_______________________________
I feel like I'm making a mistake,
Stringing you along,
Getting too familiar
I've never been this close to someone who wasn't family
It's terrifying
I'm starting to depend on you,
And I can see something in you too,
But deep down,
I'm toxic,
I hurt those I care about
I'm trapped in my mind and I cannot get out
I can't let you see it,
Can't let you worry,
Because it always hurts those I care about,
And I care about you, Ethan
_______________________________
Bi-Curious
Chapter 10:
"Close"
Charlie
Sitting on the couch with Momo in my lap, I message Ethan. It's only just after school, but I want to hang out.
Charlie: Hey, Superstar, want to come over?
Superstar: sure, but warning, i'm not in the greatest mood
Charlie: Looks like I'll have to fix that.
Superstar: alright. see you in 10
My eyes trail to the picture on the fridge of Momo and I grin, picking her up and showing her. Her nose twitches and she sneezes.
"Yeah, it's pretty awesome."
A blink.
"You're right. Awesome people do tend to make awesome things and Ethan's pretty awesome."
Two blinks.
"You're still my buddy too, I'm not going to replace you, Momo. You're like the best of the best, the best around, nothing's gonna ever keep you down because you're Queen Momo." I nuzzle my nose into her fur and she makes a cute noise.
"I love you too." I hum and set her on my shoulder. "You're the parrot to my pirate, babe."
I hear a knock on the door. "It's Ethan."
I open the door. "Hi, it's Charlie."
Ethan rolls his eyes, his mouth twitching. "Funny." He comes inside and closes the door behind him. "Hello, Momo." He greets the guinea pig.
Momo sneezes as I hand her to the brunet. "So, what's bothering ya, cowboy?"
Ethan pets Momo as he walks over and sits on the chair he likes. "My friends."
Sitting down on the couch, I bring my legs into my chest and hug them. "Tell me about it?"
"They kicked me out." Ethan looks down at the ground and his voice cracks. "We're like a family, a crew, and they kicked me out temporarily. Until I fix it. Not for gay things, but I wasn't there when they needed me."
"Where were you then...?"
His eyes water and he looks at me. "With you."
It feels like the temperature has dropped twenty degrees and I hug myself tighter. "I'm sorry. Don't ignore your friends to be with me. You've known them longer, have stronger bonds. If they need you for something really important, you can leave whenever. I won't hold it against you. They obviously matter a lot to you, Ethan."
Ethan gets up and comes to sit next to me. "Don't be sorry, you didn't know. Neither of us knew. It's okay. I just... I'm just scared to lose them. But I know that I feel happier around you. I'd happily ignore them if it wasn't a big deal." He cuddles Momo.
"If you're scared to lose them, maybe you shouldn't ignore them."
"But you hate them." He looks at me, clearly conflicted about multiple things.
"But you don't."
"Maybe I should." Ethan sighs. "I don't know what to do."
"Why did they need you?"
"Carmen's dad is an abusive asshole. She stays out of the house as long as she can, but eventually she'll have to back. She's got a little sister, only eight years old. If Carmen's not there to take the hit, the kid will get it. Whenever she goes back, her dad gives her hell for leaving for so long and he locks her up in the basement without any food, or a bed, and only enough water to survive. Tony, Scout, and I usually break her out. That's what happened last night." Ethan explains.
"I might be able to help..." I whisper.
"I can't ask you for that. There's nothing we can do, plus, they've never been anything but cruel to you." He leans his head on my shoulder.
"That doesn't mean I can ignore it. My parents are both lawyers. My mom knows a lot of social workers. She means a lot to you, Ethan and she's suffering. I don't wish that on anyone, no matter what they've done to me." I rest my head on his.
"I'll talk to her, but you'll eventually have to meet her. Would you feel comfortable doing that? I won't let them hurt you."
"I'll feel safe as long as I have my skull crusher there." I smirk.
He ruffles my hair. "Okay. Thank you, maybe we can even change their minds about you."
"Yeah. Maybe. It's okay if they don't though."
"I like you, so I want them to like you."
"I like you too."
"So," Ethan sits up and wipes his eyes. "What did you want to do before I came in with my depressing stories?"
"Just be around you. Why?"
Ethan hums. "That sounds nice. I just want to make you happy."
"Make me happy?" I ask, feeling tense, but not letting it show.
He can't tell, can he?
Ethan punches my arm lightly. "Yeah, you're my buddy, so therefore it's my duty to bring ultimate joy into your life."
"Pfft. Cute." I chuckle.
"I do my best." He smirks.
