∞∞∞
Jennie was in the midst of looking over a document when there was a knock on her door. She beckoned whoever was on the other side in without looking up, her attention fixed on the small print before her eyes.
"Ms. Jennie~." Her name was called and she raised her head to see one of her colleagues sticking her head inside her office. "There's someone here who wants to see you. It seems urgent."
The brunette frowned as she closed the file in her hands and placed it on her desk, standing up. "What now?" Jennie muttered as she crossed the room, running a hand over her forehead.
Closing the door behind her, Jennie noticed the tall blonde immediately, leaning against the wall in the hallway. Her heart in her throat, she hardly refrained herself from running over to the tall blonde.
"Lisa!" Jennie greeted, eyes wide and breathing slightly agitated as she looked up at the tall woman worriedly. "What happened?" Millions of scenarios formed inside her head, and naturally, most of them focused around Riley.
"Nothing." Smoothing a hand over Jennie's khaki locks, Lisa seemed able to read the brunette's mind as she soothed her. "Riley's fine."
"Then what are you doing here?" Jennie asked. For a long moment, she was confused. Then she narrowed her eyes at the tall woman, waving her index finger to lecture the Thai. "Lisa, if this is about –"
"No..." Lisa laughed, grasping the brunette's hand with her. "It's not about that. I came here because... Can you pick Riley up from school? I know we've established that I would, but—"
"Of course I can." Jennie said, frowning. Why had Lisa come all the way to her office to tell her that? "Is everything alright?"
Lisa seemed to hesitate in giving Jennie an answer. "I have something to do."
Jennie furrowed her brows, but nodded. "Go ahead."
"I'll see you at home." Lisa announced, before kissing Jennie's knuckles and leaving.
The brunette heaved a sigh as she turned around, running a hand through her hair. A scare was the last thing she had needed that morning, and so was food for thought from Lisa.
Hanbin was waiting for Jennie at the entrance of her office when she returned, and she forced a small smile to her face in greeting.
"Have something for me?" Hanbin inquired, and she nodded.
"Of course." Jennie said, opening the door to enter the room. She was making her way to her desk to retrieve her work when the man spoke, little after she heard the door closing behind them.
"You live with your ex now." It wasn't a question. It was a statement, and Jennie knew exactly what Hanbin was talking about.
Swallowing hard, Jennie tried to keep her voice as cool as possible as she answered. "How did you know?"
"I just tried to figure out since when you talked about your ex you didn't refer the person as 'she' or a 'he'. So I had a guess that maybe you're not straight." Hanbin said, straightforward. "But... I can't fathom if that person is the same person you're denoting as the father of your son." The man contemplated, trying to figuring out the question he asked.
"Yes." Jennie didn't mind having people know of her decision, because she was sure it had been the right one but it was certainly an unusual situation—and that made her susceptible to judgment and criticism that she simply did not need at this stage in her life.
Flipping through the files stacked on her desk, Jennie wasn't surprised to see Hanbin's hands on the wooden surface, nor was she surprised to hear his question.
"Why, Jennie?"
Her gaze never lifted. "For Riley."
"But... Jennie, I thought you want Riley to have a normal family?" Hanbin asked, rather assimilating.
Jennie suddenly surprised by the question, halted for a minute before answering the question.
"We are normal. Lisa is normal, I am normal. Just because Riley had two mothers doesn't mean my son can't have a normal family." Jennie answered, stating calmly.
"Was Riley a Donor Insemination? I just want to understand your situation, but like I said I can't understand since Riley looked so much like your ex. I mean, you're both women, if your son is a Donor Insemination, how come all his traits and heredities looked much alike your ex? " Hanbin eagerly asked.
"Lisa is different." Jennie blurted.
"What do you mean different?"
"It's not for you to know. It's a private and family matter, Mr. Kim Hanbin."
"I'm not judging, I'm trying to understand you. What I mean is, Korea isn't still an open-minded country. I think you know that very well." The man said, trying to make Jennie to comprehend his question.
"I'm well aware of that, Hanbin. But like I said, I don't care what societies think."
