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Number Forty Nine
Seven's (Seoul, Korea) (Hangul)
Since I withdrawn myself from Dream Entertainment for the second time around, wala akong ginawa kundi magkulong sa bahay. Gustuhin ko man lumabas di ko magawa dahil araw araw na lang, may reporters sa labas ng bahay ko. Kelan ba sila mapapagod sa pagtunganga sa labas? Napipikon na ko.
What's more annoying than that is Sujin na tawag ng tawag kahit di ko sinasagot. Ano pa bang gusto nya? Hindi na nga ako nagpapresscon para lang di masira ang pangalan nya.
I hate myself.
The fact na nagawa ni Sujin yun, hindi ko parin magawang kamuhian sya. Siguro talagang pangarap nya lang maging singer kaya kahit masaktan ako okay lang. Masakit lang isipin that fame overpowers her life than virtues.
Katy, how are you? Why did you stop reaching me? I'm worried.
Napabuntong hininga na lang ako after I sent the email to Katy. Ilang araw na kasi syang di nagpaparamdam sakin. I thought because of the controversy but the following week after the news breakout naman, nag eemail parin sya sakin.
Sorry, Seven. I can no longer send you inspiring messages about music so I thought I should stop the IMs.
Why?
A little busy with work.
I see. It doesn't matter as long as I can still talk to you.I badly need someone to talk to right now.
Five minutes later, wala pa rin akong nareceive na reply. Ten. Fifteen. Half an hour. Two hours. Hanggang sa gumabi na wala na kong nareceive na email from her.
Are you avoiding me too, Katy?
In the end, hindi ko rin natiis na hindi itanong. News travels fast at kahit nasa Pilipinas pa sya, malalaman nya din agad yun lalo pa at napakalaking news nun. Isa pa, she's been my biggest fan sabi nga nya.
I can’t help but feel really disappointed ng hindi man lang sya nagreply.
The next day, wala pa rin.
And the next day after.
Ano na ba ang nangyari sakin? Wala ng natira sa mga taong pinahahalagan ko. Wala ng natira sakin.
I decided to pack my things para lumipat ng bahay. Napapagod na ko sa sitwasyon ko. Hinintay kong gumabi bago ko umalis para wala ng reporter sa labas. Pero san naman ako pupunta kung kilala ko sa buong Korea?
Napili kong pumunta sa temple para makapag-isip. At least dito welcome ako. They allow me to stay kapalit ng konting pagtulong sa paglilinis ng temple which I don't mind kasi wala naman akong ginagawa.
I literally shut my life from the outside world. Para kong gumawa ng tahimik na mundo dito sa temple. Five days na din ako dito at kahit papano, hindi ko kailangang isipin na wala na lahat ng bagay na meron ako dati.
"I found you finally"
Napahinto ako sa pagwawalis sa labas ng makita ko ang di inaasahang bisita.
"How did you know I'm here?"
"I have connections, Seven"
"Glad to see you again...Lex"
I suddenly felt guilty seeing Lex again since I came back from Cuba. Naalala ko lang si Shan sa kanya and I hated myself for liking Shan. Naupo kami sa gilid ng temple para makapag-usap. He still wears the same suit na madalas kong makita. He didn't change at all. Pormal parin sya kahit wala namang tao. The only thing I specifically noticed was the weary eyes he has. Parang problemado.
"When did you got here to Seoul?"
"Just yesterday"
"Why are you here, Lex? What about...Shan?"
Parang may bara sa lalamunan ko ng banggitin ko ang pangalan ni Shan.
"Things aren't going well between us"
"What?!"
"I immediately flew to Philippines a week after I received a message from her that she's back. But she's being indifferent to me. She keeps on pushing me away which I don't understand"
Natigilan ako sa sinabi nya. It's impossible na ako ang dahilan. She also pushed me away because of Lex. Then why?
"She's too busy with work lately. She's taking over their university hospital"
"Then maybe give her some time. You should be the first to know since you're also a doctor"
"She's not that Shanine you knew anymore. She's--nevermind. It’s just that she changed. She's totally different now than how you knew her"
"I don't understand"
"You don't have to, Seven. I'm not here to talk about my problems. I'm here about your current situation"
Gusto ko pa sanang magtanong about Shan pero ramdam kong ayaw nya ng pag-usapan pa. I settled for that. But it still bothers me what he said that Shan changed. Parang worse kind of change. Nakakabother.
"As you can see now, I'm a total nothing"
"I'm sorry about Sujin doing all of these sh-ts to you"
Hindi na ko sumagot kasi ayokong magsalita ng masama about Sujin sa kabila ng ginawa nya. Wala naman ng mangyayari at lalo lang akong mahihirapan na tanggapin na wala na kong career.
