Chapter Twenty-Six:
Gavin's car had pulled to a stop in front of my building, and he quickly got out and came around to open my door.
"A gentleman, as always," I smiled.
"I've seen my fair share of romance movies," He grinned.
"Oh gee, don't make me question your manhood or anything."
"I'm all man! You saw my fastball today!" Gavin pointed out.
"Whoa no need to get defensive," I joked. "And I think the correct phrase is: you almost hit me with your fastball today."
It was Wednesday night, and Gavin had asked me to go play some baseball with him at a high school around here. He picked me up and brought me there, and even though it was just to two of us, we had a fun time playing some ball. He even brought a basket full of cookies, peanut butter sandwiches, and chips. Not to mention the savory Coca-Cola.
Gavin, however, tried to show off a little, and his pitch almost hit me square in the head.
"Okay, so the accuracy may not have been there, but the speed was!" He defended once again.
"If ya say so," I taunted, but I couldn't help but think that Will's pitches were twice as fast. And recently, his have even gotten a little faster. I would know, I do his stats for a living. It is not me obsessing, not at all. It's my job to know all that.
A silence lapsed over us, so instead of letting it tensify, I said, "Well I should probably get going. Thanks again for driving me back, I had a nice time."
"Yeah no problem! I did too," He smiled in a way that was so genuine I felt guilty, which is most definitely not something I should be feeling after our carefree, fun afternoon.
Feeling the air thicken outside my building, I said "I'll see you round then."
The smile of his widened, "Yeah." His voice is so rich and pleasant, undoubtedly a voice that has girls falling at his feet. That's the thing about him, he's the total package. A great catch.
So why do I feel guilty of his genuine smile?
He leans in toward me, eyes flickering to my lips and for the fourth time this last week, I awkwardly yet smoothly dodged any lip to lip contact.
"Have a, uh, good rest of your evening," I muttered, not so smoothly this time. I didn't hear his response as I turned around in a hasty rush to leave the discomfort.
Slow moving on the trek up nine flights of stairs, I mumbled incoherent sentences to myself. Mostly cursing my awful social skills and my tendency to make an idiot of myself.
Gavin is the ideal guy, one that mothers and fathers envision their daughters marrying. He's charming, has a great sense of humor, he's athletic, and he's great at managing money. Add that to the fact that he's drop dead gorgeous, and there really isn't much wrong with him.
So what's wrong with me? Why do I feel so platonic towards him?
Elise didn't waste a second greeting me when I opened the door.
"Let me guess, no action yet again?"
I huffed in response and made my way to the kitchen. "There doesn't have to be any so soon. It's not like I'm in a rush."
"Oh heavens do you even hear yourself?" Elise groaned. "You and Gavin have been basically in this dating limbo for what, a month? And you still haven't kissed the guy! That's not normal, you know."
I didn't have any reply but to shrug. What was I supposed to even respond to that?
"You know why you haven't?"
"Elise," I moaned, knowing that the monologue that was coming would make me feel sick to my stomach.
"It's because you're still waiting on Will."
Will and I haven't talked at all since our falling out a little over three weeks ago. Which pretty much sucks. I've started the new job he got me and I've been working full time the last two weeks. I see plenty of Will on the screens and talk about him a lot with my co-workers as we run numbers and talk strategy. But actually talking to Will himself? Not so much.
To be honest, when I woke up the morning after, I wasn't expecting the drama of the day before to carry over. I was expecting him to call at some point in the day like he has been these last couple of months, but I didn't get any call. Not that day, or the next, or the next. Next thing I know three weeks have passed and I am actually starting to miss that awful rap ringtone that would play when he called.
Well, we actually did talk twice. Though both were very brief encounters. The second day, as I was already going through Will withdrawals, we talked on the phone twice. But both times, it ended in us fighting and I would hang up on him. He tried calling me back the first time, and the second time I hung up on him, he didn't.
"Am not," I denied. And I will continue to deny this to Elise nine ways to Sunday since I don't want her analyzing self in my relationship issues.
Or rather, my non-existent relationship issues. Will and I weren't even together, so that doesn't explain why this feels a bit like a break-up.
To my surprise, Elise shook her head. "Poor Gavin. Doesn't even know what he's getting in to."
"Gavin knows how weird I am," I tried to play off.
She gave me a look. "You know that's not what I meant."
"Will and I aren't even talking, what does Gavin possibly have to worry about?"
"Oh, I don't know, the fact you've been hung up on Will since you met him back when he moved across the street?"
"Have not."
"Have too! And it's so obvious to everyone except you. Sophia, you haven't been in a real relationship since Will. That was five years ago."
"Your point? No one I've met has been worth dating."
