I love you.
I pull back up and slide my hands down before cupping his ass and kneading it sensually.
"Are you coming onto me, Ethan Liam Dechart?"
"Hmm?" I hum innocently. "I'm massaging you, Charlie Adrian King."
"Touching my ass like that? Yeah, sure."
"It's a full body massage, baby." I squeeze his cheeks.
"So you'll also get my penis and the inside of my ass too." He chuckles.
"Mmm, if you want me to." My thumb circles his hole.
"I mean, you gotta stay true to the whole body experience," he responds cheekily.
I smirk and slide my thumb inside. "You're right." Slick with oil, my thumb slides in and out with ease and I groan, the sight of him sucking me in turning me on.
He stays relaxed, humming a song I had on in the car.
I add a finger and curl them, stroking his walls while my other hand continues to massage his cheeks.
Charlie moans quietly, his body relaxed in all" other senses.
I continue and begin to stretch him. "Charlie, how much can you take? I've seen some of those monster dildos online, is that, like, actually possible?" I ask curiously.
"I can take a lot as long as it's not too fast."
I nod and add a third finger. "Tell me if you're uncomfortable."
"Of course."
I return to my task, pushing in deeper with each thrust of my fingers. I focus on his pleasure, noting each small reaction his body gives me. I lean down and suck a hickey into his lower back where his spine meets his crack while my fingers move expertly inside him.
Charlie moans. "E-Ethan..."
I smile lustfully and add a finger. "Tell me what you want, Charlie."
"I-I just want you—"
"You have me." I promise and stretch his hole, my mouth practically watering at the sight.
"Fuck~" He moans, gripping the sheets.
"You're being such a good slut for me." I praise, coaxing him to take it all in while I stretch him slowly.
He moans louder, loving the praise.
I add the last finger and groan, my eyes locked on his hole as he takes my fingers up to the knuckles. I grind my length between his thighs and keep pushing, stretching him further until he's able to take my whole hand.
"Ethan, Ethan, Ethan, Ethan," Charlie keeps repeating my name, gripping the sheets tighter as he moans.
"Charlie," I begin thrusting, my fingers pressing against his prostate. "You're doing so good, so good baby."
"Ethan!" He almost screams.
I grip his hip and thrust harder. "I want you to come from just my hand, Charlie, don't you dare touch yourself."
"I-I'm already close—"
I lean down and attach my lips to his neck, biting softly into the flesh. His insides feel so good clenching around my hand as I continue to press into him.
"Ethan—" Charlie moans as he comes, his body going limp once more as he breathes heavily.
I come as well, coating his thighs, and pull my hand out slowly. I kiss his gaping hole and slide up to lie down next to him.
Feebly, he turns onto his side, resting his hand on my chest and trying to sync his breathing up with mine to de-escalate the raggedness it currently is, closing his eyes and focusing.
I pull him close and bury my head in his neck. "You're amazing, Charlie, your ass is amazing."
"T-Thanks." He pulls me closer.
"I—" I close my eyes and stop. Everything inside me wants to say it, to confess, but I'm terrified of losing him if I do. The words are on the tip of my tongue, but my lips are frozen shut. Charlie means everything to me. I can't lose that. I can't.
"You don't have to fill the silence, Ethan," he says soothingly.
I nod and inhale his scent, staying silent. I wrap my arms around him and just hold him.
Charlie kisses my neck. "I never got to show you my calligraphy."
I smile. "I'd love to see it."
He grabs one of my permanent markers and grabs my arm devoid of any tattoos and begins to write, filling my arm with my name and his name before grinning at me.
"It's beautiful." I smile, tracing the ink. "You have really steady hands." I take one and kiss his palm.
Charlie kisses one of my hands. "I love your hands too. They create beautiful things and are on just as beautiful a person."
My breath hitches. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." He leans against me, tracing my name with a steady finger.
I relax against him, allowing my mind to go blank.
He relaxes as well, his expression thoughtful as his finger continues to move undisturbed.
"Charlie," I whisper, "Have you ever been in love?"
"Once." He bites his lip, his movements slowing slightly.
"When?" I almost choke on the word, not wanting it to pass my lips because I don't want to know.
"I don't know when it started..."
I nod but I feel my stomach turn, a clear sign that I'm about to cry. I grip his back, digging my nails into his skin but it's no good. I lose it and after the first tear is out, a mountain of pent of emotion comes flowing from me and soon I'm clinging to Charlie, sobbing into his chest.
"Ethan, Superstar, what's wrong?" Charlie asks, rubbing my back in circles.
I shake my head. "I can't, I can't, I just can't do it anymore!" I sob.
"Do you want to leave me?" Charlie asks sadly.
"No!" I cup his cheek and look into his eyes. "God no, Charlie. I'm in love with you."
His eyes widen.
I bite my lip, tears streaming down my face, and wait for his response. My heart is pounding so loud I'm sure he can hear it.
"I think I've known, deep down." He bites his lip.
I nods slowly.
"It's okay. We can work through it," he says sadly.
I squeeze my eyes shut and my voice comes out shaky. "Work through it?"
"Yes. I'll try and give myself to you but you know, Ethan, I can't. I just can't."
I lower my head and sob as my worst fears are coming true. He doesn't love me. He can't love me and I've just ruined whatever it is we had together. I breathe through it and tap his chest with my fist. "F-Fuck you."
"E-Ethan, don't hit me. Please don't get mad at me," he says brokenly.
"This's all just bullshit!" I push him off of me and get out of the bed, facing the wall, heaving. "I was everything, I did everything, god, I'm so stupid!"
"I know. You're perfect. Please don't be mad. It's me, I have some things going on and I can't bring you into them." Charlie stands up and grabs my wrist gently.
"Don't be mad?!" I whirl on him. "Charlie, fuck, whatever it is that's going on let me be here for you, like I always have been! You don't need to keep shit from me!"
"I never said you had to leave! You live here!"
"But you don't love me." I stare him down. "After everything... I can't. I just can't look at you right now. It hurts. You could never understand how much it hurts!"
"If I hurt you so much, why don't you just fucking leave?! If what I can give is too little, then fuck you. One day you'll understand and you'll fucking take your words back." Charlie clenches his fists, tears blinding his vision. "I'm not a monster. I'm your friend!"
I shake my head and rip my wrist from his grasp. "I'm sorry." I push past him and start getting dressed.
"If I knew you were just going to leave, I wouldn't have let you in in the first place," he says, his voice just above a whisper. "You're not sorry. You just want more than me." He leaves the bedroom and locks himself in his bedroom.
"I'm not leaving!" I shout and grab my jacket. "I just need some fucking air!" I slam the apartment door behind me and mount my bike, driving who the hell knows where.
___________________________
Author's Note:
Damn. This was such a happy chapter until...
Poor Ethan, poor Charlie. This part was so painful to write, you have no idea. My poor boys. Our boys.
How do you feel? Do you think they'll be okay? Or could this be the end?
-Jex