Momo makes a noise and I boop her nose before cuddling into Ethan. "I have to bring you ultimate joy as well, so I should up my game."
"You already make me plenty happy." He smiles. "With you, I feel comfortable to just be myself. And you're funny as hell. Always brightens my day."
"I'm glad you can be your 'punk' cowboy self when you're with me. A fake Ethan doesn't sound very fun." I adjust his hat. "You're pretty awesome yourself."
"Thanks."
"You're welcome."
Ethan throw his feet across the couch and lays his head in my lap. "What now, cupcake?"
I play with his hair. "I have no idea. We could bake brownies."
"Sure, I might mess them up though. I become an unstoppable chaotic entity in the kitchen." He warns with amusement.
"I'll just let you mix and lick the spoon then." I giggle.
"I do like to lick things." Ethan gets up. "Should we put her away?" He holds up Momo.
"Yeah. And wash our hands." I grab her and nuzzle her. "Mama's got you."
Ethan smiles affectionately and heads to the kitchen while I put Momo back in her home.
"What type of brownies should we make? Marshmallow, peanut butter, double fudge, caramel, or regular?" I ask, wetting my hands in the kitchen sink.
"Those all sound awesome, except for caramel. Maybe we should make all three into one!" He suggests enthusiastically.
"Looks like someone has a sweet tooth." I chuckle, adding soap and continuing to wash up.
"Definitely." Ethan chuckles.
"Do you have a problem with caramel?" I laugh, drying my hands and looking for my cookbook.
"It's just not my thing." He shrugs. "The consistency freaks me out." He begins to wash his hands.
"I'm not particularly picky." I shrug, grabbing my purple cookbook that I've composed over the years and opening it to find my recipes that are laminated note cards that are kept together by the clear plastic pages that I can insert them into.
Ethan leans against the counter. "That's fancy."
"Thank you. I was told this was the way to a man's heart by some princess movie, so I keep it for if I get married. All of these recipes are Xander approved, so they should be good." I grin.
"That's cute." Ethan takes the hat off and sets it somewhere where it'll be safe.
"You took it off? I'm surprised."
"You want me to leave it on?" He raises an eyebrow. "I just don't want to get anything on it."
"I don't care either way. You just seemed in love with it, that's all," I tease.
Ethan flushes. "Yeah, well, I take care of the things I love."
"It's a very lucky hat then." I giggle.
"Indeed. I totally won't masturbate with it on." He smirks.
"TMI, Ethan. If it's not my hand or someone else's, it's just sad."
"You saying I should come here every time I'm horny?"
I shrug. "Everyone else does."
Ethan purses his lips. "Okay then."
"Is wittle Ee-tan jealous?"
Ethan scrunches up his nose. "No, fuck off."
"If you were, I was going to make you my number one, but since you're not, you can just be as is."
Ethan scoffs. "There's no way you want my inexperienced ass as number one."
"You don't want to demote Jamie to number two? Damn, Ethan, I thought you had more fire than that." I start pulling out ingredients.
"I do." Ethan stares at me.
"How do you plan on doing it? You're already technically my only friend with benefits because no one else fills the friend slot." I hum, separating the dry and wet ingredients.
Ethan comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, leaning in to whisper, "I'm gonna eat you out, remember?"
Goosebumps erupt on my skin and I can't help my mind from wandering. "Yeah. T-That's one way."
"I want to learn how to suck dick too, so you can forward to many, many lessons." He kisses my neck and moves back to his spot next to me.
"Just don't choke yourself or bite me, Superstar." I wink and start to put all the wet ingredients together before pushing the bowl to the side. "Mix."
Ethan grabs the bowl and starts mixing. "Why doesn't your rich ass have an electric mixer?"
"I do, but you have to be of use, my child." I'm careful of the flour.
"Fuck you, I'm plenty useful. And don't call me child, that's just weird." He chuckles.
"Fuck me later, I'm busy."
Ethan sticks his tongue out at me.
"That reminds me, you need to work on your tongue game when we kiss. You're like a slobbery dementor."
"Am not." He grabs my chin. "You're so needy." He presses his lips to mine.
I scoff, pushing him away. "I'm not needy, you are."
He leans against the counter. "I can accept that."
I pour the dry ingredients that I mixed together in with the wet ones. "Mix, monkey."
Ethan grabs the bowl and flicks some mix at me, making monkey noises.
"Oh, puh-lease, that was anything but a money shot."
Ethan just chuckles and starts mixing normally. "Can anything make you laugh, cupcake?"
"Yes. I'm not cold." I pout, wrapping my arms around his waist and hide my face in his shoulder.