"Sophia, we went to Columbia! That place was a freaking gold mine for smart, successful men. Yet you blew off any guy who showed interest in you. You know why?"
I tried to ignore her since all of her you-know-whys were growing more aggravating.
"None of them lived up to your expectations. None of them were Will."
I gave her an incredulous look before throwing my hands up and heading to my room. "That isn't a problem I can solve! My brain is unequipped! I am doomed!"
Call it instinct, but as soon as I closed my door, I pulled my phone out and sat on my bed. Elise's jibber jabber must have gotten to me, because before I could even think about it I was dialing Will's number. It rang twice.
"Hello?" He said, with the same attractive voice I haven't heard in over two weeks. Damn it. Not talking to him for so long makes his voice about a dozen times hotter.
After a second of recovery, I spoke up "Hi."
He let out a breath on the other end and I imagined him running his hands through his hair. "Hey." I must have taken a second to respond, too busy relishing in the sound of his voice, because he said "Soph?"
Damn. He even used the name.
"Yeah? Sorry."
"Is there a reason you called?" His voice didn't hold any bitterness. It was pretty monotone, and if there was any emotion in it, it was probably exhaustion. Yet, for some reason, it made me feel uneasy.
"Oh, uh, no. I guess not," I said. It was, once again, silent on both lines. Almost as if we were both waiting for the other person to fix things.
"Well, I should probably go then..." He trailed.
For some reason, his comment made me feel pathetic for calling him, so I got defensive. "Fine, if that's really what you want to do."
"Geez, Soph, really?" Like me, Will sounded a little exasperated.
"Yes, I'm sorry that my call interrupted you at such a critical time," I retorted.
"Do you always have to make things so difficult?"
"Like I am the only one making things difficult?" I asked in disbelief.
"Yes you are, we made it very clear the last few times we've spoken that there's no point to us being friends, or anything else for that matter right now. Why do we even bother with this? It's only making things worse."
"How could talking possibly make things worse?" I asked, my heart rate had noticeably skipped a few beats at his mention of us being more than friends.
"Sophia," My stomach flipped at the mention of my full name. "I, I can't move on with my life if we keep talking. And the fighting? I just, I don't want to fight with you until we can't stand each other. That is not a route I will go."
My heart rose to my throat, and I felt sick to my stomach. All I could say was "Yeah."
"I mean, is this really worth it? All the fighting, and the bickering, and the stubborn feelings."
It sounded like he was more talking to himself than he was talking to me, and while I wanted to ask what he meant by stubborn feelings, I couldn't find it in myself to do so. "I don't know."
After that, the only thing that could be heard was a stinging silence, only filled by the sound of our breathing.
Aren't some things are just too great not to fight for, though?
I wanted to say it, but I couldn't bring myself to. At the same time, I had to be done fighting for Will if he was really done fighting for me. I can't be repeatedly putting myself in the position to be hurt and let down and, well, pathetic. I have to be stronger than that.
That was pretty much the end of the conversation. And it somehow felt more final than all the other times. Admittedly, my eyes started to burn a little from my discontent with this situation, but I would not allow that. I told myself five years ago that I was done crying over Will Harvey. He wasn't even mine to begin with, so there's no reason I should even be feeling this blue.
Maybe we weren't actually meant to be in each other's lives forever. Maybe this is for the best.
Still, that one little voice inside of me piped up and said:
But maybe it's not.
*****
"I think this is good for you," Elise told me as I packed the final things in my bag.
I sighed, "Yeah. It probably is."
"Your family will be happy to see you."
I chuckled, "Mom will probably have all sorts of junk food, and I wouldn't be surprised if she is planning some sort of dinner party."
It was now a week after that last phone call with Will, where the first weekend of July has finally rolled around. I made the decision earlier this week to visit my family for a couple days. I'm leaving this afternoon, and then I'll come back Sunday evening. It's a quick trip, only two nights, but Elise agreed with me that it's a good idea to escape the city air and get back to the country for a while.
Elise was even letting me use her car to drive up there. I don't drive anywhere very often since we live in the city, and I gave Elise fair warning of that before she consented to let me use it. She insisted nonetheless. It is about an eight hour drive, so I decided to head out relatively early in the day. Especially since I had a three day weekend free of work, and Elise had a half day so she came home in time to see me off.
"Alright, I think that's everything I need for the weekend," I told her while zipping up my duffel bag.
"Wait wait!" She said, causing me to look at her in alarm because of the urgency which she said it with. "Uh, don't you...want lunch before you go? That way you don't have to stop."
I eyed her suspiciously. She seemed even more rambunctious than usual. "I guess so."