"What are your plans? You can't stay in this temple forever, Seven"
"I know. But I'm getting sick of all the reporters outside my house every single day"
"Let's go. You are going to use my condo for the meantime"
"It doesn't matter where I am. They'll soon know where I'm staying"
"Better think about that some other time. For now, you're safe in there"
"I'm not at fault but the way I'm living right now, it’s like I committed the biggest crime"
"People always judge. You can't do anything about it. Come on"
Wala akong nagawa kundi ayusin ang gamit ko at magpaalam sa head monk. As we drove to Lex's condo, tahimik lang kami parehas. I feel bad because Lex is always there for me. Kahit hassle nagpunta pa sya dito para lang icheck ako. Nakarating naman kami safely sa condo nya. Buti na lang hindi ako masyadong napansin sa lobby.
"Are you staying here with me?"
"I need to go back to US tomorrow. My work's been dragged for too long"
"What about Shan?"
"I really don't know. But she's fine. She's always the strong one. People should be the one to worry about their lives than herself"
Hindi ko maintindihan ang mga sinasabi ni Lex. Kung i-describe nya kasi si Shan para syang ibang tao. Parang nakakatakot. Not the sweet smiling and laidback Shan I used to know.
"Email me when you need anything. I'll call you when I got back to US"
"Thanks, Lex. I hope...you can fix things with Shan soon"
"I hope so"
He managed to give me a smile but it didn't even reach his eyes. I feel bad for seeing him this way. Why does it turned this way for them?
"I'm going. Take care, Seven. Don't give up yet okay?"
"I'll try"
Hindi ko rin naman kasi sigurado kung hanggang kelan ko kakayanin ang ganitong klase ng mundo. Tumango na lang sya saka lumabas ng unit. I feel so worn out sa nakalipas na mga linggo. Nahiga muna ko sa kama para magpahinga ng maalala ko ang phone ko kaya napatayo ako. Ilang araw na rin kasing naka turn off yung phone ko since Katy ignored my emails. I felt excited ng makita kong may email ako.
Kasi kala ko galing kay Katy.
Get a grip of your life will you??
What the--sino ba to para pagsalitaan ako ng ganito?? Akala ko kasi si Katy pero hindi pala. Unknown address. Ang dami nyang emails ng nakaraang araw.
I can't tolerate any excuses. You think the world stops for you?? You're not the only one who has problems! Ugh!
Grabe! Nababaliw na ba ang taong to?! Sa sobrang inis ko, gusto ko ng burahin ang lahat ng emails nya pero curiosity kills me kaya di ko magawa.
When will you be man enough to get back on track again? When you're down, there's no other way to go but up. Don't you even know that??
I'm not one of those people who will say that everything's gonna be alright because seriously if you stay the way you are right now you can never achieve anything!
Go on. Continue ignoring me and be a complete bastard!
Ya! Seven Lee! I should have let you die if I just knew that you'll live a worthless life like this! I'm completely disappointed!
Sh-t! Bakit parang ang daming alam ng taong to?? Nagdecide akong sagutin na ang emails.
Who the hell are you??
I'm your worst nightmare.
Sh*t! Don't play games with me! I have enough sh*ts already! Leave me alone!
Leave you alone till you decide to commit suicide? Jerk!
I won't moron!
Good. I'm going to give you three months to get your dream back. I’m definitely serious here.
What?? Are you insane?!
Your worst nightmare is watching your every step. Now if you don't use your time wisely, you can see me at your doorstep giving you a straight punch to your face.
You’re seriously creeping me out stalker! Damn it! Stop this nonsense!
Does fulfilling a promise such nonsense to you?
S-SHAN?!
I’m not.
You're Shan! I know it’s you! You said promise!
I don't know anyone with that name. It's a promise to your fans you jerk.
I don't have them now.
Then they are not a real fan. Though I can't blame them for staying away from a total jerk for not wanting to prove anything.
You're seriously trying to piss me off!
Three months, Seven. I'm giving you three months to prove to me that you're not a jerk. I'm a person who take promises seriously so if you badly want to know who I am then go ahead and be a complete trashy coward. Start from square one!
Whatever you say won't affect my decision. Goodbye!
Finally tumigil na din sya sa pagpapadala ng email. Lalabas na sana ko ng kwarto ng mag beep ang notification ko. Ugh when will this nuisance leave me alone??
Our world doesn't stop without you. BUT...at least make us believe that without you...music can never be the same again.
Damn I'm speechless.