"How about, what they say about Riley?"
Jennie anticipated, it was a question that makes her think about their standing situation. She doesn't want her son to be victimized much more be bullied by other people who are proud heterosexist – a person who believes heterosexuality is the only valid choice and that it is superior to all other sexualities. Jennie knew how vital to discourse this crucial issue to Riley about their situation much more how happened that Lisa was her son's real biological father, but since her son never probed the query, Jennie let it pass as she didn't want her son to be burden at how problematical the real surrounding is.
Nonetheless, Jennie can never repudiated the fact just how blissful Lisa and Riley together. Lisa had gone through vast of hurtful finger-pointing abyss of mistreatment, abuse, misuse and rotten view of judgment. It's one of the main causes why she can't leave Lisa regardless of the given idea that she truly loved the Thai, but because Lisa is a kindhearted person who doesn't deserve all those kinds of unrelenting trash-talks just because she's biologically contrasting. Jennie knew Lisa is worth of happiness and Riley is one of the blonde's concrete exultations.
"Hanbin... I know it will never cross your mind how different my situation is. I care about my son that's why I made the decision that it was lawfully right to meet his other parent. As I said, I don't care on what other people say as long as my son is happy, as far as I can recall, Riley is actually happy with his other parent and the same goes the other. I don't think it's for people to criticize on how it can be wrong to be with your own real parent. Lisa is and will always be Riley's other parent. You or other people have no right to question that." Jennie stated, in a very composed manner.
"Jennie, I said I am not judging what I just want was to understand you and Riley. Your ex has right, point taken. But I don't want you to suffer. I care about you also. Please don't be mad." Hanbin said, still curious.
"Aisshhh... you don't have to do that I'm capable of taking care of myself and my son."
"But... Jennie, if you want nothing to do with her..."
"I want nothing to do with her, yes. What was once between us is now over." Jennie agreed. Having finally found the file she was searching for, she pulled it out and set it in front her. Then her head rose to look at him in the eye. "But Hanbin, there can be nothing between us, either."
"Why not?" Hanbin seemed to challenge.
Jennie was silent.
A moment later, Hanbin reached his own another conclusion. "You still love your ex, don't you?"
Hanbin had never intended to witness the scene that he had when he walked out of his office, but he had, and there was no going back now.
Jennie was a woman that was entirely dedicated to her child, and that was something that had been clear to Hanbin since day one. Nothing that she did receive even the smallest part of the love and attention a single word addressed to Riley did. Plus the told vague stories of her past as to how Jennie never once labeled her 'alleged ex' true identity and sexual orientation. So when he saw her with another person – a pretty tall blonde not outwardly Korean by features and bear a very much resemblance to Riley, Hanbin instantly knew perfectly well who the other person was.
It would be a lie to claim Hanbin didn't see the pretty tall blonde as competition, because he did—he had from the very beginning, even when he didn't have a face to associate to his rival's name. But as he watched them, he couldn't help but wonder why he even felt that way, in the first place. It was foolish. The way the pretty tall blonde looked at Jennie, the way the blonde touched Jennie, the way the blonde's lips form Jennie's name... there was no doubt in the world for any onlooker that this blonde woman would never hurt the brunette in front of her.
Then Hanbin realized why exactly Lisa, as Jennie finally named her ex, was so sure of herself. It was in the way Jennie received the tall blonde's touch, the way Jennie looked up at the blonde woman, the expression on Jennie's face when the tall blonde woman turned leave.
"I never stopped..." Jennie whispered. "And I wanted to deny it... but I don't see the point anymore." It was the most honest Jennie had ever been with Hanbin.
"That's never going to change, is it?" Hanbin questioned softly.
"If it hasn't in twelve years, I doubt it ever will." Jennie answered. Her expression was wistful for a moment, before she sobered up and picked up the file on her desk. "In any case I have the sketches that you wanted..."
∞
Lisa never came home that night, leaving me to take care of our son.
