Hello, it's been a while and I apologize I've been on and off from time to time and would make up excuses but this time since I'm on a break I will continue up the people that did once care about me and will continue with my own stories now...let me tell you about myself which is such a crazy kind of story in my opinion.
*If you don't like reading long ass paragraphs then you can read what's underline and it's pretty much more shorter than the longer version*
1. "Hi! My name is derpy13" as the quote starts almost every single chapter because I was the nice one to feel welcoming towards my stories to other people. Does this justify that I am 13? No I started the account at the age 13 a time when I just turned 13 in the summer of 7th grade which was almost 3 years ago around 2016. At the time I was a kind of fandom cringe girl I was more into shipment instead of looking deep into what the fandom is but just the ship.
2. I still kinda am but I'm a lot less cringe haaa, I was a regular girl who was very selfish tho. At times came around I was kinda insecure and very selfish towards others; I was bullied at a young age and well I wasn't the attractive person that a guy would want to be with nor some of the people that were wanting to be my friend because of the way they thought I was.
3. I didn't have much of a life honestly but just a YouTube in the start, I watch weird shit as a kid I'll tell ya that. But it still bored me, I had friends but it was the time I moved so my mother didn't like taking me to farther places wasting gas jus to hang out with one person for a whole day. I had very worst anxiety and felt homesick whenever I stayed the night which I still do but it's only if I'm pressured enough to feel the anxiety.
4. But during my time I did nothing at home, it felt empty but just to draw; but drawing didn't help me a lot either, I had people to text but it was like a daily activity that just down side me a bit more. I grew pretty depressed around the summer and just cared more about myself but I looked so happy towards people because I was, I was happy the fact they cared. But I was so angry that I didn't have much to do nor when I get left out it just grew a darkness. Which I hate being left alone.
5. I discovered Wattpad when I was reading a story of a fandom which is actually on my reading list publicly and the only thing there😂 but anyway, I decided to be a writer but I wasn't the greatest thinker. I make my writing cringe and my first book was the worst honestly and pretty short😅😂 which is why it's deleted so no one can cringe really hard on it.
6. I discovered flowerfell first really in the undertake fandom and decided to write about it which to this day is one of the most successful stories I ever made that was from references and from real emotions that I put into it as much as I can. Honestly was also the longest stories ever made but my stories will try to be longer and bigger sooner when I have the chance and try not to be the lil pussy who cries I'm busy- sorry language😂🤦♀️
7. Uhhhh...it developed my stories pretty quick jumping and ditching which I actually feel bad about for almost abandoning this story. I would give my account to someone but honestly I still want this opportunity to have my chance to write and just to be able to have creativity to make it more alive as possibly as I can. Sounds foolish but for someone who's creative and someone who just feel protective over their account it's just hard to let that kind of thing go especially if it was a great stretch they had.
8. On and off I would leave after a while, at the time it was destroyed was when I had relationship going through me, I was so happy with my 2nd Ex-boyfriend but that grew into a very very unhealthy relationship that ended up into a mental emotional abusive relationship. Which lead me more into depression. I didn't want to write as much because I grew so down I felt so slow, I felt more and more worthless with my own time.
9. Had a friend told me multiple times to leave him and that he wasn't good for me, but I didn't listen to him because I didn't care about other people surrounding me thinking that they were just jealous into what I was in, but it was also because I couldn't get away because I felt harder in love to be left alone. Being lonely is something I hate, I hate very much to be left alone unattended and just the feeling of it.
10. Ever felt so lonely your heart pounds to death, like being with someone makes your heart so fucking warm and so amazing; and believe me especially seeing them personally, hearing a message every once in a while to check up on you, and the beautiful fucking calls or FaceTimes. A feeling that makes your heart go so wild and it doesn't matter who the person is but it's the person you care and love the most.
11. It's a meaning that they want you to live, they want you no matter what, you feel like your not a ghost anymore, or that you feel beautiful if it was somebody telling you; God that let me tell you..it is amazing to feel that way. But sometimes no call, no message, no check ups it makes your heart pump slower, you blame yourself, or the fact you get so bored of being alone it hurts you.
12. I was afraid to leave an abusive boyfriend all because I was afraid to loose that feeling and to be back alone. I tried to come back but I had another situation with just friendship and just myself in general, later on as a freshman I finally broke off the abusive cycle myself after I realized it's too much, and after like a month later went with another relationship which didn't end well either and lasted 3 days sad part is that he didn't give me a real reason and kept lying why he left me.
13. I was broken and a week later I finally had someone 4th ex-boyfriend 3 days later gone after another month I went back with 4th boyfriend but I made a mistake. I was a mistress for a bit then became officially one, realizing I was with the one I loved but he was a cheater for it; and I've done it before with the 2nd one and I wasn't proud of it at all. It didn't end well when he had feelings with his ex girlfriend again and it was also the time I lost more and more feelings towards him so I ended it.
14. I did try to get back to stories but I fell in love with this guy who had a mental issue with a personality disorder or so whatever which didn't work out. I felt heartbroken, felt pretty depressed which I have done things to myself that to this day kinda felt a regret till I was saved. Remember that friend that told me dump my abusive ex up there? Yeah he saved me.
15. After all those years he actually still likes me and it's been surprising because I was such a cunt to him. I felt guilty. I felt more remorse when things happened to him that I never knew, but he took care of my broken glasses. He fixed some up, sometimes he's a Fucking little bitch to me but I adore him and that's how he always is to me. Which I don't mind too much.
16. He kinda gave me a strength to go back writing, since it's been a while and gave me more confidence about myself and I adore him. He's my one and only and I don't ever want him to let me go. I don't ever want him to throw me off. So....
...are you ready now?
Keep scrolling
All most there!!!
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1
Just kidding! Okay okay for real..
Almost home
Damn really must wanna see it
Aaaaaaaand
I looked like this in the beginning and now....
Real
Deal...
At this age I am now 15 almost 16 by April😂BUT THATS TOO FAR
Yeah it's a crazy change and call me a fraud but it's a real fast change over 3 years that has happened. But thank you for being there for me all this time...have a good. Merry Christmas as well loves❤️
-hugs and love derpy13