"Awesome!" Elise jumped out of my room and skipped off to the kitchen. I shook my head at her antics and followed behind. When we were in the kitchen, there was a knock on the door. "I'll get it!" She chirped loudly, as if I wasn't three feet away from her. "Oh, perfect. You were almost late, but Sophia's still here," I heard her say in a hushed tone. But for Elise, her quiet voice is the same as a normal person's and I could hear her as clear as if she was in the same room as me.
"Great. And I did what you said. I brought pizza." I recognized the voice as Andrew's.
"Good, good. Friday was their pizza night. She's in the kitchen, remember the plan," Elise said, and it occurred to me that I wasn't suposed to hear what she had said.
"You brought pizza?" I asked when they entered the kitchen. My question was confirmed when I saw the pizza box.
"Hell yeah! The best food ever for a Friday," He commented with a wide grin. A pit formed in my stomach at the reminder of Will.
I had some good times on Fridays. Even if many of them did end with me getting majorly splattered with pizza sauce.
"Don't mind if I do," I said before opening the box while it was still in his hands and taking out a slice.
Pepperoni. Not as good as black olive, but I'll take it. I couldn't help but think that Will would have gotten me black olive had he been a part of this.
"I'll be back, I'm going to go change," Elise said.
"You look fine, babe," Andrew assured.
She gave him a small glare. "I've been wearing this since I woke up this morning, and I was going to change before you arrived but lucky me, you came early."
Andrew's eyes widened as he realized he might be in some trouble with Elise. She could be pretty feisty when she's even slightly annoyed. He didn't question her anymore and let her leave to go change.
It was pretty fake though, I could tell when Elise was lying. Her eye twitched a little. And she hadn't been wearing that since she woke up. She went to work earlier. Plus, I had overheard her tell Andrew he was almost late, and now she was snapping he was early? Something was going on here.
Then it was just me and Andrew. Alone. And it couldn't be more awkward.
"What are you and Elise doing tonight?"
"Oh, I don't know. We might take a walk through the neighborhood, Elise said she wants to get out more. But we'll probably just end up 'watching a movie' and making out," He said with a smirk.
I crinkled my nose. "Too much info. Just stay out of my room. No excuses."
His devilish smirk widened, and I felt very uneasy about leaving him alone with Elise in the apartment. I didn't really trust him with my stuff in such close proximity. Mental note: invest in personal lock for my room which I possess the sole key for.
Too soon, the stiff conversation was back, and all that could be heard was an occasional noise from Elise's room and the sound of us chewing our food.
"He's been better."
"What?" I asked, confused at his sudden statement.
"Will."
"I didn't ask."
He scoffed, "You didn't have to. It's written all over your face." All I could do was sigh. I've always been too easy to read, and I despise it.
"He really misses you, you know."
I shook my head and looked down at my pizza. "I doubt that. Even he said it himself, he doesn't see the point in us."
"He's just trying to save face. He misses you like hell, Sophia. You were his best friend."
I don't know why I was suddenly feeling the urge to confide in Will's friend, but it was happening. And I didn't even take the time to think about it.
"That's the thing, Andrew. Will and I can't, we can't be just friends."
"Then figure out your problems and take it to the next level."
"We have too many of them," I shook my head. "There's a reason it didn't work out the first time."
"Yeah, because you were teenagers. You didn't actually know what you wanted then."
"Yeah, I did," I murmured. When I was seventeen, I clearly remember the strong, intense feeling in my gut that Will was the one I was going to marry. He was my soul mate.
"But you guys needed some time. You both got to go out on your own, and live your own lives for the first time in what, thirteen years? You needed the space to figure out what you really want."
I sighed again.
"I think Will has finally come to the realization that what he wants, is you."
I let out a short laugh. "Well that's a lie."
"Sophia, I know the guy pretty well. And he looks like he hasn't slept in weeks. To be honest, he looks like a piece of shit. Thank God it hasn't messed up his game, or else I would have pummeled his ass into the ground," I smiled at that. "He's actually throwing harder. I have the sore, bruised hands to prove it."
I nodded, "I know.
"I don't know you as well as I know him, but I can tell that you're missing him too."
I shook my head, not wanting to have this conversation any more.
Elise's door opened, so Andrew squeezed in one last word of advice before she came back into the kitchen.
"Instead of thinking of how much he's screwed up in the past, try remembering some of the things he did right, too."
*****
"Take care of my baby, alright?" Elise said, referring to her car. With Andrew, she had walked me down to her car.
I had to roll my eyes. "Will do."
"Drive safe," she added, and Andrew wrapped his arm around her shoulder while I got into her car. And just like that, I was off for Ramsey, Massachusetts.
Home, sweet home.