Riley was, of course, restless. He had calmed down by the following day, but that was after I had nearly collapsed in my bed with exhaustion the night before. Riley was a smart child, smarter than the most of them. He had my intelligence and her LILI's fast analytical visualization, that was clear, and maybe the way I had raised him had an influence, as well. The fact of the matter was, the things that made sense to him were easy for him to assimilate. Those that did not, on the other hand, could only mean additional stress for me.
"What your LILI does... There's a lot of demanding works and occupied time resting on her shoulders as she took her profession very earnestly – it was her prime dream. Situations like these happen. Things don't always work as planned. She can't always keep her promises."
Those were the words that calmed him. Those were the words that calmed me.
When she finally arrived home late that night, Lisa was upset. Both I and Riley could feel the tense atmosphere as she talked on the phone in the other room, even when we don't understand what she was saying.
I took my son upstairs and tucked him in with yet another reassurance.
Then I slowly made my way downstairs to clean up the mess left from our dinner, my mind delving in memories I wished would have never existed.
Life had never been easy for us. Not when Lisa was superbly busy on trying to reached her main dream, and certainly not when she had already accomplished her highest goal.
Lisa was stressed, I knew. There was a lot of pressure put on her; there were expectations to meet and there were situations that were hard to manage. I knew that. Unfortunately, I didn't know it because she chose to tell me, but because I figured it out on my own.
Lisa most of the time kept it to herself, which was not usual, but not to a high degree. Although she had always been open with her feelings in front of me, much more open than I had ever been and could ever hope to be, she also had the tendency to mind her business when it came to doing things. She had her own way of dealing with whatever challenge she was presented with, she had been handling herself ever since she was a young child and she had never needed anyone's advice or opinion. I knew and I understood that, because the same went for me.
But seeing her so tired and so stressed without an explanation soon became a horrible thing to witness. I started to feel as though not only was she pulling away from me, but she was going out of her way to hide things from me—shutting me out completely.
I had a right to be upset, and I soon began to demand explanations, demand to know why she was never there, and when she was, she was pushing me away.
Looking back, I could see that perhaps the situation wasn't entirely like that. Lisa was busy, and she certainly led a very physical and mental stressful life. Coming home, she expected peace and quiet. Of course that's when I started to yell at her, she wanted to put as much distance between us as possible.
As time passed by, we were almost always angry with one another. We didn't even need a reason anymore. We were remorseful for things that were said and never meant, for feelings and emotions that were never once evoked in something other than our own scenarios. I had no way of knowing how that affected her, but it broke me.
Pausing in my action of wiping the counter clean, I let out a long, even breath. I really didn't want to approach her and risk a fight with our son in the house and possibly still awake. We were getting along well, there was no doubt about that; not a single glare had passed between us in months. But then again, we had yet to face such a situation.
Still, my heart was clenching painfully in my chest—and it was not because of anxiety, but because of worry. What if she needed me? True enough, she had never needed me before but... I swallowed. What if she did now?
Throwing the rag to the side, I decided there was only one way out. I started walking towards the living room. After all, if the situation proved more than I could—and should—handle, I could always leave or I could always remind her of her child; Lisa loved Riley too much for not to care.
When I entered the room, she was sitting on the couch, running her hands through her unruly bangs in what I recognized to be a frustrated gesture.
My heart was beating a hundred miles per minute as I tried my hardest to gather my bearings, calling out her name.
Lisa's body tensed.
I approached her and kneeled down before her—and asked the question I should have asked all those years ago, but never did.
"Are you alright?"
Lisa's head snapped up to look at me, surprise showing clearly in her dark shaded sparkling eyes.
For a long moment, neither of us spoke. Then—slowly, hesitantly—her hand came to cover mine where it rested on her knee.
I never knew what happened after that, because the next moment, I was on her lap, and she was hugging me fiercely, Lisa's face buried in the crook of my neck, arms wrapped around my middle. I didn't demand to hear what had happened, because that had been my mistake from the very beginning and because, in all honesty, I didn't care. The fact that Lisa was there, seeking comfort in my arms, was enough.
And, I realized as I struggled to control my tears and the tremors that shook my body by hugging Lisa tighter around the neck—maybe it would have been enough all those years ago, too.