He leans against me. "I know you're not."
I kiss his neck. "You done mixing, Ethan?"
"Yeah." Ethan puts the bowl down.
I start to add in all of the auxiliary stuff, folding it into the batter before I pour it into the brownie pan and then check the oven, seeing that there's a few minutes before it's done preheating.
"Now, the question is, are we going to eat every single one of these when they come out or wait and keep them for days?" Ethan asks.
"What would you like?"
"I vote for eat then all now. Fill me up, baby!" Ethan cheers.
"Sure. How do you want me to fill you up?" I chuckle. "I've topped a couple times. You sure are embracing the gay side."
"Oh shiiiiit, I'd love to see you try to top, pretty boy." Ethan smirks. "Though..." He shifts. "I would be a little nervous about it. I've never done that kinda thing before."
"I'd take good care of you." I sit up on the counter and swing my legs back and forth. "Your booty-ginity is in good hands and dick."
Ethan shakes his head, giggling. "Thanks."
"You're welcome." The oven sings, so I point to the pan. "Can you put that in the oven, please?"
"Yeah." Ethan grabs the pan and puts it in the oven, not bothering to use oven mitts. "And now we wait."
"Indeed. You can lick the spoon while you wait." I keep swinging my legs contently.
Ethan grabs the spoon and starts licking the batter off. When he accidentally makes eye contact with me, he changes his tactic, licking the spoon slowly and sensually.
"Weirdo." I scoff, laughing.
"Excuse me, I'm delightful." Ethan taps my knee with the clean spoon before setting it in the sink and coming back to stand between my legs.
I squeeze him with my legs and smile, reaching up to play with his hair. "You are pretty delightful. You're a delightful weirdo."
"Better than emo cowboy." Ethan shrugs.
"Aww, but you are my cowboy."
Ethan snags his hat and puts it on. "You bet I am."
I smile. "You're cute. You still have that drawing of us somewhere?"
He nods. "Yeah. I see you put the one of Momo up." He smiles. "I'm glad you like it so much."
"How could I not?" I grin. "You can like draw the bones and skeletons and stuff when you finally get to be an archeologist."
"Yeah, that'll be fun." He smiles dreamily. "Maybe I can sneak you an artifact or two."
"Yeah, maybe..." I rest my hands on his shoulders.
He leans forward and kisses my chest through my shirt. "Only if you want some. You know, if you went into journalism you could write about my findings."
I feel my eyes tear up. "Y-Yeah. Maybe."
Ethan looks up at me and loses his smile. "Hey," He says softly, wrapping his arms around me. "What's wrong?"
I break down, gripping him tightly. "I-I'm sorry."
"It's okay." Ethan pulls me off the counter and carries me to the couch and sits us down so he can hold me. "Is it your parents?"
"I... I don't know how to explain it. T-The future just makes my chest hurt really badly sometimes, like my heart is being ripped out. It's just, you never know what tomorrow will hold, right? Anything could happen. I could get in a car accident, you could get into a motorcycle accident. It's weird, I know..." I force out a laugh, burying further into him.
"That's okay, Charlie. The future is scary." Ethan rubs my back soothingly. "And well, it's not funny, but kinda funny. I've already been in a motorcycle accident, so you can check that off the list of possible fates."
"Oh, fuck, no—" I shake my head. "You asshole, you're going to give me nightmares."
"I'm sorry." Ethan sighs. "Look, we can never know what's gonna happen and if you worry about it all the time, you're gonna drive yourself insane." He cradles my head. "I won't let anything happen to you. Me either."
"I won't let anything happen to you either; I'll be your guardian angel." I force a smile. "How about we just live in the present, okay?"
"Yeah," Ethan caresses my cheek. "I like the sound of that."
"Me too." The timer goes off and I chuckle. "Our brownies are here to save the day."
"Want me to get 'em and bring them to you?" Ethan offers.
"Can you cut them up and put them on my big purple plate?" I ask before groaning. "You don't know where everything iiiiiis."
"I'll find it." Ethan kisses my forehead and lifts me off of him so he can go to the kitchen.
"Thanks." I pull my big warm, fuzzy purple blanket down and cover myself with it.
A few minutes and some fumbling sounds later, Ethan returns with the brownies, cut into perfect squares and on the plate I asked for.
I grab a corner piece and hold it in the air. "To us."
Ethan grabs a piece and cheers it with mine. "To us."
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Author's Note:
Charlie's a cutie. Do you think it'll go down well with O'Malley?
Thoughts?
-A. A. White